Page 30

Chapter 29

Mila

I could get used to this.

We lay tangled in the sheets, my head resting on his chest, his hand stroking my hair.

Somehow, this moment felt more intimate than any of what we’d shared.

“This is nice.” He gently massaged my scalp, sending goose bumps skittering along my skin. “I wish we were in a luxury hotel in an exciting locale rather than stuck in my house.”

“I don’t mind being stuck with you.” I nuzzled against his neck, inhaling his warm scent. “But being trapped here has its challenges. I’m used to being on the move—traveling, working, running around with a backpack and a laptop.”

He let out a low rumble of understanding. “I can see that. I bet you are an incredible journalist.”

“Thank you. It was always my dream. Television was hard because of the hours and the travel, but I loved producing, and I loved searching for the stories and putting the pieces together.”

“Tell me about some of the places you’ve been.”

I sighed and closed my eyes. “I loved Japan. I was only there for a few days, but I would go back in a heartbeat. The culture, the architecture, the food.” I let my voice trail off. “But in reality, the job was not glamorous. Press isn’t always treated well, and I was sent to some scary places as well. Syria, Afghanistan, Yemen.”

“You’re so brave.”

My cheeks heated at that comment. “Not really. It was the job. I traveled with the crew and the talent, and it’s true what they say: there’s safety in numbers. Plus, we had security. But”—I shook my head—“I saw plenty of things I wish I hadn’t. There are incredible journalists out there who devote their lives to reporting from war zones and shining a light on the tragedies and injustices of our world. I admire them so much, but after a few years, I knew I had to pivot to a more traditional role.”

“There’s no shame in that. We’re allowed to grow and evolve. What I want for my life now, at thirty-four, is nothing like what I dreamed of when I was twenty-one. That doesn’t make me any less brave or brilliant.”

His words were simple, but they sent a shiver through me anyway.

He pulled the soft blanket up around us and gently shifted so we were even closer.

No one had ever described me as brave. Reckless? Yes. Crazy? All the time. But not brave.

“What about you?” I asked, desperate to change the subject. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those hard-core Mainers who’s never left the state.”

“God no.” He scoffed. “I’ve traveled around the US and Canada quite a bit. When Finn was in the Navy and stationed in Virginia, I’d drive down to visit. I’ve been out to Oregon a few times for timber industry stuff, and I’ve traveled all over the place to watch Cole play hockey. But I’d love to do more.”

“What other places do you want to see?”

He ran his fingers along my spine, the move sending another shiver through me. I curled up, throwing one leg over his.

“I’d go anywhere with you.”

My stomach flipped and my heart fluttered in a way I wasn’t sure I should allow.

“But my dream is Hawaii.”

Huh. Not what I expected. “I’ve never been.”

“Yeah, volcanoes and beaches and giant sea turtles. It’s far, but not that far, and so unique. I want to dig my toes into the sand and look out at beautiful blue water. Explore each island. Experience that kind of place.”

I closed my eyes and imagined it. I’d love that too. Beach and sunshine. No worries allowed. A handsome lumberjack available for sunscreen application would make it a dream vacation.

“We should go,” he said. “When this is over.”

It was a wild idea. A musing, not reality. It would never happen, but we held on to the vision of it for a few minutes. Letting the suggestion hang in the air while we clung to one another. Our situation was strange and undefined and precarious. But it was a relief to allow ourselves to pretend we were normal.

I yawned, the hour finally getting to me. “I wish we could transport ourselves to an alternate timeline. One where we’re normal.”

“Normal? Trouble, something tells me you’ve never been normal.”

A huff of a laugh escaped me. “You know what I mean. A world where we could date each other.”

He kissed the top of my head, a sweet gesture that only made our circumstances harder to stomach. “I’d date the shit out of you.”

“I’m not even sure I know how normal dating works. I’ve never actually done it.”

“I have. I’d teach you. We’d drink coffee, take Ripley for hikes, watch my niece Merry play soccer, probably swing by my mom’s for Sunday dinners.”

He pulled me closer, kissing along my jaw and earlobe.

“I’d take you out for date nights. Maybe a concert in Portland. A weekend down in Kennebunkport.”

