Page 14 of Barely Breathing (Merely Mortal #3)

Chapter

Fourteen

Asshole!

I make it halfway to the door before Costin says, “Wait.”

The word pisses me off more. What the ever-living hell is wrong with this guy?

Get out. Wait. Get out…

Fuck him and his supernatural authority. I don’t care if he’s a master vampire king or ruler of every paranormal creature on the planet. He’s being a jerk. I may be just a lowly human but I’m not a child, and I’m not going to obey like one. Every second we stand here arguing is time wasted. Paul and Diana need me.

I reach for the doorknob, my hand shaking with anger and the leftover effects of his blood magic. I know he has the physical power to stop me from leaving, and I half expect him to do so.

“If you leave now, you’ll do something rash.”

“For fuck’s sake, I’m not an idiot!” I cry.

“Tell me you don’t plan to confront Thane.”

I hate it when he sounds all calm and reasonable, like I’m the irrational one for yelling.

“You’ll most likely start a war with the werewolves,” he insists. The amulet pulses as if Draakmar agrees with the vampire’s warning.

“Shut up, or I’ll throw you in a lake,” I try to tell the dragon. I don’t think Draakmar hears my thoughts the same way I hear his.

“You’re the one who told me to get out.” I don’t turn around as I attempt to sound calm. My hand rests on the doorknob, gripping it tightly, but I can’t quite make myself leave.

“I should not have lost my temper with you.” His tone is measured.

“You think?”

“The idea of him touching you…” He stops himself. I don’t have to see him to know he’s struggling for his precious control. When he speaks again, his voice is tight. “You make me forget myself, and I can’t afford to be distracted.”

I snort in disbelief and roll my eyes. “So now it’s my fault you’re an asshole? ”

“Did you just call me an asshole?” he asks in surprise.

“What? Too modern for you? What did they say at the dawn of time? Arsehole?” I might be brave enough to yell at him, but I’m not brave enough to let go of the door in case I push my luck too far. I wonder if Astrid will rescue me if I scream loud enough.

“Would you be reasonable and listen? There is too much at stake for us to be arguing like this. Elizabeth is plotting, the wolves are circling, and you foolishly insist on running headfirst into danger every time I turn around. If I didn’t mesmerize you, I wouldn’t get anything else done. We need to keep cool heads.”

“Did you just call me foolish?” I shake with unspent anger. Where’s a sharp wooden stake when you need one? Not that I could actually kill him, but I’d like to bash him over the head with it a few times. I stare at the door so hard I don’t see it. “Cool heads? Seriously? Are you kidding me right now? You are so tightly wound I’m beginning to think you’ll implode at any moment.”

Part of me has always tiptoed around supernaturals, trying not to make them mad for fear they’d eat me or worse. A lifetime of hearing you’re less than will do that to a person. But that ends now. Two innocent lives are worth more than supernatural politics.

I finally turn to face him, letting my rage show on my face. I don’t think I could hide it if I wanted to. My tone is condescending, but I don’t care, as I explain, “I don’t need you to manage me. I need you to help me find Paul and Diana. I need you to actually do something instead of playing these power games. No more riddles. No more cryptic comments and half-truths. Just say what you mean for once.”

He’s across the room in a blur, hands braced against the door on either side of my head. I fall back against the hard wood. Apparently, he’s not going to hide his anger either.

My heart hammers violently. Oh, fuck. Maybe I should try screaming for help now.

“You want me to help you save him? Risk your life for his? Support you going to reunite with the mortal who holds your heart?” His voice cracks slightly on the last word, revealing a rare vulnerability. “Is that what you’re asking of me?”

“Costin—”

“You want truth? I’ve lived centuries, Tamara. I’ve seen supernatural and human empires rise and fall. I’ve watched you your entire life. And here I am, jealous of a human who had you for mere days.” His eyes shift from anger to sorrow. “I can’t get the image of you two out of my head. ”

“I never meant to…” I don’t know how to answer him. I can’t bring myself to worry about his immortal turmoil. Diana and Paul’s situation is much more urgent.

I take a deep breath.

“This isn’t about your jealousy, or about us,” I say. “Werewolves are torturing Paul, and his five-year-old daughter is missing.”

I shouldn’t have to keep explaining this. Why won’t he hear me?

