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CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT

ANOTHER BIRTHDAY

JADE

“Garret, you cannot be in the room with me,” I tell him as I waddle through the kitchen. That’s right. Waddle. I no longer walk. In fact, I haven’t for months. I miss walking. I can’t wait to walk again.

“Jade, every father is in the delivery room. It’s normal.”

“Not in the old days. Fifty years ago, men sat in the waiting room, smoking cigars. That’s what you should do. Get some cigars.”

I’m slowly pacing the floor. I’m nervous because I might give birth today and I’m scared to death. I woke up at six this morning, worrying about it. I got out of bed, because even just lying in bed is uncomfortable now.

“I don’t smoke cigars, and even if I did, you can’t smoke in a hospital. And I’m not sitting in the waiting room. I want to be with you.”

“Garret, we’ve been over this a thousand times. I don’t want you in there.”

“Jade, I swear. I will stay by your head. I won’t even look.”

This is why I don’t want Garret in the delivery room. I went to the birthing classes. I saw the films. And I don’t want Garret seeing any of that stuff. I don’t want him down there when the baby comes out. No way. Other women may be fine with it, but not me.

I sigh, because I can’t sit down. I’m so big in front, I feel like I’m going to tip over trying to sit in my favorite chair. It’s in a little area that’s connected to the kitchen and looks out at the ocean. I always sit here in the mornings before I start my day.

“Here.” Garret helps me into the chair.

“I can’t believe how huge I am,” I say, looking down at my belly.

He leans down and kisses me. “You’re beautiful.”

“I’m huge.”

“You’re not huge. From the back, people don’t even know you’re pregnant.”

It’s true. The rest of me looks normal but my stomach is huge. Like I swallowed a giant beach ball. And all that weight in front throws me completely off balance.

“How can a tiny baby take up so much space?” I ask.

Garret sits on the arm of the chair. “Maybe it’s not a tiny baby. Maybe it’s a big baby.”

“Garret! Don’t say that! I’m already freaking out about getting it out of me.”

He reaches down and holds my hand. “Don’t worry about it. You’re gonna do great.” He smiles. “Especially since I’ll be there coaching you through it.”

I smile back. “Fine. You can be in the room. But if you glance down there even once, I swear I’ll—”

He kisses me before I can say it. “You know what?”

“What?”

“By tomorrow at this time, we could be holding our baby.”

“I don’t think so. I think this baby plans to stay in here a while.” I rub my belly. “And that’s fine with me because I don’t think I can do this.”

Garret laughs. “It’s a little late for that, Jade. The baby’s coming and I bet it comes today.” He said ‘it’ because we still don’t know if we’re having a boy or a girl. We wanted it to be a surprise. “You should’ve read the books, Jade. If you did, you wouldn’t be so freaked out.”

When Garret found out I was pregnant, he went out and bought every pregnancy book he could find. And then he read them all. But I wouldn’t. It was too much information. I read a few pages of one of the books and all it did was freak me out even more.

“Between you and Harper, I got more than enough information. I didn’t need to read the books.”

Harper is also pregnant, with baby number two. She’s due in a couple weeks. She’s having another boy. She thought for sure she was having a girl this time. She even started buying pink baby clothes, but then found out it was a boy. I just laugh because she’s such a girly girl and she ends up having boys. But she loves her little boy and she can’t wait to have another one. And Sean is a great dad and a great husband. He always has these dad and son days so Harper can get a break and go shopping or get a massage or do the other girly stuff she likes doing.

“You two are up early.” Karen walks in the room, with Frank right behind her. “It’s only six fifteen.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” I say, as she comes over to me.

Karen and Frank got here a few days ago. I asked them to come stay with us because Karen’s the only person who’s able to calm me down whenever I panic about the delivery. Karen’s been a labor and delivery nurse for more than 30 years, so she’s seen pretty much everything. She keeps telling me that giving birth is no big deal. That it’s natural and my body will know exactly what to do and that women have been doing it forever. It’s all stuff I know, but the way she says it always makes me feel better.

I love Karen. She’s awesome. She treats me like the daughter she never had. She and Frank come out and visit all the time. Frank really lucked out when he found Karen. He’s so much happier with her in his life. And she takes such great care of him that now he has way more good days than bad.

She smiles and rubs my arm. “All ready for the big day?”

“Not really. I’m kind of freaking out.”

