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“But why ?” I don’t mean to ask. I’m not even sure what it means .

“Because it’s the right thing to do.” Matteus’s voice, once again with a thread of confident steel running through it, puts an end to my spiral.

“I know what it’s like to be let down by your maker, and need some help.

If someone hadn’t come to my aid when I needed it, I wouldn’t be here to provide it to you.

In that vein… I have more to say, if you are okay to continue? ”

“Yeah, okay.” I’m really probably not, but at this point it seems silly to stop. Might as well just keep riding the roller coaster. Who knows where we’ll end up.

Matteus inclines his head regally. “As I said, I had my daytime assistant look into your employment history as part of your membership application.”

Right, so we’re back to that. I completely forgot that’s where all of this started.

“Dylan followed up with not only your bosses at ORA but also, your former position. The managers at the roadside assistance centre have nothing but wonderful things to say about you. The management at McArthur and Sons had less pleasant remarks.” He pauses, a sour look on his face.

“That is until Dylan, my assistant, received a call. You made quite the impression on someone there. They were unwilling to leave their name as they didn’t want to risk their own employment, but they overheard your former manager talking to Dylan.

Your leaving had never sat right with them, so they decided to set things right.

The caller explained how you’d been let go.

From there Dylan dug a little further and found out what happened with your apartment too.

You really have had quite a rough few months haven’t you? ”

I nod, tears burning my eyes, not trusting myself to talk. This roller coaster is starting to feel like a mistake .

“I don’t want this to drag on, Finn, and I don’t want to overstep the bounds of our new friendship. Finn, I wish to make you an offer.”

“I… I don’t understand.”

My head is throbbing and the urge to bolt and go find Kai and plead for his forgiveness is strong—almost overpoweringly so—but I know I should at least hear Matteus out. Plus, I’m not in any state to see Kai now. I don’t want him to forgive me just because I’m pathetic. Although… if it works?

“Well, to begin with, we have services through the club to assist new vampires. Access to therapists and even group sessions for vampires who were turned under less than positive circumstances.” He laughs when I grimace.

“I know, but it works. But more than that. I would like to offer my own mentorship to you.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because you should have had it in the first place," he says simply, with a casual shrug of his shoulder. “But I must confess, I’m not being entirely altruistic. In a rather serendipitous turn of events, I find myself in need of a night assistant, Finn. Dylan is only able to work so many hours in a day and with your experience you are more than qualified for the position.”

“Wait, I got drunk, caused a scene in your super exclusive club, had a public and messy break up with the man who was apparently my boyfriend but I was too dumb to realise, and you want to give me a job? Are you high?”

Thank the Gods Matteus laughs at my outburst, and doesn’t kick me out like he really probably should.

“Not in the last forty years or so, no. But there are conditions. Firstly, you will be subject to a probationary period of three months. It’s standard.

Less standard, I would insist that you get support from a therapist to help process the means of your transition.

If you are unable to pay, we can cover it as part of your employment. ”

I shake my head, mouth flapping while I try to formulate an answer.

“Can I think about it?”

“Of course you can, I understand I have thrown a lot your way this evening.” Matteus’s smile deepens, and he relaxes into his chair a little, taking a sip of his drink.

“Now, why don’t you tell me everything about you and young Kai.

I’m rather intrigued by it all, perhaps I can be of assistance there too. ”

***

My family has never been particularly observant of the Gods, but as I unlock my front door and stumble into my apartment, after the longest and second most eventful twenty-four hours of my life, I think I should probably go to a temple and light some incense or something.

I don’t bother to turn on any lights. I just stagger to the couch in the pitch dark and collapse on the cushions on my belly.

Once I’ve dug the charging cable out from under the seat and plugged my phone in, I roll over onto my back.

The phone is too dead to turn on just yet, which gives me a chance to think about everything.

For the fifty-billionth time since I woke up this evening.

How I managed to turn my monumental cock up into a job offer and accidentally finding my maker, I’m not entirely sure—hence the trip to a temple—but it’s real.

I may not be in any way ready to even touch the Christoff situation right now, but Matteus emailed me the job contract before I left, after the longest and strangest conversation I’ve had in a long time.

Matteus was right . Beings are nosey gossips—and he’s no exception.

I think he really got a kick out of hearing me spill my metaphorical guts and giving me all his many, many decades of wisdom and advice about everything even remotely related to what I was saying.

I told him that I needed to think about, well, everything, but there is no way I can turn down this opportunity. Not after I already threw away Kai like old rubbish.

No. I squeeze my eyes shut in the dark and count slowly to ten like Matteus said to do.

I think he was waiting for some poor, pitiful vampire to come along to unleash his advice on, because he had a lot of it.

Like, if he knows how to create a spreadsheet—sometimes it can be iffy with older vamps—he would very definitely be making me one right now on all the ways to fix my life.

Starting with reframing my negative thoughts . It was a part of the How to Stop Catastrophizing portion of the conversation. Matteus has decided I’m somewhat melodramatic and given to being a bit of a pill, and that I should probably knock it off if I want a chance to be happy.

So, maybe I haven’t fucked things up with Kai, just because I got embarrassingly drunk and accused him of wanting to sleep with other people because I’m not worthy of him. And maybe I’ve been too hard on myself and I should, I don’t know, accept that he likes me. Or something.

Even as I tell myself this, it all feels wrong. Stupid even. But Matteus said that it would in the beginning, until I learnt to accept that it was the truth.

Good Gods, this personal growth thing he has planned sounds terrible.

And I still have to deal with Kai.

My first instinct—which is how I know it’s the wrong thing to do—is to ghost him entirely and pretend the whole thing with him never existed.

To tell myself that it’s better for him if I just let him go back to his life.

That it probably didn’t even affect him very much, because I’m too insignificant to have any real impact on his life.

According to Matteus, ‘it is distinctly unfair to deny him his very real and valid feelings because they contradict the perception of yourself, caused by your deeply rooted insecurities’.

I’m not entirely sure what happened in Matteus’s life, or with his maker. But I would put solid money on him having read a lot of self help books. Which is funny, because when he saw me out, the staff seemed more than mildly terrified of him.

A loud buzzing sound rips through the silent apartment, my phone switching on like a horror movie jumpscare. It’s doubly scary, because with it on I have run out of excuses for avoiding thinking about Kai.

I’m tempted to let the group chat with Bedeer and everyone distract me.

There’s certainly enough messages to do so.

My finger hovers over the chat icon, with its high double digit notification badge, before I shut my eyes and smash my thumb on Kai’s message thread. The one with the single notification.

Fuck.

Kai (Hot Vampire Bartender)

Finn, I hope you are feeling okay this morning. Can we meet to talk? xx

My head spins, all the blood rushing to my extremities. They tingle and throb from the flood. My heart squeezes and my stomach knots itself inside out.

It’s not the most romantic message, but then, he’s not the one that owes an apology, is he? It’s midnight. I don’t know if I have time to catch a bus back to the city and talk and get home without having to rush the conversation. Dawn is coming earlier and earlier .

I should invite him here . The thought pops up and, before I can dismiss it, I send him a message.

Did you want to come to mine?

I chew a hole in my lip waiting for a response. I should have written more. I should have apologised. I just wanted to send the message before I wussed out. I fucked it—

I’ll be there in thirty minutes max.

See you soon Finny.

Well shit. I sit up, looking around my apartment, even though it’s pitch black and I can’t see a thing. This is it.