Page 29 of Any Second Now (Fort Collins Blizzard Hockey #2)
Oh, Come On
RALEIGH
J acob answers the phone right away.
“Raleigh, I’m so glad you called,” he says without waiting for me to say anything.
“Why are you sending me flowers?” I push back one of the curtains and watch the back of Atticus’s Wrangler depart the campsite.
“Do you like them?” He sounds so excited. I want to kick him. How dare he?
“They’re roses, of course I like them, but I don’t want them from you.”
Jacob has the audacity to make a sad little sound.
“It feels like so long since we talked. Since I saw you. I miss you, Ral.”
I sink onto the couch and lean my head back, closing my eyes and wishing for strength.
“It’s only been a month. And you ask for money, and then you spend a ton to get roses delivered. So really, I bought myself those flowers.”
The sickly sweet smell of the roses fills the Pink Palace, and my stomach clenches in objection .
“I have a job interview tomorrow, so I wanted to celebrate.”
It’s like we’re having two entirely different conversations.
“That’s great, Jacob.” I guess I’ll join his conversation, because otherwise we’ll talk in circles for eternity. “Where is the interview?”
I don’t know why I bothered to ask, but Jacob launches into a description of the company he’s interviewing with.
I mostly block him out. Him getting a job would be amazing.
I’ve already said I’m not giving him any more money, but I still feel so damn bad he’s struggling.
Because while I’m having some kind of existential crisis, I’m at least not financially destitute.
Probably because I’m not a gambler. Or a compulsive liar.
I don’t not care about him. In other words… I still care about him. But I’m realizing it might be a real problem to continue this kind of relationship. Have I been enabling Jacob by giving him money and not cutting him off completely?
And I’m only now processing the look on Atticus’s face when he saw the flowers. It was surprise, bewilderment, then understanding. I truly thought they were from him until the delivery guy called out my married last name.
Then Atticus fled.
And I didn’t stop him.
It takes me a minute to realize Jacob’s gone quiet.
“Raleigh?”
“Sorry, what did you ask?”
“I asked when you’re coming home.” His voice sounds so hopeful.
“I don’t know.” I sit up and stiffen my back. There’s a sharp edge to my voice, and a pregnant pause follows.
The answer is, of course, in four weeks when my sabbatical is over. But he knows that. He just wants me to confirm I’m coming home to him .
I’m not, though.
“I saw the video of you and that hockey player.”
“Mmm-hmm. I figured that from your note.” If he thinks I’m offering any information or insight as to what I was doing with Atticus, he’s gotta be freaking delusional.
“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Jacob says softly.
“Do what?” I grind my teeth together. I tap my phone to put him on speaker and lay it next to me so I can drop my head in my hands.
“You’re trying to be someone you’re not.
” He pauses, and I consider hanging up on him, because I don’t want to hear whatever he’s going to say next.
“I loved you exactly as you were. As you are . There’s no need to buy an RV and drive across the country and do whatever it is you’re doing with that hockey player to prove something. ”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I want to sound confident, nonchalant, angry, even. But I feel insecure. Upset. Defensive. My phone buzzes. “Wait, are you trying to video call me??”
“Yeah. I want to see your face.”
“No.” My voice cracks. Because the thing is—he’s kind of right. I’m trying to be someone different. I don’t want to be the same person I was when I married him. I want to evolve. But what if that’s just not possible? What if we are who we are and there is no changing a person at their core?
“Okay, I understand.” Jacob makes a squeaking sound. “Ral, I’m sorry if I upset you, now or with the flowers.”
I don’t want his apologies, and I don’t want to be having this conversation anymore, because it’s making me feel unmoored instead of adventurous.
“Where’d you get my address?”
“I met your mother for coffee and she gave it to me,” Jacob said simply, as if he’d been waiting for me to ask.
“She gave it to you?” My head jerks up.
There’s no way. Mom.
“Well,” he draws out the word. “She might have accidentally told me. ”
I stand, snatch my phone from the couch, and step outside to do laps around the RV. Megghen boc boc bocs as I walk by each time.
“Please stop calling me. And don’t send me anything else.”
Jacob ignores my protests and launches into another long apology and recap of his latest therapy appointment.
I’ve got so much unresolved shit. With myself and with my ex.
I’m not sure why I thought buying an RV and driving cross country would make me a different person. He’s right. I’m the same Raleigh that got here four weeks ago.
Just because Atticus Knox is paying attention to me, doesn’t make me different.
I end the call with Jacob and immediately call my mother.
“Mom.”
“Hi sweetheart!”
“Tell me you didn’t tell Jacob where I am.”
“No, of course not! I mean, crap, I kind of did.” She gasps. “Is he there?”
“Mom!”
“He showed up outside my office—I guess he missed stalking you so decided to start stalking me—and I took him for coffee. He was freaking out about you not being in town.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
“That boy is not stable.”
“Yeah? Well he seems to think he’s the most stable he’s ever been.”
“Dammit.” Mom sighs. “He wanted to know where you were. He asked if you’d seen Lucy yet. I said no, she was traveling for the summer… and then he got this look on his face.”
“So you gave him my exact address??”
“No! But he threatened to go to Fort Collins and go to all the RV campsites until he found you. He said he just wanted to send you something.”
“Well, he did. He sent flowers.”
“Sorry I didn’t warn you. I meant to, then forgot.” Mom huffs. “You dodged a bullet by divorcing him.”
I snort, then sink into a captain’s chair and let my eyes settle on the peaceful lake. Maybe I’ll live here at the campsite forever.
It doesn’t really matter how he found out.
What matters is that my ex-husband now has my exact location.