Page 41

We sit in silence for a minute. I'm still pretending to watch the movie, afraid to look over at Sasha, but eventually I have to say what I'm thinking.

"Do you think I'm the worst?" Sasha is my only close friend in Chicago, since although I see Maddie and Angela every week, we don't actually spend any other time together.

And if I don't count my boyfriends. I don't want to lose her in my life.

How many other people out there understand what it's like to have the drive to succeed that we have?

And I can't deny that having Sasha in my corner could open a lot of doors for me professionally.

As it is, she's the only reason I ever have an opportunity to connect with other writers.

Without her, I'm back at square one both socially and when it comes to networking.

"No! In fact, it's a great idea, and the fastest way to research for your books. This shows real dedication to your craft. I'm impressed." Sasha nods, and glances back to the stairs.

I whip around to check the stairs myself. Only to sag in relief. My boyfriends aren't standing there overhearing every word I say.

"Thanks." A sense of pride washes through me at Sasha's words. She's such an impressive author, and my doing something she approves of feels like confirmation that I'm on the right path for my own career.

We both turn our attention back to the screen, and the relief I feel at having gotten that elephant out of the room allows me to actually pay attention to what's happening in the movie.

Now that my secret is out, the tension created by me trying to keep it in and Sasha trying to pry is out has dissolved, and I'm able to enjoy just watching a movie with my friend.

Halfway through the movie, my roommates come down carrying boxes of pizza.

"We brought sustenance," announces Lionel cheerfully.

"Pizza and snacks? You guys are amazing," I say. "Thank you."

"We couldn't let you two starve." Quintin places a stack of paper plates on the coffee table.

"Or yourselves," I tease. My boyfriends have clearly calculated out the amount of food they would want for a movie night instead of how much two lone women can consume.

"You know us so well." Miles drops onto the sofa next to me and snags a slice of pizza, offering it to me and then getting one for Sasha before taking one for himself.

"How did training go?" The slice is still hot, and I lean forward to grab a second plate the same way Ethan does for more stability and to protect the grease from seeping through.

On my first bite the cheese strings from my mouth to the slice. Not too long ago, I'd have been embarrassed by the indelicate way I'm eating, but I no longer feel like I have to hide my imperfections from any of them.

"Fine, no issues." Quintin plops down on the other side of Miles. "How's the movie?"

I know for a fact that it wasn't fine based on the chat, but maybe the team deals with that sort of thing regularly so it doesn't register as a big deal to them.

It is a big deal to me though, that they shut down the sexism the minute it happened.

I wish I could say something about it, but of course I can't without outing myself as a subscriber.

"Good, I'd say we're learning a lot." I look to Sasha for confirmation, and she nods but says nothing.

Lionel and Helix grab slices of pizza and sit on the other side of Sasha.

"Ethan didn't want any pizza?" I'm used to us all being together and don't want him to feel excluded.

"We left a pie upstairs for him," says Quintin. To Sasha he adds, "He's not big on company."

"I'll check on him later, then." I'll probably spend the night in his bed since it's comfier than mine and if I'm spending all this extra time with these boyfriends, Ethan deserves some quality time too.

"He'll like that," says Miles, subtly shifting closer. "Now catch us up on this chick flick."

My boyfriends aren't completely sold on the plot as we explain it, but they also don't complain, which I appreciate.

It's not really their thing, which is why I hadn't invited them to watch with us.

That, and I assumed they'd be gaming the entire time, but it's nice that they're putting in the effort to be nice to my friend.

"Drinks," says Lionel, seeing that the two sodas they'd left for us earlier are the only beverages down here. "We forgot drinks. I'll go get them."

"Do you want help?" offers Sasha.

"No," says Lionel quickly. "You're our guest. We can't make you work."

He dashes up to the kitchen, returning with an armload of sodas and waters, which he passes out to the group. Then he moves the coffee table forward until it hits the wall below the projector so he can sprawl out on the floor.

Helix moves a little closer to Sasha on the sofa so he has a better view of the movie and can stretch a bit too.

We continue watching in silence until Helix pops up off the sofa and says, "I need an energy drink. I'll grab a couple in case anyone else wants one."

"I'll help you," says Lionel, hurrying up the stairs with Helix.

"We might as well stretch out then," I say.

If they're going to keep running up and down the stairs, we don't have to be squished.

Especially since the guys are sitting awkwardly close, but not touching me.

Usually we end up squashing together cozily down here, mostly because my boyfriends insist on touching me whenever possible.

It's weird sitting next to them but not making physical contact.

"Good idea." Sasha moves down into the spot recently vacated by Helix until she's stretched along one side of the sofa.

"I thought you were getting more drinks?" I ask when Helix and Lionel finally come back down, their hands empty.

"Oh. Yeah. Actually, I want to be able to sleep tonight so I don't need more caffeine," says Helix, looking for a place to sit as Lionel returns to his spot on the floor.