“Stay here. Stay safe.” His forehead drops to mine. I feel him tremble with the effort it takes to restrain himself. “Let the wolves have their mortal. Please. I can’t watch you die for him. Let me keep you safe and I’ll find Diana. I’ll bring her to you. I promise.”

The casual way he dismisses Paul’s life makes my blood boil.

“The mortal has a name.” My voice comes out harsh. “Paul has a life. I don’t want Diana to grow up without a dad. She already lost her mom.”

His expression becomes unreadable.

“You’re not surprised by any of this, are you?” The realization hits hard. Costin wasn’t there when Peter explained everything to us, yet he already seems to know. My stomach twists in knots. I hate feeling like this. “If you value what we have at all, tell me the truth, Costin. Did you know about all of it when they took Paul? Do you know about what they want to do at the ritual?”

“What are you talking about?” His confusion seems genuine. “All of what?”

“Peter came by the house this morning.”

“And?” He gestures as if it’s useless information.

“Did you know there need to be three sacrifices?” My voice trembles with uncertainty.

He frowns and doesn’t answer.

“Peter said the Alpha needs the blood of three mortals for his ritual to work.” I watch carefully for any change in his expression.

“And?” he repeats.

I sigh. “It needs the blood of three mortals, each tied to magic but not magic themselves. Draconic, death, and forgotten.”

His face doesn’t give anything away.

“Me, because of my connection to Draakmar. Paul, because of…” I hesitate. Paul is such a sensitive subject with us, and I don’t want to relive the past again. “Because of what happened when he died before. He’s death magic. And Diana because of something she doesn’t even know she has.”

I see the war in his eyes—the master vampire who demands obedience versus a man with feelings. I know which of the two is the dominant personality, and to be honest, it breaks my heart. The vampire will win every time .

I touch my amulet. “How much did you know?”

His fingers tighten on my throat, just for a second, before he exhales sharply and lets go.

“Admit it. You let the werewolves take Paul. You knew they were coming, and you let them have him.” I try to push at his chest, but he doesn’t move away. “I don’t want to believe it, but that’s what I do, isn’t it? I don’t believe in what is right in front of me because I don’t want to face it. That’s what happened with Conrad, and he tried to kill all of us. I made excuse after excuse for my brother. And that’s what’s happening with you now. I’ve been making excuses for your misogynist behavior. You’re a vampire. You’re old as dirt. You come from a different time. You mean well. You don’t know better.”

His eyes flash crimson. I ignore the threat.

“What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I keep…?” I shake my head and steadily meet his gaze. “No more, Costin. We’re not in the Middle Ages, and you are not feudal lord of the manor. You need to evolve. This time, you’ve gone too far. Diana is just an innocent child. I’m not going to abandon her. Paul is a kind man who doesn’t deserve this. There is nothing you can do that will change my mind.”

“Enough,” he commands hoarsely. The color of blood overtakes the whites of his eyes.

The threat hangs between us like a static charge building before the storm breaks. We both know he can overpower me if he wants. He could drop me off the side of the penthouse before I even knew I was moving. He can mesmerize me into oblivion. He can force me into compliance.

The fear should be overtaking me. It’s not. This time, when Draakmar stirs, I don’t feel afraid. I feel powerful.

“No,” I say softly. “Paul and Diana need my help. I’m not turning my back on them. And I can’t be with someone who would stand by while a child is killed.”

“You have responsibilities to your family, a duty not to let the wolves win.” His fingers brush my cheek with surprising gentleness before curling into a fist against the door. “If they need all three powers, then the werewolves can’t complete their ritual without you. Stay away, and this all ends.”

“Ends how?” I refuse to back down. “I won’t hide while others suffer. That’s not ending anything. That’s running away, and you know it. I’m not a coward.”

“No, never that.” He leans closer like he’s going to kiss me. His hand slides gently over my throat, thumb tracing my pulse. “I can’t let you sacrifice yourself. The Alpha won’t just hand them over to you because you ask nicely. There is no way his plan ends without bloodshed. ”

Draakmar agrees with him. The dragon thrashes wildly for attention.

Suddenly, Costin pulls back, studying me. “What’s happening to you?”

“I don’t know.” At least it’s honest.

