Page 3 of Another Underworld (Good To The Last Demon #6)

CHAPTER THREE

Almost four hours later.

My bedroom looked like a cyclone had hit it. Two lamps had been destroyed. The dresser was on its side and the ceiling fan had a bra, mine, and boxer briefs, his, hanging from the blades. Sheets were torn and the feathers from my favorite pillow were floating in the air like snowflakes. I didn’t care. It was a hot mess of beauty. “Oh my God,” I said, barely able to speak since I’d done a fair bit of screaming while having the most intense orgasms I’d ever experienced. “That was… umm. I don’t even know what that was.”

Honestly, it was the best sex of my life. The entire neighborhood, including my parents and brother, had probably heard us and I couldn’t find it in me to give a hoot. The Demon had done things with his tongue and hips that I didn’t think were possible. I was no slouch myself. I had the man begging multiple times. Sex was great. Sex with love was divine. I’d never experienced anything like it and was signing up to do it again. Soon. Right now, being an Immortal Demon did not suck.

The grin on Abaddon’s lips made me want to straddle him and play tonsil hockey. However, my limbs were jelly. Lifting a hand took effort.

“Spectacular?” he inquired with a smug expression on his ridiculously handsome face.

“Yep.”

“Brain altering?”

“Definitely,” I agreed with a giggle.

“Hot and sweaty?”

“Ohhh, so hot and sweaty,” I assured him, snuggling close.

“It was perfect,” he said, playing with my hair as we lay tangled in the sheets. “I’m going on record and saying you’ve ruined me for all other women.”

I gave him a weak punch in the arm. If I hadn’t just had six orgasms, the punch would have packed a little more oomph, but I was fine with the tradeoff. The intention was clear. “I’ll remove your junk with a dull butter knife if you offer up your services to anyone other than me, Dick. For the rest of your life.”

He laughed. The sound made my heart feel light. For a brief moment, I was able to pretend that the weight of the world wasn’t sitting on my shoulders.

“So, we’re back to calling me Dick?” He traced my lips with his thumb.

“Only when you are one,” I shot back and glanced at the clock.

We’d done the wild thing for three hours and forty-five minutes. That gave us about fifteen to shower and get ready for the meeting. A get-together where I would lay down the law even if it might piss a few people off.

“Crap,” I said, rolling over and falling off the bed. As I lay in an ungraceful clump on the ground, I groaned. “I think you might have crippled me.”

My Demon love gently pulled me to my feet and wrapped me in his strong arms. I hadn’t even seen him move. My spidey senses were sorely lacking along with body control at the moment.

“It would be a good way to go,” he said, kissing my neck and sending shivers of delight down my spine.

“Agreed,” I said, slipping out of his embrace. The Demon was dangerous in all ways. If he kept kissing my neck I’d forget about the meeting. Hell, I’d forget my own name. “We can’t just sit here and wait for the Higher Power. We need to do something. We could be waiting for decades.”

Abaddon pulled his boxer briefs off of the fan and handed me my bra. “This is true,” he agreed. “Plan?”

“Pulling it out of my ass,” I replied, realizing my bra was toast. The hooks were bent and the strap was MIA. Didn’t matter. I had plenty.

I kept my eyes away from the temptation in the bedroom as I took the fastest shower of my life then pulled on some jeans, a t-shirt and my running shoes. Comfort was key when having uncomfortable conversations. I had a feeling my mom, Man-mom, Uncle Joe and Sean were not going to be happy with my idea. The munchkins would most likely lose their debatably sane little minds, but the safety of those I loved and cared about came first. Period.

“You ready?” I asked as I pulled my hair into a high ponytail and slapped on some lip gloss.

“Will there be bloodshed?” he inquired, copping a quick feel of my ass.

“Most likely,” I replied, returning the favor.

“I’m in.”

Uncle Joe had given the message to Candy Vargo. When Abaddon and I stepped out of the house, everyone stood on my front lawn. The round of applause accompanied by whoops and hollers we received was mortifying. Abaddon didn’t say a word. He stood beside me stoically. However, I was pretty sure a slight smile pulled at his lips. Man-mom wasn’t clapping. He appeared somewhat uncomfortable. I couldn’t blame him. Just like I didn’t ever want to think about my dad doing the nasty, I was positive he felt the same. My mom tried not to laugh, and my brother gave me a double thumbs up. Pandora stood off to the side, not really fitting into the crowd. Shockingly, the munchkins were strangely subdued.

