Page 21 of An Earl Most Inconvenient (Regency Mishaps #2)

CHAPTER 21

“ G race, I need to speak with you later on today, and Father too,” Diana said.

Her sister looked up at her, from her seat by the window in the drawing room, where she had been reading a book peacefully before Diana had interrupted her.

“Can we not talk now?” Grace said, looking a little confused.

Diana glanced around the room. “No, there are too many people here. Come and find me later on, and we will seek out Father and a quiet place to talk.”

Grace nodded, still looking a little perturbed. “Very well, if that is what you wish,” she agreed, then turned back to her book.

Diana crossed the room and went to stand by the fireplace. It was raining outside, and the guests were gathered in the drawing room, spending the morning playing cards and drinking tea. The atmosphere in the room felt stifling, somehow; even though it was a large room, and not at all crowded, as people were spread all around, there was a slight sense of energy spilling beyond the confines of the room. Diana felt that what she really wanted to do was go outside, but of course everyone would think her odd if she went out walking in the rain. And they all already thought she was odd, she reflected.

She did not want to talk to anyone, though, so she went to find a book, and sat down in a corner, facing away from the center of the room. With the book in her hands, she stared at the pages in front of her, but the words swam before her eyes.

How could she concentrate on a single thing, after what had happened last night? She felt a weight in her chest that would not leave her, at the thought of the kiss she had shared with Tristan. The moment of joy at the feeling of his lips against hers had soon evaporated, when she realized the significance of what had passed between them. Any pleasant memory had faded away as she had spent another sleepless night tossing and turning, filled with guilt, and now she was left with a profound sense of guilt. How could she have allowed herself to act so impulsively, especially with a man who was courting her sister? She should have pushed him away, told him to leave her alone. No, she should never even have allowed herself to be alone with him outside last night, nor when they were together in the maze a few days before. She had lost control of herself completely, and now all she could do was pray that no one ever found out what she had done.

She was sure, too, that he was still playing with her, somehow. All those things he had said about her could not possibly be true. How could a woman like her have captivated him, when he had a choice of any woman he wanted? And when he was destined to marry Grace, who was far prettier and more graceful than she would ever be? Grace would be the perfect countess, and everyone could see it.

Tristan was simply a rake, and unable to resist the opportunity in front of him, out there in the darkness. Because if he had meant anything by it, then why would he have fled from her the way that he did? If it had been real, what he had said, then he would have stayed, and talked to her some more, instead of leaving her standing alone in the garden, wondering what on earth the meaning was of what had passed between them.

No, she was resolved. She closed the book with a snap. She would speak to Grace and her father later, and ensure that everything was finally settled, and then she would try to move on from all of this, and make some plans for her own life. Plans that had nothing to do with Tristan.

She went upstairs to her chamber to rest for a while, knowing that before the day was over, everything would be decided.

Later, when she came downstairs, she found her sister and her father sitting together in the drawing room.

“We waited for you, Diana,” Grace said, looking up as she entered and setting aside the embroidery that she had been working on. “Everyone else has gone upstairs to get ready for luncheon, but I knew that you wanted to speak to us.”

“Yes, indeed,” Diana said, sitting down in an armchair opposite them. “I am glad that we will not be interrupted. It is so difficult to find a quiet moment, amongst so many people.”

“It is all very mysterious,” Grace said. “Won’t you end our suspense? We have just been wondering what it is that you wish to say. Has Lord Anthony made you an offer?”

Diana rolled her eyes. “I do not understand why everyone keeps asking me questions about Lord Anthony,” she said with a sigh. “I hardly know him.”

“Well, he does seem to have been taking rather an interest in you. The earl mentioned it to me last evening,” Jerome said, looking at her closely. “He would be a good match for you, indeed.”

Diana sat up straight in her chair and took a deep breath. She did not even want to think about what Tristan had said to her father about the whole thing. “This is nothing to do with me, or Lord Anthony.”

“Well, out with it, then!” Jerome replied. “I am hungry, I would prefer not to miss luncheon while we sit here idling away!”

“Father, this is serious,” Diana snapped.

“Please, Diana, calm yourself,” Grace urged. “Whatever it is that you have to say to us cannot be so very awful, can it?”

“It is not awful at all,” Diana said. She forced herself to smile. “I simply wanted to say that I will no longer stand in your way, Grace. If you still wish to marry Lord Silvermere, then you have my approval.”

Grace’s eyes widened in surprise. “Diana, are you certain?” she asked, her voice tinged with disbelief. “I thought?—”

“I know what you thought,” Diana interrupted gently, her own heart aching at the thought of Grace’s disappointment to have her hopes dashed by her sister’s disapproval. “I have perhaps been a little too quick to judge the earl, and too quick to listen to the opinions of others. But I cannot allow my foolishness to affect your happiness. You deserve this chance with him.”

“Are you truly saying that you will not prevent the match?” Grace pressed, searching Diana’s face for any sign of her true feelings. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably. “You are sure that you won’t stop me, if I want to marry him?”

