Page 12 of Breakout (Walker University #3)

nine

A s class lets out, I breathe out a sigh of relief. It’s my last class of the day, which means I have a few hours before I have to make it to my shift.

I should go home and study or sleep, but instead I’m meeting up with Grace. I feel like since she moved out, I rarely see her. Add in the fact that Cora is with Kellan, and I feel like I’m letting my friends down.

“Peyton, wait up.”

Looking over my shoulder, I give a smile to my classmate, Gabe.

“Hey, what’s up?” I ask as I stop to wait for him.

“I’m glad I caught you. I wanted to see if I could borrow your notes from last week’s lesson. I was a bit distracted and don’t want to fall behind.”

I frown. “Is everything okay? You’re usually really on top of your stuff.”

He rubs his head, looking away sheepishly. “Okay, you got me. I don’t need your notes. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you.”

“Me? Why?” I ask, shocked at his admission.

Gabe has always been nice to me, but we haven’t talked much. I don’t know much about him to even be able to tell if we have any similar interests. What could he possibly like about me that would have him chasing me down?

His cheeks turn red. “I was hoping to finally get up the courage to ask you out.”

My eyes widen as I look at him.

Well, that’s a plot twist. Or maybe it’s not. Have I been so in my head about Beckett and everything going on that I missed Gabe hitting on me?

“Wow.”

He looks away, then rubs the back of his neck. “I mean, you can say no. No hard feelings.”

I consider him for a moment. He’s good-looking. A little shy and keeps to himself, but nice. Honestly, if I were looking to find a good boyfriend, he’d be a top contender.

There’s one little problem.

I’m married.

I give him a small smile. “You’re a really great guy, Gabe.”

He lets out a humorless laugh as he looks at the ground. “This isn’t sounding good.”

“I don’t know what I can say to not be cliché, but it has nothing to do with you. I’m just not in a place in my life where I can date. I have classes, and I work every shift they will allow me to. I barely have enough time to sleep or see my friends. I wish it were different, but it’s not.”

He nods once. “Yeah. Sure. Thanks.”

I feel like shit as he walks off, his shoulders slumped. Not only did I hurt his feelings, but I lied to him.

My time management isn’t the issue with us dating.

Beckett is.

I married him, and even if it’s not real, I won’t cheat on him. I’d never embarrass him like that even if our benefits part of the relationship disappeared.

I try leaving my interaction with Gabe behind, but I obviously fail. As soon as I walk into the coffee shop, Grace frowns at me.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“Can’t we order before you go all psycho bestie on me?”

She gives me a “come on, really?” look before she gestures to the empty line.

“Hello, welcome to The Carriage House. What can I get you?” the girl behind the counter asks.

“Triple espresso latte, please. Soy milk instead of regular,” I say.

“It must be bad for a triple,” Grace mumbles before giving her order. “Can I get a white chocolate mocha, hot, no whipped cream, please?”

I go to grab my wallet, but Grace beats me to it, paying for our drinks.

“Seriously? It’s my turn.” I huff at her.

“Too slow, Pey. Be quicker,” she jokes, moving toward an empty table, and I join her.

She doesn’t wait long to interrogate me.

“What’s going on, Pey? You may as well tell me.”

I sigh. “You’re like a chihuahua. You don’t let up, huh?”

“I will if you want me to, but something is bothering you, and I’m supposed to be your best friend. You helped me through all the Kellan and Clay shit, so the least I can do is listen to your problems. Wait, did you fail an assignment?” She looks at me with fake horror.

“Hardy har har. No, smart ass. One of the guys from class asked me out.” I look out the window, wondering how much I’m going to tell her.

“Oooh. What did you say? Why do you look like he pissed in your Wheaties? Oh shit, was he a scumbag?”

I roll my eyes, looking back at her. “He’s actually really sweet. We’ve talked a few times regarding class assignments when we needed to. I guess I don’t know where it came from. All of a sudden he asks me out after not having talked to me in a couple of weeks? Why me? Why now?”