“Tell me about a date night. What would you do?” I closed my eyes so I could envision what that kind of normalcy would look like.

“Depends. There’s a restaurant in Bangor my brothers love. Farm-to-table stuff. I’d dress up and—”

“A suit?”

“No. I own one suit. It’s ten years old, and I wear it to funerals. I’d wear a sport coat with jeans. And my nice leather boots.”

My stomach fluttered at the image I’d conjured. “Okay. I’m into that.”

“And I’d bring you a plant, not flowers.”

“Because flowers die?”

“No. Because I love plants. They’re complex and beautiful. Like you. And every time you tend to it, I’ll be on your mind. You can’t forget about me if you’re constantly watering the ficus I gave you. Helps my chances of scoring another date.”

“Is this a good time to tell you I can’t keep plants alive?”

“You’d keep my plant alive.” He bit down gently on my earlobe.

“Yes. The hypothetical lumbersnack ficus. Okay, go on.”

“I’d impress you by ordering good wine, and then we’d eat. I’d share with you because you’d struggle to pick just one item. Am I right? You’re the type who’s eager to try new things, aren’t you?”

I hid my grin in my pillow. “Guilty.”

“See? I told you I’m a good date. We’d drink the wine and leisurely sample delicious food. Then at dessert time, I’d order one of each, and we’d try them all. You’re a sugar addict. There’s no way you wouldn’t want a little of everything.”

I frowned up at him. “But you don’t like dessert.”

“For you, I’d try them all. That way, we could debate the merits of each one.”

My heart thumped heavily. It was a bit scary how well he knew me already.

“On the way home, we’d take a little detour.”

“Where?”

“A scenic point off 95 between Lovewell and Heartsborough. There’s a small area to park there, and the view of the valley is incredible. We’d sit on my tailgate, wrapped in the blanket I’d thoughtfully packed, and look at the stars. Since I’m not a huge talker, a beautiful night sky will do some of the work for me.”

“I think you’re pretty good at conversation.”

He shrugged. “You’re easy to talk to.” With a sigh, he continued on. “Then I’d take you home and walk you to your front door.”

“Anything else?”

“If the vibe was good, I’d give you a good-night kiss.”

A tingle zipped up my spine. “Peck or full kiss?”

“Obviously whatever the lady is comfortable with. But after a night with you, I’d probably be so pent up, I’d come in hot and have your legs wrapped around my waist and your back pressed to the front door in a matter of seconds.”

My entire being heated. He was the perfect combination of crude and thoughtful. But as much as it turned me on, it also made me sad.

“How’d I do?”

I squeezed my eyes shut, wringing out every last drop of this fantasy before returning to the real world. His words had made me ache for a life where everything he described was possible. Simple pleasures, getting to know one another, leaving the house and exploring the world. Navigating life with a person at my side.

But all of that had never felt more impossible.

I choked back the heartache. “You were amazing.”

He shifted and pressed his lips to mine softly. “We will get that date, Trouble.”

A dull pain radiated through me. “I hope so.”

Ripley wasn’t ready to settle for the night, so Jude let her out once more, and the two of us went through our nighttime routines. We took turns brushing our teeth, and while he was still in the bathroom, I slipped into one of his T-shirts, pulling the collar up to my nose and inhaling deeply.

The last thing we should be doing was sleeping in the same bed like we’d gotten into the habit of. It was dangerous. But it felt so good.

He smiled as he returned, his running shorts slung low on his hips. “You wanna be the big spoon or the little spoon tonight?”

Ignoring him, I arranged the pillows to support my shoulder and climbed into bed. Willa had given me the go-ahead to sleep without the sling.

He climbed in and snuggled up next to me, careful to not bump my shoulder, then turned off the light.

“Jude?” I worried my lip.

“Yes, Trouble?”

I cleared my throat. “You know how you said we were in this together and there was nothing you wouldn’t do to help me bring down the bad guys?”

He let out a big sigh, his body deflating. “Yes. I remember.”

“Great. Because tomorrow, we’re taking a road trip to chase down a lead.”

“Where?”

“New Hampshire.”

He was quiet for so long that I worried he’d fallen asleep. And as I was resigning myself to not getting a response, he gave me a squeeze and said, “As you wish, Trouble.”