Page 42

Kai

I knock on the apartment door and try not to vomit from nerves.

On the other side I can hear the dull thuds of Finn scrambling to answer the door.

My heart is beating painfully hard. It feels like it’s doubling in size with each beat.

I pull at my tee shirt, and shift my weight on my feet before jamming my hands in the pockets of my jeans to stop myself from doing something dumb like mess up my hair.

The door finally swings open, and there he is. Fuck, I want to kiss him so bad. I even lurch forward, temporarily forgetting that I’m pretty sure I can’t do that, before I jolt back.

Finn fidgets with the door handle, staring at me with his bright green eyes.

They look redder than usual. Not just from the vamp-ring.

Bloodshot, like he’s been crying. In fact, he looks just as fucked as I feel.

There is a sore on his lip from where he’s obviously bitten it. There’s still blood pooling there.

“Hey,” I manage to squeeze the word out, rocking on my feet.

“Hey," he whisper-squeaks back. We stare at each other for Gods knows how long, before he finally snaps out of it.

“Shit, come in. Sorry!” He spins abruptly, stepping back so I can come in .

I kick my shoes off at the door and follow Finn into the apartment. Not that there is any chance of getting lost—it’s tiny. Not that I’m judging. The furniture isn’t helping, the good quality pieces are out of place in the small, kinda dingy apartment.

There is a short hallway from the entry, with the kitchen to the left immediately when you enter. The hallway ends at the living room, with two doors to the right, and I’m assuming at least one of those is the bedroom. But that is definitely getting ahead of myself.

Finn watches me surveying his home, nervously wringing his hands in the middle of the living room. Even as wrecked as he looks now, with bags under his eyes and his hair a mess, he’s still the most beautiful being I’ve ever seen.

“Did you want something to drink?” He asks nervously, waving at the kitchen. “Or sit down, or… Or—I don’t know. I have those two things. Sitting and blood.”

He throws his hands up in aggravation and plonks himself down on the glass topped coffee table. It’s way too big for the space, even if it does match the TV stand and couches perfectly. Finn buries his head in his hands, groaning softly.

Again, I move to comfort, already halfway there before I remember and stop, redirecting myself to the couch just across from him instead. Our knees almost brush, only centimetres separate us.

Is it wrong that his, whatever this is, is giving me hope that everything’s not lost entirely?

Probably. I watch him for a moment, considering what to say.

Even if I do have hope, we’re currently in no man’s land.

We’re not together. We’re not broken up.

It’s not good, or bad. It’s the moment before the moment happens.

And if it does go badly, I want to savour this for just a little bit longer.

“I don’t need a drink, Finn. I just need you,” I whisper, once I’ve calmed myself down enough to speak .

His head pops up at that, his eyes watering with pink, blood stained tears. They spill over his cheeks when he snaps his eyes closed and then, he’s on top of me. Tackling me into the couch with a loud cry.

“I’m so, so, so sorry!” The rest of his apology is lost in his wet sobs against my neck. His arms are wrapped so tightly around me, I can barely move mine to be able to comfort him. I manage to wiggle one arm free to stroke the bare patch of skin on his lower back where his tee shirt’s ridden up.

“It’s okay. Shhh. It’s okay, Finn.” I rub my cheek over his hair, but my attempts to soothe him only make him cling harder.

“No, it’s not.” It’s hard to hear him, with my neck muffling his mouth.

“Okay. It might be a bit shit right now, Finn. But it will be okay. Is that better?”

It tickles when he laughs, the sensation making me squirm.

He finally lets us up. Rolling off me, he sits back.

But not too far. When we’re all settled, we’re sitting facing each other on the couch, each with a knee up so we’re sitting side on.

Finn’s knee is nestled over mine and my arm is draped over the back of the couch so I can stroke his neck.

There has to be some cat shifter instincts still left in him, with the way he rubs himself on my hand.

“I never should have said any of that last night, Kai. It was fucked up. I’m so sorry.”

He rubs at the tears on his cheek with his fist, but they are just replaced immediately, his eyes leaking a slow trickle now.

