Page 5

“Can I have the carriage?” said Jane.

—Pride and Prejudice

IF KITTY HAD gone to the drawing room with any expectations, they’d certainly been blasted by the reality of Mr. Augustus Haverford’s offer.

Even hours later as she readied herself for sleep, the idea that she’d agreed with him brought a blush to her cheeks. She wasn’t sure if the heat in her face was due to worry or embarrassment or eagerness. Was there an emotion that encompassed all three?

She considered writing to her sisters and telling them about the scheme she was embarking on.

But how to explain her arrangement with Augustus?

And what would their reactions be? It seemed too much work, because she’d need to craft any letter carefully—describe it differently for each sister.

One would find her agreement too flippant, and one would see danger of getting hurt where there was none.

One would laugh at the scheme, and one would warn her about the threat to her reputation. They all saw the world so differently.

Kitty wouldn’t dare attempt to explain it to her mother. Mama would begin ordering wedding clothes the moment any such letter arrived.

As she lay in her bed, she listened to the night sounds that came in through the walls, sounds so different than those of the house she’d grown up in.

There was no whispering. She couldn’t even hear the sounds of Mrs. Gordon’s small staff moving through the house.

She heard city noises. Carts and carriages, muffled blasts of loud voices, occasional doors closing out the London night.

This would be the background sound of her adventure. Not the hush of the country but the rattle and buzz of city life. The best city in the world, Augustus had called it.

She felt herself smile as her eyes closed.

KITTY WOKE TO a sunlit morning, dressed with a bit more care than usual, and attempted a hairstyle her sisters assured her brought notice to her best features.

It was a style better suited to pinning from behind, but Kitty didn’t have the privilege of a dedicated lady’s maid, let alone four sisters willing to stand at her back and tie up her hair.

Augustus had not explicitly told her he’d come by today, but she found herself hoping he would anyway. He seemed eager for their agreement to begin.

Seeing herself smile in the glass, she realized she was equally excited. Whatever Augustus really wanted from this arrangement, Kitty couldn’t have devised a better stage upon which to audition each of her sisters’ personalities.

No matter the outing Augustus chose, Kitty had decided to attempt her oldest sister’s character first. Jane, sweet and gentle and always seeing the best in every situation and person, didn’t say much.

All her other sisters were great talkers, and preparation would be necessary.

How hard could it be to smile demurely and appear thoughtful and shy?

At the end of the usual time for morning visits, which Kitty was annoyed to discover actually happened in the afternoon— people in London sleeping late as they seemed to do—there was a knock at the door.

Mrs. Gordon heaved a tired sigh. “More visitors? I think we’ve seen the whole of the city by now.”

Nothing like the whole city, Kitty wanted to say, but she understood Mrs. Gordon enjoyed feeling a touch aggrieved by her own popularity. Kitty remained as quiet as she’d been throughout their hours in the drawing room.

Mrs. Haverford’s voice preceded her into the room. “And you must not go into the club tonight. I expect you home for my little gathering, Augustus.”

At last.

He responded to his mother’s statement with a hum, and Kitty imagined he had no intention of spending the evening at his mother’s side. Perhaps he already had something else planned. An outing with Kitty. The opera, maybe. Or an orchestra production.

Kitty stared at a corner of the carpet far longer than the pattern held her interest. Her oldest sister would not have sought out a man, so Kitty shouldn’t either. She’d sit here and wait to be noticed.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Haverford kept Augustus central in her discussion with Mrs. Gordon.

Each of the older ladies required his opinion on everything, from the flowers on the table to the unusually warm summer to his plans for the autumn.

He answered every question politely, and Kitty wondered if he was auditioning new personalities as well.

Mrs. Gordon must have run out of questions for Augustus because she said, “See, Mr. Haverford, there is my young companion sitting still and lonesome in the corner. Go amuse her for a moment, will you?”

He murmured something in response, but the sudden pounding of Kitty’s pulse was so loud she couldn’t make out his words.

She was ready for her first role. She flexed her feet and squeezed her fingers tight before releasing them.

Thinking Jane-type thoughts gave her a new measure of courage to perform as her oldest sister.

What was taking him so long to make his way across a regular-sized drawing room? She was ready to get started, and he was missing his cue.

Finally, Augustus came and stood beside her chair. She saw his feet there, close to her. A flower came into view, and then his gloved hand. She wondered why he hadn’t removed his gloves as soon as he’d come inside.

More than the gloves, the flower surprised her.

She was not expecting an offering. Even though she was fairly sure this flower was plucked from the vase on the table, she didn’t think he’d bring her something.

And it smelled so nice. She wanted to take it from his hand and put it to her nose.

