Page 1 of Beautifully Shattered (Secrets & Scars #3)

T he room is too quiet. Too heavy with crushing devastation as I lift my Angel’s hand in mine. It’s lifeless, cool, and feels like it weighs nothing as my big hand swallows it whole.

Her ring is gone. The black band I gave her on our wedding day probably ripped off by those fucking cult cunts! It doesn’t matter though, because my name is there, inked around her slender finger, screaming to the world that she’s mine. That I’m hers.

There’s no pink left in her hair now. I’d noticed that the night I came home to her. Our last night together. Right now, I kinda wish it was pink again. Then at least there’d be some colour in her.

She’s deathly pale. Her lips fade into her skin, the only colour left is from the purple bruises someone fucking gave her.

Fuck !

I grit my teeth, my breath hitching as I fight for control, and lower my forehead to her hand, hoping the skin on skin contact will anchor me.

I want to hunt down those fuckers, right fucking now, but there’s nothing on this Earth that could make me leave my Angel’s side. Not again. Not ever.

A savage, unrelenting pain carves through my chest as images I know I’ll never outrun flood my mind for the hundredth time.

Her, lying on the ground, so fucking fragile, drowning in pain as she gave birth… and I couldn’t do a fucking thing to take away her agony.

And little Bobbi…

Fuck!

“Ringo?”

My head snaps up, tears sliding down my cheeks as my eyes lock onto the caramel stare I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to see again.

“Abs,” I choke out, needing to clear away the lump in my throat as it thickens with emotion.

“Where am I?” she breathes, her lids heavy as she blinks, her fingers curling weakly around mine as her body slowly wakes.

“Fox Pines Hospital.” I stroke my thumb over the back of her hand, studying her face closely as a frown pinches her brow.

Fuck. I don’t want her to remember. Not any of it. But I can tell, from the way her eyes focus on something that’s not here, that she’s piecing things together.

Her gaze starts darting from side to side, like she’s watching a movie trailer behind her eyes as her mind catches up, likely reliving the nightmare I’d give anything to erase .

What I’d give for her to forget. To not fucking remember any of it.

“Ringo…” She stiffens, her eyes meeting mine again. “Bobbi… where’s Bobbi?”

Jesus fucking Christ. I can’t do this. I can’t be the one to shatter her heart, but fuck, I sure as hell won’t let anyone else do it either.

She tries to sit up, so I press my free hand gently to her shoulder, urging her to stay down.

“Angel. You can’t get up just yet. You need to stay there.”

She’s already shaking her head before I even finish.

“No. No! Where’s my little girl?” Her frantic gaze scans the room, probably searching for a crib or some sign of her baby.

But there’s nothing, and when she sees that, her sharp, panicked glare snaps back to me. “Where is she?!”

I swallow thickly, not even sure where the hell to start. Not sure I’m ready to be the one to destroy her whole world.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she snaps, ripping her hand from mine like she already knows what’s coming.

I open my mouth to speak, but the words practically choke me.

“Ringo! Where is Bobbi?!”

“Shit, Angel… she was just too little. They said her lungs couldn’t cope. And not having the right equipment when she was born meant she couldn’t get the care she needed.”

Anger twists her face, even as her eyes brim with tears.

“Why are you talking about her in past tense?” she sobs. “Stop talking like that. She’s okay. Just take me to her!”

Abbey tries to get out of the bed, but the rail on the far side slows her just enough for me to catch her in time .

“Abs, stay there. You can’t get out of bed.”

“Like fuck I can’t!” she snaps, swinging her legs around with pure rage etched across her face as she bares her teeth at me. “Take me to my baby!”

“Mrs Musgrove.” A nurse bursts into the room, rounding the bed in a rush. “Please, lay back. You’ve lost too much blood. You need to rest.”

Abbey’s sharp glare whips to the nurse. “Then bring me my baby!”

The nurse stiffens, her eyes darting to me, and all I can do is shrug, because what the fuck else am I meant to do? This is fucking soul-crushing.

“I’m sorry, Mrs Musgrove. I wish I had better news. But under the conditions your baby was born in, and being so far from the hospital… well, we just weren’t able to keep her alive. I’m so, so sorry.”

For a long drawn-out moment, Abbey remains deathly still, staring blankly at the nurse. Her chest rises and falls in shallow, rapid breaths, but other than that, she’s frozen. Locked in some kind of trance.

Then, she gives her head a little shake, her eyes still pinned on the nurse.

“Please bring Bobbi to me. I need to feed her.”

I stiffen, and I can see the flicker of sympathy flash across the nurse’s face.

“Why don’t you lay back down, and I’ll see what I can do.”

The fuck?!

I’m about ready to rip the nurse a new one when she gently helps Abbey to lie back, my Angel now calm, like she didn’t just hear her entire world collapse .

The nurse looks at me and jerks her head towards the hallway.

“I’ll be right back,” I tell my wife, who just nods, settling back under the sheets like nothing happened. Like she wasn’t just told that her baby died.

Following the nurse out, I close the door and round the corner before the nurse sighs and turns to face me.

“She’s in shock. The denial you just witnessed is her brain’s way of protecting her.”

“But…” I huff, raking my hand through my hair. “She’s expecting you to bring her baby to her.”

“Yes. She is.” The nurse nods, glancing at her watch. “I’ll let the doctor know what’s happening and see what she wants to do.”

“What the fuck do I do in the meantime? Just go along with it? Lie to her? I’m not fucking doing that.”

The nurse shrugs. “Maybe steer the conversation towards her recovery. Try to shift her focus.”

I scoff. “There’s nothing else on this Earth that will interest her more than her child.”

