Page 8 of B.D.E: Falling Hard For A BBW

Ghost

I’d never second guessed myself as much as I had in the last seventy-two hours of being here with Specs.

She’d been invading my mind like gunfire in a room full of silence and I couldn’t ignore it.

I knew she was no good for me, especially in my line of work, but I couldn’t shake her.

The way her soft ass hands moved over my body in that damn shower.

It took every inch of strength I had not to bend her ass over and have her screaming for hours as I dug deep in her guts, making her submit to me, but I couldn’t do her like that.

She deserved better than that… hell, better than me.

I was a cold-blooded killer and before today, I probably would have killed her if it was in the assignment because that’s all I ever knew.

Love and affection had never existed in my life, until I met her.

She didn’t flinch when she saw all my scars and didn’t ask questions about who I was, just my name.

She seen me as something worth helping and not a monster.

And that scared the fuck out of me. Gideon’s voice had been ringing in my head heavy since the moment I stepped into her world.

“Feelings and love are a distraction and that shit’ll kill you faster than a bullet, young buck. If your dick gets hard, find you a woman and handle that shit. If you catch feelings, kill that bitch and keep it moving. And always remember… If you ever think you need somebody… you’ve already lost.”

I was training with Gideon for a little over a month before I had my first real kill.

We were on the dock. It was cold as shit, and my fingers were numb around the grip of the Glock Gideon gifted me.

My heart was beating wild and a small part of me was scared, I knew better than to show an ounce of it to Gideon or I would feel his wrath.

The target was a snitch—some mid-level runner who got sloppy and started talking to a fed or some shit.

I didn’t know the details and I didn’t need to.

I was here to follow simple instructions—kill.

Gideon stood behind me in that long black coat like the devil on my shoulder.

Calm and cold as usual. He smelled like cigar smoke and leather.

His hand was resting on my shoulder the whole time as he coached me through it.

“Do it…” he said, his voice low. “Hesitation, young buck. That’s how you get caught up. Shut this muthafucka up for good.”

The grow ass man was in front of me was crying with snot dripping from his nose. His hands were zip-tied behind his back and he begging over and over. I was scared shitless at the fact that I was about to end his life. The last time I kill was to protect me. This time. It was different.

“I got a son,” he begged. “He’s around your age, man. Please… don’t do this.”

For a second I froze. He was right. I was just a kid. That didn’t matter in Gideon’s world, and I couldn’t turn away now. I’d gone too far to try to turn back plus I owed my life to Gideon for giving me a decent life. I swallowed down my fear and pulled the trigger.

POP!

One shot, straight between his eyes. He slumped over like meat falling off the bone. I felt Gideon patting my shoulder like I had done something good. Like I hadn’t just taken a life.

“That how it’s done,” he said. “Your built for this shit, Ghost. Remember that.”

On the ride home, I threw up twice in the back of Gideon’s car. He didn’t say a word about it, just turned the music up and lit a cigar.

Gideon. I hadn’t heard from that muthafucka since he sent me the encrypted file with details for that botched ass setup.

I wanted to believe that he wouldn’t do me like that, but the truth was, I didn’t know what he was capable of.

I’d killed for him over the years and sometimes it would be niggas that I knew he was close with that had maybe crossed him but like I said, I never asked questions, just executed the plan, and collected my coins before disappearing until I was needed again.

I knew that once I was healed up, I wouldn’t stop until I found the motherfucker that set me up and pop they ass.

I didn’t want to kill Gideon because he took me in when I had nobody but if he was responsible, then he had to go, no exceptions.

Gideon raised me like a weapon and groomed me in blood, so I didn’t know what it felt like to be wanted unless it was for what I could do; not for who I was.

Specs wasn’t built like that though. I could tell by her demeanor that she came straight from love.

I could tell by the way she moved. By the way she spoke softly but still had that little fire under it.

The girl hummed when she while she baked like she was just some jolly muthafucka, but it was dope as fuck to see her in her element.

I knew I would ruin all that just by being in her space.

I just needed a few more days and I was going back to doing what I did best… being a ghost.

I reached over on the nightstand and grabbed the two pains killer and the water bottle that Specs had left for me, wincing at the pull in my side.

I threw the pills back and guzzled the whole damn bottle.

A nigga felt dehydrated as fuck, so the cold water was on point.

I knew she was rushing to open her lil bookstore so I managed to put fresh bandages on my side as best as I could, but it was shit compared to how she’d done it.

Either she had a nurse background, or she learned that shit from a book.

Knowing her it was probably the latter. Specs looked like the type that stayed up all damn night reading shit and fantasizing about some nigga throwing her against the wall.

She had no clue she let one in her home.

I don’t know what kind of painkillers Specs had been giving me, but that shit hit me like a ton of bricks and I wasn’t even trying to fight it.

I leaned over on her fluffy ass pillow and dozed off, as the image of her sexy ass wrapped in that towel kept replaying in my mind.

I didn’t know what the hell this woman was doing to me or how much longer I could fight it. If I even wanted to.