Page 54 of Awestruck (Starstruck Love Stories #4)

Chapter Thirty-Two

Freya

Crossing the terrace as quickly as I can, I run to the stairs, down to the ground level and past guards who call after me but do not follow. Not when shouted orders to stay at their posts follow me instead.

I should have known Elliot would come after me, but when I reach the edge of the lake and stumble to a halt to face him, the sight of him bathed in moonlight still makes my heart pound in my chest. Seeing Markham at his side disarms me almost as forcefully.

Fighting to draw air into my lungs, I look from one man to the other and silently beg one of them to choose for me.

To tell me what to do because I have never been so torn.

With a long, meaningful look between him and Markham, Elliot is the first to move, ducking his head and stepping back until he is out of earshot.

Then he turns, keeping me in his periphery but showing me that he will not read any of this conversation on my lips.

I almost wish he would, but I am grateful for the privacy nonetheless.

Markham looks more unsure than I have ever seen him, his brow furrowed and his eyes on the soil at his feet, and the man who always knows what to say remains silent.

Which means, in Elliot’s words, I have to ‘suck it up and keep moving forward.’

I take a shaky breath, not knowing what to say. “How is your arm?”

Markham glances at his sling, then at me, and a small smile plays on his mouth. “Could be worse.”

“I am sorry you ever had to take that bullet for me.”

“I would do it again in a heartbeat.” Ducking his head again, he scuffs the toe of his shoe in the dirt. “I’ve always firmly believed that the mark of a good leader is someone willing to sacrifice their wants and needs for the good of others.”

Tears well in my eyes again, and I blink them away. “I agree with you.”

He lifts his head, fixing me with a look of so much raw emotion that I could hardly put a name to it.

Sadness and love and fear and admiration all rolled into something beautiful and heartbreaking.

“But not like this.” He gestures between us, and each breath he takes seems to tuck away more and more of that emotion leaving him vulnerable until he is the man I first met.

Nothing but calm confidence that reminds me so much of Derek. “Freya, I can’t let you do this.”

I barely breathe as I stand there in the moonlight. “I made my choice, Markham. I gave you a promise.”

“Then let me be the one to break it. This is not a sacrifice I can allow when you and I both know you don’t want to be married to me.”

“You are a good man,” I say, needing him to know that. “And you would be a good husband.”

“I think so too.” He smiles, then shakes his head. “But not yours. Your heart belongs to someone else, Freya, and I won’t get in the way of that.”

“You are making this too easy,” I complain. Not that I want him to make it difficult, but do I really deserve his kindness after everything?

Chuckling, he steps forward and presses a kiss to my forehead, leaving me feeling entirely inadequate because he has never been anything but good. “Friends?”

I brush a tear from my cheek, wishing I had been stronger. “Of course.” Though he turns to go back inside, I call his name to stop him. “No matter what happens in the election, Candora needs you.”

With a smile and a soft, “Maybe,” he continues on his way to the stairs, offering Elliot a small nod and a few muttered words as he passes.

Elliot and I both watch him go, and when Markham disappears, Elliot turns to me with his eyes full of questions.

He looks the part of a soldier right now, his arms clasped behind his back and his shoulders taut, and I wonder if a part of him wants to go back to the Army.

His brothers-in-arms are there—his family—and I have often thought his talents are wasted on looking after a stubborn princess like me.

He carries pain from the loss of his friend, but I have caused him pain here too.

Wrapping my arms around myself as the night air cools my skin, I search for something to say. This is harder than it was with Markham, and I don’t know how this conversation is going to end.

“What happened with you and Derek?” I ask, and though my voice is too quiet for him to hear me from this distance, he seems to read my question easily enough.

A smile lifts the corner of his mouth, catching me off guard. With a quick glance at the empty grounds, he comes toward me. Each step makes my heart beat faster and leaves me desperate to tell him how things ended with Markham.

He speaks before I can, stopping at least a meter away from me. Farther than I would like. “Hot Scoop posted a story this morning and hinted that I might not be as alone as I thought when it comes to my family.”

“Hot Scoop hints at a lot of things.” More confused than anything, I step forward to close some of the space between us. He doesn’t stop me, so I take another step. “Besides, you are not alone. Your cousin is right inside.” I wave toward the house.

Elliot catches my hand mid-wave, and he seems to relax as he curls his fingers around mine. “According to Hot Scoop, I have a brother.”

Though my stomach twists, I remind myself of all the lies the silly tabloid has claimed to be true. “Oh?”

His smile grows. “According to the blood test Derek and I took earlier today, Hot Scoop is right. Well, half right.”

“I don’t understand,” I admit, in part because his smile is becoming rather distracting. “You have a half-brother? But who…” The rest of what he said hits me all at once, and my jaw drops. “Derek? But how did Hot Scoop—”

“I’m happy to tell you everything, Rapunzel.” His voice drops lower, almost into a growl, as he tugs me closer and says, “But do you really want to talk about Derek right now?”

A shiver runs through me from the way he’s looking at me.

“No,” I say, breathless. “No, we have much more important things to discuss.” Movement on the terrace catches my eye, and I realize everyone is coming outside to release the ceremonial lanterns into the sky.

Any of them could look down to the lake and see us, and that is the last thing I want.

Gripping Elliot’s hand, I start pulling him down the shoreline toward one of my favorite places in Stonemere. “But not here.”