He puts the back of his hand on my forehead. “You’re warmer than usual.”

I grab his wrist and pull his hand away. “Don’t change the subject.”

Though I get what he’s saying, I feel like I’m standing on top of a furnace. Only I’m not sweating.

Costin steps back, and the crimson fades from his eyes. “You should know me better than this by now. Do you really think that I would let them hurt a child?”

“How would I know that? You’re a closed book. You drop enigmatic half sentences and then look at me all moody like a… like a…” I’m so frustrated the words struggle to come out. “…a moody goth teenage boy.”

“I did not know they wanted the child,” Costin states. “There was no reason to suspect it. Wolves don’t turn children if they can help it.”

“Keep talking,” I demand, wanting more from him.

“But I knew something bad would come of all this. That is why I didn’t want to arrange the audience with the Alpha. Werewolves are not to be trusted. They are rash, treacherous creatures who live on emotion and impulse, bound to the moon and as changing as the tides.”

“But you knew they were after Paul?” I keep my gaze steady on him.

“Yes.”

“Why would you let them take him?”

“The Alpha had threatened to take you but had heard rumors we were together. He tried to barter for you. I said no.” His guard slips, and his voice carries real emotion. “They wanted someone touched by magic. Namely, you, because of the amulet. When they suggested taking Paul instead...” He looks away. “I let them. I didn’t know about the full ritual at the time, and I never knew they were after a child. At worst, I thought they’d turn him into a howler.”

He doesn’t need to spell it out, but I can connect the dots. If Paul were a werewolf, then Costin thinks that would change my opinion toward him. Instead of competing against a human, he’d be competing against a werewolf. To a vampire, he would be the clear winner in that rivalry.

Did Costin’s decision to let them take Paul really come down to pure old fashioned male jealousy? Was that his secret?

“Werewolves are impulsive creatures who act on emotion rather than reason,” he continues, like he’s trying to justify his thinking. “I assumed they initially wanted leverage against the vampires through you because of our connection. You’re so defiant and keep running away from me. I can’t protect you during the daylight hours without mesmerizing you into safety. Then, when you demanded that audience, I knew Thane would make a play to lure you in. That is why I couldn’t let you have a meeting without me there. Whatever promises he made to you are lies.”

“Damn it, Costin, why didn’t you tell me this from the beginning? This is what I’m talking about. Why the hell do you keep doing this? Keeping secrets, and making me guess?”

“Why would I tell you everything? So you can look at me like you are now? Why would I give you that choice? I knew you’d sacrifice yourself to save him.” His voice is rough with emotion. “You’re mine to protect, Tamara. Yes, I promised your grandfather that I would watch out for you. But even if I hadn’t, you would still be my responsibility. Mine to…”

He cuts himself off, jaw clenched. He gives a small shake of his head, biting back his words.

“Yours to what?” I whisper, wanting him to finish the sentence. “You have to talk to me. I can’t read your mind.”

Instead of answering, his mouth crashes into mine. His kiss is desperate, almost bruising. It reeks of panic like he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he lets go. I’m not sure what it means or how I know it. Is it fear of losing me, fear of feeling too much, fear of this power he can’t control?

A fang nicks my bottom lip, and I taste a hint of blood from the tiny wound. I should push him away. I should leave. Instead, I grip his shirt to keep him close as heat floods me. The amulet grows hotter, radiating flames, but neither of us pulls back.

Costin deepens the kiss, and I feel the moment the predator gives way to something more vulnerable, more human. I realize that for all his strength, for all his power, I’ve become more than just his weakness. I’m his tie to humanity.

“Don’t…” he whispers, choking on the word. I sense the need in his trembling hands as they frame my face. “Don’t leave me.”

The admission does not come easily for him. I feel it in the way his body tenses and how his fingers curl possessively into my hair. Vampires don’t admit weakness. Their whole survival depends on being the emotionless predator. I often doubt they can feel things like the rest of us. And for someone like Costin? A master vampire meant to lead them all? Admitting to his feelings would be seen as the ultimate failure.

I want to trust him, but I’ve been burned by my own willful ignorance too many times .