“I am,” Diana assured her, though the admission felt like a weight pressing down upon her chest. “I want you to be happy, Grace, and if you believe that the earl loves you and wants to marry you, and you return his feelings, then that is enough for me.”

“Thank you, Diana.” Grace’s expression softened, and she reached out to grasp Diana’s hands. “You have no idea how much this means to me, that you will trust me to make my own decision on this.”

Jerome observed the exchange, a wry smile spreading across his face. “Well, I am glad that this is all settled,” he declared. He turned to Grace. “Has the earl spoken to you yet? Has he proposed?”

Grace shook her head, suddenly looking a little shy. “He may have changed his mind,” she ventured. “Perhaps he is not interested in marrying me anymore.”

Diana shook her head. “I cannot believe that will happen.”

“Well, you must do what you think is right, Grace, if he does. Now that Diana has said that she has no objection, then I will approve the match as well, should the situation arise.” He got to his feet. “Now, shall we go into the dining room? I confess that all this talking about feelings and such like has made me rather hungry.”

“We will follow you, Father,” Diana said. She felt more settled, now that she had spoken her decision out loud, but her mind was still in turmoil. Grace did not seem entirely sure of herself, she thought, and she wanted to press her sister a little further, when they were alone.

Jerome left the room, and Diana turned to Grace. “You will accept him, won’t you?”

Grace smiled. “He has not spoken yet, Diana. There may be nothing to accept!”

Diana managed a weak smile, but inside, her heart felt heavy. “I just want to see you happy,” she reiterated, though her own heart ached at the thought of Tristan with Grace.

“And I am more happy than you can possibly know, now that you have entrusted me to make my own decision on this matter,” Grace said. “Now, shall we go and eat?”

Diana shook her head. “I am not at all hungry,” she replied. “I think I shall go to the library and find something to read.”

Grace frowned. “Are you feeling unwell again? Shall I ask the earl to call a doctor?”

“No, indeed, I am quite well,” Diana insisted. “I had a large breakfast, and we have done nothing but sit around all morning. I am sure that I will be hungry again by the time dinner comes around. It seems that all we do is eat, during the course of this party!”

“I will leave you, then,” Grace said, “but you must ensure that you let Tristan know if you are feeling unwell.”

Diana watched her sister leave, feeling a pang in her heart at Grace’s use of his Christian name. It would all be resolved soon, she thought. And she would be relieved. Then, perhaps, she could finally move on with her life after all these weeks of confusion.

She wandered through the halls of the manor, eventually finding the library. She knew that it would be the perfect place to seek solace from the emotions that were still swirling within her. It was a place of quiet and contemplation, filled with the scent of old books and the soft light filtering through the windows. She settled into a plush armchair, attempting to immerse herself in a novel, but her thoughts kept drifting back to the moment when Tristan had kissed her, and the whirlwind of feelings that had followed. Every time, though, she forced the thoughts away; there was nothing to be gained on dwelling on what had happened. She had to forget all about Tristan, and think only of him as her brother-in-law from now on.

Hours passed, and finally, she began to lose herself in the pages. But her attention was drawn away from the story that was unfolding, by the sound of the door creaking open.

“Ah, here you are.” In the doorway, stood Cecilia, smiling at her. “Might I join you? Grace said that I might find you in here.”

Diana nodded, grateful for the distraction. “Of course. I would be happy for your company.” She found that after spending a few hours on her own, she was indeed happy to be in Cecilia’s presence.

Cecilia settled into the chair opposite her, a gentle smile on her lips. “You seem troubled, Diana. Is everything well? I think that your sister is worried about you.”

Diana sighed, closing her book and resting it on her lap. “I wish that she would not worry about me so much,” Diana said. She had thought that the conversation they had had earlier would have settled everything in Grace’s mind, but perhaps her sister’s feelings were more complex than she had realized. “Grace has enough to think about herself, without fretting about me.”

Cecilia grinned. “And what does Grace have to think about? She seems to me to be the perfect example of a carefree young lady. You have taken on all the worries of the world for her, and all she has to do is float around looking beautiful!”

Diana chuckled. “She is a little more serious about life than all that, I think. At least I hope that she is.” She paused and looked at Cecilia. “I have told her that I will not stand in her way, if she wishes to marry Tristan.”

Cecilia’s eyes widened with surprise. “Is that so? I thought that you did not approve of him?”

“I have given my approval,” Diana said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I confess that I still have some doubts about him, but Grace knows her own mind. She must decide for herself. And if she truly believes that he loves her, and makes her happy, then she should marry him. It is what is best for both of them, and Grace deserves happiness. I cannot allow my own feelings to interfere.” As she said the last words, she hoped that Cecilia would not interpret the true meaning that she felt in her heart as she uttered them. She had to forget her own feelings for Tristan, and step aside, allowing him to marry Grace instead. But Cecilia could never know that. No one could. They must all simply believe that she had cast aside her doubts about his character, and decided to allow the match. There could never be any question in anyone’s mind that the situation was any more complicated than that.