Would Jane do that? Not likely. She turned her head the other way, but made sure to do it with a small smile aimed at his shoes.

“Miss Bennet, you look lovely today.”

She was prepared for this. She’d seen her oldest sister complimented often enough.

Keeping her eyes lowered, she gazed down over her right shoulder and let a smile hover over her lips.

She longed to look up at Augustus through her lashes, see how her performance was received, but she couldn’t do that if she wanted to keep herself in character.

Jane wouldn’t have sought out eye contact with a man until they’d shared at least three dances and a family dinner.

Instead of looking at him, Kitty spoke in a voice hardly louder than a whisper. “We’re enjoying another sunny afternoon.”

“What was that?”

A wretched first attempt. Her impression was so gentle that Augustus hadn’t heard, and her words were so inane that she couldn’t make herself repeat them.

She simply shook her head, keeping her eyes on the floor.

“Are you ill? Has a sore throat stolen your voice?”

Again, she indicated no. Is this how Jane felt? Like she must lock her voice away?

Augustus continued to stand beside her, possibly struck by her demure attitude. Men always seemed impressed by Jane’s manners.

But he said nothing.

She matched his silence and wondered if her brain would burst with all the wrong things to say.

Finally, finally , he spoke. “Would today suit you for a ride in my carriage?”

Yes, yes, yes . Let’s go now. That was not how Jane would reply. In a whisper aimed to her shoes, she said, “I believe today would be lovely.”

He must have been prepared for her whisper. “Good. I’ll come around for you in an hour.”

She wanted to say, “Why not right this minute?” But Jane wouldn’t, so she kept herself quiet and nodded again.

Augustus turned and walked toward the older women, announcing that he was going to see to his carriage and horses so he could take Miss Bennet for a ride. She watched him bow and exit before she let out her breath.

Mrs. Haverford didn’t say anything to Kitty, but Mrs. Gordon nodded in her direction. “You should ready yourself.”

It was as perfect a dismissal as she could hope for. She wasn’t two steps beyond the door before she heard the women’s voices swell, rising on top of each other in amusement and prophecy. She hurried to her room to avoid hearing any of it.

The hour passed like an instant, and before she had any reason to wonder at the time, a servant called at her door that Mr. Haverford was here for her.

She forced her steps to slow, one hand placidly on the railing as she descended the staircase. Trying so hard to be Jane, she didn’t even look at Augustus until she’d reached the entryway floor.

He wore a smart jacket and a smirk, and she tried to despise the curling of his lips. Her effort was vain. His smirk was far too handsome. With a hand laid gently on his arm, she continued to watch her feet until he helped her into the carriage.

Over the course of the next hour, Augustus asked her what felt like a thousand questions, and she worked hard to keep her instinctive answers stifled. A small nod. A gentle smile. Eyes averted.

Sometime near the middle of the carriage ride, Kitty felt herself beginning to sweat. Being sedate was hard work. She barely heard anything Augustus said; her heart was beating loudly in her ears from the strain of decorous behavior.

She longed to stand up and stretch her arms. Instead, she satisfied an urge by actually listening to what Augustus was saying.

“I believe a wild rat would be the best pet. They’re soft and small enough to hold in one’s arms but strong enough to put up a fight when a challenge is required.”

Was he mad? Who in his right mind would ever touch a rat, much less cuddle up with one? Had he been talking of rodents all this time? How could he think she found that appropriate conversation?

But today was not about what Kitty thought. It was about trying to be someone lovely and decent.

“Oh, I couldn’t agree more.” She couldn’t actually bring herself to say the word “rat,” but she got as close as she thought Jane would. “An animal such as that would be a delight.”

He looked at her with a strange tilt of his head, as if he attempted to see something just out of view.

She turned back to the window just as Jane might have, but for reasons very much her own.

After pretending to love the idea of a large rodent for a pet, she wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry.

A few uncomfortably quiet moments passed as the carriage moved them closer to Mrs. Gordon’s town house.

Even on a perfectly sunny day, the quiet felt heavy, dark.

Like a wet woolen blanket over her head.

Did her sister feel every silent second this way?

The quiet was torment. How would she survive it?

Playing her oldest sister was a terrible idea. Kitty simply didn’t have it in her to behave with nothing more than peaceful silence and gentle smiles.

The carriage came to a stop. She put her hands to the door’s handle and saw Augustus was doing the same on his side of the carriage. Kitty shook her head.

“I’ll see myself to the door.”

It was nothing her sister would have said, but Kitty had learned what she needed to know from the day’s production.

“Well, that was certainly a failure.” She muttered the words as she stepped from the carriage and onto the bricks of the street.

There was simply no way for Kitty to be a Jane.