Page 8 of Beyond Hate (Beyond #3)

Otto

A xel Fetterman was going to ruin everything. I could tell from the moment I saw him, from the way his eyes focused on me when I was focusing on London. But how could I not focus on him?

Hurting Warren had done nothing. The empty hole in my chest was still just as empty, just as hungry.

The only thing that seemed to fill it was the boy on the bed, the boy who’d kissed me.

The boy whose lips were nothing like Nikki’s.

And I didn’t know what to do with that knowledge because I was starting to wonder if bringing Nikki back would make it impossible for me to feel what London made me feel.

And for some fucking reason, Axel Fetterman seemed to be able to see that without me having to say a word. It made him dangerous—it made me vulnerable.

I didn’t like it .

Nathaniel West was arrogant, and he thought he could control everything in the building. He thought he was powerful enough that everyone would bend to his whim.

Which… meant I wasn’t surprised when the gunfire started and Xavier Benham came in to bring the entire operation to its knees.

I was surprised at the panic clawing through my chest when they mentioned that there was another man with them.

One going from room to room.

One killing anyone in his path. And Axel was sure to let me know I was right—that he’d read me from the beginning—because he made it clear that everyone would be killed, scientists and subjects alike.

It was easy to walk away from Nathaniel West, to leave him to a fate that I was pretty sure would be death.

It was easier to go to my room to grab the bag I had packed—the serum, some weapons, money, clothes.

The files I had on my past life and London.

I could hear the gunfire a floor above, and I wasn’t going to let the emotion welling in my chest cause me to do something harsh, like leave behind information I needed .

I slipped a laptop I’d smuggled from the lab into the bag and made my way to London’s room.

It was better if the sound above started traveling down anyway—from what I’d been told, the man was killing indiscriminately.

I probably could have taken care of it, but moving around him to make sure there was a path clear for me to get out was probably better.

There was every chance Nathaniel West had issued an order to kill me if I tried to escape with London.

And…

I shoved into his room with the keys to his chains dangling in my hand. His eyes were wide and terrified, his body shaking at the sounds echoing through the halls now. Screams.

Shots.

Danger.

“Listen to me.” I spoke in a cool, calm voice. “I’m going to unchain you. We’re leaving, London. If you try to run, I can’t promise you won’t get killed. You have to trust me.”

His breath was still coming in panicked gasps, and he jerked away from me as soon as the lock to his restraints fell.

“Oh, God,” he whispered. And then again, and again. Again, until I leaned forward and took his face in my hands, aware that the metal of a gun was pressing to his temple. It didn’t matter. His wide, shocked eyes jerked up and focused on mine.

“London, look at me. Stay with me.”

He drew in a sharp, horrified breath and then nodded once. Quick. Panicked. “Okay.”

“Okay?” I wasn’t sure he was actually hearing me, but he took my hand when I offered it, and his fingers in mine were holding tight enough that I was pretty sure I’d have to break them to make him let me go.

“What about—” I lifted my gun and took a shot before he finished the sentence.

Warren slumped in the corner of the room with a bullet hole in his head.

Just like that, my carefully planned revenge was gone to make sure I could protect the man beside me.

London tried to jerk away, but I pulled him to his feet.

“Stop. He’s not worth mourning.” I was pulling him out of the room as he protested, but the sound of another gunshot made him jump and plaster himself to the side of my body. “Be quiet and stay close.”

Maybe I was being callous, but… what else could I do? My senses were on high alert. This was all falling down around us, and for some reason…

The only thing I could think of was how his lips felt pressed against mine earlier.

The only thing I could think of was getting us both out of here alive.

It was easy enough to tell myself it was because I wasn’t done yet. I had the serum in my bag. I could still bring Nikki back. He’d been the reason for all of this to begin with.

I could…

“Otto, I don’t want to die,” London whispered.

It was those same words he’d said when we first met, only now he was begging me to keep him safe instead of asking me not to hurt him.

I didn’t respond. I just wrapped my arm around his waist and aimed my gun as I carefully led us through the building. I wasn’t lying when I told Axel I knew another way out—service hallways spidered through the building and led to the surface. I knew where the entrances were on every level.

The thing was, there were two men there. Scientists, trying with shaking fingers to get the door open.

I knew them by name. I’d had lunch in the same room with them a few times.

“Otto, what’s—” I raised my gun and fired two shots without blinking.

I didn’t know if they were safe. I didn’t know what their orders were for London.

And I needed to get London out of this building.

“Why did you… why?” he hissed, his voice a hitched sob, but he still clung to me as I dragged him past the bodies and to the door they’d been trying to open.

“They saw you. They know who you are. They know what happened here.” I lowered my gun long enough to pull keys from my pocket so I could open the door they’d been struggling with.

I had keys to all the doors in and out of this place. And right now, I wanted out.

It wasn’t perfect, but it got us around the sound of gunfire that had finally reached our floor. It got him away from danger… at least, some of the danger.

The real danger had its arms around him… Every shot ricochetted through my mind like a spike of agony. With London so close and clinging to me, I could almost see the past playing behind my lids.

His eyes. Nikki’s eyes.

A gun to the back of my head.

Death… death, death, death, and Nikki looking at me.

Nikki telling me to look at him.

Death, and lifetimes after, searching him out to get revenge. To try to understand why…

Death… and London’s lips pressing to mine while he called me a liar.

I was half dragging him by the time we made it out the door, and I didn’t stop until we were far enough away from the building that I couldn’t hear gunshots anymore.

They were still echoing in my head. Still spelling out a truth I couldn’t seem to ignore.

Things were different because he was different. And he was only different because I wasn’t changing that. I was lost in a strange mixture of past and present, confused … because I didn’t know what I wanted.

I wanted to kill Nikki—I wanted to break London.

I wanted more time.

In my arms, London was trembling. His expression was terrified and broken as he looked up at me when we finally stopped moving… and I realized I had no excuses left.

I should kill him. I should have put the needles I had in my bag into his neck and then killed him.

Instead, I shoved him away from me.

“Otto… I… what?” His breath was coming too fast, his eyes too wide and panicked… and I realized I wasn’t done.

I wasn’t done with this .

I wasn’t done with him.

But my blood was singing, and my mind was a cacophony of gunfire and memories of killing pretty men like him .

That’s what the body I was in had done, over and over.

The adrenaline pulsing through me brought those memories to the surface now, and I was nearly drowning in the urge to follow through with it.

“Go home, London.” I said it carefully. Calmly. I didn’t betray the swirling emotions trying to claw their way through the wall of ice that was the mind of this body.

“What?” He almost looked… hurt… when he realized what I’d said.

“Go home.” I couldn’t resist when I leaned in, brushing my gun along his jawline. “I’ll find you later.”

And maybe it was the cruelest thing I’d done to him so far, because I took a step back.

And then another.

I left him there in the clearing, far enough away from the building that I knew he’d be safe until I could hunt him down.

Safe from the bullets.

Safe from the fire I could see blossoming in the distance.

Safe from Nathaniel West and the men who’d come to kill him…

And most of all, safe from me. Safe until I got control. Safe until I could reconcile the scared rabbit in front of me with the image of Nikki watching me die that burned behind my lids. Safe from the urges of the body I was in that wanted to maim him, to cut him open and live inside his skin.

Safe enough.

Safe for now.