Page 21 of Any Second Now (Fort Collins Blizzard Hockey #2)

Then Lachlan side eyes me and smirks.

“What?” I blink as my cheeks heat. Lachlan holds up his hands like what? back at me.

Atticus jolts out of whatever thoughts had him trapped, then drains his pint.

“I think it’s time for another round.” Barrett looks around the table.

“No thanks.” I shake my head and look at my almost empty wine glass. Last time I drank more than two glasses of wine, I ended up on Atticus’s lap in the Pink Palace.

Barrett and Lachlan stand.

“I’m good,” Atticus says. “I’m gonna need to drive Raleigh home later.”

I press my lips together. He is, huh?

“Suit yourself, mate.” The boys disappear into the crowd.

And even though we’re surrounded by people, I suddenly feel like Atticus and I are all alone.

“I’m not ready to go home yet.” I turn to Atticus, suddenly aware of how close his chair is.

“I didn’t say you were.” He doesn’t look at me, but his thigh shifts so it’s gently leaning against mine.

“And you don’t have to drive me home.” I’m insisting on something and I don’t even know what it is.

Atticus looks at me and his lips fall slightly open. A tingle runs up my spine when I let my eyes rest on his mouth. The mouth that was on mine only a week ago. The mouth that kissed me like he both wanted to and needed to. The one that I fantasize about?—

“So you’re going to drive yourself?”

My eyes jerk up to meet his and he slowly smirks. He definitely caught me gazing at his mouth. But who would blame me? Probably half the women in Fort Collins have drooled over Atticus Knox’s mouth at one point or another.

“Maybe not.” Thank god he doesn’t know what I was thinking .

“I’m not one to judge how much someone’s drunk, but there’s no need to drive if you don’t have to.”

“Right.” I scrunch my face and glance down at my empty wine glass. “Well, guess I’m not going anywhere for a while.”

“I’m not ready to drive yet either. But do you want to go for a walk?” His green eyes envelop me like a deep, dark forest.

“What about—” My voice is low and I nod toward where Lachlan and Barrett disappeared.

“Let’s ditch ‘em.” Atticus huffs. “I can’t hear another word about Lachlan’s girlfriend and I’m not sure how long I can hold myself back from punching Barrett in the face.”

I laugh and Atticus pushes his leg against mine.

“Aren’t you worried that Barrett will replace you as Lachlan’s best friend?”

“No, no I’m not.” Atticus turns his body so that now our knees are knocking fully against each other. He leans his forearm across the back of my chair. The man is watching me like I’m the only person in the room.

“I’m ready when you are.” I curl my toes. Yup. Atticus and I are ditching the others so we can be by ourselves. That—whatever it is—is definitely happening.

“Let’s not fight through the bar. We can leave this way.” Atticus nods to the street.

“Should we tell them we’re going?”

“Nope. I’ll text Lach.”

I nod and follow Atticus when he stands and squeezes through a few tables. He looks over his shoulder at me to make sure I’m there, then holds out his hand behind him. I stare at it for a second and then reach my hand into his. His is cool, and he lightly captures my fingers against his palm.

I breathe deeply even as my heartbeat accelerates. What’s going on here? Atticus looks over his shoulder again as he pulls me through the tables .

When we get past the tables and onto the sidewalk, another thought crashes into my consciousness.

Atticus likes me.

Like really likes me.

I know he had a thing for me during college. But that was light flirting and banter and making fun of each other. We both knew nothing would ever happen between us for at least two reasons: my boyfriend and the fact that he was Lucy’s brother.

Now I wonder—did that crush on me ever go away?

He’s not just being friendly.

There’s something more here.

He’s been kind and helpful since the day I got here. He’s brought me gifts and planned things for us to do. He goes out of his way to see me, invite me places, spend time with me.

But didn’t I just think about how relationships aren’t for me? That I need to figure myself out, crush or not?

There’s people lingering in groups on the sidewalk and Atticus continues to hold onto my hand as we make our way through the crowds. We get to the corner and I stand next to him as we wait for the light to change. He firmly grips my hand, weaving his fingers with mine.

Who is talking about relationships though? I’ve spent a decade trapped in a version of myself that I’m not sure is true anymore. Living in small town Connecticut, married (to two different men), working a well-paying, reliable job, planning a suburban mom future.