Frank leans down and kisses my head. “Relax, honey. You’ll be fine.”

“You may not deliver today,” Karen says. “It could be tomorrow or later this week. How do you feel?”

“I feel okay. But I feel like I should do something. Maybe I’ll clean out the refrigerator.” I try to get up, but can’t.

Garret laughs. “The refrigerator doesn’t need to be cleaned, Jade.”

“She’s still nesting,” Karen says to him. “I’m going to go make some coffee.” She and Frank walk into the kitchen.

Karen’s nesting comment is referring to my need to clean and organize the entire house. I’ve been doing this for weeks. Apparently it’s something pregnant women do before giving birth.

“I’m not nesting,” I insist. “I just need to clean.”

Garret kisses my cheek. “What you need is breakfast. What do you want?”

“Could I have some donuts? I’m dying for a donut.”

Garret’s been making food runs for months. My cravings are out of control. My donut cravings, especially.

“Jade, I’m not leaving you on your due date. What if you go into labor and I’m not here?”

“According to your books, labor goes on for hours and the donut shop is only a few minutes from here. Nothing’s going to happen while you’re gone.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. How about some toast instead?”

“But I’m really craving donuts. Please.” I give him my sad eyes, which I know he can’t say no to.

He sighs, then leans down and talks to my stomach. “Stay in there until I get back.”

I laugh. “You’re funny. Hey, get me the chocolate ones with chocolate frosting and sprinkles.”

He shakes his head. “I hope this doesn’t mean our baby’s going to be born addicted to donuts.”

“There’s nothing wrong with donuts.” I try to sit up to kiss him but I can’t reach him and now I’m stuck in this chair. It’s a deep, squishy chair that’s hard to get out of.

Garret notices me attempting to move. “You want help getting up?”

I sigh. “No, I’ll just stay here. If I need help, Frank or Karen will help me.”

He leans down and gives me a kiss. “I’ll be back soon. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

He leaves.

And a few minutes later, my water breaks.

GARRET

I’m at the donut place when my phone rings. It’s Frank.

“Garret, she’s having the baby. Meet us at the hospital.”

“Are you serious? I just left the house.”

“And as soon as you did, her water broke.”

I race back to the car. “I’ll be home in a few minutes. I’ll take her to the hospital.”

“We’re already on the way. Karen said things are moving fast. We couldn’t wait.”

Shit! I whip out of the parking lot and speed off. “Okay, I’ll meet you there. Let me talk to Jade.”

He gives her the phone.

“Garret?” She sounds out of breath. “Sorry. I didn’t know this would happen.”

“I’ll be right there, okay?”

“I’m scared. I’m not ready for this.” When she says it, I know what she means. This time she isn’t talking about giving birth. She’s talking about being a mom. She was so excited about it for the first eight months of her pregnancy and then the past month, she started panicking, thinking she’ll be a bad mom.

“You’re ready, Jade. This baby is so lucky to have you as a mom.”

I tell her this all the time and it always makes her cry. I hear her sniffle, then moan. “Oh, God, that hurts. Garret, I can’t talk. I’ll see you at the hospital.”

She hangs up and I speed even faster down the road. Then I hit construction and have to slow down. Going to the donut shop took me off the road I would normally take to the hospital and now I’m stuck here, waiting in a line of cars. I honk but it’s no use. There’s nowhere to go. I call Frank and let him know. He tells me Jade was taken straight to the delivery room. This baby’s coming fast. Jade and I both thought she’d be in labor for 15 or 20 hours, like most new moms. But no. This baby’s as impatient as Jade is and it wants out.

Ten minutes later, I finally move past the construction zone and speed to the hospital. I park and run inside.

Frank is waiting for me by the nurse’s desk. I must look like a nervous wreck because he laughs at me. “Calm down there, Garret. Everything’s fine.”

I’m out of breath from running. “Where is she?”

“She’s in one of the delivery rooms. The nurse will show you.”

An older woman dressed like a nurse comes over to me. “First timer, huh?” She smiles.

“Yeah.”

“Right this way.” She takes off and I follow her, waving goodbye to Frank. This is all happening so fast. This isn’t how I pictured it in my head. I read all those books and was all prepared for a long labor, spending hours sitting beside Jade trying to keep her calm.

The nurse takes me to the delivery room. Jade’s doing the breathing exercises she learned in birthing class. Karen’s next to her, holding her hand. Karen sees me and smiles, then says to Jade, “I’m going to leave now.”