“I can’t lose you,” he says against my mouth. “Not to the wolves, not to Paul, not to death.” His fingers trace my pulse. “If it comes to it, there are ways and things I can do to save you. There are ways we can make sure you can’t be used for the ritual. If you’re not mortal, they can’t…”

He stops himself, but I see the calculation in his eyes. He’s already planning how to save me, no matter the cost.

“No. Promise me you won’t do that.” I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but no part of me wants to be made into a vampire. The idea of drinking human blood makes me gag. And to never see daylight?

“You don’t have to be scared.”

Sure, the idea of eternity in the abstract sounds romantic, but I have seen the toll that reality takes upon people. I think of my parents, disillusioned in a practical marriage. I think of what it would be like to deal with the supernatural bullshit until the end of time. I just want to be normal. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. And if I can’t be normal, then at least I know who I am. I don’t want to be a monster. Of course, I’d never call him one to his face. He can’t help he’s a vampire.

“I don’t want that.” I need to be clear. “Don’t turn me.”

His fingers twitch against my skin, then pull away. He’s hurt I rejected his offer. His jaw tightens .

For a moment, I think he might argue, might try to convince me of immortality’s benefits. Instead, he nods once, the gesture carrying the weight of a vow. But something in his eyes makes me wonder if he could keep that promise if truly tested.

He leans into me. I should stop this. I’m too emotionally vulnerable to make good decisions. I can’t think straight when he touches me. But when his fangs graze my throat, I pull him closer. My body presses into him with a mind of its own. The amulet heats between us, and for once, it feels like permission rather than a warning.

I should stop.

Fuck, I need to stop.

I need to think. I need to reason.

“Let me in,” he pleads as if feeling my internal struggle. “Trust me enough to let me protect you.”

Damn, he’s sexy. I can’t help myself.

“Trust me enough to let me make my own choices,” I counter, even as my fingers work at the buttons of his shirt.

He laughs softly against my neck, but he doesn’t sound pleased. “Choices? What choice is there when every path leads to your death?”

I pull back enough to meet his gaze. “Then help me find another path.”

This time, when he kisses me, it’s different. It’s slower, deeper, like he’s memorizing every sensation. His cool hands slide under my shirt, and I shiver at the contrast between his touch and my fevered skin.

I can’t resist. I’m being drawn to him as if he can’t turn off the magnetic pull of his power.

“You’re really burning up,” he murmurs, touching my forehead. The contact sends shivers over me. “This isn’t normal. Are you unwell?”

“I’m fine. It’s Draakmar,” I answer. “His connection has gotten stronger. It’s like he is attempting to tell me something, but half the time, it’s like listening to a language I don’t understand.”

I can’t focus on the dragon’s warnings when Costin’s proximity makes my skin tingle.

“It’s fine.” I wave the concern away and pull his lips back to my greedy mouth. His tongue presses past the seam of my lips, tenderly dipping inside. Passion shoots through me at the taste of him. I moan in pleasure, imploring him to give me more.

We crash into each other, frantic, as we stumble toward my bed. Our clothes crumple under our eager hands as I fight to be free of them. I hear material rip before he throws it to the floor.

He lays me down, and I sink into the bedding. Costin moves with inhuman speed, caging me under his body. I breathe in, feeling as if I’m pulling his breath into my lungs. The torturous need becomes unbearable .

I ache with mounting passion. Every point we touch feels like raw electricity. Yet, his weight keeps me grounded as desire courses through my veins. His body presses into mine, so close my breasts yield to the hard muscles of his chest. He groans, a purely animalistic sound.

I’m struck by how right it feels to be with him, despite everything. We’re so dissimilar. He’s immortal strength and I’m frail mortality. By all rights, we don’t make sense.

He pulls up just enough to gaze down at me. I see the red hunger feeling his eyes, begging me. I can imagine all the things he’s not saying. Stay alive. Stay safe. Stay mine.

The vulnerability in him makes my chest ache. For all his power, I hold him captive. And somehow, he has become my undoing as well. I’m not equipped to resist him. The thought frightens me but also makes me burn hotter. This isn’t just about the primal need of our bodies.

I pull him closer, working my legs along his hips. I see the predator in his gaze. I feel the brush of his fangs as if he wants nothing more than to bite my flesh. He can’t as long as I wear the amulet.