“I’m not going to say what you said was fine, Finn. It wasn’t. But I think… I think we’re possibly overdue for a talk.”

Finn freezes. Eyes painfully wide.

“A good talk! A good one—I promise. At least on my side, anyway.” I rush to clarify before he panics himself into exploding or something .

He relaxes immediately, visibly wilting. “Uh, yeah. Probably. I have been made aware that maybe, lack of communication may have led to last night. Amongst, like, my myriad of personal problems.”

Well, colour me intrigued. And possibly concerned. “Who said that?”

Finn picks at a loose thread on the couch. “Matteus, actually. It’s a long story. And we’ll get to it in a bit. Right now, we should talk about us. If there still is an us?”

“I want there to be an us. Do you want there to be an us?”

“Yes! Oh Gods, yes. I want there to be an us. I might not understand why—wait! No. Forget that last bit. Just yes. Yes to us.”

Finn blushes a horrendous, adorable red in his flustered ramblings. My smile tugs at my cheeks, making them ache.

“So, that’s a yes?” I tease.

“Yes! Of course!”

My finger traces the line of his ear and he shivers.

“Well, I think that’s a good start, don’t you? Because, while you’ve been having tea and cakes with the manager of Hearts Gate—something we’re definitely getting back to in a minute— I was getting my butt handed to me by Maddy and Nikki.”

“It was hardly tea and cakes. But anyway. What happened with Maddy and Nikki?” He asks timidly, turning and hiding his face into the couch, which leaves him conveniently nuzzling my hand.

As much as I don’t like that he’s worried, I’m not surprised.

As I learnt last night, Finn’s insecurities run deep .

“Ugh,” I groan, bumping my knee up against his. “So it was brought to my attention that I failed to have the conversation with you about where we stood. In my defence, I’d thought about it a lot in my head, so I kind of just assumed that you were on the same wavelength and all that. ”

“I didn’t know that drinking someone’s blood gave you the ability to read someone’s mind. Did I miss that somewhere, or?” Finn scrunches his face, laughing. That he feels comfortable teasing me means we’re on the right track. Hopefully.

“Shut up! It was bad enough when Nikki told Maddy that I’d fucked up.

He says sorry, by the way. And he’ll actually say it to your face, or I’ll break his sewing machine or something.

But he actually is sorry. I know he said some shit that probably made everything worse.

He feels legitimately bad for potentially triggering what happened last night.

He helped me figure out what to say to you and everything. ”

Finn’s face pinches in exaggerated confusion.

“And ‘hope you’re feeling okay, can we talk’ was the best the pair of you could come up with? Wow.” I smack his leg playfully and he laughs. No snort yet, but I’ll get one before the dawn comes.

“But tell him to not freak out too much. He’s always been standoffish or whatever, but honestly, my meltdown was inevitable. I mean, those Assassin shots helped, but that was all me and my bullshit.”

“What happened?” The energy shifts between us, becoming more serious. The time for playful teasing is over. We’ve reached the crux of the issue.

“I… I have never been an exceptionally confident being,” Finn begins, and then swallows.

This is hard for him, I know, so I keep my fingers cradling his neck in comfort.

“And my turning was hard. Not just the turning, but everything afterwards. It kind of highlighted all the things I’m insecure about.

Being a loner, struggling to make connections with beings.

To make friends. It’s been fucking rough.

“That’s not an excuse, though. It’s just…

just what I’m dealing with. I think, deep down, I knew how you felt about me.

I just wasn’t able to accept it—accept something, someone , so fucking incredible could be interested in me, that I was worthy of you.

So I told myself that it was just temporary.

A blip in the fabric of the universe. And then it’s like I was just waiting for it to be over, for the other shoe to drop.

It became this lurking boogeyman, and I let myself get in my head about it.

And I hurt you. And it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I’m sorry.”

I want to argue with him. I want to tell him that he’s perfect, and that the idea of him not being worthy of me was fucking ridiculous.

But this is obviously bigger than just me, and I don’t want to write off his feelings because they make me feel uncomfortable.

That’s not how we move forward from this.

