Page 10 of Bonding with the Beta (Fated Souls #2)

10

KAYLEIGH

“ O h my God,” Evie gushes as she stares at me. “You look so cute.”

I press my hands down against my pink dress and grin. “Yeah, I feel pretty,” I admit. “I feel good.”

“Josh isn’t going to be able to keep his hands off you,” she says and winks.

My heart swells. I hope so. He’s been distant lately, but I’ve put it down to not spending quality time with each other. This should bring us closer again.

“When is he coming by?”

“Seven, he said, but ? —”

My phone vibrates, and my entire face lights up at his name. I press my thumb to the message, and my stomach drops a little when I see the text.

Josh:

Hey, baby. Sorry. I’m running a little late and on the other side of town at the moment. Can you meet me at the restaurant? I’ll make it up to you. Promise.

Evie peeks her head over my shoulder and glances at my phone. “Oh–”

“He’s probably been busy with football,” I wave off like it’s nothing, but I’m filled with dread. “Lost track of time, maybe.”

She hums. “Maybe.”

After calling an Uber and heading to the restaurant in Stonebridge town, I hold my phone in my lap as the time creeps closer and closer to seven-thirty. As the car pulls up and I scope the street for any signs of Josh, I can’t see him.

I thank the driver and climb out, holding my coat closer to my body before dialling Josh’s number. It rings and rings until I reach his voicemail. I try again, but he doesn’t pick up a single call.

What the hell?

I stare down at my phone, shaking from the cold. My fingers quickly punch out a text to him.

Kayleigh:

Where are you? I’m waiting for you.

Please hurry. It’s cold, and I don’t want to go in by myself.

I wait another ten minutes until my phone starts ringing, and the sight of Josh’s name almost makes my knees quiver in relief.

“Hey, where are you?” I exhale.

“Kayleigh, I’m so sorry. There’s stuff going on with Craig, and he really needs a friend right now.”

I blink in shock. “On our date night?”

“He’s my friend. I’m not going to bail on him.”

But it’s so easy to bail on me?

Pathetic tears sting my eyes.

“Okay,” I rasp and purse my lips. “Don’t worry about it then.”

“I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

I don’t believe him. He’s been slipping away over the last few weeks, and I don’t understand why.

What has changed?

I end the call and get a cab back to campus, feeling like a fool in this dress.

When I reach my dorm room, I shred my dress and change into my pyjamas before wiping off my makeup and crawling into bed. I grab my phone and flick through Instagram before coming across Jessica’s stories.

I chew on my lip and flick through the pointless shit she decides to plaster over social media until I pause on a video that makes me sit up in bed. My eyes scan the screen as I start the video over and over.

Josh and Craig are shooting shots in the corner of the room while music plays, and Jessica takes a drag on a joint before blowing it at the camera.

Craig needed a friend to get shit-faced with? I scowl heavily at my phone, my body trembling as my blood boils beneath my skin.

I want to scream.

I want to throw my phone across the room.

Instead, I turn it off, hide under my covers, and force myself to sleep.

I grab lunch at the cafeteria after one of the worst lectures of my life. I take a few items from the heated rack and head to the cashier before a large arm wraps around my waist and a nose is pressed into my neck.

My body freezes. I’d recognise that aftershave anywhere.

“I’ve been texting you all morning, baby,” Josh murmurs into my skin.

I grit my teeth.

“What’s wrong?”

My nostrils flare as I turn to face him, his arms dropping from my body. “What’s wrong?” I ask in disbelief. “You bailed on our date so you could get drunk with Craig. I saw it all on Jessica’s story. You said Craig needed you, so you decided to party?”

Josh closes his eyes and runs a hand down his face. “Craig was upset about something that happened at home, so I said I’d help take his mind off it.”

My eyes narrow. “By getting drunk? That would have surely made him worse.”

“You weren’t there.” He scowls. “So, you wouldn’t know.”

“No,” I grumble. “I was standing outside the restaurant in the freezing cold waiting for you.”

Josh’s handsome face softens, and I despise when he does that—it’s as if he can see right through my soul. “Baby, I’m sorry,” he whispers and cups my cheek. “I promise to make it up to you. I know that was our night.”

My gaze flicks between his, and when his thumb swipes across my cheekbone, I melt into his touch a little. “I looked really cute,” I murmur. “You missed out.”

He groans and closes his eyes. “You’re right. I did. Come have lunch with me?”

“Fine,” I whisper before paying for my food and allowing him to take my hand as he guides us through the courtyard.

As we walk past the benches, I can’t help but feel some people’s eyes on me as they whisper and point not so subtly in my direction. I clear my throat and ignore their glances.

They have no reason to be staring and talking about me. Right?

“Come on, babe. Just for thirty minutes,” Josh hums in my ear as he tugs on my arm.

I glance up at him and stab my pen into my notebook. His dark brown eyes are pleading with me, but if I don’t finish this now, I’ll lose my flow. “I need to do this reading for class. I said I needed to study.”