The barista calls out our names, so I run up to grab our drinks. Once I settle back into my chair, Grace reaches across the table and grabs my hand with one of hers.

“You are beautiful and smart. Funny when you let someone close enough to see it. Why wouldn’t he want to date you?” She shakes my hand as she finishes her statement.

“I don’t know. I don’t date. I guess I figured I give off those vibes.”

She nods. “I’m well aware. You have no fun. It’s all work and no play for Peyton.”

“It’s how I’m going to make a better life for myself.”

“I know. Still, you know who would date you given the chance?”

“Who?” I ask, exasperated.

“Beckett.”

My heart skips a beat in my chest.

“Stop trying to make Beckett happen. If we dated and he did something stupid to ruin it, then our friend group would be fucked. I’m not willing to risk it.”

“You know what? You’re right. If you were to date Beckett and you didn’t work out, it would make things awkward in the group. At least for a little while, but you know what else? We are all adults, and we would all move on. That’s if it ended. You’re forgetting the most important thing.”

I look down at my hands, not willing to let her see the truth in my eyes. The want and need to tell her the truth about me and Beckett.

“What?”

“It could work out. He could be the man you fall head over heels in love with. You could marry him and have your own children. Have that perfect little yellow house with the white picket fence and the dog digging holes in the backyard. You won’t ever know if you keep living your life on the sidelines. ”

“Doesn’t your boyfriend play hockey? How does he feel about you using football terminology?”

“Nice try. We aren’t changing the subject. Beckett is obviously into you. What is stopping you?”

I could tell her. I could admit that I already married him. That children are likely not in our future because what we have is fake. I could confide in her.

But I don’t.

“He’s arrogant. Doesn’t take anything seriously other than hockey. He has more money than he knows what to do with. He grew up in a different environment. We just don’t have a lot in common. Why would I risk it?” I ask.

She looks at me sadly. “Money isn’t everything.

Yes, he is arrogant at times, but he is also so caring.

He showed up when I was sick with the others.

He didn’t have to. Did you know he picks up these little cookies I like from the international market?

Just because I mentioned once that I love them but never find the time to make it over there.

He is always doing little things like that for others.

You say he isn’t serious, but maybe he hasn’t found something to be serious about.

Maybe he wants to be serious about you. As for how you grew up, that doesn’t matter.

It’s how you grow together from this point forward. ”

“He could also use me then drop me like he has others.”

“What others? Who has he dated since we came into their lives? Hell, even Brett has calmed down. They aren’t the playboys you think they are. Remember Clay? Everyone thought he was the biggest manwhore of them all, and he turned out to be a—” She looks both ways before she whispers, “Virgin.”

“I get it, Grace. I don’t think it’s a good idea, though.”

She shakes her head. “Okay. We will let it drop for now, but you will date someone before we graduate. Even if it’s one shitty date. You can’t waste all your college years being responsible.”

My heart hurts at her words.

I wish I could be young and carefree, but that’s not possible. If I take my foot off the gas for even a minute, I could lose it all. I refuse to be a statistic. I’m going to make it.

My one dreaded class a week. It’s a required chemistry lab for my degree. I saved it for last, but the only time you can take it is from six to eight on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Thankfully, Coach had us all put our late classes on the same days so he could end practice early for us.

Still, it’s kicking my ass. I’m exhausted after having just one other class, strength and conditioning, and then practice on top of the class.

I want to fall into my bed and pass out.

Either that or go fuck my wife. Either would be acceptable.

Walking through the front door of the house, I hear the guys in the living room.

My heart starts to beat, wondering if Peyton is here too. I haven’t seen her much the last couple of days. She snuck over last night since Cora and Kellan were watching a movie at their place, but she didn’t stay the night like I had hoped.

If I thought being married would change anything between us, I was wrong. It changed everything for me, but she seems to be still keeping me at an arm’s length away.

