Page 60 of Am I the Only One

“I was jealous.”

“Jealous?”

Bashfully, I nod.

“You have no reason to be jealous. You don’t want what I give those girls.” He moves in closer, taking my now jittery hand. “They only get the worst of me. The parts I hate.”

Squeezing my fingers around his hand, I hesitantly murmur, “This scares me.”

“What does?”

“This,” I stress.

He tugs my hand and pulls me into his arms, hugging me. “It scares me too.”

My arms tighten around him, and no other words are spoken as we hold each other in a cloud of fear and confusion. Luca is my best friend, and I doubt I am willing to risk losing him just because I’ve had moments where thoughts of wanting more with him have crept in.

That thought is chased by another.

What if I’ve spent so much time despising his crude behavior with women as a way of convincing myself that he’s all wrong for me, like a shield to protect against the inevitable. In turn, I could’ve been focusing on all the great qualities about him, the million reasons to adore him.

Reasons that far outweigh this one negative.

But, just like him, I’ve never been in love.

I’ve never committed myself to anyone.

I’ve never even considered opening myself up to having something like that in my life.

I’m not even sure I can.

In this moment, all we do is hold on to each other as I try to keep myself together, because what the hell are we doing? I’m not even sure I want to go down this road with him—or with anyone, for that matter.

After a while, we trade the couch for the bed, and even though we’ve spent a few nights sleeping next to each other, tonight feels like the first.

Despite having slept the whole day away, I’m eventually able to fall asleep in his arms.

As always, the morning comes all too soon. The ringing of my cell phone from the other room pulls me from my dream, and as I begin to rise, my movement stirs Luca. Slipping out of bed, I shiver against the chill in the air as I make my way to my room. When I see I have a missed call from Valley Crest, I quickly call back.

“Valley Crest. How may I help you?”

“Hi, this is Emma Ashford. Someone just called me.”

“Just one moment.”

She puts me on hold, and when I peer out the door, I see Luca getting a pot of coffee going.

“Ms. Ashford?”

“Hi. I saw that I just missed a call.”

“Yes. This is Dr. Lopez, I’m the new resident psychiatrist here at Valley Crest. I’m calling in regards to Matthew.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Your brother got a new roommate a couple of weeks ago,” he tells me, but I already knew that because Matthew called me the day after, complaining about the guy. “This has been a difficult adjustment for him. I’ve been able to meet with him to discuss coping skills, but there was an altercation—nobody was hurt—but your brother has been very upset ever since. My concern is his well-being at this point.”

“His well-being?”