Page 24

Finn

The botanical gardens are more beautiful than I ever could have imagined tonight.

The fire festival is being run by a mage artist collective.

It was only meant to run through the last month of winter, but became so popular, they’ve extended it through the spring.

I wanted to go see the displays, but had been too self conscious to go on my own, so I was pretty excited when Kai suggested we go see it for our date-type thing.

It leaves a horrible feeling in my stomach whenever he calls it a date.

It’s making it really hard to stay realistic about whatever is going on between us.

Because even if it is a date, there is a difference between a date and a date .

There is a difference between us hanging out casually and this being something real, something permanent.

At least the general public is always there to keep my feet firmly on the ground. Any time I start getting too ahead of myself, the reactions of those around us is more than enough of a reminder that I’m punching well above my weight with him.

I have always felt invisible, but it’s never felt so visceral as when I’m standing next to Kai. They don’t even notice I’m there, and then when they finally do, mostly because Kai has dragged me into his shining orbit, they look me up and down with that confused expression like, ‘this guy?’

That’s the nice ones, like the guy who scanned our tickets tonight.

I’ve learnt to step back at the bar. At first, I told myself it was because I didn’t want to get in the way of his job by hanging out there.

He acts differently when I’m there, I know he does.

I mean, I’ve watched the guy pretty intensely for two months now.

He was definitely more outrageously flirty with the customers when I started visiting.

It isn’t exactly shocking that he doesn’t flaunt whatever he gets up to when I’m not around; Kai is too good a guy to ever act like that. But it doesn’t mean it’s not a punch in the guts every time I see someone—usually someone much better suited to him than I am—flirting with him.

How much longer until he realises that he could do so much better than me? Until he realises that I’m holding him back? Until he ditches me for someone just as incredible as he is—someone worthy of him?

It will ruin me—completely destroy me—when the time comes.

But until it does, I am going to take whatever he wants to give me.

And try not to run away with my own fantasies about getting our own apartment together in the city.

Finding a good job where I can make him the trophy-mate of his dreams. Of spending the next couple of centuries together.

It’s too easy to do when I’m with him and he smiles at me and looks at me like I’m the only thing he sees. Being with him feels more right than anything has in my life.

Whoever gets to do all those things with him? They are one lucky fucking being. I hate them already.

“Gods’ tits, would you look at that?” Kai whispers in awe, then snatches up my hand to drag me over to the display .

It is a very awe inspiring sight—a female mage, mostly naked except for a scrap of red cloth between her legs, dancing with a massive snake conjured out of fire. The fire-snake roams over her body and in the air in time with the hypnotic sway of her hips.

Drums carry the beat, and we watch the spectacle, completely entranced.

Kai’s hand squeezes mine tightly when the snake leaves her to fly through air, swooping over the crowd.

I squeeze it back. Usually I have the strength to let go, to keep the boundary up between him and my crush.

Tonight, in magic soaked gardens, I’m weak.

I just can’t do it. Not when he turns to me smiling, his eyes full of laughter and happiness.

Just for tonight I want to pretend that it’s all real and that look in his eye is just for me.

When the dancer finishes her display and calls the snake back to her, extinguishing the flame with a flourish, we move on to the next display. With the festival reaching the end of its season, it’s quiet in the gardens. It’s almost as though we have the place to ourselves.

“So how’s the job hunt going?” Kai asks, when we are in front of a waterfall of fire—a firefall?—rushing down the branches of a willow tree to a small pool of fire beneath.

“Still on pause. I don’t know. Something will turn up.” Though I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going at ORA. Not because anything terrible has happened, but because of how many times I’ve had the thought that it’s not so bad there and maybe I should just stay.

“I’m sure the right thing will come along, whenever you want it to happen.” Kai darts forward to give me a quick kiss to the cheek.

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. What’s been happening at work?” I would much rather hear about the happenings at Bloody Temptations than overthink what Kai just said .

“Remember how I said that something’s going on with Lifo and Belinda? She came into work with him last week. They tried to play it off that they ran into each other outside and just happened to walk in together, but no one is buying it.”

“What? No way! She’s so nice and he’s such a dick!”

“Yeah, I know right? But he’s been significantly less dickish lately. Apparently, it’s not the first time they’ve mysteriously rocked up together for their shifts. Rolli and I think they are hooking up. Aiden thinks it’s bullshit, but what does he know?”

We gossip about his colleagues for a bit longer before we realise we’ve hit the end of the exhibits.

“Oh. I think that’s it.” Disappointment creeps into my voice when the entry to the gardens comes into view.

It’s extra dark in this area, with the display behind us and the sleeping city on the other side of the hedge fence. Kai nudges me further into the shadows, just off the path, wrapping me up in his arms.

I’m expecting it when he kisses me. What I’m not expecting is how gentle it is. Like he’s savouring me. My heart squeezes painfully, that stupid crush inflating like a balloon about to burst.

Keeping the kiss sweet, Kai raises his hands to tenderly cradle my jaw, his thumbs stroking my cheeks. When he pulls back, I whimper softly.

“Wanna come back to my place?”

At this point, he could have asked me to dance naked in broad daylight in the middle of the city and I’d agree. I make an embarrassing sort of whining sound as I nod, trying to get my lips back on him. I only succeed because he crushes me against him, but only for the barest second, the bastard .

“Fuck yes. Come on.” And then my hand’s back in his again, half dragging me back to his car in his enthusiasm to get us out of there.

I was right before. There are no guarantees on how much longer this is going to last between us—but I would be stupid to let it slip through my fingers while I have him. Butterflies swarm in my stomach, the spiced blood we drank earlier thrumming hard in my veins.

One night, it’s all I’m guaranteed. I better make it worth it.