“That’s a lot to be going through, Finn. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” He waves me off, looking away from me to trace the pattern of the cushion next to him.

“Nope.” I grab the cushion and toss it onto a nearby armchair, grabbing his hand with my free one and holding it tight to get his eyes back on me.

“You’re not dismissing me that easily. You know what I mean.

I’m sorry that you’re going through all that.

And I want to help you. Be there for you.

Show you just how fucking incredible you are.

So you can have just as big an ego as I do. ”

He laughs again, his head rolling back until he’s looking at me again, with a genuine smile on his face. The warmth in his eyes makes my heart squeeze and the knot in my stomach unties itself. Finally.

“I’m not sure the city could handle two egos that size. I mean, you already have Nikolo’s to contend with too. They’d probably have to call in the National Guard to deal with a monstrosity like that.”

“Yeah, probably.” I laugh with him this time.

He squeezes my hand, his knee pressing down on my thigh. In our laughter we’ve somehow gotten closer. It would be really easy to lean in and close the distance between us. To brush my lips against his soft pout and lick off the traces of blood left from where he’s been gnawing on them.

He’s thinking about it too. His eyes drop to my lips too. His tongue darts out, and I catch a hint of fang. Fuck, I want him so damn badly. I need him. My fingers slide around to cup the back of his neck, squeezing his taut muscles there.

“So, what—what does this all mean?” Finn stutters. His eyes haven’t left my lips as he drifts closer again.

The zipper of my jeans presses firmly against my rapidly filling cock. I’ve only got seconds before it’s too noticeable to hide.

“I think it means that we’re two beings who have feelings for each other.

” Not that he’s said that he has feelings for me specifically.

I’m kind of reading between the lines here, relying on that ego we mentioned a moment ago.

“And who have some baggage and kind of sucked at communicating but ultimately want to do better. Together. How does that sound?”

“Kinda perfect.” Finn barely gets the words out before he’s on me again.

We’ve had hungry kisses, desperate kisses, frantic kisses.

All kinds of kisses. But this one is different.

His lips slide over mine. He doesn’t just kiss me, he savours me.

It’s soft, a caress. I let him take the lead, moving back when he clambers onto my lap, his greedy hands grasping my shoulders.

When his ass hits my lap, brushing against the hardness of my erection, he whines and deepens the kiss, licking at my lips until I open for him, letting his tongue sweep inside.

He manages to catch my fang, and even though it’s not deep enough to bleed, the sting is enough to flip the switch. His hands leave my shoulders to grab my hair in his tight fists. He begins to move, my hands finding his ass to squeeze and mould his cheeks through his jeans .

Without warning he wrenches himself off my mouth, hauling my head back with my hair. Mindlessly, I fight the stinging pain, chasing his lips.

“Wait! Wait! Kai!” He snaps when I struggle to focus straight away. When I frown up at him, my brain still foggy with lust, he beams down at me. “Does this mean that we’re together? Like, properly. A relationship, boyfriends, just us. All of that? I just need to know.”

Gods, my Finn is just silly when he wants to be.

As if I was going to let him get away from me now that I have him again.

There is a really good chance I’m going to lock us in his room for at least a month, until he gets it through his head how obsessed I am with him.

Actually, maybe not his room. This place has a distinct funky smell about it.

Better lock him down in my place instead.

I release his glorious ass to clasp the back of his head, massaging his scalp firmly—mostly to encourage him to bring his face closer to me without outright manhandling him.

“Finn, there is exactly zero percent chance of you getting rid of me. I’m yours. Entirely. Whatever you want to call me.”

“Does that mean I get to have my wicked way with you?” He lets me coax him down, until his nose brushes against mine. My eyes sink shut as he dusts teasing kisses over my cheekbones.

“I demand it.”

Finn grinds down hard, and licks a wet stripe up my cheek, chuckling when my eyes snap open in shock.

“Ha! Perfect. Bedroom. Now. Let’s go!”

He bounds off my lap in one quick movement. It takes me a half a second longer to get my bearings, but all I really have to do is follow Finn. And that, I’m happy to do until the ends of the earth.