Page 30 of Beautifully Shattered (Secrets & Scars #3)

T here are moments when I feel completely numb, and moments when I feel everything at once, but the one constant is Ringo. Always at my side. Always touching me in some small way, keeping me tethered to him like he knows I’ll crumble without his support.

Seeing Ringo’s mum, Doreen, again made me feel like I was coming back home. She embraced me in what can only be described as a mum-hug, holding me through another wave of agonising tears, not letting go until I was able to breathe again.

I couldn’t bring myself to leave Bobbi’s graveside, so after roses were laid, and she was lowered into the cold earth, followed by the toy chest, both buried deep right next to Hope, everyone stayed under the beautiful Jacaranda tree, to just be.

Be still with me.

Be in tears with me .

Be in this agony with me, no matter how raw or ugly it was.

Doreen, Lani and Mills served finger food later, fetched blankets for people to picnic on, or huddle under as night began to fall.

Faint music played in the background. It wasn’t anything I recognised, just a gentle hum of something pretty. Something that felt almost innocent, like my poor little Bobbi.

“I know this is a stupid question, but are you doing okay?” Ringo asks, the rumble of his voice meeting my ear, pressed to his chest as we huddle on a blanket at the foot of Bobbi’s and Hope’s graves.

“I don’t know. Maybe?” It comes out as a question, but he understands that it really depends on the moment, and he gives me a squeeze.

“Abs.” Lexi’s voice draws my attention, and I glance up to find her standing before us with Dee and Rhys at her sides, holding an unlit lantern. “Are you ready?”

Tears are inevitable today, so I let them fall as I swallow thickly and nod.

The lanterns were Dee’s idea, inspired by her favourite movie, Tangled . When she suggested it, through text, of course, I instantly loved the idea.

For one, I imagined little Bobbi loving that movie too. Perhaps she would have watched it with Dee. Hell, maybe Dee would have even taught her to dance.

Helping me up off the ground, I accept the lantern Lexi passes me, before she turns to the crowd.

“We are going to pass out lanterns and markers to everyone. Please write a word or more on the lantern you receive that you associate with little Bobbi.” She holds up her lantern, showing everyone what she wrote. “Mine says ‘ Loved .’”

Soft murmurs trickle through the crowd as my friends move among them with lanterns and markers, while I turn my focus to the one I’m holding, and with shaky hands I write a couple of words for my little girl.

My Heart.

When Ringo is done writing on his lantern, he clears his throat, gaining my attention, and holds it up for me.

My Daughter & Hope's Sister.

Both of us break then, holding on to each other as people write their own words for my little girl.

After a few minutes, once Ringo and I are able to pull away from each other and focus on what’s happening, the process of lighting the lanterns begins.

Marcus, Jared, Ayden, Simon, Garrett and Shaun slowly move through the crowd to assist, a beautiful warm glow lighting up the space around the tree, and once everyone’s lantern is lit, Lexi speaks again.

“Tonight we send our love for Bobbi to the sky.” She lifts her lit lantern, the glow illuminating her beautiful face. “And with them, our grief.”

She turns to me with a sympathetic smile, and I know she’s waiting for me to go first.

A loud sob tears free as I hold up my lantern, my handwritten words clear as I finally let it go .

Ringo follows, and I fall to my knees, my eyes on the dark sky, as more and more lanterns rise up, sending the words to the heavens.

Fighter. Precious. Sun. Cherished. Light. The Stars.

It’s the most beautiful sight, especially as the thick clouds part, as if Mother Nature herself knew they needed a clear path.

My friends join me and Ringo on the ground, all of us with our eyes fixed to the glowing lanterns in the sky for so long my neck hurts. But I don’t dare look away as the lights grow smaller and smaller before finally floating out of sight.

When I finally look back down to Earth, my gaze catches Dee’s, the vicious little assassin who keeps her voice locked away.

She shuffles closer until we are face to face, her big brown eyes brimming with tears as she cups my face so gently, it steals my breath. And then, she does something I never in a million years expected.

She leans close, so close that I can feel her breath on my chin, and she speaks, just for me.

“She’ll always be with you, Abbey. So now you need to live fiercely and show her there can be beauty in this world. ”

I’m stunned at hearing her soft husky voice, yet I somehow manage to nod before Jared is leaning in to press his lips to her cheek, his gaze full of love as he admires his kickass girl.

When Dee glances back at him, they share a knowing smile, and I can see now, when she does speak, she saves her voice just for him.

The fact she just shared it with me means more than I can put into words.

