Page 34 of Awestruck (Starstruck Love Stories #4)

She means well. Deep down, I know she loves me and wants me to succeed.

But at what point in my life will she accept that I am an adult and capable of making my own choices?

When I am forty? Sixty? “I don’t need your help when it comes to my campaign,” I say, matching her flat tone.

“If I can’t do this on my own, how am I supposed to rule a country on my own? ”

“You will not always be on your own,” she argues. “Someday, hopefully sooner than later, you will have someone at your side to support you, as I am supporting you now, and you must learn to accept advice from him, as he will be a king beside you.”

I grit my teeth and wait for the censure that is coming.

“But that someone cannot be Elliot Reid. You know this, yes?”

Of course I do, but as I meet Elliot’s gaze once again, my heart disagrees.

His smile has faded, his expression turning more stony than amused, which means he heard my mother’s gentle edict.

I want nothing more than to tell her she is wrong, but I am certain Elliot knows as well as I do that our lives cannot intersect in that way. Not without consequences.

Not without changing laws and making a good many waves. Elliot is not nobility. He is not a politician. He is not even Candoran. Everything about him goes against the laws of my country.

“Mum.”

“These photos say more than what you are willing to admit to yourself, but whatever you are feeling, Freya, it is fleeting. Do not get swept up in the exhilaration of a forbidden crush when it will only lead to heartbreak.”

I take a deep breath and sit up as straight as I can to give my voice confidence, wishing I could be alone when I say this.

But it needs to be said. “I understand your concern, but this is a non-issue. My priorities are first to win the election, then to find my footing as queen. If at some point I choose an attachment to someone, it will not be Elliot.”

Oh, I did not like saying that.

With a stiff spine and my eyes on my lap, I do my best to stay strong as I say, “We are almost to Skalridge. Thank you for your suggestions. I will see you in Stonemere for the Celestial Ball in a few days, but I need to focus on my campaign. So, unless you have something urgent to discuss with me that is unrelated to the election, I likely will not answer your call.”

“Freya.”

“Goodbye, Mum.” I hang up and drop my phone onto the seat next to me, far more exhausted than when the call began. Though I close my eyes and rest my head against the back of the seat, I can feel Elliot’s gaze searing into me, and with nowhere to go, a conversation is inevitable. “I am sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“She is making assumptions without any information to substantiate—”

“Freya.”

I open my eyes, calming at the sight of his gentle smile. He has been so different in the days since we left Havenford, solid and steady in a way I needed so badly. My mother thinks I need support, but I already have it. In every way except the one I do not let myself consider.

Elliot’s smile twitches. “Are we ever going to talk about—”

“No.”

We both flinch at the harshness I put into the word.

Relaxing my shoulders, I swallow and try again. “I was not lying when I said I need to focus on the campaign, Elliot.”

“Just when you said we were close to Skalridge.” He smirks and leans his elbows on his knees, eliminating some of the space between us. “We probably still have five miles to go, at least.”

“Do you have a map in your head?”

“Yeah.”

Oh, he is serious? A snicker escapes me, and I relax for the first time since seeing my mother’s number light up my screen. “You continue to amaze me, Elliot Reid.”

“It’s part of my training.” He breathes in deep, a thoughtful look in his eyes. “You haven’t told her about Grimstad,” he mutters, flexing the fingers in his right hand before clasping his hands together. “Why?”

What a question. Markham and I have not crossed paths as often as I expected us to.

Though we both visited Alderholt on the same day, I was busy with the farmers while Markham spent his time in town speaking to manufacturers.

Our next two stops were opposites, so we only saw each other in passing on the road between the two towns.

The lack of interaction has been a blessing and a curse when it comes to Markham’s proposal.

On the one hand, he has not pressured me to make a decision. On the other, it is far too easy to ignore the prospect and pretend I do not have a choice to make.

“You know what my mother is like,” I say, shaking my head. “Whether she approves of the idea or thinks it laughable, she would try to make the decision for me.”

“You’ve gotten pretty good at making your own decisions, Freya.” He purses his lips. “Have you made one about this?”

My chest tightens, and I cannot bear to look at him.

It is difficult enough to accept that I am not allowed to feel something for Elliot; considering a lifetime commitment to a man I hardly know is even worse.

I never planned for love in my life—it was something I would unlikely find as a future queen.

Hoped for it? Yes. My parents’ marriage was strategic, a princess and the son of an earl, but they were fortunate to forge a love together over time.

I assumed my life would follow a similar trajectory.

But a union with Markham—strategic though it may be—carries a good deal of risk.

He is not noble, so our marriage would be a stark shift from tradition.

He is my political opponent, and choosing to align with him might be seen as weakness.

While I may come to respect him, could I learn to love him? There is no way to know.

“No,” I say, answering Elliot’s question as I look up at him again. “No, I have not decided.”

“You’re running out of time,” he reminds me.