The pleasure of his touch vibrates to my core. His mouth again claims mine, teasing me with his fangs but not cutting into me. His possessive kisses try to mark me as his. The kiss deepens until my lungs burn for air and I have to push him back. I pant heavily, as he waits for me to pull him back to my mouth.

I can’t resist this. Each nerve is electrified as it reaches toward him. The sound of my rushing blood fills my ears. I’ve spent my entire life struggling against supernatural control, but there’s something incredibly intoxicating about surrender.

I shiver as a sensitive trail follows his hand over my ribcage. I writhe beneath him and push up my hips, trying to get him to end the ache between my thighs. Instead, a palm finds my breast, massaging it deeply. I don’t want him to stop. I never want this to stop. I try to be strong but can’t control myself with him. I need him to touch me and end the torment.

My head swirls with thoughts and warnings, but I don’t listen. Costin has been there my entire life, standing in my shadow, watching, waiting, protecting me when I didn’t even know I needed protection.

And then the truth hits me as his hips settle between mine, and his grip tightens on my breast, keeping my nipple at full attention. I’ve fallen in love with him. I’m terrified, and I’m in love.

The realization takes me aback, and I hesitate.

“I need to taste you,” he murmurs against my throat. Those damn fangs tease the skin over my pulse. The amulet prevents him from breaking through, but the pleading in his voice makes me quiver.

This is madness.

My hands tremble as I reach for the chain around my neck. The amulet is my shield against supernatural danger. Without it, I’m vulnerable.

My sex pulses with denied pleasure. I want him. Not just the careful, controlled version of himself he shows the world, but all of him, both the vampire and the man, the darkness and the light. I need him to give me what my body craves.

I finger the necklace before slowly pulling the chain over my head. I feel exposed without my talisman, and my heart beats faster at the dangerous thrill.

“Are you sure?” Need radiates off him, and yet he holds himself perfectly still.

I nod and offer my neck.

The predator inside him emerges. Costin groans and buries his face against my shoulder. Fear should be clawing at me. But instead I feel anticipation of the bite. His power wraps around me like a physical caress. My body arches into him, wanting more.

I tense and wait for him to drink, only to be disappointed when he doesn’t.

My nerves tingle. Costin’s mouth travels along my unprotected body. Soft light dances along his perfect muscles. He’s so beautiful it makes me ache .

He kisses a winding path to one breast, then the other, and back again. With each press of his lips, I stiffen and wait for that sharp, painful stab into my flesh. When it doesn’t happen, I release a small gasp of disappointment, only to tense when his mouth returns. Each contact is calculated to amplify my need.

His hips rock, hinting at the rhythm to come. I cry out in frustration, my fingers tangling in his hair to force him closer. I open my legs, wrapping them around him to pull him in. He’s too strong for me to force down. His tongue traces patterns on my sensitive flesh, over my nipples, and down the valley of my breasts. I squirm beneath him, pushing and pulling, trying to end the building ache inside me. I forget where we are. The room fades into the fog of oblivion. Nothing matters but this moment.

I need him.

I want him.

I love him.

He knows exactly how to touch me, how to drive me to the edge and keep me there. His supernatural strength holds me effortlessly in place when I try to move. Control is just an illusion. I never had it. I will always be at his mercy.

My vampire.

The desperation courses through my blood like a fire needing to be extinguished. I hear myself begging, but the sounds feel far away, and I don’t know if I’m thinking it or saying the words aloud. “Please, Costin, oh, please…”

When his fangs graze my inner thigh, I inhale sharply and try to force him toward my sex. I need to feel him against me, releasing the growing tension in my body. All the stress, fear, frustration, and doubts whirl around in my head. I am helpless against them.

“Mine,” he growls against my skin. The possessive tone should anger me, but instead, it sends the fiery heat pooling low in my belly.

Then, finally, he bites down on the tender flesh of my inner thigh. All my frantic thoughts instantly stop under a sharp sting of white heat and then the warmth flooding through me. Pleasure-pain drowns out every thought but him.

His hands grip my hips, holding me still as he intimately drinks. I feel the pull of his mouth as he sucks against my skin. I don’t know if it’s the erotic sensation or the blood loss that’s making me lightheaded. All I know is I don’t want him to stop.

