Page 29 of Bittersweet Revenge (Sins of the Father #1)

Dean

I t’s been a few weeks since the night Michael Jensen went missing, and I haven’t slept in my dorm since.

I’ve stopped by and seen Ollie a few times.

He ended up asking for my cell-phone number too because he likes to check on me.

It’s a weird concept. My mom was always so afraid someone would find out who we were and Sloan O’Shea would discover us, I’ve never gotten close enough to someone that they cared enough to want to check on me before.

Now I have my dormmate, who is too fucking good and innocent to want to be friends with someone like me, and I also have Aislin, and Cillian, who is still a dick and cautious about me, though we’ve come to an understanding, and Rory, who sometimes has too much fucking energy and I have to take breaks from him.

And Tiernan. I’m unhealthy-levels obsessed with him.

He’s in my mind all the fucking time, and I don’t even care.

Not anymore. Why care about something inevitable?

I’m not stupid enough to think I’ll be able to keep any of it.

No way they’ll let me get away with what I’m going to do.

Every fucking day I hate myself more for the fact that I’m betraying Tiernan, lying to him, but I was four years old when I knew I would one day kill Sloan.

I can’t give that up. I don’t know who I am without that hate.

Still…this is Tiernan, the man who remembers me coloring and drawing him when we were kids. I can’t wrap my brain around that.

I reach out and brush the black hair off Tiernan’s forehead while he sleeps.

We all have class today, so we have to get up soon, but sometimes, I just like to watch him, study him, every dimple, every blemish, every curve and dip and muscle that is him, and when he ultimately kills me, I’ll take that with me to the grave.

He’s lost a lot too…

They’ve all lost a lot. Tiernan’s parents are still alive, but he makes small comments sometimes that makes me wonder what his relationship with his father is like…

what kind of things Sloan has made him do.

I gathered that he treats Tiernan’s mom like shit, and that’s one thing T doesn’t stand for.

He’s always on edge when he talks to his father on the phone, slips out of the room so he can speak in private.

His father gets in his head, and that just makes me hate the motherfucker more.

And when they’re done talking, he always comes to me, fucks me hard or gets on his knees for me, like somehow, I make shit better for him.

Me. Exactly two people have loved me in my entire life, and they’re both dead.

Tiernan doesn’t love me, but I do give him something, and that makes me feel worthy.

When he talks to his mom, he often gets sad. Not that he would ever tell a soul, but he doesn’t have to tell me for me to know it. I feel it, feel him like he’s a part of me, like he always has been and always should be.

“Stop watching me like a fucking weirdo.” He opens his eyes.

“Like you don’t want me to be obsessed with you.”

He grins, pushes me to my back and lies on top of me. “You better be obsessed with me. I would lock you in my room and never let you out if I could.”

“I’d kick your ass if you tried.”

“You say that like it’s not foreplay for us.”

Tiernan presses a quick kiss to my forehead, then grabs his phone from next to the book on the nightstand. We finished The Count of Monte Cristo , another book after that, and now we’re reading Giovanni’s Room . Together. It’s strange and perfect and maybe one of my favorite things.

He walks naked toward the bathroom, and I get out of bed and follow him.

“We’re going out tonight,” Tiernan tells me as he takes a piss.

“Who said I want to go out?”

“You don’t give a fuck. You just like to argue.”

True. And it would be nice to do something.

Things have been pretty quiet. Everyone has gone to every class, and Tiernan’s thrown one party.

They went right about their business after killing Michael Jensen, partly because he deserved it, partly to keep up appearances.

I haven’t heard anything from the cops, either because they believe the rumors and decided he left town of his own volition—everyone is talking about him fucking a professor who suddenly took a leave of absence, and of his past in Ohio which has suddenly leaked—or if it’s because Tiernan had something to do with it.

I know they have connections to law enforcement.

“And you just like to be in control,” I counter.

“Awesome. We both know each other. That’s all we’ve discovered in the last ten seconds.” He shakes off his dick, then turns the shower on.

I take a piss too, then climb in with him, and all I can think is, this is so fucking weird—that we have this, that we’ve fallen into this almost domestic life, while also selling drugs, hiding murder, and me suddenly getting a whole lot richer because I stole money from said dead man.

