Page 23 of An Earl Most Inconvenient (Regency Mishaps #2)
CHAPTER 23
T ristan stood on the edge of the dance floor, watching as Diana slipped into the shadows on the other side of the garden. Her retreat from him left a hollow ache in his chest. He had allowed himself to fall into the moment with her, and lose himself completely. That easy sense of being with her that felt all too natural, but then he had seen the panic in her eyes and felt her pulling away from him.
He tried to shake off the unsettling feelings that swirled within him, pushing aside the worry that gnawed at his mind. But he could not understand what had happened. She had been utterly radiant in his arms, just moments before, but now she had vanished, and he was left with a sense of loss that he could not explain, not even to himself.
As he mingled with the guests, laughter and music filled the air, but he found it impossible to enjoy the festivities. All he could think of was Diana’s pale face when she had declared herself unwell. Was she truly ill, or had she simply needed an escape from him? The thought of her suffering, of needing help, drove him to distraction. He knew that he had to do something. He had to go and find her.
“My Lord,” a voice called, pulling him from his thoughts. It was Lady Grace. Her expression was bright as she approached him, but there was an edge of concern in her eyes. “Are you all right? You seem to be rather preoccupied.”
“Yes, quite,” he lied, forcing a smile. “Perhaps I am getting old, My Lady. I suspect that I am just a little tired, and all the festivities are beginning to take their toll.”
She giggled. “You are not old, My Lord,” she said. “But perhaps you should take a moment away from the crowd, just to gather your thoughts. She glanced across the garden, towards the entrance to the maze. “The night air is lovely.”
He nodded absently, his thoughts still lingering on Diana. Without another word, he excused himself, his feet carrying him toward the hedge maze. It was almost automatic; he could feel something drawing him in that direction, and he was unable to resist. The cool night air brushing against his skin as he walked. The labyrinth of greenery had always been a place of solace, but tonight it felt like a sanctuary where his heart could finally confront the chaos within.
As he stood by the entrance, a thought occurred to him. Perhaps Diana would have sought refuge here, too. It was, of course, the place where they had shared their first moment together, and no one else was likely to come looking for her here. Upon entering the maze, he called out softly. “Diana?”
He hardly dreamed that she would answer him, and when silence answered him, he ventured deeper, feeling a growing sense of unease. Where could she have gone? The moonlight cast ethereal shadows, illuminating the path ahead, and he followed it with determination.
Then he heard it—a soft sound, like a muffled sob, echoing through the hedges. He quickened his pace, his heart racing as he rounded a corner. There she was, standing with her back to him, her silhouette outlined against the moonlight, shoulders trembling with emotion.
“Diana,” he said, stepping closer, concern flooding his voice. “What is wrong? Are you truly unwell?”
She spun around, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. But when he looked into her eyes, he saw that the anger in her gaze was palpable. “You shouldn’t be here, Tristan. Please, I should not have to tell you. You need to leave me alone. Have you not done enough damage already, without risking throwing us into a scandal again?”
“Leave you alone?” he echoed incredulously. “How can I leave you alone? You just ran away. You said you were unwell. I was worried about you, out here in the dark on your own?
“Worried about me? Why?” she snapped, her voice sharp. “You have my blessing to pursue my sister, and to marry her, since that is what you both want. What more do you want from me?”
Tristan felt a surge of frustration rise within him. “What do you mean? I wanted to know if you’re alright! I was worried about you, Diana! You cannot just run off like that.”
“Oh, spare me your concern!” she retorted, her voice trembling with fury. “You can marry Grace and leave me be. I will be out of your life soon enough, after the wedding.”
Her words struck him like a physical blow. “What are you saying?” he demanded, stepping closer. “What do you mean, you will be out of my life? I don’t understand.” His heart was pounding as he waited for her response. He did not know what she meant, but he did not even know if he could bear to hear her answer to his question.
“I have accepted my fate!” she shot back, her eyes blazing. “You and Grace can get married as soon as you like. It seems that you are meant to be together. But you do not need me in your life, either of you. I will leave, as soon as you are married, and then we can all move on. Everything will be as it is meant to be.”
