Page 15 of Breakout (Walker University #3)

eleven

A light caress on my ring finger slowly pulls me from my slumber.

“Mmm,” I hum before wincing.

My head is killing me.

Memories from the night before slowly filter back.

Gabe. The girls. Shots. Lots of them. Beckett.

Oh god.

I got off on Beckett’s leg in the middle of the club.

Anyone could have seen.

Fuck.

I sit up abruptly, groaning as my stomach starts to roll.

A hand brushes back my hair as he encourages me to lie back down.

“Lie back down. You’ve got to be hungover.” Becket’s voice is low and soothing.

He sits up, leaning over me to grab a bottle of water and some aspirin. “Here. Take it.”

I take the aspirin and toss them back, chasing it with the water. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. Then I close my eyes, willing the nausea to go away and quickly.

Why did I do this to myself?

I have only ever drank on a handful of occasions, but never to excess like this. Now I know why people swear off drinking. I sure as hell never want to do it again.

Still, even with the throbbing in my head, there’s one thing that I can’t seem to wrap my head around.

With everything that happened last night, how the hell did I end up here?

“Beckett, why am I in your bed?” I whisper, not wanting anyone to hear.

“Because you were drunk off your ass and needed somewhere to sleep,” he informs me, pressing a gentle kiss to my temple.

“Everyone is going to see me leave,” I try to argue.

“I’d hope they do, otherwise, they are going to think I murdered you. They watched me bring you to bed,” he informs me.

“That’s breaking the rules, Beck. This is too. At this point, I’m not sure which rules you haven’t broken.”

I turn my head, my eyes fluttering open to look at him. He’s smiling softly.

“You broke them first when you married me,” he teases.

“Stop worrying so much. Kellan and Cora had the couch, and you were so drunk we were all worried about dropping you at your dorm alone. I offered my bed up. They think I’m sleeping on the floor to make sure you don’t choke in your sleep.

Very honorable, actually. They thanked me. ”

I should feel relieved. Our secret is safe, but the truth is I’m disappointed. Having everyone know would have been a real relief. At least, I think it would have been.

“You’re in bed with me. What if someone came in and saw us?” It’s weak, but it’s the only argument I’ve got.

“Then I would have to kick someone’s ass for kicking open my door. It’s locked, Peyton. Like it always is. I know you want this kept a secret. I would never do anything against your wishes. You know that. Trust me.”

He’s right. I know he would never do anything to go against what I want. He has proven that over and over again. With the way he helps me hide this even though he has no reason to. Or the way he bickers with me in front of everyone so that they would never guess.

Or maybe that’s partly true. We bicker in private too.

When I let out a deep sigh, he pulls me closer, his hand going back to mine to brush against my naked finger.

“I hate that it’s empty,” he admits softly.

“We aren’t real. It would make sense that the ring isn’t either.”

He shrugs, looking sad. “I like pretending it’s real.”

“Why? You wanted to be married in college?”

“No, but I don’t mind being married to you.”

My heart is racing in my chest. What if he admits that he’s in love with me? I don’t know if I can handle that. So I do what I do best. I deflect.

“Oh yeah. I’m sure you like being married to the nutcase who married you for money basically.”

He flicks my nose, making me jump.

“Ow. What the hell, Beck?”

“First, don’t talk about yourself that way.” He leans forward, kissing me hard before pulling back. “Second, you are the most exciting thing that has ever happened in my life.”

“Beck, you can’t say things like that.”

He pulls away from me, getting out of bed. He keeps his back to me as he pulls on a shirt and some sweats.

“I know, Pey. I know, but waking up with you in my arms knowing that you should have my last name? It does things to a man. I won’t change the status quo because you don’t want me to, but…”

“But what?” I ask when he trails off.

My heart feels like it could beat right out of my chest. This is it. This is the moment he changes everything forever.

He doesn’t respond, instead collecting his phone and sliding it in his pocket. The hope in my chest starts to fall.

This isn’t my Beckett. Not that he’s mine, but he doesn’t act this way.

“Beck, what were you going to say?” I sit up in bed, crawling on my knees until I can grab his arm.

When he turns to look at me, I see the agony on his face a moment before he wipes his hand across it as if wiping it away.

“Beck…” I try again.

It kills me to know that something is hurting him. I shouldn’t care this much, but I do. I’m deluding myself into thinking that this is still a simple friends-with-benefits situation.

I married the man, for fuck’s sake.Yet, I still can’t let go of the safety blanket the title gives me.

I am a psychological mess. One who doesn’t deserve this man.

“Nothing. Never mind. The rules are there for a reason. You’re right. I’ll be downstairs. Wait a bit, then come down. I’ll tell them you are still sleeping.”

With that, he leaves the room without another word, and I’m left with the same old self-doubt and loathing.

I’ve been downstairs an hour with no Peyton. It’s killing me that I can’t be up in bed with her.

Kellan and Cora left sometime this morning. I guess she had class today.

So now instead of being warm and cozy in bed with my wife, I’m downstairs pouting because she doesn’t understand that my feelings for her are way more complex than she could ever fathom, and I’m the pussy too scared to tell her.

I fucked this all up.

“Things not go well last night?” Wyatt asks, plopping down on the couch next to me.

I let out a deep sigh. “Last night was fine. This morning not so much.”

He nods. “It will all work out, brother.”