Of course, Uncle Joe was doing jumping jacks front and center. I kept my eyes averted.

“Congrats, motherfuckers,” Candy Vargo announced. “Glad to hear—and I mean hear —that neither of you idiots is a virgin anymore.”

“Are you always such a smartass?” I asked her.

“Nope,” she replied with a chuckle, tossing me a box of toothpicks. “Occasionally, I sleep.”

Swallowing my laugh was impossible, so I didn’t. I accepted the gift and shoved it into my pocket.

“Kinda shocked either of you can walk, beeotch,” Ophelia said with a wide grin and a hip pump.

I raised a brow and refrained from setting her ablaze. “Thank you for your concern, Jackass.”

Ophelia was around five hundred years old and looked twenty. She had bleached blonde hair and a double D sized chest that she’d paid good money to obtain. She was a crappy actress who had aspirations to replace Vanna White someday. Her pet name for me was Bitch. Mine for her was Jackass… amongst others. She was a pain in my ass. However, the Demon was also loyal as all get out and would have my back in the worst of situations. She’d grown on me like a non-lethal fungus and I’d grown to love the dummy.

Fifi stepped forward and bowed. The stunning Succubus was six feet tall and had a resting bitch face that beat any I’d ever come across. However, this afternoon, she was smiling like a dumb-dumb. She was armed to the teeth and held a grenade in each hand. “My Liege Bitch Goddess Cecily, you do seem to have the talents of a Succubus if the moaning and ear-piercing screaming was anything to go by. Your charming bungalow literally shook on its foundation. Impressive! I commend you! However, I’m pleased you are not one of my kind, or else that aerobic, athletic and very vocal fornication session would have sucked the life force out of Abaddon, and he’d be dead.”

“Mmmkay. I guess… umm… thank you. And how about you put those grenades away?” I suggested, pressing the bridge of my nose and hoping that no one else wanted to chime in on my sex life. “No further commentary on my private activities is necessary.”

Sean raised his hand.

“Is this about the last hour?” I questioned.

“I think you mean four hours,” he corrected me with a smirk.

The look I gave my younger brother would have withered a lesser man. My brother was a brilliant badass—a world-renowned poet, former child TV star, and the head writer of Ass the World Turns, along with being a stoner who very successfully played the stock market. He was also wearing my bathrobe. He seemed to have an aversion to doing laundry.

“So, anyhoo,” Sean went on. “I’d just like to clarify why the munchkins aren’t maiming each other at the moment.”

“Go on,” I said. My stomach tightened and I wondered if another message from Phyllis had come through them.

“Yep, well,” he said, giving the forty little turds the side eye. “I was trying to be nice and invited the kids over for some board games, but they seemed to have gotten into the jazz cabbage.”

“Wanna be more specific?” I asked, noticing a good amount of the munchkins were nodding off.

“Sure. When I went to the kitchen to get some snacks for the crew, they ate about five pounds of gummies.”

“Delicious!” the Brad’s screamed, then fell into a fit of giggles. The Dollys were munching on donuts like they’d never eaten. The Warrens were asleep. The Jennifers were in an openmouthed daze and the Clarks were mumbling nonsense while looking extremely paranoid.

“Five pounds?” I asked, horrified. It was better than them yanking each other’s limbs off, but not by much.

Sean nodded. “Possibly six.”

“Wonderful,” the Brads yelled. “Loved it. Want more!”

“No more,” I said, shaking my head. “Sean, lock up the gummies, please.”

He chuckled. “Don’t have to. The little dudes and dudettes cleaned me out.”

I winced and tried to get back on track. Cher had a different agenda.

Marching up on to the porch in designer heels and a power suit that was one size too small, my agent waggled her perfectly plucked and overly penciled brows at me while giving Abaddon a hearty slap on the back. “Call me crazy,” she began.

“Okay, Crazy,” Candy Vargo shouted.

Cher rolled her eyes and ignored her long-time buddy. “This is a little off subject, but I wanna offer contracts to the baked giggle-bush lovers.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked.

“I like the term wacky tobaccy,” Fifi chimed in.