That’s all over now, and I think I might be lucky to have escaped.

Lucky that Jacob fucked up so royally.

Because if he hadn’t, I would probably have ended up pregnant and tethered to Jacob and that town forever. There would be no driving the Pink Palace across the country—because if I’m honest, Jacob was never going to plan that trip—or quitting my job to do cross-stitch .

Did I say quit? I meant taking a sabbatical to do cross-stitch.

One day, I’d like to consider having kids… but it would have to be the right situation. And I’m about as far from that as one could possibly be.

I shake my head as Atticus tugs my hand to cross the street.

Music drifts toward us from the next block and there are groups of people walking around the well-lit street.

One group is comprised of laughing twenty-something women, wearing way less clothing than I am.

Another is an older couple. Then a pair of young men.

I wonder what they think of me and Atticus.

It doesn’t matter, not just because they’re strangers, but because whatever this is between us has nowhere to go.

It’s not like I’m not going back to Connecticut or my job eventually, right? But maybe… A shiver runs down my spine. I need to shelve that thought for now. Shove it onto a deep, dark, hidden bookshelf in the library next to the encyclopedias.

“You okay, coach?” Atticus squeezes my hand and I turn to him.

“Of course. But where are we going?”

“There’s a band in the square. I thought we could watch for a while.” He glances at me, and the look is so raw and needy.

“Sounds fun.” We walk on in silence.

And what about Atticus?

I need to be careful.

Not just because he’s my best friend’s little brother.

But because there’s something about him that is vulnerable. I can’t believe I’m even thinking that about the hulking, tough, six-foot-four hockey player holding my hand.

It’s true, though.

Between Lucy telling me he’s not been hooking up with women recently, his injury, his kind and cautious way with me, and how he initially reacted toward Barrett Steele. Plus, his father’s fourth divorce.

He’s going through some shit .

And no one is really around for him right now.

Except me.

I need someone, too. And my friends are all otherwise occupied.

Except Atticus.

This is definitely more dangerous that chasing a casual college crush.

He asked me to be his dating coach so he could go out with a bookstore girl he likes, and here we are walking through Fort Collins hand-in-hand.

But I’m not ready to call bullshit on the dating coach thing yet.

As we round the corner toward the square, the music gets louder and the crowd gets thicker.

Atticus moves me behind his back and pulls me through the crowd until we’re standing against a retail store window with a side view of the band.

It’s indie folk rock with acoustic guitars and an earthy feel to the raspy voice of the lead singer, who is singing about the one who got away.

I don’t think Raleigh from a year ago would recognize this person. Raleigh who hadn’t yet discovered there was a reason her husband had been pulling away from her. That there was an insurmountable canyon between us that wouldn’t be fixable, no matter what he thinks now.

I always thought of myself as boring and predictable. Is this who I am now? Am I someone completely different yet?

I’m not sure.

I shut my eyes and appreciate the cool glass through my shirt.

“Isn’t your place not far from here?” The words come out of my mouth before I even know they’re there. I open my eyes and Atticus turns to me sharply.

“Yeah.”

“Is it still under construction? I need to use the bathroom.”

“Nah, they actually wrapped up last week so things are still a little dusty, but it’s all usable.”

I push off the glass.

“And I’m kind of in the mood for zombies.” I cock my head. “Up for part two of our movie night?”

What am I doing?

“I don’t think we finished Shaun of the Dead, which is a fucking crime. Let’s go.”

I laugh airily and keep my eyes locked on Atticus.

Are either of us unclear on what is happening here? I don’t even mean between us in general, I mean what we are going to do tonight. Right now.

Because he is too eager to take me back to his place, and I was too eager to ask.

Atticus tugs my hand and I follow him through the crowd.

Actually, I think we both know what’s going to happen, even though the words haven’t been spoken. I’ve never had a one-night stand. Would hooking up with Atticus be considered a one-night stand? Am I really planning to do that?

I push away the thought that I need to be careful of my heart and whatever Atticus is going through right now. I’m not gonna think about any of that anymore, at least not tonight.

But as Atticus leads me away from the town square and toward his apartment, which I’d only previously seen on video calls when Lucy was living there, I come to a realization.

I need this thing with Atticus, whatever it is.

I need to let myself fall for him, just a little.

Not all the way.

Just enough for him to help me figure out who I am these days.