Page 13 of Aug

TEN

Four weeks later

“Fuck!”

My feet fell flat and I lost my composure completely. For the past three and a half weeks it had been more of the same.

“I can’t show up this way again.”

Frustration coated every inch of my body. Rehearsal had me questioning my ability to grasp ahold of myself. My emotions. My pain.

I decided that a break was better than continuing to disappoint myself. I couldn’t remember feeling so purposeless. So misaligned. So out of touch with reality. But, here I was.

Lonely.

And losing it.

I picked my phone up from the table and waited for the screen to light up. To my dismay, there were no new notifications. Or, at least there weren’t any from the one person I wanted them from. The one person I needed them from.

Where are you, Aug?

Sighing, I took a seat at the dining table.

It had been four weeks since I’d heard his voice.

Four weeks since I’d felt his touch. Four weeks since he’d taken a leave of absence.

Four weeks since I’d slept in his bed. Four weeks since he’d kissed me goodnight.

Four weeks since he’d awakened me with his manhood.

Six weeks of pure bliss simply wasn’t enough for me. I needed more of the things August offered. But, August was nowhere to be found. And, no one had heard from him. Not even Rome.

Get it together, Tiana.

He wasn’t real.

It wasn’t real.

Get ahold of yourself.

I ran my hands down my face. Sulking had been the only method to the madness happening inside of me, but I was tired of it.

Tired of crying. Tired of mourning someone I wasn’t ready to part ways with.

But, August had shown me that it didn’t matter what my heart said, his actions were the only things believable.

I tucked my tail in and stood on my feet. I was very clear when I let August know that I didn’t want a job, and I refused to chase him down. It was time to stand on those words and kiss whatever we were building goodbye.

A man that wanted to always would. It didn’t matter where he was or who he was with or what he was doing. August didn’t want to reach out to me so he hadn’t.

Move on, Tiana.

It’s time to move on, baby girl .

Rehearsal was in two hours and I couldn’t walk through the door with the same spirit I’d crossed the threshold with over the last three and a half weeks.

The cast was counting on me. Cecilia was counting on me.

This was my chance to prove that I still belonged, and I wouldn’t allow August’s absence to ruin that opportunity for me.

No one will. I concluded, making my way to the middle of the floor.

“Now. Again.”

I positioned myself for the first move and prepared to make a hundred more. We’d be here for a while. I wouldn’t rest until I felt better about my performance. Better about myself. Better about being alone although there was nothing inside of me that wanted to be.

“The person you called has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet. To–”

Click .

I ended the call, simultaneously hating the fact that I’d made it. Week five had come and was almost over and I still hadn’t heard a word from August.

On one hand I wanted to worry, but my heart wouldn’t allow it. I knew August could handle himself. Something deep within assured me he wasn’t missing limbs or teeth or intestines or fingers or toes or a piece of his brain. He was intact. Wherever he was, he was whole. But me, I was in pieces.

Bzzzzt.

Bzzzzt.

My phone vibrated in my hand. I perked with excitement, hoping my call was being returned. It wasn’t.

“Hello?”

“Come downstairs my love,” Rome breathed onto the line.

“Rome, I–”

“Come down, Tiana. You’ve survived another year on earth and I can’t let the day go by without celebrating with you. Come down or I’m going to have to come up, sweetie. I don’t want to overstep, but I will.”

“I don’t have on anything exciting,” I confessed. “Neither do I feel like getting dressed.”

“You don’t have to. You can wear whatever makes you feel comfortable. We’ll have the entire place to ourselves, kid.”

“No surprises, Rome.”

“No surprises.”

I didn’t bother visiting the vanity to polish my skin with makeup or change my clothes. I grabbed my purse and keys before sliding into the gray New Balances near my door. They went perfectly with the oversized gray shirt and gray leggings I was lounging around in.

I made it downstairs within a few minutes to find Rome waiting beside the Rolls Royce that hardly left her driveway. The SUV was massive in size and the most beautiful piece of transportation I’d ever laid eyes on.

“Your chariots awaits you, love.”

With her arm in the air, she ran it along the side of her vehicle. When she opened the back door, my entire face lifted with joy. Rome had a way of making every moment better.

“I said no surprises,” I teased.

She shook her head.

“No surprises. Just a day at the shops and one girl on my mind. A very special girl. A very deserving girl. The birthday girl.”

Bags spilled out of the backseat onto the ground. Rome had lost her mind in the shops. While I wasn’t complaining, my pockets were hurting at the thought of her receipts.

“Don’t count my pockets, babe. This didn’t even put a small dent in them.”

“Must be nice.”

“It is. That’s why I’m here, wanting you to know just how nice it is to have me as your best friend. The kind of friend who believes what’s mine is yours.”

“The best kind.”

“Get in, baby. I’m taking you to dinner.”

The black SUV behind her was tinted to perfection, but it didn’t stop me from trying to stare holes into the windows. Sadness coated Rome’s pretty face as she shook her head.

“He’s not here, Tiana. I’m sorry, babe.”

“Where is he?” I asked, unable to contain my curiosity.

Shrugging, Rome admitted, “I don’t know. I wish I did.”

I sighed, shaking my head. “I don’t understand.”

“Me either, but he’s coming back. He will be back soon.”

“You’ve spoken to him?”

“I haven’t, but my heart tells me so.”

“I’m not waiting anymore.”

“Then don’t,” she agreed. “I won’t ever tell you to wait on a man. Not even if I think he’s special and the perfect piece to your puzzle. Never wait for a man. Time waits for no one. Take note of its restrictions and adapt them.”

“You waited– why? ”

“Because I’d experienced Saint in every lifetime. He wasn’t new to me. I wasn’t new to him. We’d experienced each other countless times before. I didn’t wait for him. I waited for my happiness. My joy. My peace. Without him none of that was possible. None of it will ever be possible.”

Inside of the vehicle, I rested my head on the seat behind me.

“I have to move on.”

“You have to move,” Rome corrected. “You have to move, babe. You’ve been stagnant since that man left. Get up, Ti. ”

A dagger shot through my heart at those words. Nodding, I agreed fully.

“Yeah.”

“We have a performance in three weeks. We have absolutely no room for error. Get your head in the game, babe. What is meant for you will always find you. Rest in that, and everything will fall into place.”

“You’re right.”

The night went on without flaw. Rome spared no expense at the chophouse. Our night ended on her floor in silk pajamas and hair rollers. We laughed for hours at one rom com after the other until we both fell asleep.

By morning, my mind was made up. August became a figment of my imagination. Someone that could’ve been. Someone that possibly was. But, he no longer had the right to take up space in my head and heart. I wouldn’t allow it. He’d promised not to, but still managed to leave me lonely.