Page 25 of Barely Breathing (Merely Mortal #3)
Chapter
Twenty-Five
Time loses meaning. It’s marked by waves of unbearable pain and glimpses of victory. I drift in and out of consciousness as Costin carries me through the darkness. I prefer oblivion over the agony of my ravaged shoulder and dying body. The wolf venom spreads like lava in my veins, and I imagine it’s melting everything it touches.
“Stay with me,” Costin’s voice pulls me back when I start to slip away. He wants to save me. I don’t think he can, but he whispers about ancient rites and possible cures if only I hold on. “Focus on my voice, Tamara.”
I try, but the fever makes me see things. The past and present swirl together until I can’t tell what’s real. For a moment I’m in the labyrinth facing my fears. Then I’m a teenager watching Costin through the spy hole in the wall. Conrad aims a gun at Paul and shoots. A house explodes. Anthony smiles and hands me a joint as we hide in a janitor’s closet at my birthday party.
Diana’s small hand finds mine in the dark. “You don’t have to be scared. The dragon can sleep now.”
I don’t have the heart, or the strength, to tell her that is not the monster that scares me. I catch a glimpse of the amulet. There is a part of me that wants to take it back so that I can end this pain.
She falls behind me, her hand dropping from mine. She’s exhausted from the ritual, barely able to walk. Paul supports her with one arm while the other braces his weight on the wall to propel him forward.
“We’re near the old subway tunnels,” Costin says. “If we can reach the underground city, we can try to find Morvok. He can help us with the amulet so you can?—”
A thunderous crash cuts him off as more of the bank collapses behind us. The ceiling groans. Dust and debris blow through the tunnel. Diana starts coughing.
“We’re running out of time.” Paul barely controls his panic. He lifts Diana into his arms and tries carrying her despite his weakness.
He’s right. Each breath is harder than the last.
“Costin,” I whisper. I’m so tired. I just want to rest. “No more. We can’t take them to the underground city.”
Costin’s arms tighten around me. “My home has ancient texts, healing magic. There has to be a cure. I’ll find it. I promise.”
This is not a promise he can keep. We both know he’s lying. I see it in his eyes when another convulsion wracks my body. The wolf magic burns hotter, reshaping me from the inside out. If I am to survive, there would be time before I fully change. But my other injuries are too severe.
My injured arm is useless against my stomach, the fingers broken. Paul’s ripped shirt seems to be the only thing keeping it together. I feel the shard of glass still imbedded in my leg. I grip Costin’s neck. “Promise me you won’t let me become a werewolf. I don’t want to be a monster. Promise me you’ll kill me before that happens.”
He adjusts me in his arms, holding me closer. My head rests on his shoulder.
“I can feel it.” My voice sounds strange to my own ears. “It’s eating my insides.”
“Keep walking forward,” Costin orders Paul. “I’ll come back for you.”
“No, wait—” Paul yells, his voice drifting away as Costin speeds me through the tunnels. I become dizzy and everything blurs. I shut my eyes, fading into unconsciousness.
When I open my eyes, I’m lying on the couch in Costin’s office. It’s sparse from missing decorations, but someone has cleaned the debris. Diana is sitting on the floor beside me, stroking my hair. “I remember you.”
Draakmar must have given her memories back. I wonder why the dragon would have done that. She’s better off not knowing.
Never mind. I sound like Costin.
“Are you hurt?” I ask.
She shakes her head.
“Draakmar is a friend.” I want to tell her more, maybe reassure her, and give her some motherly advice on how to survive. I’m drawn to touch the stone around her neck, its shape so familiar to my fingers. It’s been with me most of my life, and it feels strange not to have it. The amulet vibrates under my touch, softer than when I wore it, more like starlight than dragon fire.
“I know.” Diana rests her forehead down next to me. She doesn’t fight or question its power like I always did. She simply accepts it, the way children accept magic as natural.
“I’m so sorry, Diana, I never meant…” Darkness tries to take me.
“Dad! ”
I open my eyes to see Costin helping Paul. He releases the man to slump next to the doorframe. Diana rushes to her father.
“I’m okay,” Paul mutters, sliding down the wall. His face is pale, and he looks like he might be sick. “That was...” He covers his mouth with his hand and shudders as if stopping himself from throwing up. “That was something else.”
Supernatural travel isn’t easy on mortals. I remember my first time, the disorientation and nausea. It hasn’t improved, though I know what to expect now. Diana seems to have handled it better.
“Dad?” She touches his face. “Are you okay?”
