Page 64 of Am I the Only One

“Not all of us were born with a silver spoon.” My reaction is defensive.

He doesn’t respond, and I instantly regret being so rude.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No worries.”

“Emma,” Matthews says as he peeks out from one of the rooms. “There are two beds in here; can Luca room with me?”

“You don’t want to share a room with me?”

“I always share a room with you.”

“Luca probably wants his own space.”

“No, it’s cool.” Luca smiles, telling Matthew, “But only if you tell me some embarrassing stories about your sister.”

Matthew’s smile grows. “I’ve got a ton of them!”

“Don’t you dare tell him anything.”

Matthew just laughs as he plops down into a chair and kicks his feet up onto the ottoman. He’s lost in his tablet, no doubt watching videos about airplanes. I sit back with Luca as he finds a random movie to watch. Even though there’s so much unsettled between the two of us, I’m grateful to have him here. There’s always a dark gloom when I come back home, but right now, Matthew seems content, which is all that matters.

After room service drops off our food, we devour our meals, especially my brother, who hasn’t eaten in days.

“So, about your hunger strike,” I start. “You can’t just not eat.”

“Says who?”

“Says me,” I stress. “I worry about you.”

“I need a new roommate.”

“Buddy, they can’t move him to another room. You’re going to have to be more flexible. I know it isn’t what you want, but this isn’t forever. As soon as another bed opens, I will do everything I can to have him moved, but for the time being, can’t you just ignore him?”

“He eats glue.”

Rolling my eyes, I say, “Yeah, well, you used to eat rollie pollies, but I never made Mom find you a new place to live.”

His face falls when I was hoping to make him smile.

“What is it, buddy?”

“Do you think we’ll ever see them again?” He looks into my eyes with so much sadness.

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out because there are times I wonder the same thing. It’s completely irrational, I know, but sometimes, the misery of losing them becomes too much, and I trick myself into thinking that maybe, in some unexplainable way, they’ll come back.

“Of course, you’ll see them again,” Luca tells him when I’m silent for too long.

I’m too upset to mutter a word for fear I’ll cry, but I also can’t watch him as he talks to my brother because it hurts too much.

“I’ll be right back,” I murmur as I excuse myself to the restroom to get a moment of reprieve.

After locking the door, I sit on the edge of the bathtub and try to breathe through the barrage of emotions. Everything has become so unstable, but it’s in moments like these that I want to grab on to the people I love and never let them go. Never let them out of my sight for fear I’ll lose them too. It’s neurotic, I know, but it’s overwhelming at the same time.

When I finally come out of the bathroom, Matthew is already in bed and Luca is in the room with him, digging through his suitcase.

“I think I’m going to call it a night,” I tell them as I head to the other room with a single king bed.