I still can’t wrap my head around that…Tiernan giving me the money.

Sure, he doesn’t need it, but that’s a huge fucking deal to give it to me.

I don’t know how I would have kept going without it, but because of him, I’ll be okay.

I grin.

“What the fuck are you smiling about?”

“Nothing.”

Everything.

*

“I want to go out with you guys tonight, but I think Tiernan is going to be a protective asshole about it,” Aislin says as we sit in the café together, having a late lunch. We didn’t have classes together today, but we still spend a lot of time together. If I had a best friend, it would be her.

“Do you think you’re ready for that?” She’s struggled some the past few weeks, probably ever since the night she was almost drugged. She tries to hide it. Aislin thinks being strong means she can’t be upset about what happened, but she can.

“Yes. I want my life back. This is my freshman year. I want to have fun and not let that asshole…or, you know…get in the way of my life. Tiernan and Rory are fine. Why should I let it affect me?”

“Maybe they’re not.” I shrug. “Maybe we all just play pretend. It’s okay not to be okay, though, and it’s okay to want your life back. If you wanna go, then do it. Tiernan can deal with it.”

She laughs. “I love that you challenge him. Rory and Cillian are people you don’t want to fuck with, but they’re also careful with my brother. They have to be because…well, things you’re not supposed to know about, but considering you’re Tiernan’s boyfriend, you know more than you should.”

My sandwich goes down the wrong pipe, trying to choke me. I cough, hitting my chest as if that really does something.

Boyfriend…?

That’s the first time someone has mentioned that word, and it’s one hundred percent the first time it’s been directed at me.

“Oh my God. You’re freaking out because I called you his boyfriend, aren’t you?

Boys are so ridiculous. What the fuck do you think you are, Dean?

You basically live with him. You’re in his bed every night.

The two of you mark your territory so much, I’m surprised you don’t piss on each other.

That’s about as boyfriend as you can get. ”

“That’s not what we are.”

She pops a fry into her mouth. “What are you?”

His?

He’s mine?

That’s all I got.

“Titles don’t fucking matter,” I answer, and she laughs.

It’s good to hear her do that. The first few days after everything went down, I was worried about her.

I’d wanted to do whatever I could to fix it.

I know she used to crawl into bed with Tiernan when they were kids, and then there was the night she slept with me.

If I wasn’t there, I knew he would have been there for her, so I’d taken his hand and led him to her room.

We slept there with her, both of us, one on each side, for two nights.

The morning after the first one, Tiernan had tackled me the second we’d gotten back to his room, using his lips on mine to say thank you and maybe other shit that’s hard for both of us to actually speak.

That was one of those moments where I felt like a fucking king because this powerful, dangerous man appreciates me.

Wants me. Again, gets something from me.

“So tonight…you’re going, then,” I tell her.

“And you know, maybe there’s something you can do to take control.

My mom…” Fuck, I can’t tell her the truth.

Can’t say that after her dad killed mine, my mom took self-defense and shooting lessons so she could protect me.

“Something bad happened to her once. She hired this guy to teach her self-defense. She also studied martial arts. I don’t know if that would help, but… ”

“Oh my God! You’re a fucking genius. I know that shit, how to fight and defend myself, but maybe I can start something on campus where I teach other women to do it! I love this idea! You’re the best, Dean!” She leans over the table and presses a loud, smacking kiss to my forehead.

It’s everything.

You’re lying to her. You’re going to betray her.

That truth eats away at my insides, reminds me I don’t deserve them…but I also don’t have it in me not to take anything they’re willing to give me, to hold on to it, because for the first time in my life, I’m almost happy .

*

The Bar is packed, but me, Tiernan, Aislin, Cillian, and Rory have a table against the side wall, where we’re out of the way but still in the middle of the action. Rory has been bouncing on his toes all night, dancing and drinking and meeting people in the bathroom or dark corners to push drugs.

The beer hasn’t stopped flowing. These fuckers can drink me under the table, but they’ve also been doing it a lot longer and harder than me. It was a part of life for them, but my mom never kept alcohol in the house. It just wasn’t her thing.

“I need to get laid,” Cillian says, and Rory nudges him with his elbow.

“We should find someone who wants to play. We haven’t fucked the same girl together in a while.”

Cillian shrugs. “Bet.”