“Or the Devil’s lettuce,” Ophelia added.

“Oh! I like those,” Cher said, taking note. “But how about this? I’d like to offer contracts to the Chonged Satan’s spinach indulgers.”

“Dude,” I said with a shake of my head. “How many wine coolers have you had today?”

“Seven,” she answered without hesitation. “Barely buzzed. I firmly believe I could get the tiny cronked, scoobie doobie imbibers work. Mostly print since they have a penchant for amputation, and that could go seriously wrong on a set. My left knocker is buzzing, and it never leads me astray. We’re lookin’ at a damned fortune here.”

Gently shoving Cher off the porch, I took charge again. “Not the right time, Cher. When they’re sober, you can chat with them, but I’m not real sure they can stop themselves from rending each other’s limbs from their bodies.”

“So much fun!” the Brad’s squealed and proceeded to tear off their own legs.

“Fine point, well made,” Cher said with a gag as a tiny leg flew her way and hit her in the head. “The knocker was wrong today. Rare, but it happens.”

I blew out a long, slow breath. It was time to rip the band-aid off. “Here’s the deal. The waiting while behaving like sitting ducks is over.”

“The waiting is the hardest part,” Sean commented.

“Tom Petty!” Fifi shouted, pumping her fists over her head and giving Sean a come-hither look. She was obsessed with my brother but had sworn she loved and respected him too much to bang him and snuff out his life force. Weird but true. The Succubus had been celibate for four hundred years and could be totally trusted not to kill randomly for sexual pleasure.

The fact that I knew that brought home how insane my existence had become. Again, it was the little things that got me through the mess that was my life.

Abaddon glanced at me in confusion. I just shrugged. I’d explain the greatness of Tom Petty another time.

“So, as I was saying, I want Sean, Man-mom, mom, Uncle Joe and the munchkins to go to the safe house. The Higher Power is too dangerous for humans to be near me—especially humans I love.”

“The munchkins are human?” Cher asked, perplexed.

“Umm… no, I don’t think so, but three-fourths of the time they’re missing appendages. That’s not great in a battle. You feel me?”

“Abaddon already did,” Ophelia said with a laugh.

I flipped her off. Abaddon simply nodded. The next time we had an aerobic, athletic and very vocal bout of fornication I would soundproof my home. The comments from the peanut gallery were too much.

My mother approached and bowed to me. That felt all kinds of strange, but I didn’t stop her. Demon behavior was steeped in tradition. I wasn’t going to be able to change what had been going on for billions of years.

“As much as I’d like to stay,” Lilith said, glancing back at Man-mom, Uncle Joe and Sean with a nod. “I agree with you.”

“Thank you, mom,” I said. “I can’t lose you—any of you.”

“And you won’t,” she promised. She turned and gestured to Pandora to join us.

Pandora reluctantly did my mother’s bidding. Her attitude sucked, but at least she wasn’t trying to kill everyone anymore.

Lilith gazed at us for a long moment. Whatever she was about to say was important. I felt in in my gut. The Immortals were very into cryptic messages. I didn’t love that but was learning to live with it.

“There is something both of you must keep in mind.” Lilith said. “A Goddess who is not worshiped by her people is no longer a Goddess. Whether the loyalty is borne of fear, adoration or habit, it must be maintained. The Immortal world is not a democracy. It is a hierarchy. I didn’t create the system, I simply abided by it. There have to be two Goddesses of the Darkness. Period. Without that, the balance will falter and the end will come.”

I spared a glance at Pandora. Her expression was grim. Shit. Her people had defected. I had no freaking clue how to solve that. And it sucked that I had to solve it. I did have the loyalty of the Demons who’d followed my mother, and I was aware that many of Pandora’s people had transferred their fealty to me. However, we hadn’t been in the Darkness in a while. All hell could be breaking loose.

I needed Dagon to come back. If he didn’t arrive soon, we’d have to go in blind. Not the best strategy.

“Do you happen to have any ideas on how to accomplish that?” I asked my mom.

Her laugh sounded like bells tinkling on the breeze. “I am no longer a Goddess, Cecily. You are and I know in my heart that you will find a way.”

It wasn’t exactly helpful, but it was a vote in my favor. I’d take it.