More than she’ll ever know.

When Ringo ducks inside to grab something, Helina and Casey steal a few minutes with me, sharing hugs and kind words.

I know it must be hard for them. Two of their own were taken the night of the ambush, yet they are still here in support, reminding me that I’m a part of their world now too.

When Smitty ambles over, the Doxies excuse themselves, leaving me to stand awkwardly with the club’s leader.

“I… ahhhh…” He grabs the back of his neck, giving it a massage as he struggles to find the right words.

“You don’t need to say anything,” I offer him an out, but he doesn’t take it.

“I feel like I should do something, or—”

“You know what you can do?” I cut him off, and his dark brows shoot up, not expecting the meek little mouse he likes to call Charity to be so rude.

“What?” he asks, looking more intrigued than annoyed.

“You can find Nessy and Darla. Have you even sent teams out looking for them?”

This time, his face hardens, and his eyes narrow into a glare .

“Of course I’ve had teams looking for them. You might wanna check yourself, girl.”

I scoff. “Or what? You gonna slap me around? Kill me? News flash, Smitty. I don’t have anything to lose, so do your worst.”

A slow, sinister smirk stretches his lips. “You’re wrong. You do have something to lose.” His gaze shifts, and I follow it to see Ringo strolling back down the hill towards us. “You have him.”

“Are you threatening my husband?” I snap, about ready to leap on him and start scrapping, but his chuckle pulls me up short.

“I know you’re angry, darlin’. Just make sure you keep it aimed at the right people,” he sighs as Ringo gets caught in a conversation with Murf and Stocky.

“I don’t normally discuss club business with the Doxies, old ladies or wives, but since you did us all a favour by killing Wendy, I guess it can’t hurt to let you in on a little secret. ”

Smitty glances over his shoulder, checking if anyone is close enough to hear, and when he seems satisfied that there are no ears flapping nearby, he leans so close I can smell the beer on his breath.

“We’ve got a man on the inside. He’s posing as a Rebel. We know exactly where they are currently hiding out with Nessy and Darla.”

I jerk back, seeing Ringo notice in my periphery before he starts storming our way.

“Then why haven’t you gone and saved them?” I hiss, my nostrils flaring in disbelief.

“It’s not that simple. We need to wait for the perfect time.”

“What’s going on?” Ringo’s deep voice cuts through the air, but I ignore him, my focus on his President .

“When the hell is the perfect time? When they’ve raped them so many times that they bleed for days? When they’ve tortured them until they confess things that aren’t even real just to make it stop?”

“Who are we talking about right now?” Ringo snaps, but again, we both ignore him, our focus on each other.

“Twelve days,” Smitty snaps, and my brows shoot up.

“Twelve days? What, you have it pencilled in your calendar because that’s a good day for you?” I seethe, and he grits his teeth, his furious glare darting to Ringo.

“She needs a leash.”

Ringo scoffs. “Just try to muzzle her and see what happens.”

Smitty rolls his eyes. “You fuckers do your nuts over a chick and go soft. I swear I need to outlaw relationships.”

“What’s wrong with a week from now?” I butt in, ignoring them. “You have a hair appointment you can’t cancel? What the hell is wrong with tomorrow? Nessy and Darla are suffering all because now’s not a fucking good time?!”

My raised voice draws attention, but I don’t care. Who’s going to look out for them if he won’t?

“Angel, stop.” Ringo’s tone is firm and demanding, and the submissive in me wants to snap my lips shut and drop my eyes to the ground.

But I can’t.

Not for this.

Not when women are getting hurt.

“You trying to shut me up, husband?” I snap, whipping my glare his way, and he sighs.

“Just fucking tell her, Nate. She’s one of us now. She knows how fucked up this world is. She can handle it. ”

I’m surprised Ringo used Smitty’s real name, Nate, but it’s hard to focus on that when Smitty sighs too, taking a moment to glance over his shoulder at the crowd now watching us.

“Well, Charit—” He holds his hands up in surrender when my lips part, ready to scold him for calling me Charity.

“Abbey,” he corrects, deliberately enunciating the name.

“In ten days, the state will go into another snap lockdown. And in twelve days, when the Rebels are relaxed, partying and thinking they are safe because the law forces even the lawless to remain locked down, that’s when we will hit. ”

My mouth opens, but then closes again as I frown, mulling over his words.

Another snap lockdown in ten days? What the…

“You can’t possibly know that. Not even the Chief Medical Officer knows that yet. They have to wait for…” I trail off as Smitty shakes his head.