Page 37 of Bittersweet Revenge (Sins of the Father #1)

Tiernan

D ean shouldn’t still be breathing, but he is.

He betrayed me. He lied to me. Yet I’ve still let him walk this earth for over two weeks.

My father would kill me himself if he found out.

Even Conan would tell me it’s a mistake.

It makes me look like an easy target to Dean, and hell, clearly I am.

He wants to murder my father. I’m never supposed to let that shit slide, yet…

I haven’t done anything. I’ve gone to school and sold drugs and sat in my room, reading and looking at his stupid fucking artwork that’s all a lie too.

I remember him…the quiet boy who liked to color. One day he was there, the next he was gone. I don’t remember much else. I was too young, and I’m surprised I’ve retained even the small amount I have, but…I know I liked him. I thought he was my friend.

Is that why I felt a connection to him from the start? Did something inside me recognize something inside him? And it was all a fucking game. A lie.

My chest aches. I don’t know how that’s possible since Dean scooped everything out of it, leaving it empty, the way it should have always been.

Why can’t I stop thinking about him? Wanting him? Why can’t I do what needs to be done?

There’s a knock on my office door before it slides open to reveal Cillian and Rory.

“Hey…” Cil says softly.

“What do you want?” I snap. I’ve been a dick to both of them, to Aislin too. I can’t get out of this funk, can’t stop missing him and hating myself for it.

“Just coming to see what’s up and give you an update.” Rory sits in a chair.

“So speak.”

Rory rambles on about what’s going on, product and shit like that, but I’m only half listening. I’ve been doing a shitty job of taking care of business. If Rory and Cil hadn’t stepped in, no doubt my father would have my ass in Boston right now.

When he finishes, I nod, but before I can say anything, Cillian says, “What the fuck happened between you two?”

If I tell them, Dean will die. Cillian and Rory won’t hold back. Maybe I should let them, take the power out of my own hands, but I won’t…can’t.

“It ended,” I answer.

Rory starts, “Listen, if there’s something we should know…”

“There’s not.” I drop my elbows against the desk, head in my hands.

Tell them. End this.

But the words don’t come out.

“You love him?” Cillian asks.

I huff and sit back in the chair. “I’m not talking to you two about this shit.”

“Want me to kick his ass?” Rory pops his knuckles.

“I know I’m messing up, but I’ll get my shit together. My fuckin’ head feels like it’s twisted on backward or some shit.”

“That’s why we just fuck,” Rory says.

Cillian thumps him on the head. “Not helping, asshole.” But then he turns to me. “Let’s go out. Get laid. And…maybe it’s better this happened now than later. Look at our parents. They’re all either dead or miserable. This ain’t the life for that shit.”

No, it’s not. It sure hasn’t done my mom any favors, and if what Dean said is true, his dad saw that, and he wanted something different for his wife and son. But in our way of life, that’s not an excuse. He made a decision, and he should have lived by it. That’s what we do.

I nod, unable to find any words to say. Finally, I manage a yes.

“Fuck yes!” Rory rubs his hands together like a TV show villain.

That’s what I need to do. Get Dean out of my system. And hope like hell I never have to kill him.

*

Later that evening, Aislin storms into my room. “Did you tell Dean not to talk to me?” she asks, clearly not caring that I’m in nothing but a towel.

“Yes.”

“Fuck off, Tiernan. You don’t get to do that. I know you two broke up—though I wish I knew why —but it’s not fair that I have to lose him as a friend because of it.”

No, it’s not, but how in the hell can I trust him with her after what he told me? What if he decides to use her to get to my father? Which is another reason he shouldn’t be breathing, but obviously, I’m shit at finishing this.

“It’s for the best.” I pull my boxer briefs on under my towel.

“You treat me like Dad does sometimes,” she says softly. I close my eyes, not having it in me to look at her. “I can make my own choices.”

“I know. And I don’t mean to treat you like him. I know how fucking incredible you are, Ash. I know you can take care of yourself, but I can’t… It would kill me if something happened to you.”

“Dean would never hurt me.”

He lied to us. He’s not who we thought he was. He used us.

I sit beside her on the edge of my bed. She drops her head against my shoulder, my arm wrapping around her.

“I love you, Ash.”

“I know. And really, it’s easier to blame you than him. Because the truth is, if he cared, he wouldn’t listen to you. If my friendship meant as much to him as it does to me, he wouldn’t stop talking to me just because you told him to.”

Little does she know, it’s not that simple. None of this is fucking simple. Still, I don’t want her to think he didn’t care about her. “He cares about you. He just…won’t cross me. He knows he won’t come out of it well.”

She sighs. “What happened between you? Everything was perfect. Is it Dad? Did he threaten Dean? Oh my God. That’s it, isn’t it? You’re doing this to protect him? What the fuck has Dad done now?”

I tense, not liking the direction of her thoughts. I need to nip this shit in the bud. I walk to the bathroom to shave. “It’s not our father.”

“You’re lying.” She stands in the doorway.

“Leave it alone, Aislin.”

“No. I won’t leave it alone. The two of you—”

“Just stop!” I slam my hands against the countertop. “It wasn’t real, all right? It was a fucking lie! And I fell for it. He didn’t really want me.” The words stick in my throat.

It’s silent around us except for the running water, Aislin looking at me in the mirror, sadness in her expression. She slips behind me, wraps her arms around me, and rests her head against my shoulder. “You really do love him.”

I don’t answer, but I don’t have to. We both know I do.

“I’ll kill him myself for hurting you.”

When I look down, there’s blood in the sink, mixing with the water.

“Oh shit. What did you do?” She opens my hand, the razor there. I was holding it when I hit the counter and didn’t even realize. She pulls me away from the counter, taking the razor and changing the temperature of the water.

I let her hold my hand under the faucet, watching as the blood and water run down the drain in a swirl of pink. “Leave it alone, Ash…the Dean thing. It’s better this way.”

“I don’t like to see you hurt.”

“It’s better this way,” I reiterate.

With a sigh, she nods.

But it doesn’t feel better this way. It doesn’t feel good at all.