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I didn’t know where he was going with that statement and I wasn’t sure I liked it, “That’s not true and you know that. My work is important but it has never been the most important thing. Even if it was, you of all people should understand that. You were just like that too.”

“Don’t be like that; do you know what it was like being engaged to you? Your work came first all the time and I felt like I wasn’t important.”

“So now you’re saying that it is my fault you cheated and that your main reason for doing so was so that you could feel important.”

“I didn’t cheat on you Adira; we were over long before she even came into the picture.”

“You proposed to me the day before she came into the picture. I didn’t realize that a proposal meant the relationship was over. And why the hell are we talking about her? This isn’t about her, it is about you and me.”

“There is no you and me. There never was, it was a mistake.”

I flinched as the physical impact of his words hit me like a blow. I forced the rising emotions in me to still, “This is the part where you apologize.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for.”

“Four years and you’re going to wrap it up as a mistake.”

“That’s what it was, Adira; it never should have happened. It was destined to end; I just hate how it ended.”

“You know I could have called you out as a liar.” I told him, “When you made that statement, I had the receipts to prove it too.”

“I knew you wouldn’t because it would have hurt her and as angry as you are, you would never put an innocent woman through what you went through. ”

For the first time I saw Joseph as he was; a sad, hopeless man. I would never have survived being married to him. I would have been miserable and so would he. For better or for worse, I’m glad he cheated because I never would have left him otherwise.

I wondered if he would disregard her the way he did me. I almost asked but then I remembered what he said earlier. He loves her, and when he said it, I knew he wasn’t lying.

“I hold nothing against you Joseph,” I said finally, “But you are a massive cunt and I hope that child of yours take after their mother. Heaven knows the world needs less people like you.”

“That’s a low blow and you know it.”

“Get out,” He opened his mouth to speak, “Get the fuck out before I ram my knee into your balls and permanently destroy your ability to procreate.”

He stared at me for a beat before finally walking away. I waited until I couldn’t hear his footsteps before I let my facade fall. All my strength left me in an instant and I buried my head into my thighs.

I took my phone out of my pocket and my finger hovered over Olivia’s name. I knew if I called she would drop whatever she was doing to listen to me but the last thing I wanted to do was burden her with my problems so I put the phone down and focused on getting my act together.

“Can I sit?”

I knew the question was for courtesy sake so I didn’t bother answering. Even if I told him no, he would still do what he wanted. Nathan doesn’t do well with instructions, especially when they come from me.

“Are you okay?” he asked and I shrugged. “I’m going to need words sunshine, I can’t read body language. ”

“Isn’t reading body language part of your job?”

“Maybe, but have you considered the fact that I just wanted to hear you speak?”

I exhaled deeply and finally looked at him. I knew what he was seeing; a tired and exhausted woman. Normally, I would try to hide it and pretend to be fine but I had no energy left in me anymore.

“I don’t really have the energy to banter with you Nathan.”

“Then don’t,” he said simply, “If you want to get drunk, we’ll go and get drunk. If you want to scream, I’ll stand here and scream with you but under no circumstances will I allow you to sit here and feel bad because of what that asshole said to you.”

“What if he was right? What if I pushed him away? What if I truly prioritized my work over him?”

“Even if you did all those things, which you didn’t, it doesn’t give him the right to cheat on you. A normal person would leave a relationship if they think it isn’t working for them anymore.”

“I’m not angry,” I said and from the look on his face, I knew he didn’t quite believe me, “Really, I’m not. I was angry before, hurt and ashamed. But now, I’m just disappointed and I can see everything quite clearly. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.”

“You loved him; love can make us do the craziest things and turn us into shadows of ourselves if we give it to the wrong person.”

“Since when did you become a poet?’

“Since always, you just never noticed.”

I scoffed at him and lay back against the grass. I closed my eyes so that the sun wouldn’t get into it but I allowed myself to feel the warmth of the rays on my skin .

When I started out my day, I didn’t think it would end like this. In fact, I thought it would end with me bored as hell in my bed but I’m grateful that I was able to have that conversation with Joseph. It finally allowed me to let go of whatever bit of resentment I was holding towards him.

“Can I ask you a question?” I was more shocked that he was asking for permission but I hummed, “Is he the reason you hate the town?”

“The last time you insinuated that, it ended in an argument.”

“Just answer the question.”

“That's part of the reason.” I admitted, “I never liked the idea of small towns in the first place. I love the city, I love the loud, I love the noise, I love the night life; I grew up there, and it is all I know. But when that happened, it just kind of solidified my hate for it.”

“Don’t you think you should give it a try?”

“I have given it a try for the past two days.”

“No, you’ve gone around with a permanent scowl because you don’t want to give it a try.” I rolled my eyes but I knew he was right, “What about last night? Did you enjoy it?”

“I was tired, I would have enjoyed anything.” I lied.

I peeled my eyes open from where I was lying down and saw him giving me a look that said he knew I was lying. I huffed and turned away and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the edge of his lips tilt up into a smile.

“Let’s go to the bar this evening.”

“No way.”

“Just give the town a chance Adira. You don’t have to love it but do you really want to leave here with only bad memories. ”

“It won’t be the first time it has happened.” I shrugged and I waited for him to say something witty in return but when he didn’t respond I opened my eyes.

“It’s just one night, what’s the worst that could happen?”