He manages a weak smile. “Just need a minute, sweetheart.”
Costin crosses the office in agitation. He glances at the door every few steps like he’s waiting for something. The room spins when I try to track his movement, so I close my eyes.
“Costin…” I reach for him. Instantly, he’s by my side. “Promise me…”
“Stop. Don’t ask that of me,” he denies.
“Promise me, Costin.” I need him to say the words. “Promise that you won’t let me become a monster. I don’t want to be a werewolf or come back as a ghost. I don’t want to be a creature of the night. Don’t try to change me into a vampire. Let me go. ”
I’ve seen what monsters do. I don’t want that eternity.
Before he can answer, Astrid sweeps into the office. She’s holding her heels in one hand as if she ran to get here. Her perfect composure is cracked with worry. “I went to Thane’s sanctuary but found it abandoned. They moved the ritual site—” Her gaze finds me on the couch and her eyes widen. “What happened? Where did you go?”
“Tamara needs help,” he says.
Astrid comes to my side and begins peeling back the bandage on my arm to look at the damage. Her fingers trace the bite’s edges, and I see recognition flash in her eyes. She glances at Costin, and some unspoken knowledge passes between them. They both know what a werewolf bite means. She presses her hands down over the wound and I feel her magic flowing into me to stop the bleeding, but there’s a hesitation in the way her magic moves, like she senses something different about this wound. Like she knows what fate is coming, what choice it will force.
Through my pain-hazed vision, I want to beg them not to do it, to remind them of my wishes, but the words won’t come.
“That Alpha creature bit her,” Paul explains, holding Diana back. His voice shakes, not just from supernatural travel but from the weight of everything they’ve endured. He looks at his daughter with the amulet around her neck. I think he knows that she can never go back to being just a normal little girl. “Before the amulet?—”
“Who is that speaking?” Astrid asks Costin, sounding a little annoyed to be interrupted by a mortal. She doesn’t turn around.
“Paul,” Costin answers. Then, as if to answer her earlier question, he adds, “There was no time to send for you. I sensed Elizabeth’s presence near the old bank. When I felt her pull on our sire bond...” He looks at me. “I led my guards to them. We barely made it in time.”
Astrid forces her attention back to the immediate crisis. Her hands move as if desperately trying to heal my wound. I can feel her magic is failing.
“Thane did this?” Her voice carries deadly promise. “I’ll tear that flea-ridden bastard apart with my bare?—”
“He’s already dead,” Costin interjects flatly. “One problem at a time.”
Another convulsion hits me. I try to bite back my scream but fail. The sound echoes off stone walls.
“Tamara!” Diana cries in fright.
Astrid’s attention snaps to Diana, focusing on the amulet. Her expression shifts from shock to understanding. “Of course. Draakmar found his perfect vessel. ”
I grab Astrid’s hand. “Thank you.”
“Of course,” Astrid tries to dismiss, her hands working frantically despite her controlled tone. It’s the most emotion I’ve seen from her probably in my entire life. “Costin, I need mandrake root, willow bark, yarrow?—”
“No, thank you for raising me,” I try to explain through the pain. “Thank you for being my mom.” The words feel strange, given how we normally communicate, but that makes it no less true. I can feel the end coming. I need to tell her how I feel, at least once.
“Stop acting like this is the end,” Astrid snaps, but there’s something different in her voice. It’s not just her usual stern tone, but real fear. For once, she can’t manage this away or control the solution to the problem. She presses her lips tightly, choking back whatever emotion threatens to break through. “Costin, do you have Dracaena resin, fae tears, moonlit dew, unicorn horn, silver filings, anything to stop the progression?”
Costin becomes a blur, leaving and returning several times to give Astrid jars and vials. She begins mixing items in her hand and rubbing them against me in hurried desperation. I don’t know how long they work to fix me, but nothing seems to help.
Pain rips through me. The wolf venom burns hotter, trying to change me .
Astrid shakes her head dumping a jar of powder on my arm in a last ditch effort. She shakes her head and slowly stands.
“What are you doing?” Costin demands. “Help her!”
“It’s not working,” Astrid answers, grabbing his arm to make him look at her. “If it was just the wolf venom, maybe we could stop it, but the ritual damaged something inside her. Nothing we have is working. Without the amulet, she has no protection. The residual magic from the ritual is tearing her apart. She’s dying.”
“She can have the amulet,” Diana offers, tears in her voice. “Don’t let her die.”