“No! Don’t leave me!” Jade didn’t notice me walk in. “Please! Not until Garret—”

“I’m right here.” I take her hand and kiss her forehead, which is all sweaty.

“Garret.” She squeezes my hand really hard, then squeezes her eyes shut and bites down on her lip. Must be a contraction.

Karen comes over and talks in my ear. “There was no time for an epidural. The baby’s coming fast. Shouldn’t be much longer.”

I nod, and she leaves.

Natural childbirth? That’s gotta hurt. And it’s not at all what Jade wanted. She was counting on that epidural.

“Jade, you’re doing great.” I smile at her as she squeezes my hand again, so hard she might break some bones. At least we’re at a hospital.

“Okay, it’s time to push,” the doctor says.

I glance down at the doctor. It’s not Jade’s normal doctor. It’s some other woman. She’s older and very calm, which is just what Jade needs.

After a lot of pushing and breathing and squeezing of my hand, our baby is born.

A baby girl. Eight pounds, two ounces. With dark brown hair.

And all of a sudden it hits me. I have a daughter. I’m a dad!

The nurse wipes the baby off and hands her to Jade. “She was sure in a hurry to meet you.”

Jade takes the baby, tears running down her face. Happy tears.

“Hi.” She smiles at the baby and lifts her up to kiss her cheek.

I lean down and kiss her, too. “She’s beautiful.”

“Yeah. She’s perfect.” Jade kisses her again, then whispers to her, “You have to meet your daddy.”

Jade hands her to me. I gaze down at her, cradled in my arms. She’s so tiny. So sweet. So beautiful. I just met her and I already love her more than words can describe.

* * *

Later that day, Frank and Karen go back to the house and I stay with Jade in her hospital room. Grace was here, too, but she left with Frank and Karen so Jade could get some rest.

Jade’s exhausted. She was taking a nap, but she’s starting to wake up.

“Hey.” I gently rub her arm. “How are you feeling?”

She sits up a little. “Sore. Tired.” She gives me her sleepy smile. “Happy.”

“Yeah. Me too.” I take her hand and kiss it.

“We did it, Garret.”

“ You did it. And you were amazing.”

A nurse walks in carrying the baby, all wrapped up in a blanket, a pink cap on her head. “Someone’s here for a visit.”

The nurse hands the baby to Jade, who smiles as she takes her. Jade smiles every time the nurse brings the baby in.

“I’ll come back and get her later,” the nurse says, but Jade’s not paying attention. All her attention is on the baby.

I sit next to her on the bed and Jade holds the baby up for me to see. “Garret, look what we made.”

“We did good.” I lean down and kiss Jade, then gently kiss our new baby girl. “She’s beautiful. Just like her mom.”

“She has your eyes.”

“You think so? I think she looks more like you.”

We both just stare at her. It is kind of amazing we made something so perfect.

“Did you pick out a name?” I ask Jade. We decided we wouldn’t pick a name until we saw our baby. Because what if we picked a name and it didn’t fit? We wanted to meet her first and make sure her name fit her.

“Abigail Grace,” Jade says without hesitation.

We talked about Grace for a middle name, but not Abigail.

“Where did you come up with Abigail?”

“When I saw her, the name just popped in my head. Look it up and see what it means.”

I get my phone out and go to the baby name website we’ve been using for ideas.

When I find the name I smile. “It has a couple different meanings. One is father’s joy and the other is brings joy.”

“Then it’s perfect.” Jade talks to the baby. “You’re definitely going to bring us joy. You already have.”

“Abigail Grace Kensington.” As I say it, she gurgles a little. “I think she likes it.”

“Garret, we don’t have to name her that. It’s just an idea.”

“It was the first name that came to you when you saw her. That means it’s the right name.” I put my phone away and scoot closer to Jade on the bed. I look down at our baby. Jade’s looking at her, too. We can’t seem to take our eyes off her.

“What name were you thinking of when you saw her?” Jade asks.

“I wasn’t thinking of names. I was too overwhelmed by the fact that I have a daughter. And that I’m a dad.”

“How does it feel to be a dad?” She hands me the baby.

“I’m not sure how to describe it.” I look down at her, sleeping in my arms. “All I know is that I love her. I loved her before I even met her. And I’m already overprotective of her. She’s never dating by the way.”

