Page 219 of Broken Brothers

She regained her smile back, perhaps now even more determined to kiss me than she was before. If before, she had just seen it as an inevitability, it now seemed like my delay had only made it a challenge to her.

“I love that idea,” she said, patting my chest in a not so subtle move.

We moved off of the ice and put our regular shoes back on. I tucked my hands in my jeans again, but she put her hand on my arm. I should have known that my rejection of the kiss in that moment would have only made Sarah more interested in me, but it was much too late to go back and more firmly reject her.

We walked around a few blocks, at which Sarah commented on how New York City was so different as an adult. That much was very true; experiencing it as a child compared to an adult was like being in two different cities. It was certainly a lot more freeing than not.

I was about to suggest a bar named O’Malley’s when I looked inside and saw something I couldn’t believe.

Layla was sitting there talking to an older man. Both of them had smiles on their faces. Both of them were dressed well—not in the way a woman would dress for a night out, but well enough to impress. The older man was saying something which caused Layla to nod her head in excitement.

It looked like a date, especially the way the man leaned forward. I was… I was…

I had never expected this. Of all of the things that I had expected to end our dalliance—and it wasn’t even the end per se, but it sure felt that way—I didn’t think her going to see someone else, much less an older man, would be that. I suppose that it could’ve been someone from her new company coming to make an official offer, but why would they do that on a Saturday evening? Why would they have flown to New York City instead of just placing a phone call?

I began to feel some of my old demons with anger rising. Why would Layla have begged for me back if she was just going to go out with some old geezer? Why would she have made these desperate pleas to me when she was seeing other men? If Chicago was such a deal breaker for us, why wouldn’t it be for seeing someone old enough to be her father?

“Chance?”

Sarah’s soft voice snapped me back. I couldn’t… I couldn’t be out here right now. I definitely couldn’t walk into that bar with Sarah on my arm, but I wasn’t in much of a mood to be with Sarah either. I was just too fucked in the head right now, too unsettled by what I had seen, to make any moves on her while also considering the consequences. The best thing, the only thing I could have done right now to avoid catastrophe, was to just step away.

“Sorry,” I said. “I… I should get going.”

“Wait, you’re sure?” Sarah said, now more hurt than upset.

“Yeah,” I said. “There’s… something I didn’t tell you yet. Edwin Hunt died a couple of days ago.”

“Oh, Chance,” she said, moving in for a hug. “I know. I just didn’t want to say anything in case you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“I appreciate it,” I said, stroking her hair and holding her to me, even as Layla only needed to turn to see us like so. “I just… it’s a bit of a mindfuck, and I thought I could put it aside—”

“You did for the most part.”

“But I couldn’t now for whatever reason,” I said.

That was a white lie. I didn’t give two shits about Edwin Hunt right now. Even if I did, it certainly wouldn’t have stopped me from making any move.

“I understand,” she said. “When can I see you again?”

I bit my lip. I needed to see Layla in the coming days. I needed to know what this was, but I also needed to figure out where we were going and if I could get us to where we both wanted to be.

“Tuesday?” I said, thinking I could see Layla on Monday, get a sense for where we stood, and then cancel with Sarah if need be.

But unfortunately, life wouldn’t allow for things to be that simple.

“I leave for Oxford on Tuesday,” she said. “I’ll be back in the summer, but I’m kind of hoping that you can do Monday.”

Fuck me. Well… see Layla in the morning and Sarah in the afternoon. Or just don’t see Sarah at all. Don’t even bother.

“It’ll be last second,” I said. “Don’t keep your day open just for me, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“OK,” Sarah said.

An awkward silence lingered as I think she assumed I was going to end the night with a kiss, at least on the forehead or thecheek if not the lips. I waited for her to step back and wish me good night.

Eventually, I just patted her arm awkwardly, wished her well, and told her I’d be in touch.

I waited until I turned the corner back to my apartment, about ten minutes walking distance, to slap myself and grab my head with both of my hands. What the fuck was I thinking?!? What the fuck was I getting myself into?!?