The more he drinks, the warmer he becomes. I have no concept of time. When his mouth finally pulls away, he leans his head back and makes a strange noise of pleasure. I watch as his jaw bites at the air as if he is forcing himself to stop before he kills me. I feel the tickle of blood dripping down my thigh to the crack of my ass.

And still, I’m not scared of him, at least not of this part of him.

“Please,” I beg, not even sure what I’m asking for.

Costin leans over me and licks the wound with a loud moan before flicking his tongue along my sex. I can’t control myself as I convulse in response.

He rises over me like a dark angel, all dominance and barely contained violence. I see my blood swirling in his eyes and staining his lips. I feel the tremor in his body as if he’s trying to rein in his power. But his touch remains gentle as he brushes the hair from my face. “Tell me you’re mine.”

It’s a command I can’t deny. I nod and manage on a breath. “I’m yours.”

His mouth crashes against mine, desperate, demanding. Like he’s trying to brand me with his kiss. I taste my blood, and his continual growls of pleasure vibrate through me.

There is a fierce tenderness to the way he draws his body to mine. When we finally join, it is pure ecstasy. I feel connected to him. My nails dig into his shoulders as he drives deep and hard, claiming me completely. The sensations are overwhelming. His supernatural strength lets him set a pace that would break a mortal man. Each thrust feels like he’s trying to mark me from the inside out .

His mouth crosses over my throat, and his hot breath makes me shiver in anticipation. I turn my head, offering myself again to him. His fangs pierce my skin at the height of our passion, and the dual sensation sends me spiraling over the cliff. I’ve never felt anything like it. The sting of his bite only intensifies my climax. I cry out as release comes over me in waves.

I feel him drinking, taking my essence into himself, and somehow, it makes everything more intense. His grip tightens as my blood fills him. When he finally breaks away from my throat, his mouth finds mine again. I taste a coppery sweetness as his kiss deepens.

For one perfect moment, there are no threats, no rituals, or complicated choices. There’s just us, connected in the most primal way possible. I feel his power surrounding me, filling me, claiming me in ways that go beyond the physical.

“Stay with me,” he begs against my mouth. “Choose me.”

I want to. The feel of him still courses through me, and his body presses to mine. I want to promise him everything. But dawn will come to shed its hateful light, and with it, all our complications will return.

He settles on the bed next to me. Seeing my penthouse bedroom draws me back into reality, a place I don’t want to be.

His hand moves over my neck as if tracing his bite. He leans to nuzzle my neck, licking me.

Costin pulls back, studying me. “Did I hurt you?”

The concern in his voice makes my heart ache. “No.”

“You’ve always been strong.” His whisper tickles my ear. “Stubborn. Defiant. Beautiful.”

Something has shifted inside him. It’s in his expression and in the way he holds me. There is a vulnerability I’ve never seen before.

“I meant what I said,” he murmurs, fingers caressing my skin. “I can’t lose you.”

I search for the amulet in the bedding, finding its familiar weight. I lift my head and slip it back around my neck. The stone pulses warmly, but it feels different now, less like a barrier between Costin and me and more like a bridge. Perhaps this is what I’ve been fighting all along, the inevitable truth that my place is here, balanced between his darkness and my light.

“Then help me,” I say softly, reaching to caress his jaw. “Help me save them. Not because you care about Paul or Diana, but because I do. Because letting innocent people die isn’t who either of us wants to be. ”

I let my touch linger on his face, and he leans into it like a creature starved for gentleness.

He’s quiet for a long moment, and I feel the tension return to his body. Finally, he presses a kiss on my temple. “You should sleep.”

It’s not a no. From Costin, that’s practically a yes. I curl into him, knowing that dawn ticks closer and he’ll have to go underground soon.

That moment comes faster than I anticipate. He pushes up from the bed and is dressed before I have time to question it. “I have some important vampire matters I need to attend to before dawn.”

I don’t like the vagueness of that statement. “What matters?”

“Nothing you should be concerned about. There is a message from the European council that needs answered. They do not like to be kept waiting. We’ll talk more tomorrow night. Get some rest.”

I want to tell him I slept all day and I’m not tired, but he drank a lot of blood. Between that and Draakmar’s feverish surges of power, I feel the lethargy seeping into my limbs.

There are still secrets between us and choices to be made, but something fundamental has changed. I’m no longer just his to protect. He’s mine to protect, too.