Jade laughs.

I give her a serious look. “I’m not kidding, Jade. And she’s going to an all-girl school.”

“Let’s worry about that later. She’s only a few hours old. Born right on her due date.” Jade leans her head on my shoulder, her eyes on Abigail. “Five years ago today you proposed, and I found out you were out of the organization for good. If they’d taken you, I don’t know where I’d be right now. I wouldn’t be married.” She runs her hand over the baby’s head. “And I wouldn’t have her.”

I hand Jade the baby again and put my arm around her. “But that’s not what happened. Which means May 15th will always be a good day.” I squeeze her into me and kiss the top of her head. “I love you, Jade.”

“I love you, too.”

The nurse comes in again to take the baby and Jade falls back to sleep.

My phone rings and I go out in the hall so I don’t wake up Jade. My phone’s been ringing all day. Sean and Harper called. Then Ryan and Chloe. Then Lilly, William, and Meredith. I haven’t talked to my dad yet. He’s flying back from Europe today, but he must be home now because he’s the one calling.

“Hi, Dad.”

“I hear I’m a grandfather.”

“Yeah. You have a granddaughter. Abigail Grace.”

“Congratulations. How’s it feel to be a father?”

“Truthfully? Like I’ll be worrying for the rest of my life.”

He laughs. “Yes, I remember that feeling. But Garret.” He sounds serious now. “Don’t worry about things you don’t need to worry about anymore.”

He knows I still worry about the organization. He always tells me not to, but I still do. I probably always will, because I know it’ll never go away. You can’t defeat it. It’s too powerful and the members are embedded in every facet of society. Large corporations. Judicial systems. Law enforcement. Government. And they’ll do everything they can to stay in power, because they know if they don’t, another group just like them will take over. There will always be people who crave power. People who want to control the masses. Control the system. It’s always been that way. And that will never change.

Sometimes I wonder if the organization will come back for me when my dad and William are gone and I have no one left to protect me. I’m one of the few people who knows about them and that makes me think they’d want me back someday. I’ve told my dad this and he assures me it’ll never happen. He says that so much has changed there the past few years, that it’s nothing like it used to be. They recruit people now, instead of forcing people to be part of it. But I still worry.

“Garret, did you hear me?”

“Yeah. Sorry. It was a long day. I’m just tired.”

“Get used to it. You won’t be getting much sleep anymore.”

“Did you get the pictures I sent?”

“Yes. And she’s beautiful. Let me know when you want Lilly and me to come out there. We can’t wait to meet her.”

“Come out whenever you want. Jade was just asking when you guys would be here.”

“Then we’ll plan on being out there in a couple weeks.”

“Okay, I’ll tell Jade.”

“Is she there? I’d like to talk to her.”

“She’s sleeping. She’s really tired.”

“Well, call me tomorrow when she’s had time to rest.”

“I will. Bye, Dad.”

“And Garret?”

“Yeah?”

“Enjoy this time. It goes fast. And if you miss it, you’ll regret it.” He’s talking about himself and missing all my teen years. He still feels bad about that. He doesn’t need to. I’ve forgiven him. “I’ll let you go. Call me if you need anything. Goodbye, Garret.”

As I put my phone away, I see Frank and Karen getting off the elevator. They brought the small travel bag Jade packed for the hospital. They were in such a hurry to get Jade to the hospital this morning that they forgot to bring it.

They come up to me and Frank hands me the bag. “How’s she doing?”

“Good. She’s taking a nap right now.”

“It’s good she’s getting some rest,” Karen says. “She won’t be getting much sleep when she gets home.” She smiles. “You should be taking a nap, too. You won’t be getting much sleep either.”

I nod. “Yeah, that’s what everyone keeps saying. That’s okay. I don’t need much sleep.”

“Well, we don’t want to wake Jade up,” Frank says. “We just wanted to drop off her things.” Frank takes Karen’s hand. “You ready to go?”

She tugs him toward the nursery. “We have to go see the baby first.”

He looks back at me, laughing, as she pulls him down the hall. “I guess we’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, bye.” I wave him on.

The next day after lunch, the nurse stops by with the baby. It’s a different nurse than the one who was here yesterday. An older lady with gray hair. She gives the baby to me this time because Jade still has her lunch tray in front of her.

The nurse takes the tray away and says to Jade, “The doctor will be in to check on you later this afternoon. If all looks good, you’ll be discharged.”