I frown at him. Helix's motto is usually the more caffeine the better, any time, anywhere. I hope he's feeling okay.

"You can sit down here," says Sasha, moving her legs a little to make space on the sofa.

"Oh, uh, that's okay. You look too comfy to make you move. I'm just going to sit over here." Helix pulls me to my feet, takes my seat and then pulls me back down onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist to keep me in place.

I'm now doubly glad I told Sasha that I'm sleeping with these guys. If I hadn't, she would definitely be figuring it out now.

"Is it just me, or is it suddenly a bit chilly in here?" Sasha wraps her arms around her middle.

"I'll grab you a blanket." Quintin takes a blanket from a basket in the corner and drapes it over Sasha, then moves back to his own space on the other side of the sofa.

"Thanks." Sasha wiggles her feet, adjusting the blanket until she's covered. "Do you want to come back up here, Lionel?"

"I'm good," says Lionel.

We all watch in silence as the movie wedding begins, Helix holding me close. Even Miles leans closer, his hand resting on my knee.

As soon as the movie couple finally kisses, Helix moves me off his lap and says, "We'll let you ladies discuss whatever you need to, and we'll take care of these boxes."

"Oh, thank you." In all the time I've lived here, these men have never once jumped so fast to clean up after a meal. They usually say they'll get to it later, which historically meant tomorrow at best.

"No worries," says Miles, as they all collect boxes and plates and disappear up the stairs, leaving me and Sasha stretched out on the sofa.

"So, yeah, you're definitely sleeping with them," says Sasha with a little laugh.

"And then the inspiration flows," I joke. Partly because it's true and partly because if I can pretend it's not a big deal, I won't have to admit that I'm falling for them.

Because I can't deny it anymore. I am one hundred percent falling for all five of my boyfriends.

"Before we start analyzing, where is your bathroom?" asks Sasha.

"Up the stairs and on your right when you step out of the kitchen."

Without my boyfriends down here holding me, Sasha is right, it's a little chilly down here. I pad over to the basket to snag my own blanket so I can be cozy while we chat.

"Get the fuck off me!" The shout from upstairs raises alarm bells in me.

It's not like my boyfriends to fight. I drop the blanket and hurry up the stairs.

As soon as I step into the kitchen though, I'm even more confused. My boyfriends are scrambling around to one side of the kitchen table, keeping Sasha on the other in a weird game of tag.

"Someone yelled," I say, surveying the group. "Is everything okay?"

"No," thunders Miles. "I don't know what you've told your friend here, but we're not servicing her."

"She needs to leave," says Lionel, pointing at Sasha.

"Back up. Start over." We were all just hanging out together downstairs and everyone was fine. How did Sasha's coming upstairs to use the bathroom start … whatever this is?

"Tell your roommates to sleep with me." Sasha folds her arms and glares from me to my boyfriends.

"You tried to sleep with my boyfriends?" I take a step back, her words hitting me like a physical blow.

"It's not fair that you get five guys taking care of you while some of us are out here working hard for our success," says Sasha, anger radiating from her. "I deserve their help too."

"You don't think I'm working hard?" I'd thought Sasha could see all of the hours I've spent honing my writing craft. I've given up my apartment and changed everything about my life in order to pursue my dreams. Nothing about that was easy.

"All I'm saying is if you can use these gamers to improve your writing this much, imagine what they could do for someone who actually has talent."

I don't even know how to process that. I'd thought we were friends, that Sasha respected me, but she is quickly proving that none of that is true. "You think you're better than me so you're going to fuck my boyfriends to prove it?"

"Look, you know as well as I do that we need to do whatever we can to get ahead in life and follow our dreams, especially when it's something as high-stakes as publishing. You're doing it yourself, so you can't judge me for doing the same."

"I wouldn't sleep with someone else's boyfriend, and I specifically told you we're dating. So you've tried to hurt me deliberately," I say, my own rage building. "That's something I would never do."

"I've shared all of my methods to get ahead in this career with you, and now it's you that's hurting me by gatekeeping," argues Sasha.

"I'm not sharing them," I snap. "They're my boyfriends."

There. I've said it aloud, and I'm going to fully stand behind that statement.

I don't want to share my boyfriends with anyone, even though they share me with each other.

I like being with them, joking, working, fucking.

Even the tough, annoying things in life are better when we're all together, and I don't want to break up this not-so-little family that we're forming.

"We think you should leave," repeats Miles, crossing his arms.

"You can forget me helping you in the future, then." Sasha grabs her bag off the table and huffs down the front hall and out the front door.

The guys and I all stare after her, the energy in the room slowly returning to something resembling normal. "What did she mean by gatekeeping?" asks Helix.

"I'm going to bed." I suddenly feel bone-tired. "Can you finish picking up the snacks downstairs? Thanks."

I slowly climb the stairs and instead of turning into my own room, I walk right into Ethan's without even knocking.