Page 26

I am excited- that much is true. But I am also scared and anxious because I don’t know how people are going to take the news. I am terrified because I don’t know who I’m judging alongside, I could easily be the amateur amongst them and people were going to nitpick that.

I don’t know how people are going to react to this and it scares me because this is something I cannot control and I hate things that I cannot control.

I realized Nathan was waiting for my response so I let out a deep breath and settled for the truth.

“I’m anxious, I don’t know how people are going to react and that scares me a little.”

“Judging by what has happened the past few days, no one would be surprised by that answer. But I’m sure there will be people who are happy for you. A little girl somewhere will look at you and say they want to be just like you.”

“Believe me, that’s the only reason I do this.” I chuckled softly, “It makes me so happy when I get emails or messages from young girls who say I’ve inspired them. I have a drawer full of letters and keepsakes I’ve gotten.”

I didn’t realize I had let that slip until Nathan said, “Can I see them?” He must have noticed my ‘caught in headlights look’ because he quickly added, “You don’t have to, but I’m sure people would love to see it.”

I let out a deep breath and opened my bottom left drawer. I pulled the whole thing out because there was no way I would be able to remove everything in there.

It was filled with random things from letters to bracelets to sketch pads of stitches. There were even some mails and screenshots of messages that I printed because they meant so much to me. I put it on the table in front of us and even though he tried to hide it, I saw the shock fill his features.

“Do you have a favorite or one that means the most to you?”

“Of course not,” I shook my head, “That’s like asking me to pick a favorite brand or designer. All of them are special in different ways.”

“Alright then, can you show us one? It can be anyone, it doesn’t really matter.”

I nodded and was about to pick the first one on top when I noticed a familiar piece of pink paper. I’ve read this particular one more times than I would care to admit. I pulled it out instead and opened it up.

“The story behind it is really funny; it was from a boy actually. His name was James and he sent me dms constantly for a week, I just had to open them. He had a heart condition and his best friend is a huge fan of mine and she had been taking care of him as he was in the hospital.”

Talking about it made my eyes water a little, “He wanted to do something special for her so he asked me if I could surprise her and I found it so incredibly beautiful and selfless that I just had to go. She was so excited; I can remember the look on her face when she saw me.”

“He sent you that as a thank you?” Nathan asked but I shook my head.

“He passed away about a month after that. I didn’t find out until two weeks after his death when I received his letter from his best friend. She said that it was the best thing she ever received from him and he wanted to thank me himself but couldn’t because he got extra sick. ”

“Most of the requests I get are from people who want to see me. He was the only one who ever reached out to me because of someone else and it was just the most beautiful thing ever. I wanted to make it for his funeral but I couldn’t so I sent flowers.

I know it won’t make up for anything but at least his parents know that they raised the most selfless teenage boy I have ever met. ”

“I’m sure they know that.”

All I could conjure was a small smile. A part of me wanted to read the letter out, to tell James and Layla’s story but another part of me knew it wasn’t my place.

Layla said some beautiful things about Jake in that letter that I don’t think everyone should be privy to.

So I put the letter back in the drawer and locked it.

I had put a damper on the mood and I wondered how Nathan was going to bounce back from it but he was saved by collective beeping from both our phones- the list was out.

I saw recognition flash across his features but I didn’t wait for him to speak before I picked up my phone and pulled up the article. I brushed through everything Francine said and scrolled to the end where the judge list was.

There were four names:

Mark Vasiliev- a Russian fashion designer/critic who is well known for hating almost everything he sees and being a huge dick about it.

Emilia Anderson- an American fashion designer. I have had the pleasure of meeting her twice and she is a complete sweetheart. She is basically fashion royalty and she’s Hollywood’s sweetheart.

Ronald St. Clair- I don’t know much about him but I know he is another household name. He is very private and I’m even surprised she was able to get him to come out for this but then again, she is Francine Beaufort, you would be stupid to refuse an offer from her.

As I read the names over and over again, I realized three very important facts.

One, I was the newbie among them. They were all people who had built names for themselves long before I even dreamt about opening my own business.

The closest person to my age was Emilia and she was older than me by a good ten years, not to mention her father is an extremely famous actor so she has been in the spotlight all her life and she was sporting designer clothes before she was even eighteen.

They’re all veterans and I’m an amateur. If I’m not careful, I’ll get swept beneath the rug and I’ll be like a little puppy next to them.

Second, on the list they all had their achievements listed out.

They had paragraphs dedicated to them and their achievements.

The article doted on about all the things they had managed to achieve by their age and in my paragraph, it spoke about the most recent controversies with Joseph.

There was only one line that stated that I was even in the fashion world.

I know that wasn’t Francine’s fault but it was obvious the way the media was portraying it, I was the joke of the bunch, the ‘class clown’ for lack of better words. I was there as cannon fodder for the media’s entertainment.

And third, which was the most important for me and was mentioned four times in the article- yes, I counted. I was the only person of color there.