“Really?” Jade glances up at the nurse. “That fast?”

She smiles. “You’re young. Healthy. Didn’t have any drugs. The delivery was smooth. No complications. So you’ll be sent home. Unless you want to stay another night.”

“No, I’d rather go home. But you’re giving us the baby?”

The way Jade says it is so damn funny. Like she can’t believe they’d send the baby home with us.

The nurse is trying not to laugh. “Yes. She’s all yours.”

“But is she ready? I mean, don’t you need to check her over? Make sure she’s okay?”

“She’s already been checked. And she’ll be checked again before you leave. She’s a very healthy baby. I’ll give you some time with her, then I’ll come back and get her.”

“Thank you,” I say to the nurse.

She nods, and walks out of the room.

I’m still holding the baby and Jade points to her and says, “Garret, they’re sending her home with us. Today!”

Now that the nurse is gone, I laugh. “Yeah. She’s ours, Jade. We have to take her.” I bring her over to Jade.

“I know. It’s just that she’s so tiny. We might break her.”

“We won’t break her. I read all the books. I’m ready for this. And so are you. You just need to get home and practice.”

Jade looks down at Abigail. “I’m nervous, Garret. What if I screw up?”

I sit on the side of the bed, lifting her face up to look at me. “Everyone screws up. It’s part of parenting. We’ll just do the best we can. And you’re going to be a great mom. You already are.”

She gazes down at Abigail again. I know Jade’s going to be a great mom. She just needs to convince herself of that.

We leave the hospital at six that night. Karen and Frank are waiting for us at the house. Karen had dinner ready for us, which was good because we were both starving. The hospital food was really bad so we didn’t eat much while we were there.

After dinner, Karen gives us some tips on taking care of a newborn since she’s an expert in this area. It’s great having Karen here. She and Frank are going to stay another week to help us out. And Grace lives in the guest house, so she’ll be a big help with the baby after Frank and Karen go home.

Grace is 76 now but you wouldn’t know it if you saw her. She’s young for her age. She doesn’t have any health problems and she’s in good shape. Probably because she stays active, gardening and taking walks. Sometimes I think it’s also because she still has access to the clinic. Since Arlin was part of the organization and William still is, Grace will always have access to the clinic.

By nine o’clock, Jade and I are both wiped out and ready for bed. The baby’s sound asleep in the bassinet, which is by Jade’s side of the bed. Jade’s lying there, just watching her.

I lie down beside her, my arm around her middle. “I thought you’d be asleep by now.”

“I just like looking at her. Now I know how my mom felt when she wrote me that letter. She said that after I was born, it was like nothing else mattered. I get it now.” Jade turns to me. “Garret, if they ever come after us again. If they ever even try to get near her, I’ll kill them.”

Jade and I never talk about this anymore. We don’t talk about the organization at all. I know we both think about it, especially when William’s visiting and he suddenly has to leave. He doesn’t say where he’s going, but we know he’s off doing something for the organization. We just don’t talk about it.

“Jade.” I sweep my hand over her cheek and lock my eyes on her. “They will never come near her. And if they even tried, I would kill them myself. Nobody will hurt her or try to take her from us. I promise you.”

Maybe it’s too bold of a promise. Maybe I shouldn’t have made it. Given our history and what we’ve been through, I never completely trust that we’ll be safe. But what I said to Jade is true. If they even attempted to harm my family, I would kill them. Not just members of the organization, but anyone.

I haven’t forgotten the rules my father taught me all those years ago. Rule number two. Protect your family above all else.

I shouldn’t even be thinking about this. They’re not going to come after us. And if they did, I know William would take care of it. Or my dad would. They’d never let anyone harm us. And I wouldn’t either. I was already protective of Jade, and now that I’m a father, that protective instinct has kicked into overdrive. I would do anything to keep my wife and my daughter safe.

“She’s so tiny,” Jade whispers, her eyes back on the baby. “And sweet. I can’t stop looking at her.”

“I know. She’s pretty damn cute. Just like her mom.” I pull the blanket over us. “We need to get some sleep. She’ll probably be up in an hour.”

Jade falls asleep, but I stay awake, watching the baby. Our baby. We have a daughter. I’m a dad.

I tug Jade closer and kiss her head. God, I love her so much. And I love my baby girl. I love my whole damn life.