Page 21 of Am I the Only One

“Working in security and global affairs.”

I plaster on a smile that just might be as fake as Olivia’s. Ironic how his exciting news cuts so deeply that the blade slices straight through to my truth. I love Luca, but jealousy runs viciously through my body.

“That’s so great.” I try to grin and do my best to force the words out, but they crack under the weight of my sadness.

“Emma,” Luca says heavily, his smile falling into pity when he sees past my weak façade.

Slowly, he begins walking toward me

“No, it’s fine. I’m happy for you.”

Sitting next to me, he takes my hand. “That was really shitty of me. I’m sorry.”

“What for? Being excited about a great opportunity? Luca, you have nothing to apologize for. I should be the one apologizing for being so self-centered.”

His hand squeezes around mine, and I take the comfort, allowing my head to fall onto his shoulder. We sit in silence for a moment before he breaks it. “Why won’t you let anyone help you?”

Because my situation is a thousand times worse than anyone even knows.

“Byanyoneyou mean your parents?”

“Yeah.”

With a hopeless sigh, I slacken into him more.

“Or what about your brother? Have you even told him about your situation?”

“It’s complicated.”

“You know, you don’t have to pretend to be this pillar of strength. It’s okay to ask for help.”

Lifting my head, I look him in the eyes. “Who says I’m pretending? Is it so hard to believe that Iama pillar of strength?”

“We share a wall.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I hear you late at night.”

My eyes hold steady when he reveals this. It’s my defense, to prove that even though he hears me crying when I should be sleeping, I’m still stronger than my moments of weakness.

“I’m not judging you,” he defends. “But I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something you aren’t telling me.”

He’s right. As much as I love Luca, there are truths I’ve kept from him. My problems are my own, and the deeper I get, the more embarrassed I am to admit that I’ve fallen so far, so I cover that shame with lies.

“You know me better than anyone,” I tell him because, even through the lies, it’s the truth.

“Do I?”

“Of course you do,” I exhaust. “You know you do, but I’m not taking anyone’s handouts. I’m not a dog begging for scraps.”

“That’s harsh.”

“It’s the truth, Luca. You know just as well as I do that image is everything in this city.”

“Those images are pure bullshit and everyone knows it.”

“Yet, they still matter,” I tell him. “It’s easy for you to say it’s bullshit because you don’t have to worry like I do.”