Page 20 of Beyond Hate (Beyond #3)

London

T hings drifted in and out after that. There were nightmares where Hudson had me pinned down, but every time I woke up, Otto was there. He’d stopped sneaking between the sheets while I was asleep… he was just there when I woke up, there when I told him I was too tired and I didn’t want to wake up.

He was there to bring me breakfast, and there to feed me painkillers that left me sliding back into unconsciousness. I wasn’t sure how much time passed like that, but when I finally woke up with my head clear, it took me a few minutes to realize there was something wrong.

The clinking sound of metal against metal drew my brows together.

“What’s going on?”

Otto was still there beside me, and his eyes swept my frame, landing on my wrists… which were cuffed to the bed above my head.

“I need to go out.” He offered the explanation like it made any sense. When I stared at him, he lifted one shoulder in a shrug, like what he was doing was the most normal thing in the world. “I want to make sure you don’t go anywhere.”

“Otto—”

“Is it uncomfortable?” I wasn’t sure if I detected the slightest hint of concern in his voice, or if he was just trying to placate me. Almost of their own volition, my arms yanked on the restraints.

“No, but… I’m not going anywhere.”

There was a beat where his cool gaze drifted over my body, lingered on the way I was stretched out with my hands above my head…

but then his eyes flicked to my mouth, to my ribs…

to all the places I’d ached when I came here…

to the places that weren’t aching anymore.

Exactly how long had he kept me strung out on painkillers that I was feeling better?

“Of course you aren’t. You’re chained up. Don’t worry, London. It doesn’t take me very long to kill a person. Though…” His expression went dark. “It might be a little longer than usual.”

I was caught up on the threat in his voice, the look on his face. It was the same look I’d seen back in the facility when he’d faced Marco and Warren… and I wasn’t sure why I was asking when the word came out of my mouth.

“Who?”

“Who do you think?”

Hudson. He was going after Hudson because he’d hurt me, and I didn’t know how to feel about it.

“You’ll get caught, you—” I bit my tongue as soon as I spoke. It wasn’t don’t kill someone or give him a chance .

It was just you’ll get caught.

Fuck, what was wrong with me ?

“I’ll be fine. If I know one thing, it’s how to get away with murder. Don’t worry, rabbit. I’ll be back soon.”

He left while I called out his name, and the only thing I could do was settle back on the pillows with a frown.

A man chaining me to the bed to make sure I was safe while he murdered my ex-boyfriend was not a romantic gesture.

It really, really wasn’t.

It was an hour later when I heard someone coming up the stairs to the house. I already had a list of complaints on my tongue, but… the sound wasn’t right. There was no soft ticking of the door being unlocked. There was glass shattering.

And then heavy footsteps as someone walked toward the guest bedroom first, like they didn’t know the layout of the house.

I felt myself shrink against the bed. I couldn’t run.

I couldn’t hide.

And I knew in the back of my mind that I needed to do exactly that. I wasn’t safe.

I wasn’t safe, and I couldn’t do anything about it. When the door to the bedroom flung open, I let out a choked little sound that I tried to swallow down… because if I was going to die—and I was pretty sure I was going to die—I wanted to do it with at least a little bit of dignity.

Hudson looked crazed—more deranged than I’d ever seen him. I wasn’t sure if he was on something, or if he’d just snapped after I left him. Whatever it was, I realized I was in trouble.

Oh, fuck , I was in trouble.

“You really are nothing but a whore, aren’t you?” I couldn’t even feel satisfaction in my chest that he was limping, because that limp brought him closer to the side of the bed where I was.

Helpless.

Chained, because Otto had left me to go kill the man standing in front of me.

“How did you find me?” The question came out as a whisper, and he leaned down to answer, closing his hand around my throat as he did.

“I have a tracker on your phone. Imagine my surprise when I pulled it up to see where you were and found these .” He pulled the phone up and shoved it under my nose…

And there were pictures.

Pictures of Otto and me walking hand in hand—I was pretty sure it was the day the car tried to hit us.