The thought of never seeing her again struck felt overwhelming and a sense of despair engulfed him, threatening to suffocate him with its intensity. “You can’t leave. Where would you go?”
“I don’t know,” she said, wiping a stray tear away from her cheek with he back of her hand. “I will go and be a governess, or go and see the world, somehow. I don’t know. But I will leave, so that you and Grace can find the happiness together that you deserve.”
“But Diana, you can’t leave, ” he exclaimed, his voice rising in desperation.
“Then you should have thought of that before!” she cried, tears spilling down her cheeks. “You’ll never marry me. You must choose someone like my sister. Cecilia told me so. I know that now. I have accepted that you will choose Grace. You were always going to choose Grace, I was just too foolish to see it until now.”
Tristan felt anger and confusion intertwine in his chest. “I don’t care about what Cecilia said! You are not just an afterthought to me, Diana. You mean something to me!”
“Do I?” she asked, her voice breaking. “Then why are you so willing to pursue my sister? You have been playing with me, all this time.”
He stared at her. “I thought that was what you wanted. I thought you wanted me to be the perfect suitor to your sister! But you do not seem to know what you want! I won’t let you leave!” he shouted, frustration boiling over.
“You can’t stop me from leaving. And I must go,” she exclaimed.
“But why must you leave?” he demanded. “I still don’t understand.”
Her voice dropped and she looked at him, the pain in her eyes was almost more than he could bear. “I have to leave, because I love you.” The admission hung in the air like a heavy weight. “I can’t stay. I love you too much to stand in the way of your happiness. And you will be happy with Grace, once I am gone.”
Tristan froze, his heart crashing against his ribs as her words sank in. “You love me?” he repeated, disbelief mingling with a sense of hope that he scarcely dared to acknowledge.
“Yes!” she cried, wiping her tears in frustration. “But it doesn’t matter. You will marry Grace, and I will leave after the wedding. That is how it must be.”
“Diana, no!” He stepped forward, trying to bridge the gap between them. “There must be another way.”
But as he reached for her, desperation clawing at him, she turned away, her resolve hardening. “I need to go,” she said, her voice trembling but resolute. “I cannot continue to pretend that I can live with this situation. If you are going to marry Grace, then I cannot bear it. I know that I cannot, and so I must go.”
In a moment of impulse, he grasped her shoulders, his heart pounding as he leaned in, trying to bridge the distance between them. “Diana, please?—”
And in that instant, his lips brushed against hers, a moment suspended in time. He could feel her almost surrendering to his kiss, her eyes fluttering shut, but then she pulled away, her breath ragged.
“We can’t,” she whispered, shaking her head as if trying to clear her thoughts. “You will never choose me. You have to see that.”
“Don’t say that!” he pleaded, his voice raw with emotion. “It is not like that, I promise you.” He wanted to tell her the depths of his feelings, but somehow he could not find the words.
But her gaze hardened, and a tear slipped down her cheek. “It does not matter anymore, Tristan. None of it matters. You don’t realize how much you mean to me, but I can’t stay in this maze of confusion any longer. I have to let you go.”
With that, she turned and fled deeper into the maze, leaving him standing alone, heartbroken and stunned. The weight of her words settled over him like a dark shroud, and he felt as though the ground had been ripped from beneath his feet.
He had never felt so lost, so helpless. The thought of losing Diana was unbearable, yet here she was, slipping away from him like grains of sand through his fingers. He had never intended for things to end this way, and the knowledge that she loved him, yet felt compelled to leave, tore at his heart.
“Diana!” he called after her, desperation pouring from his lips. But the only answer was the rustle of leaves and the echo of her footsteps fading into the distance.
Tristan sank to his knees, the moonlight casting a pale glow over him as he grappled with the reality of what had just transpired. The night air felt thick and suffocating, and he realized, with crushing clarity, that he could not let her walk away. Not now, not ever. He had no idea what to do to make things right, but he knew that he had to do something.