He groans, rolling his eyes. I frown as he walks back over to my bed, jumping on it. My pillows fall on the floor, but he doesn’t make an effort to pick them back up. “You work all the time. It’s annoying.”

My eyes narrow at him. “I told you I was studying.” I throw my hand up in disbelief. “You still came round. I wanted to see you last night and the night before, but you said you were busy.”

“Because I was,” he shoots back coldly.

“Sorry, I have a really important assignment for class. We aren’t spending thousands of pounds for nothing, Josh. I need to do well.”

He scoffs, and it makes my jaw grind. “That’s not what I mean. We haven’t had sex in forever, Kayleigh.”

I’ll admit my stress levels have been through the roof, and as I drown in coursework, the last thing on my mind is sex. I might be more inclined if he took me out for dinner or suggested a walk, but our date nights ended months ago. Now, it’s bedroom hangouts, where he mostly sits on his phone anyway and begs me for sex after doing the bare minimum.

I feel like I can’t win.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper and tell myself to lighten up. Maybe some intimate time might help the pressure I’m putting on myself. “I’ve been neck-deep in work. But once I’ve done this reading, I’m all yours.”

Josh stares back, letting out a strained sigh. “God, that’ll be forever, then.”

I sigh silently and choose to ignore his comment before turning back to my book and racing through the reading. I quickly jot down some notes for the questions needed for class tomorrow.

After finally closing the book and standing from my desk, I walk towards the bed and lean down to press a kiss to his lips. Except he doesn’t return the kiss; he continues to text on his phone.

“Seriously?” I murmur.

“You were busy when I wanted your attention. Now you want mine?”

I pinch the bridge between my nose. “Do you not understand that studying is important to me?

“And do you not understand that having sexual intimacy with my girlfriend is important to me?”

“Well, maybe I’d want to have sex with you more if you actually put some effort into the relationship,” I blurt and instantly regret it.

Josh scowls as if I’ve physically hit him. “That’s rich.”

“We never go on dates anymore. I always try to plan things, at least once a month, to do something other than sit here. But you always cancel because you’re too tired, you’ve got something else to do, or that time you bailed on me to go and party with your friends,” I exhale because now I can’t stop myself. “That’s not a relationship, Josh. We’re getting too relaxed.”

He mumbles something under his breath as his eyes remain on his phone, tapping away at the screen. His lips twitch, and a smile erupts.

Is he serious right now?

I peer over his shoulder and watch as he’s messaging someone named…Louisa.

A zap to my heart makes me wince. An unsettling feeling rises in my stomach, bile rising up my throat, but I push it back.

“Who’s that?” I ask quietly.

He whips his head to me, eyes emotionless. He locks his phone so I can no longer see the thread of messages. When he doesn’t say anything, it makes me burn hot with fury.

“Who is Louisa?” I grit out. “I know I had work to do, but I’m here now.”

“Just some girl.”

My eyes almost pop out of my skull at his audacity. “Just some girl?” I repeat. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Without another word, he stands up, his tall frame towering over me.

“Why can’t you trust me? You’re so fucking insecure. It’s unattractive.”

I flinch.

We’ve been together for almost a year, and I don’t remember us ever being this bad. I remember when we were good. I remember when we’d laugh, go on dates, and stay up all night talking. Now? I don’t even recognise us, but I don’t want to let go.

Josh isn’t a bad person. I don’t know what’s going on between us lately.

I know exactly how good we can be. I don’t want this to go to waste.

But why is he messaging other girls whilst we are together?

“I’m just asking–”

“No, you’re accusing.” He glares at me. “I can hear the tone in your voice. I’m not stupid. Go on. Ask me.”

I blink at him, my heart thrashing in my chest.

“Josh–”

“No, Kayleigh. I know you want to say it. So fucking ask me.”

“I already did.” I grind my teeth together and rise from the bed. “Who is Louisa?”

Josh’s jaw ticks. “A friend,” he brushes it off. “Just a friend. You’re acting like a psycho. I’m allowed to talk to other girls if I want to. It’s your problem if you think there is something going on.”

I never said he couldn’t talk to his friends, but talking to another girl more than a friend is completely different. I blink back the tears that pathetically start growing in my eyes when he stands up to grab his jacket.

“Josh,” I heave. “Wait. Can we talk about this? I don’t understand what the hell just happened.”

He scoffs. “Now you want to talk? I’m always second best to you.”

“That’s not true.” My lips tremble.

“I’ll see you later,” he mumbles before walking to my door and slamming it behind him, making me jump.

I bury my head in my hands. This arguing doesn’t stop. It’s pointless, yet I’m too scared to put an end to it. We’ve built our relationship, made friends, and bonded with different groups, and that will all be taken away if we break up.

This isn’t the Josh I know.

I cannot let this keep going on the way it is.

I fell in love with him.

I need to fix this.

I need to do something before it’s done forever.

“Kayleigh,” Evie whispers in my ear, snapping me back into reality.