“What’s next?” Pandora demanded, staring at me. Her hands were planted on her hips, and her mouth was in a sneer. For such a stunning woman she could be some serious ugly.

I wanted to punch her. She was one half of the two Goddesses of the Darkness. How was all this my responsibility?

“I don’t know, Stinky Whore,” I shot right back. “Was hoping you might have a few ideas.”

She rolled her eyes and groaned. “We’re all going to die.”

“Cakehole. Shut it,” I snapped. Looking around, I realized the only thing I could do was to keep moving. If I screwed up, I’d fix it. The only issue that would get in the way was death. I had no time to die. “Okay. Ophelia, I’d like you to escort Lilith, Man-mom, Uncle Joe, Sean and the munchkins to the safe house, please. You’ll stay there and be in charge.”

My busty bestie saluted me. “As you wish, Bitch.”

“Thank you, Jackass.”

“Shall we join as protectors?” Drogruzun inquired as Brolrath and Ezzanod stepped up beside him. “We are somewhat adept at controlling the wild wee ones and would be honored to act as body guards to keep your family safe.”

“Can they fight?” Abaddon asked.

“Definitely,” I said without hesitation. The three Demons were deadly and precise. “I would be most grateful for your service.”

Brolrath smiled and cleared his throat. He looked a little unsure of himself and rocked back and forth on his feet. “We were wondering…”

Ezzanod took over. “Yes, we were wondering if we’re allowed to stay. This plane seems to carry endless possibilities and we would be humbled serve you.”

“Oh my gosh, yes!” I answered quickly. The poor Demons had been stuck on the Higher Power’s plane for… always. I’d been kind of shocked when they’d shown up here. I’d assumed they’d been figments of my imagination. It was a gift that they were real. “You’re very welcome here.”

“Thank you, Bitch Goddess Cecily,” they said in unison as they bowed low.

“Also,” Cher chimed in, pulling out an electric blue eye pencil and a sheaf of paper. “I’d be willing to sign you, gentlemen. I could definitely get you birthday party work since you look like Mr. Rogers, Mr. McFeely and Pee-wee Herman! Not to mention, if you’re funny, you could do stand-up! What do ya say?”

The trio was confused. Just like Abaddon had no clue who Tom Petty was, the guys had no idea was Cher was going on about.

“Cher,” I said, shaking my head. “Your timing sucks.”

She slapped her knocker and laughed. “My buzzing boob is getting the best of me today. Gonna make a switch to strawberry wine coolers. The peach is messing with my instincts.”

I didn’t have anything to add. She was nuts.

“You want me with you, fucker?” Candy Vargo inquired, lining the wasted munchkins up for the transport.

Did I? My gut told me we were headed for the Darkness. Would it be smart or stupid to have beings who weren’t Demons with us? Although, if the Higher Power showed up, it would be very smart of have a crew of deadly Immortals on my side since I wasn’t quite sure I had the loyalty of the Demons in the bag. Pandora had no one in her bag.

However, we needed to work together…

Glancing over at the other Goddess of the Darkness, I raised a brow and waited. She sighed dramatically three times then nodded curtly. “Yes. Candy Vargo creates abject fear just by being present.”

“Thank you,” Candy said. “Coming from a shitshow like you, I’ll take that as a fuckin’ compliment.”

“You’re welcome,” Pandora told her. “Abaddon is a no-brainer. The one with the grenades is terrifying. I’d bring her too. As for the Angel,” she commented, eyeing Cher up and down. “I’d think having a celestial in our piss-poor army could be useful. Demons get sloppy when challenged with the unknown.”

“I’d quite agree,” Lilith said. “They won’t be happy. Our kind tend to be very jealous and territorial people. But it might work in your favor trying to get them to accept Pandora.”

“Wait, what?” I asked, confused.

“Simple, imbecile,” Pandora said in a shitty tone. “If the shit stains in the Darkness believe that other species adore me, they will get their panties in a wad and decide they adore me as well.”

“That is the stupidest plan I’ve heard,” I told her in an even shittier tone. The fact that she called our people shit stains didn’t bode all that well, either. “Demons can’t be that gullible.”

Candy Vargo handed me a toothpick. I took it and chomped down.

“You’d be fuckin’ shocked at how well playing both sides against the middle can work,” she said.