I hated whenever people said that phrase because inevitably, the worst always happened.

“I don’t have anything to wear.” I said in a last minute attempt to get out of it but I could feel myself caving.

“You know my pin,” he smirked because he knew he had me there, “So, are you in?”

“Fine, whatever, but if I hate it, it is on you.”

As evening fell, I grew anxious. I hoped that before we got to the bar, my anxiety would reduce but if anything it only seemed to increase a little more.

As we stood at the door I did a mental check of my outfit; ripped skinny jeans, a sleeveless black corset-like top and black ankle boots. I knew I looked good but I couldn’t help but brush away imaginary lint as we made our way through the double doors.

Darius was right, the place was packed with people. Most people were seated and talking amongst themselves and a few people were on the dance floor. Darius saw us from his booth and waved us over. He was seated next to a pretty petite woman with wispy blond hair and kind eyes.

“I’m glad you could both make it.” Darius said as we took our seats opposite him, “This is my wife, Marla.”

She held out her hand to me first, “You must be the two Darius has told me so much about. It is so nice to finally meet you. I do hope you’re enjoying your stay here. ”

“I am,” Nathan said then he dropped his voice to a whisper, “Although, I’m not quite sure about her.”

I pinched his side hard making Marla and Darius laugh.

Darius ordered beer for us, apparently it was uncultured to drink anything other than beer on a Friday night out. I knew it would be rude to refuse so I accepted it although I made sure to watch how much I drank because I tended to get carried away with beer.

Darius was obviously the more talkative one while Marla would occasionally add her own input from time to time. Watching them was almost as entertaining as listening to them. They were obviously in love; they never went more than five seconds without touching themselves one way or the other.

It was either his hand would hold her or she would place her hand on his shoulder. Either way, it was cute to watch and I couldn’t help the pang of loneliness that hit me when I realized that I might never get that.

“Do you want to dance?” Darius asked and for a second I thought he was talking to Marla but I realized that his eyes were on me.

“Oh no,” I shook my head, “I don’t really dance.”

“Nonsense, you won’t get the full experience if you don’t spend at least five minutes dancing.”

He got to his feet and despite my refusal, he pulled me to mine and dragged me onto the dance floor. An upbeat song was playing and I didn’t know the steps but he guided me through them and he did a darn good job because it actually looked like I knew what I was doing .

Against my better judgment, I was having fun and that was why when the song ended and I was twirled into someone’s arms, I didn’t pull away. I was vaguely aware of my surroundings are for once I felt like I could just breathe and do what I wanted without being judged.

The guy I danced with barely had the chance to introduce himself as Pierre when Nathan tapped him on the shoulder.

“Is it okay if I cut in?” he asked and the guy nodded and stepped away.

“I don’t think that’s how it works.” I tsked but Nathan simply shrugged.

“When have you ever known me to play by the rules?”

The song playing was slow and somehow, the bar looked darker. It took me a second to realize that the lights had been dimmed. He stepped closet and splayed both hands on my waist while I wrapped mine around his neck. We swayed to the song in silence and after a while, I let out a deep sigh.

“Thank you for making me come,” I said it under my breath but we were close enough that he could hear, “I’m actually having fun.”

“You’re welcome,” he paused before adding, “I actually thought you would hate it.”

“Now it makes more sense why you wanted me to come.” He laughed and I found myself laughing alongside him. “I didn’t know you could dance.”

“Like I said, I am a man of many talents.”

The song came to a stop after that and the light came back on. I realized how closely pressed me were against each other. I was acutely aware of his hand touching the sliver of exposed skin between my top and jeans. I looked up at him, our noses were brushing and the raw emotion in his eyes hit me.

Suddenly it felt like the room was closing in on me and I couldn’t breathe. I stepped back from him, “I need some air.”

He called out for me but I ignored him and pushed through the crowd until I was outside the bar.

I leaned against the wall and tried to fill my lungs with air. The sky was black and twinkling with stars and the full moon. I could hear laughter from inside the bar and the sounds of crickets chirping but neither of them was as loud as my heart pounding in my chest.

I heard before I saw Nathan rush out of the bar. He saw me before I had the chance to hide and he walked over to me.

“You should go back inside.” I said without looking up at him but he didn’t listen to me.

Instead of listening to me, he came closer and I tried to step out of his reach but he caged me into the wall with his body and I cast my gaze down to avoid looking him in the eye but he wasn’t having any of that. He gripped my jaw with one hand and forced me to look at him.

“Why do you keep running from me?” He sounded tired and exasperated. “Tell me that you don’t feel this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Is that why you won’t look at me?” his tone was mocking and it was enough to have me snapping my eyes up to his.

The raw frustration and desire in his eyes knocked the breath out of me and I wondered how long ago he started to look at me like that. I wondered if it was as long as I had or longer .

“Nathan,”

I didn’t know why I was saying his name; I just knew that I had to. He shut his eyes and muttered the word fuck over and over again under his breath.

“I said I wouldn’t do this again. I promised myself I would let you do it first.” He shut his eyes and swallowed deeply, “Ask me to kiss you.”

“I-,”

“Please sunshine, put me out of my misery and ask me.”

I knew I shouldn’t and my brain kept screaming no but what came out was, “Please kiss me.”

“Thank fuck,” he muttered and then his lips were on mine.