“How can you be so sure?” I whisper, looking over my shoulder to be sure no one else is listening.

“I see the way she looks at you.”

I frown, looking down. “Her wanting me is not the problem.”

He smiles. “So you’re admitting it now. That it’s a thing.”

I let out a curse under my breath.

See. Fucking it all up.

“Hey, man. Chill. I already figured it out. The others are suspicious but don’t know shit. Your secret is safe with me.”

“Thanks. It’s actually a relief someone knowing,” I admit.

“I bet. You’ve been hiding it a long time.”

I’m hiding more than he knows, but at least I can say he figured it out that we were sleeping together. Peyton can’t blame me for that.

After a few moments of silence, he leans forward, resting his head in his hands as he looks over at me.

“Listen, the girl is skittish as hell. She has past trauma she never worked through. She’s opening up more now, though. Coming out of her shell. That’s thanks to you. Don’t give up hope. She will come around. You just have to be patient.”

“I better pray for it then because it’s killing me.”

He snorts. “You can’t pray for patience, man.”

“What? Why not?”

He stands, patting my knee. “Because if you pray for patience, God won’t give it to you freely. He will instead put situations in your life that will help you learn to grow more patient as time goes on. Seems to me you have enough going on. Don’t add to it.”

Then he turns, leaving the room as I hear the footsteps on the stairs.

“Morning, Peyton,” I hear him say, passing her on the steps.

“Morning,” she mumbles. Then she steps into the room, her eyes searching for me.

“Kellan and Cora are gone. Brett is either still in bed or gone. Grace and Clay haven’t gotten up,” I inform her, standing to head to the kitchen.

“Beck, please stop. I’m sorry.” I hear her hurry to catch up to me.

My heart hurts hearing her apologize. She’s done nothing wrong.

Turning abruptly, I catch her as she falls into my arms. She lets out a squeak as she hits my chest.

Looking down at her, I brush her hair from her face.

She has past trauma she’s never worked through.

She has more than Wyatt even knows, but how can I help her work through it?

Love her.

I can only love her through it all.

“Don’t apologize to me,” I whisper, cupping her cheek.

“I upset you, and I always do that. I’m always…”

I press my lips to hers, stealing the words from her. Then I continue to kiss her over and over until she is looking up at me slightly dazed.

“You are perfect. I wasn’t upset at you, babe. Never you,” I tell her, kissing her again.

“Beck…” she whispers, her forehead falling to mine.

“What?” I ask.

“Why is it so hard?”

“What’s hard? Us?”

She shakes her head yes. “Us. Life. Everything.”

“I know you’ve had a tough life, Pey. You’ve gone through unimaginable things. I will never be able to relate to it, but I do know one thing. Nothing in life worth having comes easy.”

“I know. You’re right. It’s why I work so hard. I want to earn everything I have.”

“You do amazing at it too. You’re so independent, and I love that about you.

You don’t have to do everything alone anymore, though.

You have Grace and Cora. They are fiercely loyal and would do anything for you.

Trust me, they scare me sometimes. Not to mention the guys.

Any one of them would kill for you if you needed them to, and that has nothing to do with me or who you are to the girls.

They only get that way when they truly care for someone.

It wouldn’t matter if you and Grace had a falling out, or they found out about us, and we broke up.

They would still show up every single time you called.

You aren’t some outsider in this group. You are a core member.

We wouldn’t run the same without you, Pey. ”

“I want to believe that. So bad, but I’m not wired that way,” she admits softly.

“Then I’ll keep telling you and showing you until we rewire that brain of yours.” I press my finger into her head, making her laugh.

After a moment, she looks down. “We are supposed to be fake. A temporary thing.”

“Peyton, we can be whatever you need us to be.”

She looks up, sadness in her eyes. “That’s not fair to you.”

“It’s not your choice. I’m willing to be in this with you at whatever capacity you will allow. Remember when I said the guys would kill for you?” At her nod, I continue. “I would do that and more. So stop worrying so much and let me.”

She sighs. “Okay.”

I press a kiss to her forehead.

“Clay, I’m going to throw up if you try to feed me,” Grace moans as I hear heavy steps heading our way.

I close my eyes wishing for one more moment with Peyton before reality sets in.

The feel of her lips on mine has me opening my eyes, pressing into her harder. We only have seconds before being discovered, but I take every precious moment.

I pull back just as Clay rounds the corner, Grace not far behind.

Clay startles to a stop, looking at us. “Everything okay?” he asks.

Peyton turns to him, folding her arms over her chest. “Beckett is trying to force me to eat something, but I swear there’s still alcohol in my stomach. I can’t even think about food.”

Grace pushes by Clay, grabbing Peyton in a hug. “Me either. Let the boys eat. Let’s go nurse our hangovers on the couch.”

As she pulls Peyton away, Peyton looks back, giving me a small smile. “Hey, Beck?”

I swear it’s like a tug at my heart every time she says my name.

“Yeah, Pey?”

“I could use one of those electrolyte packets you use for hockey.”

“As you wish, your highness.” I try to put snark in my tone, but I must fall flat because Clay turns to me.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks.

“Nothing. Are you going to make the eggs, or am I?”

Just like that, he’s on the move, and I’m left feeling like something major just happened with Peyton and me. I only hope whatever I did to make her smile at me like that sticks because I am willing to wait on her forever, but it might kill me.