Pictures of us together.

“Who sent—” I didn’t get the chance to finish the question. His fingers on my throat tightened and a low, choking sound replaced the syllables. It was almost comically villainous, the fury burning through his eyes. The half-crazed expression.

I’d always known Hudson was unhinged, but this was different.

He’d always acted like I was a burden, something he could use and abuse and throw away whenever he felt like it. I’d had no idea that the thought of me being with someone else would send him over the edge on some drug-fueled bender that led to…

This.

I’d never thought I would die chained to a bed when I’d just started to realize that maybe life didn’t have to be complete misery.

Maybe there were pieces of me out there that could make me whole.

Maybe Otto…

Fuck, the thought of Otto coming back and finding me dead was enough to make me try to surge up, enough to make me try to fight… but he hadn’t been playing when he’d chained me to the bed.

I couldn’t jerk my arms free.

And I couldn’t stop Hudson when he crawled on top of me, his broad body straddling mine, hips slung on either side of me so he could wrap both hands around my throat.

“I don’t know if I want to kill you before or after, London. I thought about keeping you… but you’ll just keep doing shit like this, won’t you?”

The weight of him on top of me made my entire body ache. It wasn’t just pain, though. I knew what after meant. I could see it in his eyes.

I could see it on his face.

Fuck, I hoped he killed me before . And even if he didn’t…

I took a deep breath and turned my eyes up to him—it was almost satisfying to watch the shock blossom across his features at the defiant expression on my face. I’d spent so much of my time making myself small, so much of my time making myself fit into whatever space I was allowed.

Otto had flayed me wide open and left me incapable of shrinking down again. I wasn’t sure if I could break for anyone but him now. And no matter what happened, I wasn’t going to break for the man above me.

“Fuck you, Hudson,” I hissed. I wasn’t doing myself any favors, but it didn’t matter.

Something in my chest felt tight, because I wasn’t going to go down begging.

If Otto found me like this, at least I’d have died proud.

At least I—

Hudson lifted his fist, and it took me a second to realize that something was wrong. A blossom of crimson spilled across the front of his white shirt, and my mind didn’t understand what was happening until I heard a voice.

“He’s mine .” It was just two words, but Otto’s normally smooth, almost emotionless tone was full of so much heat and anger that I was surprised I didn’t melt on the bed.

Some part of me was aware that the relief I felt when I saw the flash of a blade flick around and slice across Hudson’s throat, leaving me washed in a spray of hot liquid was…

Fucked up.

It was easy to ignore that part when I knew what the alternative was… but…

“O-Otto.” I got his name out on a gasp, and then swallowed the sound when the knife came down again… and again… and again.

Stab after stab—gratuitous violence that didn’t stop when I let out a soft, “He’s already dead.”

It didn’t stop until Hudson’s chest was a ruined mess and I was covered in blood from my chin all the way down.

It didn’t stop until Otto threw the body to the side and I was faced with the wild, almost unhinged expression on his features.

I saw it there while I was looking up at him—the danger he’d been warning me about, the hate I’d felt burning along my skin every time he’d threatened me. There was a second where the knife in his hand trembled, where I thought he was going to keep moving…

And then he leaned forward and calmly unlocked the handcuffs from the headboard, helping me to sit up.

“London… Are you okay?”

Was I?

I…

I shook my head and stood, surprised he let me push away from him. But he was watching me with careful, cautious eyes. Like he knew what he’d looked like just a second ago—like he realized what he’d just done was monstrous.

The blood spattering across my chest was still hot, and I couldn’t take the smell of it filling my nose with iron and guilt… not when some part of me was happy Otto had killed him.

Not when I was wondering for the first time if there really was a part of me that was the man Otto called Nikki.

I tore my shirt over my head and threw it onto the bed by the body, running out of the room with the handcuffs still linked around my wrists. I should have gone to the shower, maybe. I should have gone anywhere other than out the back door of the house, but I needed air.

I didn’t want to run so far that he couldn’t find me, but I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t think.