“It doesn’t work like that,” Astrid’s tone is firm, just like I remember it. “No one must ever wear that but you. Don’t take it off or bad things will happen.”
I want to tell her not to scare the child.
“Tamara.” Costin kneels beside me, grabbing my hand.
“We should get her out of here. No child should see this.” Astrid moves to examine Paul’s wounds. “You both need healing.”
“I won’t leave Tamara,” Diana protests.
“You must.” Astrid’s tone allows no argument. “Your father needs care, and you’re exhausted from channeling dragon magic. ”
“Tamara,” Paul says, but he doesn’t finish whatever he’s thinking.
Astrid turns to Costin, her voice dropping. “The sun rises soon. How long does she have?”
“Hours? Minutes?” Costin sounds lost.
“Then you know what must be done.” Astrid helps Paul stand. Her eyes linger on where Thane bit me. “I can’t force you. Whatever you choose, whatever you must do—you have the Devine family’s blessing.”
“We don’t know what will happen if I do that,” Costin answers, his voice breaking. “She made me promise not to turn her. She doesn’t want this.”
“She’s dying,” Astrid states flatly. “She doesn’t understand what she’s denying. Sometimes we must break promises to save those we love for their own good.”
“I don’t know what it will do to her,” Costin hesitates, “but I can’t lose her.”
My eyes close, and I can’t force them back open. I hear Diana crying as Astrid leads them away.
Costin’s cool hand finds mine.
“Stay,” I manage through the pain. I don’t want to die alone. “Don’t leave me.”
“Never.” His voice breaks. “I won’t let you become a monster.”
The pain comes in waves now, each one stronger than the last. My body arches off the couch as another convulsion hits.
“I’m scared,” I whisper when I can breathe again. I think of floating in that white light with no pain. I’m not frightened of dying but of becoming something I’m not. I don’t want to be a predator hunting mortals, uncontrollable and feral.
“You’ve always been so brave.” Costin’s fingers trace my face, his touch achingly gentle. “From the moment I found you running through the forest after Anthony’s magic burned your hand. You were so tiny, and you looked up at me and said, ‘I don’t want to be a snack.’ You were always watching everything, questioning everything.”
I try to smile, but it comes out as a grimace.
“Everything I’ve done...” His voice catches. “Tamara, I?—”
Another spasm cuts him off. This one’s different, deeper, like my bones are about to snap in two. The werewolf curse surges, but there’s nothing left inside me to fight it. My body is giving up.
“I love you.” The words come out in a rush. I need him to know before whatever happens next. “I think I always have, even when I was trying not to.”
His forehead presses to mine, and I feel him trembling with barely contained emotion. In this moment, all his careful control, all his centuries of power mean nothing. He’s as broken as I am .
“I’ve loved you your entire life. And I will love you for the rest of mine.” His voice breaks, and I feel wetness on my cheeks. Whether they’re my tears or his, I can’t tell. “I can’t watch you die. Not like this. Not when I’ve finally found the one soul in centuries who makes me feel human again.”
I grip his shirt with my good hand. “Don’t. You promised me.”
“You could never be a monster.” He pulls back just enough to meet my eyes. “You’re too stubborn.”
The pain rises again, and I know it’s the last wave. My heart stutters in my chest. The wolf venom reaches for it, trying to stop it. I’ve taken too much damage. I won’t survive this.
“I love you,” Costin whispers against my lips. He lifts his wrist.
The choice looms between us. Honor my wishes and let me die or break his promise to save me. For centuries, he’s lived with the consequences of forcing choices on others. Elizabeth’s arranged marriage, the memories he’s erased, the lives he’s ended. Each decision has carved away another piece of his humanity. Now he faces the ultimate choice. Either way, I’m going to die tonight.
“Costin, please...” My words slur as darkness creeps in. “You… promised…”
I try to explain that it’s okay to let me go, that I’m not afraid of the end, but I’m too weak to speak .
His fangs pierce his wrist.
I want to tell him to stop, but I can’t form words. My body convulses one final time. I taste his blood pouring past my lips and the two ancient magics battle for dominion over what’s left of my soul. The wolf venom doesn’t just attack the vampire blood. They crash together like opposing storms, neither yielding. The pain is worse than before. I want to die. I can’t take any more.
The darkness takes me, and I don’t expect to wake up.
The last thing I hear is Costin’s voice. “Don’t leave me, Tamara. I love you. Don’t leave me.”
To be continued…
The End
The series continues with the final planned installment, Book 4: Nearly Dead !