I round the corner, my entire body deflating when I find Kellan, Clay, Wyatt, and Brett all sitting on the couch playing video games.

“Look who decided to come home. We were starting to wonder if you were going to disappear with your mystery girl again,” Brett jokes, smashing buttons on his controller.

He is so bad at video games but still loves to play them with us. It’s why no one wants him on their team.

“I’m not you, bro. I don’t have to get my dick wet every night of the week to be happy. How is the little guy anyway? He hasn’t fallen off yet, right?” I joke, taking a seat next to him on the love seat.

“He isn’t little. Do you want me to show you again?”

All the guys groan, but it’s Clay who speaks up. “Why do you have to provoke him? I’m going to start to think you like seeing his pecker.”

A couple of years ago, we saw the movie Waiting with Ryan Reynolds. Ever since then, Brett has been playing “the game” without any of the rest of us actually wanting to be a part of it. It entails showing the male genitalia in different positions and catching the other players off guard.

Needless to say, he has a very large lead.

“Seriously, where do you keep running off to?” Brett asks, letting the topic of his dick go, which is shocking.

“Nowhere.” I look around at the group and find they have all paused the game and are looking at me.

Wyatt gives me a knowing look but keeps his mouth shut. It’s why he’s my favorite. He knows when to mind his own business.

“I thought we were best friends. Something is going on with you, and I hate that you won’t tell me,” Brett pouts.

“I mean, you have been happier recently,” Clay adds. “It would make sense if you were getting laid.”

I mentally scoff at him. I’ve been getting laid for months. That’s not why I’m happy.

“He was humming some sappy love song the other day in the shower. I heard him,” Kellan tells the others.

“What the fuck? When were you listening to me shower, you creepy fucker? Does Cora know about this kink?”

“She does, and she approves,” he deadpans.

“Gross. That’s my sister,” Clay groans.

“I’m fucking kidding. It was after practice. I was showering too. Can’t help but overhear someone showering like he’s the only guy in the room.”

I wince.

He’s talking about the day we got married. I remember the song I was humming. It was that old Elvis song about falling in love. I heard it on a wedding playlist I put on during my workout, and it stuck.

Fuck. I’m doing a terrible job at hiding this.

“I don’t know why you are all up in my jock right now. I’m not seeing anyone. Can a guy not be happy for no reason?”

“No,” everyone says at once.

Sighing, I give them a little bit of the truth. “I figured out how to get my dad off my back for a bit about dating some chick he wants me to date. That’s all.”

They all nod as if it is a plausible excuse.

“And the song?” Brett asks.

Fucker is too nosy for his own good.

“Heard it on the radio, and it was stuck in my head. Are we done with the Spanish Inquisition now? Can we get back to the game or are we going to keep gossiping like a bunch of girls? Next thing you know, Brett is going to be braiding hair.”

“Hey, I’m really good at it.”

I roll my eyes. “Seriously? Are we done?”

Everyone nods. “All right, let’s play teams. Who is taking Brett?”

“Not it,” we all say in unison, touching our noses.

“Wyatt, you have to pick up your pace. You’ve got him.”

Wyatt groans but shoots me a wink.

I know he lost on purpose. It’s his chosen role in the group. Taking care of us without us knowing.

It’s the same reason I know he knows what’s going on, but he’s going to let it go.

I’ll need to tell him something eventually, but for now, I settle in for a battle royale.

God, I miss my wife.

Looking at my phone, I wonder if she will call me. It sounds like she has a night off for once. I push away the disappointment that she didn’t choose to spend it with me. She needs her friends, but I’m selfish.

I am willing to take any scraps she gives me, but it’s never enough. I still want more.

Deciding to throw caution to the wind, and because I need her like a moth needs a flame, I shoot her a text.

Me

We going to meet up tonight?

Then I set my phone down and focus on the game so that the lack of a response won’t hurt me as bad.