“I’m sorry.” The nurse offers me a soft, sympathetic smile. “I don’t know what else to suggest. Let me speak to the doctor.”

Grinding my fucking teeth, I watch her hurry off, leaving me alone to face the wreckage.

Fuck. I just don’t want to make things worse.

I stare at the door for a few beats, part of me fucking terrified to go back in there and face my wife. Face whatever questions she’s about to throw at me.

But fuck, I love her. I can’t turn my back on her. She needs me more than ever.

Slowly, I drag in a deep, steadying breath, bracing myself.

When I step back into Abbey’s room, she’s sitting up in bed, anxiously biting at her nails.

“Will the nurse be long?” she asks, her eyes bright with anticipation, and my fucking heart sinks to the pit of my gut.

This is so fucking cruel.

“I’m not sure,” I grit out, my voice rough as I fight back the kind of emotions I’ve never been good at dealing with.

Nodding, Abbey’s gaze drops to her stomach as she pulls back the sheet.

“It’s hard to believe how much my belly has gone down already,” she says with a soft grin. “It’s kind of like a deflated balloon.”

“Yeah.” I force a smile as I retake my seat by her bedside, watching her jab a finger into the hospital gown where her bump used to be.

“How long have I been here?” she asks, settling back into the pillow before a yawn engulfs her.

“A bit over a day,” I admit, tracking every flicker of expression on her face like it might be the one that shatters her.

“Have I been asleep this whole time?”

“Not asleep,” I pause, dragging in a steadying breath as the memory of blood haemorrhaging from her sends my heart into a full-blown panic. “More like passed out. Like the nurse said. You lost a lot of blood.”

She nods slowly, like she’s letting that sink in.

“Bobbi will be starving, then. I want to try breastfeeding her. Make sure she gets all the good stuff.”

Fucking hell. I can’t do it. I can’t fucking lie to her.

I’m about to open up her emotional wound when the door swings open, and the doctor walks in, smiling warmly at Abbey as she rounds the bed.

“Abigail. I’m Doctor Madden.”

“Oh, hi.” Abbey smiles, sitting taller in the bed, the exhaustion she wore moments ago falling away. “I’d like to see my baby, please. She must be hungry, and I’d really like to start breastfeeding her.”

Dr Madden doesn’t miss a beat, not even flinching at my Angel’s request.

“I’m sorry,” she says gently, “but I’m afraid I can’t bring Bobbi to you.”

Abbey’s face falls. “Why?”

Dr Madden reaches out, taking Abbey’s hand between hers, the warm smile fading into something softer, full of sympathy.

“Abigail… Bobbi didn’t survive. She fought as hard as she could, and we did everything in our power to resuscitate her… but we weren’t able to save her.”

Abbey’s eyes flood with tears, her gaze snapping to me.

“But… she was alive. I held her,” she whispers, yanking her hand from the doctor’s and pressing both palms to her chest, right where Bobbi had rested after the birth. “She made the cutest little sound, and she squirmed on me. I felt her.”

Dr Madden nods. “Yes… you were lucky to have those few precious moments with her. I wish you’d had longer together, but I’m afraid there was nothing more we could do.”

My Angel’s hands stay glued to her chest where I know she still feels her baby girl’s warmth… even if it’s only a memory.

She shakes her head, her eyes snapping to mine, full of betrayal .

“I asked you to keep her alive. To give her my blood. To make sure she lived.”

“I tried,” I choke out, my fucking eyes burning as I fight like hell to hold my shit together. “I’m not a doctor though, Angel.”

“I’m afraid there was nothing your husband could have done.

” Dr Madden cuts in gently, redirecting Abbey’s attention back to her.

“We had a team working on her, and a team working on you. I wish I could tell you something different, but Bobbi just wasn’t strong enough to survive the conditions she was born in.

And you… well, honestly, with all the blood you lost from the placental abruption, it’s a miracle we didn’t lose you too. ”

A sob rips from Abbey as she shakes her head.

“Why would you save me? Why would I want to be here without my little girl?” Her tear-filled eyes lock on mine, broken and furious all at once. “I don’t want to live in a world where men think it’s okay to rape and beat women. Why would I want to live when those are the only memories I HAVE !?”

The scream that tears from her throat has Dr Madden flinching, and Abbey fists her hands in her hair, glaring at the doctor like she’s ready to burn the whole world down.

“YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE SAVED ME!”

“Please calm down, Mrs Musgrove, or I’ll have to get someone from psych in here.”

“Get the fuck out!” I’m on my feet in an instant, and Doctor Madden jolts at the lethal edge in my voice.

“You bring psych anywhere near her, and I’ll fucking gut you, and them.

” I jab a sharp finger towards her, fury cracking beneath my skin.

“She just learned that her baby died. Her fucking reaction is valid!”

“But… she might try to harm herself.”

I shake my head. “You don’t fucking know her. She would never do that.”

I point to the door, my stare daring her to say another word.

She gets the message, holding her arms up in defeat as she backs away and leaves the room, and fuck, I don’t even know if I believe what I just said.

The only thing that ever made Abbey fight was to keep her baby safe.

Now Bobbi is gone.

Now the one thing she was fighting for is no more.

I wish I could say that what we have is enough, but what if… it’s not?

As the door swings shut, it flies open again, and the moment Abbey locks eyes on her best friend Lexi, I crumble to my knees.

Lexi is on the bed in an instant, wrapping her arms around Abbey as they fall into each other. Their guttural cries fill the room, raw and broken, and I know then that my beautiful Angel finally understands her daughter didn’t survive.

Any chance I had at holding back my own pain is ripped straight out of me as the sound of Abbey’s grief, laced with such agony, tears my fucking heart from my chest.