Everything was blood and death and Otto’s fury and the way he’d hissed out the word mine like it was a brand on my soul that would follow me through every life and remind me of this moment.

This moment…

The rough bark of a tree scraped against my chest as I wrapped my arms around it, blocking the warm rain from completely washing the blood from my body. I wanted to step back so it could make me clean.

But some part of me knew this wasn’t something that water could just wash away… that this was something that stained soul deep… and I…

I let out a small scream when an arm slid around my waist and Otto pulled me back against his chest. I didn’t have to look to know he was soaked in blood too. I could smell it on him, could feel it slick against my back and warm on my skin.

Him holding me like this felt familiar, like something that happened in a dream within a dream.

Past lives.

Broken trust.

But… fuck, he’d protected me.

“Don’t be afraid, London.” His voice was a low rumble in my ear. Careful, cautious. I didn’t know if he was talking to me like a scared animal because I’d run, or because I was shaking in his arms so hard my teeth were chattering. “Did he hurt you?”

No . The word was there on the tip of my tongue, ready for me to offer it up to him.

He hadn’t even squeezed my throat hard enough to make the small sob that tore from my chest ache.

When I couldn’t manage to get it out, I just shook my head without turning to face him.

His arms around me spasmed, and his head dropped to my shoulder so he could nuzzle his face against the side of my throat without turning to me.

“Are you afraid of me now?” His voice was lower when he asked. Husky. Almost… pained.

I was faintly aware that he was probably getting blood in my hair, but I was floating somewhere on the sensation of his warmth, the way I felt safe with his arms around me.

I shouldn’t have felt safe.

I shouldn’t have felt anything … but …

I recognized this feeling, and it suddenly clicked into place. It took two tries to push back from Otto, and when I did, his nails dug into my skin almost reluctantly before he let me go so I could turn around to face him.

“I think I knew…” I was still shaking when I turned to face him. How many times was I going to watch someone die because of me?

I was beginning to realize it didn’t matter—there wasn’t enough blood in this world to stain my hands until I let this go. Until I let him go.

It didn’t matter.

“Knew what?” Otto’s pupils were dilated, and the rain sent blood washing down his fingers in little rivulets of red.

He stood a few feet away from me like he was afraid to close the distance, and I couldn’t stand it.

I was the one who stepped closer, and he was the one who recoiled when I lifted my hand.

It didn’t stop me from moving until I could glide my fingers over the front of his shirt, trail them up to press against his thundering heart.

“I think I felt it when they first woke you up. Everything snapped into place—I felt like I could breathe for the first time. I think I’ve always felt you, Otto.

I’ve always been waiting for you—this version of you.

I’m not going anywhere now that you’re finally here.

It doesn’t matter what you do… I’m always going to be here. ”

When I leaned in to press my lips to his, he jerked back, his expression unsure.

“London, my hands are stained with blood. I’m not fit to touch you right now.”

I felt my lips quirk into a humorless smile.

I slid my fingers through his, ignoring the heat slipping against my palm.

“You don’t get to decide the sins I want to keep, Otto.

My entire life seems like it’s been written in blood, made up from the transgressions of my past. At least this time, it’s not mine and it’s not yours. Hudson deserved it.”

“I’ll hurt you, London.” Even as he said it, he drew me closer to him, his fingers bruising where he gripped my hips.

Otto dropped his head to my shoulder and his teeth were sharp where they nipped at my jawline.

“You don’t understand. I wanted to hurt you, seeing you chained up and soaked in blood. I wanted—”

“I’m tired, Otto. I’m tired of fighting this. I’m tired of fighting us . For the first time in my life, I want to control my reactions. I don’t want this to be another scar that makes me break. Let me have this.”

“London—”

I cut him off, stepping back and pulling him toward the house, out of the rain. “If you’re that worried about hurting me, we’ll use this.” I lifted my wrist so the cuff, still attached, dangled between us. Before he could open his mouth, I added. “Not on me. You. I can return the favor.”