Page 39
“And did your sister love it?”
“Before I returned home, I was in port one day. A large cart pulled beside me, carrying a dying elephant, its tusks removed. Those elephants would give their lives for brooches like mine, and seeing the beauty of the animal beside me in so much pain, my entire perspective changed.” He brushed a hand through his hair.
“I think there was more beauty in the animal than in the brooch. That ivory shouldn’t have been stolen and changed just to suit someone.
” He pointed to his jacket. “I had the brooch made into a lapel pin to remind me of what I had learned, and I also try to honor the animal that way. I have never bought any more ivory.” He glanced at her.
She was studying him, as though he were the missive he’d just passed on.
“And don’t worry, I am not a heartless brother. I brought home a great many other baubles my sisters enjoyed instead.”
“I wasn’t concerned about that,” she whispered quietly, gripping the railing next to them. “I am just impressed with your self-assuredness.”
“Oh, is that how it came across?” He couldn’t help but chuckle again. “This is a lesson I need to remind myself of daily. I often don’t feel I measure up to what others think I ought to be. I don’t have the ease of finances, cunning, or good looks that would make me desirable to others.”
Most of all, he didn’t match up to his brother, but he wasn’t about to bring him into the conversation again.
Clara lifted her hand from the railing and placed it on his. Her touch was brief, but such an action sent a thrill through him. “Thank you for sharing.” She let out a tired breath. “Your thoughts are quite helpful to me.”
Her voice landed with the softness of a feather landing on water. This was a new side of her—not the brave side where she helped her maid, or the matter-of-fact persona she’d been wearing lately, but one that almost seemed scared.
“Of course. I did mention I’d be here to listen if you ever needed that.”
She gently nodded her head. “Benj, from the moment—well, almost from the moment I met you because no one can really count on a person with a weak stomach”—she glanced up with teasing brows—“it has felt so easy between us.”
Her eyes held his. Only once did he let his own gaze slip down to her mouth. “I agree.”
Drawing one step closer, he could smell her scent next to him. Vanilla and orange again. So, it was her in the carriage. This was the woman who said she would not be snatched up. But what was this energy between them, then?
He wanted to kiss her. The impulse was much stronger than the few times he’d thought it since the ball, and he dipped his head.
Last night, he’d made up his mind that he wouldn’t embarrass himself any more times in front of a woman who declared against love and relationships.
But maybe he’d been wrong . . . and it was at least worth trying . . .
“And you are far more cunning and better-looking than you realize, just so you are aware.”
For one moment, his eyes caught hers and she smiled. She closed her eyes, and he sensed her inhale with anticipation. He leaned closer, but just before their lips touched, she withdrew her hand and turned her head, again studying the Thames.
He swallowed and turned his head away, also observing the moving water, willing his Adam’s apple to dislodge itself from his throat. So, she wasn’t ready for him to kiss her.
Then, a niggling reminder pulled at the back of his mind. Most of his actions, even including today’s initial inquiries, had been to spy on her. To ensure that she was performing her duties as his ward’s chaperone. That wasn’t exactly honest, and she had been so vulnerable, she deserved honesty.
He finally cleared his throat. “Clara, I need to tell you something.” He rubbed at the crease between his eyes.
“The first time we met, I had no idea who you were. But once I came to London, Darcy asked me to get to know you better. We are both his sister’s guardians.
In the past, some of the women over Georgiana’s stewardship have been less than ideal, and he wanted to make sure this time, Georgiana had chosen someone careful enough to follow through with the task. ”
All his military training told him that one did not expose one’s plan to the enemy. But Clara just didn’t feel like an enemy. She never really had anyway.
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.
” He watched her daintily swallow and stare forward.
“I am fully aware I’m being scrutinized.
I’ll tell you what I know.” Her gloved hands tightened around the balustrade.
“Despite my critical eye, Lord Edling has been nothing but upstanding. And when I mentioned the pace of his intentions last night, Georgiana admitted to me that they’ve had a tendre since last Season.
After she said this, I remembered them speaking a few times at dinners and parties for the brief part of the Season I’d been in town for last year.
He broke his collarbone during that time, I think falling from a horse, and never danced because of it.
But apparently, they made an impression on each other, and between his standing on the side of the dance floor and her shy nature, they found some time to get to know one another. ”
So, she’d done some spying of her own. That made him smile. And she’d spoken more positively of Edling, but all of this did not explain fully why she disliked Edling in the first place. He wondered if she was mothering over Georgiana, or if there was some greater meaning, some further reason.
“I admire your work,” he said. “This is all good information.”
“You’re welcome.” She sighed. “I should be going,” she said, pulling away from the fence.
“Would you want me to walk you home then?” After she’d denied his kiss, he felt on tentative ground.
She studied him again, that same pained expression in her eyes. “Yes, actually.”
He extended his arm. After a few strides, he cleared his throat. “Look, Clara, I am sorry if my actions just now made you uncomfortable—”
“No.” She cut him off before he could say more. “I hardly know myself today. I fear I am terrible at such things. I really ought not to be such a coward.”
He placed one hand on her arm. “I am willing to meet you at your pace.” Perhaps his admission was too bold. But he knew he was falling for her, and there was no use hiding it.
“Thank you,” she said, and the rest of their walk felt easy and light, no matter that he hadn’t been able to kiss her.
She would be worth the wait, he was sure.
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