Page 12 of Another Underworld (Good To The Last Demon #6)

CHAPTER TWELVE

“They have more guards at this camp than the others,” Abaddon said softly, scanning the area with narrowed eyes and laser focus.

The late afternoon sun sat high in the sky, and the air was bone dry. While it felt like we were in the desert, the vegetation wasn’t cactus, palm trees or aloe vera plants. The leaves on the monstrous lemon-yellow barked trees were oddly shaped and hot pink. The flowers spilling off the branches were a grassy green. It was the exact opposite of what I was used to. The scent in the air was a mixture of orchid, lavender, and freshly mown grass. It was addictive. The beauty of our surroundings starkly juxtaposed with the scene in front of us.

We were hidden in the dense woods surrounding the camp, and Abaddon was correct about the security. While the other three camps had only twenty guards apiece, this one had at least forty. The number of prisoners seemed the same. Their condition was also similar—gaunt, starving and desperate.

“Twenty, forty, whatever,” Pandora said with a viciously hungry look in her eyes. “Doesn’t matter. They’re all going to die.”

It was wildly unclear if she was happier about freeing the innocent Demons or offing the guards. It was impossible to discern. While the glimmer of hope was alive in the Stinky Whore, she was always going to be the Stinky Whore. Again, I was relieved she was on my team. The strange truth that I could even think those words was surreal. She’d gone from being my mortal enemy to frenemy with a shitty attitude. Life had a way of throwing the most unexpected curve balls.

“Bitch Goddess Cecily,” Tiny said. “Before I go into battle, I have a little ritual I’d like to share with you.”

“Is it dick jokes?” I asked. His alarmed expression was one of stunned confusion. Mine was one of embarrassment. Thank you, Cher. I quickly backtracked. “Sorry about that. I was kidding.”

“No, she wasn’t,” Pandora said under her breath.

I wanted to headbutt her. It was one thing to listen to the input of my people. It was entirely another to make an ass of myself.

“Please, tell me your ritual, Tiny,” I urged, wanting to leave the last thirty seconds in the past—a past that I hoped would be forgotten quickly.

“Oh yes!” he said with a warm smile. “Before I go into battle, I make a wish—a wish that might appear fantastical… even impossible. It gives me something special and wonderful to look forward to. It makes me fight harder with the staunch desire of coming out alive and having something beautiful to hope for.”

I liked that. Actually, I loved it. It was positive and had nothing to do with male genitalia, stealing priceless art or selfishness. Of course, I could be wrong about the priceless art. We were dealing with Demons, after all. “I think that’s lovely,” I told him. “Let’s do it.”

The ten assassins, who all bizarrely had names that began with the letter A went first. Their list was humbling and funny. A few wished to be reunited with their families. Another wished to go to an ashram in India to learn about spiritual peace. That was surprising, but I was learning fast that Demons were anything but typical. Two wished for a pony and one wanted a chocolate Labrador puppy. The last three wanted to go to Disney Land. Kind of unusual requests from assassins. I’d expected to hear the desire for weapons and world domination, but I was continually amazed by my people in a very good way.

It was Tiny’s turn. The poor man was beet red and rocked back and forth on his feet in trepidation. Three times he’d opened his mouth to share his wish. Three times no words came out.

“Umm… Tiny?”

“Yes, Bitch Goddess Cecily?” he choked out.

“We really need to get going,” I told him. I didn’t want to pressure the Demon, but we had things to do and a Chub Chub Wang to eliminate.

“Of course.” Tiny was literally shaking. He appeared terrified. I was now scared of what he was about to say. I didn’t know what might be, but from his body language, it was going to be bad—really bad. The Demon took a deep breath and let it rip. “After the battle with Chub Chub Wang is over and won, I would like to take Goddess Pandora to Nobu in Los Angeles for a sushi dinner. Afterward, I’d enjoy a walk on the beach under the moonlight and possibly a visit to an arcade to win a stuffy for her. I’m excellent at hitting targets.”

The horrified silence was loud.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked, squinting at him certain I’d heard incorrectly. Did Tiny just ask Pandora out on a date? My eyes met Abaddon’s. He was more shocked than I was. It was very possible that I could knock the man I loved over with a feather right now.

However, it was Pandora’s expression that took the cake. Her face scrunched up, and she looked like she was either about to cry or kill all of us dead where we stood. The Goddess’s eyes sparked blood red, and her hands were clenched into fiery fists at her sides. We didn’t have to wait for the battle. It looked like shit was about to hit the fan before the fighting had begun.

Quickly stepping in front of Tiny so he didn’t get decapitated, I stared Pandora down. If she so much as lifted a finger in violence against the idiotic Demon who’d just asked her out on a date, I’d electrocute her until I’d fried the hair off of her head, and she wouldn’t walk right for a decade. Tiny’s wish was indeed fantastical and from Pandora’s reaction, it was impossible.

“Pull your shit together,” I warned her.

It took some effort, but after a few minutes, when I wasn’t sure she could do it, she calmed down. Tiny had gone from beet red to ghostly white. I was positive he wanted to erase the last few minutes more than I wanted to delete the fact that I’d brought up dick jokes. Neither of those wishes was possible. Words could not be taken back.

Abaddon stepped in to save the day, or at least Tiny’s life. “It’s my turn. My wish is for a month-long vacation with Bitch Goddess Cecily. Somewhere tropical where clothing is optional.”