I shrugged and pressed my temples. “Even a crap plan is better than no plan.”

“That it is, my child,” Lilith said. “Follow your heart and your gut.”

“We’re all going to die,” Pandora muttered again.

Candy Vargo electrocuted her. Pandora screamed and slapped out the flames. All of a sudden, bringing Candy Vargo with us sounded better and better.

“My Liege Bitch Goddess Cecily,” Fifi said, bowing and looking very confused. “Am I to understand that I am to pretend to be loyal to the disaster of a Demon who is currently on fire?”

“Did you just call me a disaster?” Pandora shrieked as she stood smoldering and indignant in my front yard.

Fifi pulled a grenade from one pocket and a seriously wicked-looking dagger from her other. “I did.”

Pandora backed down fast. Candy Vargo laughed and tossed Fifi a pack of toothpicks. The Succubus caught it in her teeth.

I sucked back a laugh. The next few hours, or days or possibly weeks were going to be challenging.

“Hey Sean,” Cher said, pointing at my brother. “Keep working on the scripts. If we don’t all bite the big one, we need to be ready to shoot the show.”

“Will do,” he said.

I approached Man-mom, mom, Sean and Uncle Joe. “I love you guys.”

My eyes filled. I might be a Goddess of the Darkness, but I was a daughter, sister and niece first.

“Oh my Cecily-boo,” Man-mom said, wrapping me in his embrace. “I’m so proud of you. I need you to be careful. Just like you want to keep your family safe, I need you to do keep yourself safe. Promise me.”

“I promise,” I whispered as I hugged him tight. My dad was a distracted mess of profound wisdom. He was absent-minded, a terrible cook, a talented artist, loving and gave the best hugs in the Universe. He’d single-handedly raised Sean and me and had done a fabulous job. Bill Jackson Bloom, Man-mom to me and Sean, was my hero. I’d go to the ends of the world for him as he would for me.

“I feel like you’re going to war, sis,” Sean said, joining the hug.

Uncle Joe hopped on in from above. Man-mom and Sean couldn’t see him, but could feel his warm presence. Joe’s junk was on my cheek. For the first time, it didn’t bother me a bit. If he’d been human, I might have screamed, but he wasn’t.

And as usual, my uncle had some wisdom to impart. “The supreme act of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”

“Sun Tzu,” I replied naming the author of the quote and repeating it to my dad and brother.

“My brother is a wise and wonderful man,” Man-mom said with great fondness. “I’d like to add, war is what happens when language fails.”

“Margaret Atwood,” Abaddon said from his position on the porch.

My dad glanced over and nodded. “Come join us, Abe. After what I heard earlier, it seems to me that you’re part of the family now.

“Oh my God,” I muttered, horrified that we’d circled back to my sex life.

Abaddon chuckled and joined the group hug along with my mom.

“I got one,” Cher said, wedging herself into the pile. “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

“Mahatma Gandhi,” Fifi said, joining the lovefest.

Thankfully, she’d put the sword and the grenade down. It would have sucked hard if she’d blown all of us up. Ophelia didn’t have a quote, but happily jumped into the group hug.

“Well, fuck,” Candy Vargo groused as she ambled over with the munchkins on her heels. “I’m not a big one for public fuckin’ affection, but getting left out makes my ass itch.” The Keeper of Fate gave good hug. The munchkins gave good calf massages. It made me smile. “Here’s another.” Candy Vargo let me go. “There never was a good war or a bad peace.”

“Benjamin Franklin. Benjamin said that,” Pandora announced from about ten feet away. “And no, I do not want to join the insipid embrace you idiots are entangled in.”

“I think she does,” Lilith whispered to me with a twinkle in her eye.

“I know she does,” Cher added. “My guess is that woman hasn’t been hugged in… well, forever.”

“Welp,” Man-mom said with a chuckle. “Only one way to solve that problem.”

“On three,” Sean announced. “One, two, three.”

Pandora didn’t see it coming. All of us, including the munchkins and Ezzanod, Brolrath and Drogruzin tackled the unsuspecting Goddess and hugged her. The litany of swear words that left her lips shocked even Candy Vargo.

However, it was a win. I could see it in her face. She might pretend to despise it, but deep down, it felt good.

I didn’t know what lay ahead. I only knew that the present moment we were living in was perfect.