I drop my pen onto the auditorium floor, causing my knee to jerk into the wooden desk. I mentally curse myself and reach forward to pick it up quickly.

“Are you okay?”

I force a smile. “Mhmm.”

She narrows her brown eyes at me as I attempt to focus on the lecture. Not that I’ve been listening. I zoned out ages ago. I try to write down some notes, but my hand begins to tremble.

“Come on,” she whispers again. “Let’s go.”

The one thing I love about Evie is that she instantly notices my discomfort.

Without thinking, I grab my stuff and pack it into my bag. I follow her out of the lecture theatre, keeping my head down until we get outside, and the crisp air whips me in the face.

I lean onto the cold brick wall behind me.

“I’m worried about you, Kay,” she expresses.

My head shakes. “I’m fine, Evie. I promise.”

“You don’t need to lie to me. I’m your best friend. Please, let me help you.” She drops her bag to the floor and rests on the wall beside me.

I keep my eyes forward, feeling her gaze on the side of my head. I sigh. I hate talking about this because it feels like old news, but I don’t want to end up like I was before.

“The last few weeks, I’ve been having flashbacks,” I admit. “I hate that they physically suffocate me. I want them to go away but they won’t.”

Evie is silent for a long moment. “You stopped going to your therapy sessions,” I hear her say, and I close my eyes in defeat. “I’m worried to death about you. Do you need to go back to the hospital, Kay? I can take you.”

I swallow thickly. “I’m not that bad,” I promise. “I just…I just–” I groan, frustrated I can’t express how I feel. “I’m just having a moment.”

She rubs my arm soothingly. “It’s okay.”

“I’ve been trying to block him out and everything that happened, but now it seems like it’s all I can think about. It reminds me how weak and pathetic I was,” I spit angrily at myself.

Tears threaten to spill, but I don’t let them fall.

“Hey.” She squeezes my arm. “You are not those things, okay?”

I finally turn to look at her. “But that’s all I feel when I think back to those times with him. Everything it led to. That moment of weakness that I’ll forever regret.”

“What exactly are you thinking about him?” she probes, and suddenly, I can’t face her. “He’s such a piece of shit, and you deserve so much better than him. He manipulated and gaslit you, Kayleigh. What you went through was emotional abuse.”

I quickly wipe my eyes before those stupid tears fall.

“What triggered it?”

My head rests back against the wall. “When I went to see Ava. I saw her and Jaxon. I saw the way he cares for her. Their love is so honest and raw. Everyone in the room could see it. It made me realise that the love I thought I experienced with Josh was toxic, and I allowed myself to endure it. For what? I’ll never experience anything like Ava and Jaxon have.”

Evie frowns and steps in front of me. “Why would you say that? One bad guy doesn’t mean all men are doomed. Josh is a dickbrain, yes. But that doesn’t mean they all are.”

I nod in agreement. “I know. But I can’t go through what I did before.”

“And you’ll find the person who looks at you the way Jaxon looks at Ava,” she says confidently. “I promise. I’m always here for you. Always.”

“Kayden came over the other day,” I blurt.

Evie’s eyes widen. “What?”

“I left one of my books at their house, and Kayden came over to drop it off.”

She pins me with a stare. “And…”

“And?”

“Did something happen between you guys?” Her brow arches.

“No! No. Nothing happened.”

Evie hums softly.

“He said we should hang out, though.”

“Oh?”

I roll my eyes. “Not like that. As friends.”

“We all know what happens when you hang out ‘as friends’.”

My lips press together. “Girls and guys can be friends without fucking, Evie.”

“Do you like him?” she asks.

I raise my shoulders. “I don’t know. I want to stick to my word of focusing on myself. I’ve met him like three times. I don’t know him well enough.”

“Well…” Evie trails off. “I’m not going to tell you what to do. If you want to hang out with him, hang out with him.”

“It might do me some good to get off campus and do something different for once,” I say. “Anytime I’ve been with him, my mind empties out and I’m distracted from everything else.”

Evie nods slowly. “I agree with getting off campus. But you guys have done bits, so there is obviously a physical attraction.”

“He’s good-looking,” I admit. “But this is different than a quick hook-up. He said we’d go out to have fun, not end up in bed together. I’m not looking for a relationship or even a fling.”

“Well, do you think you can keep your hands off him?”

I nod. “Yeah, I’m telling myself it’s a friendly thing. Nothing else.”

My head lowers, and I suck in a long breath.

“Let’s go get lunch,” she declares and reaches for her bag.

“What about the lecture?” I point to the auditorium.

She waves a hand. “Pfft. Fuck the lecture. We have worked way too hard these last few weeks. We can catch up later.”

A small laugh slips past my lips. “Now that I can agree with.”

Evie grins back at me and slumps her arm over my shoulder. “I want pizza,” she states as we walk towards Fiorelli’s, where they make the most delicious Italian food on campus.

I hum in agreement. I’m not sure if anything can fix how I’m feeling right now, but pizza can definitely try.