That raised a few eyebrows from the assassins and earned a few appreciative whistles. I’d now traded places with Tiny… my face resembled a tomato. However, Abaddon’s wish was one I was very into making come true.

“Done,” I told him. His feral grin at my response made me want to tackle him and shove my tongue down his throat. Since I’d already suggested junk jokes, I didn’t think making out with my hotter-than-asphalt guy would be a good look. I’d hang on to that thought and put it into practice at a later date. Hopefully, very soon.

“And your wish, Bitch Goddess Cecily?” Tiny asked. The sweet guy had regained his composure but was studiously avoiding eye contact with Pandora. She was still seething, “What does your heart desire the most?”

The truth will set you free. It was something Man-mom had always told Sean and me. He’d also told us if we were going to lie, that we’d better be whip-smart since the truth was easier to remember than falsehoods. My brain wasn’t sure what to say, but my heart and my mouth took over. “I want to marry Abaddon.”

Pandora had semi-recovered from her need to behead her would-be suitor and chimed in sarcastically. “How utterly human of you.”

“Shut up, Stinky Whore. You’re next.”

My gaze shyly met Abaddon’s. Finding oxygen to breathe was difficult. The look in his eyes made me feel like the most beautiful and desired woman in the Universe. I had no idea if the Demon was into human traditions, but I’d been human up until recently. My first marriage had been a mistake. I hadn’t loved Slash Gordon. I’d been young and stupid. I was still young compared to the company I was keeping, but I wasn’t na?ve or stupid anymore. I loved Abaddon with every fiber of who I was and wanted to make it official… human style.

“Did you just ask me to marry you?” he inquired.

“Pretty sure I did,” I replied trying to sound casual and failing miserably.

His smile went all through me and his laugh of pure joy made me tingle all over. When I’d met him, I was sure he despised me. He was an angry Demon tasked by my mother to protect me. I’d nicknamed him Dick. He was now Abaddon—beautiful, beautiful Abaddon. The man I loved more than I loved myself. The man I wanted to spend the rest of my very long life with.

“I accept,” he replied softly before he kissed me properly.

My small army applauded, and a few shed a tear or three. I was pretty sure the criers were the ones who wanted to visit Disneyland… or maybe it was the two who wanted ponies. It was hard to tell since everything was a little blurry due to the happy tears rolling down my face. Tiny’s ritual was perfect.

“For the love of everything cringeworthy,” Pandora groaned. “We have assholes to kill. There’s no time for this sappy bullshit.”

“There is always time for sappy bullshit,” I told her. “And now it’s your turn to add to the bullshit pile.”

“I refuse to play this game,” she snapped.

“Then I’m going to have to zap you bald,” I shot right back.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” I replied, raising my hands up, ready to make good on my threat. If she kept pushing away the hope buried deep down inside her, she wasn’t going to ever find happiness. Demons understood violence. If I had to use a little to help her grow, so be it. I was going to yank the hope to the surface even if I had to shove my hand down her throat and pull it out.

“Fine,” she hissed dramatically. “I will go to Nobu with the imbecile. However, I don’t do arcades. If the shit stain tries to force a stuffy on me, it will be the last thing he ever does. I enjoy sushi. That’s the only reason I shall grace the wanker with my presence. Also, I won’t be paying… and I eat a lot.”

It wasn’t exactly a wish, but it sure was something… Forget about knocking Abaddon over with a feather, I could have been knocked over by the gentlest of breezes. I’d assumed she would wish to have a castle again. Or possibly that I would go bald and be covered in warts. Never assume. It makes an ass out of me…

Pandora’s words had slayed me. But then again, Pandora was a slayer.

A spared a quick glance at Tiny. The man was positively stupefied… as was everyone else.

“I have an entire wallet of stolen credit cards,” he assured Pandora quickly. “I’ll pick up the check gladly.”

Not quite what I was expecting, but it satisfied Pandora.

She raised a brow and assessed the handsome and truly sweet Demon. “You are not to look at me until the date. However, fantasizing about what I look like naked is fine. I’m residing in a crappy house in Venice, California. You will pick me up. If you’re tardy, I’ll peel the skin from your body and set you on fire. I expect a limo and champagne. If that’s satisfactory to you, then I’m fine with it. However, I must ask a question.”

“And I shall answer it,” he replied, following her ridiculous rules and avoiding eye contact.

“I shall need solid proof that the name Tiny has nothing to do with the size of your genitalia. If you’d like to provide that evidence now, we could get it out of the way.”

“Umm…” I said with a wince as Tiny held up a hand, indicating I shouldn’t worry.

The hand was useless. I was terrified Tiny was about to drop trou.

“If you’ll follow me behind that tree over there, Goddess Pandora, I shall assuage your fears,” he announced, looking pretty sure of the outcome.

“Is this really happening?” I asked Abaddon as Pandora waltzed over to the tree to check out what was in Tiny’s pants.

“Yep,” Abaddon said, pressing the bridge of his nose and sighing. “Unfortunately, it is.”

Pandora’s squeal of delight upon Tiny revealing his wank was beyond uncomfortable. All twelve of us not privy to the show were staring at the ground in embarrassment. It was clear that the date was a go.

“Time to move,” I said in the most official voice I could muster. If we didn’t, there was no telling what other nightmare inducing thing could happen out here behind the trees.