Cecilia regarded her thoughtfully, a knowing expression crossing her face. “You have a kind heart, Diana. But are you certain that you are really happy with this situation? You seemed deeply unconvinced the last time we spoke of this matter.”

“Yes,” she replied, though the word felt heavy on her tongue. “I want Grace to be happy, and if that means putting aside my own doubts and releasing her from my interference, then so be it.”

Cecilia leaned forward, her expression serious. “You must understand that Tristan is not just any man. He has faced tremendous burdens in his life.”

Diana furrowed her brow, intrigued. “What do you mean?”

“He was just a child when he inherited the title,” Cecilia explained, her tone softening. “He was so young, barely even an adult, when he had to take on the responsibilities of his family, including raising me and Nathaniel after our parents death.” She paused and looked away, the emotion clear on her face and in her voice. “Of course, the loss of them was devastating for all of us, but it was down to Tristan to shoulder the full weight of those responsibilities. And he had no one to support him, no older family members to help him in his work as the earl. He had to learn it all by himself.”

Diana listened intently, her heart aching for Tristan as she began to understand the depth of his struggles. “I had no idea,” she murmured, her mind racing with new revelations. “No wonder he can be so guarded.” And no wonder he seems not to know what he wants, she added silently to herself. Perhaps he had never really had the chance to think about what he wanted, for himself, if his whole adult life had been consumed by worrying about other people and what was best for them. It was a huge burden on a young man, to take over an estate with little guidance from older family members, and to care for two younger siblings as well. It felt, to Diana, all too familiar, echoing her own experience of life more closely than she had ever cared to admit up to now.

“Exactly,” Cecilia continued. “He has felt lonely for so long, and it makes sense that he would find it difficult to trust others for advice or support. He does not let people in easily.”

Diana nodded slowly, reflecting on her own misconceptions about him. “Perhaps I really have been wrong about him,” she said, almost without realizing that she was speaking her thoughts out loud.

Her thoughts flew back to the moments before their kiss, when he had poured out his feelings to her. Maybe it all was real, she thought. Perhaps he truly did care for her, but he knew that it was his duty to marry a woman like Grace instead, a woman who would be a proper countess and support him in managing his estate. Perhaps this was just another sacrifice that he had to make for other people.

But no, surely that was not the case. She was imagining things that weren’t there. She pushed the thoughts away. He was marrying Grace because he wanted to, and for no other reason. And that was all there was to it.

“I think that Grace will be the perfect wife for him,” Cecilia said, smiling. “I am glad that it seems as if things will work out for them. I only hope that he will allow himself to embrace the opportunity, and not hold back any longer from speaking to her.”

Diana sighed, a mixture of longing and melancholy flooding her. “As I said, I will not stand in their way,” she reiterated. “I truly want Grace to find happiness with him.”

Cecilia smiled, sensing Diana’s resolve. “That is a wise decision. And you should know that Tristan values your opinion more than you realize.”

Diana blinked, surprised. “You think so? I was under the impression that my presence was more of an obstacle than anything else.”

“I highly doubt that,” Cecilia replied, shaking her head. “He may be guarded, but he is perceptive. He sees the connection between you and him, even if he does not fully understand it yet.”

Diana bit her lip, determined not to give herself away. No one could know the connection that existed between herself and Tristan. She had to conceal her true feelings from everyone, forever.

“I always thought that Tristan was only trying to win me over to get closer to Grace,” Diana said, and she knew in her heart that there was truth in those words. Even now, she did not fully believe that there had been anything more to it, than his desire to gain her approval, and toy with her emotions for fun at the same time. But perhaps Cecilia was right and there were hidden depths to him. She felt that she needed more time to consider these things, but simultaneously she felt determined not to think of him for a moment longer. It was finished now; the die was cast.

“Well, he has your approval now, at last,” Cecilia said. “And I am sure that he will be glad of it. Now, all we have to do is wait for the announcement.” She smiled. “I think perhaps it will happen tomorrow night, at the garden party. Tristan has been talking about nothing else for days now; he is determined that everything will be perfect on the final night of the party. So perhaps he is planning to propose, to make the night an occasion to remember for everyone!”

Diana forced herself to smile. How could she do otherwise? She had just said that this was what she wanted, even though the thought of it filled her heart with sorrow. “I am looking forward to it very much,” she lied.

Cecilia looked at the book which still lay in Diana’s hands. “Perhaps I will find something to read myself,” she said, getting up from her seat and walking over to one of the large bookcases on the other side of the room. “We can sit comfortably together for a while and read, before dinner. It will be nice to have some peaceful time, before the hubbub of all the other guests begins again.”

Diana felt a surge of relief as silence fell between them again. She opened her book and pretended to read, but once again, she found her thoughts flying in all directions. She had not seen Tristan since last night, and the thought of facing him again loomed large in her mind. Her feelings were complex, but she knew that she had to put them aside, and quickly. Not just for her own sake, but for Grace’s too, because she had decided long ago that Grace’s happiness was far more important than her own, and she would not go back on that promise. Not now, not ever.