“I am aware.”

“Do you…” He grimaces. “Do you want to talk it through?”

The tightness in my chest grows more painful. “With you?”

He shrugs. “I’m the only one here.”

Despite desperately wanting someone to help me figure out my best options, this is not a conversation I can have with Elliot Reid.

“I am surprised you are here,” I say to change the topic.

I scoot forward in my seat, as if being closer might convince him to give me an honest response.

“One of my brothers could have sat with me like they have all week.”

He sits up, squirming a bit as he maintains a professional distance between us. “I thought I could give them a break.”

“From me?” I snort a laugh. “How flattering.”

Smiling, he shakes his head and seems to relax again. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?”

“I’m giving them a break from me.”

“Oh?”

He chuckles. “Turns out talking to you unlocked something in me, and since I’ve been keeping a professional distance from you, they’re the next best thing for conversation.

” Twisting his lips, he tilts his head to the side and lifts his eyebrows, looking so expressive that I cannot help but smile.

“For the record, I definitely prefer talking to you, Rapunzel.”

He has not called me that in days, and the nickname feels like an embrace. “I’ve missed talking to you too,” I whisper.

The space between us warms, quiet and comfortable.

I have spent more time than normal speaking with my friends in California over text and video calls these last few days, but more than ever I have wanted to talk to the man sitting across from me.

He unlocked something in me as well, and I have never felt that my friends would understand my fears of taking the throne.

They are all so confident in their spheres and know exactly who they are.

Elliot, for all his skills and talents, was so afraid of making a mistake and getting me hurt that he started to fall apart by the time we reached Havenford. I can imagine no man more qualified than he is, and he still feared to fail.

If anyone can understand me, he can, and I hate that he has kept his distance. But we both know the limits of our relationship, and it is dangerous to be close to him.

“You should probably stop looking at me like that,” he murmurs in a voice so low it is almost a growl.

Shivering, I refuse to look away, if only to have some control over this thing between us, whatever it is. “I am to be a queen, and I will look at you however I would like.”

Though he shakes his head, his eyes twinkle with amusement. “You’re trouble.”

“Perhaps that is why Markham thought to run against me.”

“He’s running against you because he doesn’t know you,” Elliot argues. “If he knew the woman I know, he’d back down in an instant.”

Blushing, I clasp my hands in my lap as I ask, “And who is the woman you know?” I am playing with fire, asking this question, but I need to know.

Exhaling slowly, Elliot leans forward once more.

There is not as much space in the coach as in the town car, so as he rests his elbows on his knees, our faces are only a foot apart.

“She’s bold,” he says to his hands, linked together a few inches away from my knees.

“Confident. She thinks of everyone’s needs but her own and is intelligent and clever, and every time she finds a new way to connect to her people, I am left more and more in awe of her.

” His eyes lift to meet mine, a fire burning in their brown depths.

“She’s going to be an amazing queen, and I’m going to stand by her proudly. ”

Vitte. I should not have asked, and I cannot stop from reaching out and putting my hand over his in gratitude.

Elliot’s eyes drop to where our fingers touch, growing darker with each passing second. Does he feel the electric charge that I do? “Princess,” he murmurs. A warning, but one I do not heed because he does not free his hands from mine.

Swallowing, I slowly slide my fingers between his hands to separate them and make it possible to hold his hand properly. “Do you truly think I will be a good queen?”

With something akin to frustration in his eyes, he shakes his head. “You know I do.” Then he surprises me by lifting my hand to his lips and placing a gentle kiss on my knuckle. “I don’t know why you keep doubting yourself.”

I doubt myself because despite rising support for me in the polls, there are still many people around the kingdom holding rallies against me.

Markham still has significant influence.

Two of the palace guards have caught glimpses of Elvar Fenwick since leaving Havenford, and the lurker must have a reason for following me.

With each sighting, I am less convinced that he is not as dangerous as Elliot first believed.

“Debate is tomorrow,” Elliot says, speaking of an event Sander suggested when he spoke to Markham in Havenford.

Though I am grateful for the new topic of conversation, this one makes me as nervous as anything else. Markham agreed to the debate without hesitation, and while it will be a good way for each of us to showcase our platforms, it will also put me in front of the entire country.

Elliot must sense my fear of that publicity because he adds, “It’ll be a good way to show the rest of Candora who you are, and they’re going to love you.”

Emotion sticks in my throat, so I can only whisper, “Do you really think so?”

Elliot swallows, lifting his eyes to mine. “How could they not?” he murmurs back.

We sit that way, hands clasped and gazes locked together, until the coach comes to a halt and a guard opens the door, announcing our arrival in the isolated city of Skalridge. Tonight, I will endure the dinner with the Duke of Rensvik, and tomorrow, I will debate with Markham.

Each day brings me closer to my future, whether I am ready for it or not.

At least I will have Elliot with me, no matter what.