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CHAPTER TWELVE

GARRET

When I get back from swimming, I come in the kitchen with a paper sack and hand it to Jade. “I got you something.”

She opens the sack. “Ice cream!”

“I stopped on my way home. It’s that cookie sundae you like. That should help you gain some weight.

“Thank you!” She hugs me. “I’ll put it in the freezer for after we eat.” She leads me to the kitchen table. “Look. I didn’t screw up dinner.”

Her homemade pizza is sitting there, along with a big salad.

“I was kidding, Jade. I didn’t think you’d screw it up. And even if you did, I’d still eat it.”

She pulls my chair out. “Sit down. Let’s eat.”

“It’s supposed to be the other way around.” I pull her chair out, but before she sits down I bring her in for a kiss. “Thanks for dinner.”

“Sure. How was swimming?”

We both take a seat at the table.

“Good. But the pool was crowded.”

Jade places three slices of pizza on my plate and two on hers. “Oh, listen to this. Guess what your sister did?”

“You talked to Lilly?”

“No. Harper. She was telling me about babysitting Lilly last weekend. Anyway, Lilly sprayed that poor little Max kid with air freshener.” Jade can barely say it, she’s laughing so hard.

I smile as I pick up a slice of pizza. “That’s my girl. Always listens to her big brother.”

“Garret, she got in trouble. Your dad had to go to her school and take her home.”

“What did Katherine say?” I’m trying to imagine the look on Katherine’s face when she heard about this.

“She wasn’t around. Maybe your dad didn’t tell her.”

“If she found out, she’d be so pissed. And if she knew I was the reason for it, she’d never speak to me again. You know, that’s a good idea. I need to find a way to piss off Katherine enough that she never talks to me again.”

“Hey, um, Harper said that dinner party your grandparents had was for Kent Gleason.”

“Yeah? So?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“You know why. I try to keep you out of that stuff. I try to keep both of us out of it. The less we know the better.”

“But if it involved us, you’d tell me, right?”

“Why would it involve us? We’re no longer part of that world.”

“Yes, we are. We may not want to be, but we are. Your dad and my uncle are part of it, and because of that, we’ll always have a connection to it.”

“That doesn’t mean we have to talk about it, or talk about what they do.” I take a drink of my soda.

“Harper had some other news,” Jade says.

“What is it?”

“She said her parents told her to dump Sean because he’s not good enough for her.”

“They actually said that?”

“Yeah, and since she’s still dating him, they’re barely speaking to her. I’m starting to really not like them. I don’t get it. They seemed so nice when they were at our wedding. Well, nice to everyone but Sean.”

“I know. They don’t seem like the type of people who would be so judgmental about people without money.”

The past few months I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on with Kiefer. Last spring he helped my dad make those fake videos we fed to the media to ruin my image. I don’t think Kiefer knew we were doing it to destroy the organization’s plan to make me president someday, but he knew we were purposely manipulating the media and he went along with it.

That’s when I realized he’d done this before. And his close connection with my dad meant he’d probably done stuff for the organization before, too. I’m sure that’s how my dad first got involved with him.

Last summer, Kiefer had a meeting with my dad and Mr. Roth, a high-ranking member of the organization, to discuss a project. At least that’s what they said they were doing, but I think it was more than that. Someone at Roth’s level wouldn’t fly all the way across the country to meet with Kiefer about a project. It’d have to be bigger than that.

I’m thinking they offered Kiefer membership in the organization. They need people with his skills. People who can make videos that look real—real enough to put on the news and have people believe whatever story they’re trying to tell. Kiefer’s a movie director but he’s also an expert in CGI, computer-generated imagery. He can use CGI to make it look like someone is somewhere they’re really not. Like last spring, when I was supposedly trashing my dad’s cars, Kiefer combined images of me with images of the cars so it looked like I was driving them. Then he added backgrounds to make it look like I was in different locations. The technology is so advanced now you can even make the person say things they never said. Just record their voice, put it in a software program and tell it what to say.

“I wonder if Kiefer was—” I stop because I didn’t mean to say that out loud.

“Kiefer was what?” Jade’s not going to let this go. She’ll ask me until I tell her what I was thinking. I might as well. It’s just a theory anyway.

“I was just wondering if maybe the organization offered Kiefer membership.”

“They can do that? I thought you were born into it.”

“You are, but my dad and some of the other members are trying to change that. They want to recruit people instead. People who want to be part of it and can offer something in return. And Kiefer can offer a lot. He has the skills they need to make stuff look real, like that video he made of Kent Gleason saving that kid on the beach. I think Kiefer’s been working for the organization for a long time, which is how he got to know my dad. And William. And why he knew Arlin. So it wouldn’t be that surprising for the organization to offer him membership. I think that’s why Kiefer met with my dad and Roth last summer.”

“So that’s what the meeting in July was about? They were inviting Kiefer to become a member?”

“I think it was some kind of final interview. That’s why Roth was there.”

“I thought he came out here to scare us before the wedding?”

“That was just part of the reason. He had to do the interview somewhere, and instead of doing it in New York or LA, he picked the town where we were living and scheduled it right before our wedding. He knew exactly what he was doing. Playing his fucked-up mind games with us while also doing business for the organization. Those men he was with are both at Roth’s level in the organization so I’m guessing all three of them were sent to interview Kiefer. But I think Roth was the final decision maker.”

“When do you think Kiefer was asked to join?”

“I’m guessing last spring he went through the initial interview process and was told the requirements for membership, one of which is making sure his daughter doesn’t date someone like Sean.”

“Harper said her dad liked Sean when they were home over spring break, but then in May, he suddenly didn’t like him.”

“So that’s when it must’ve happened. They probably invited him to be a member back then and told him the requirements.”

“What about Kelly?”

“I don’t think she knew until after the meeting last July. Kiefer probably waited to tell her until he knew for sure he was being offered membership, which is what I think happened at the meeting once Roth interviewed him and approved of him. Right after the meeting, Kelly decided she didn’t like Sean, so the timing makes sense.”

“How is your dad involved in this?”

“Like I said, my dad’s been trying to change the rule that says you’re born into the organization. He’s on a committee that’s looking into trying to recruit people instead. Maybe Kiefer is their test case. Their first recruit from the outside. And if he works out, they’ll recruit other people. But I’m not going to ask him about it. Even if I did, he wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“Everything you’re saying makes sense. I just don’t want to believe it.”

“That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. If this happens, if Kiefer becomes a member, you know what that means, right?” I don’t wait for her to answer. “Harper will have to break up with Sean. She’ll be paired up with a guy who’s a member.”

“They’ll force her to marry someone? They can’t do that.”

“They can, and they will. If Kiefer wants to be part of it, he has to play by the rules. You know how it works.”

“You really think Kiefer would do that to Harper?”

“All three of his daughters will have to marry members. Not just Harper.”

“No. That can’t happen. I can’t watch Harper and Sean go through what you and I went through last year.”

“Jade, I have no idea if this is true. It’s just a theory.”

“Yeah, but it makes sense. Why else would Harper’s parents act that way to Sean? They used to like him and now they don’t. And for no reason. Sean didn’t do anything wrong. That has to be it, Garret. They offered Kiefer membership and he accepted. I just can’t believe he and Kelly would want to be part of this.”

“There’s a lot of money involved.”

“They already have a lot of money.”

“Not this much. I’m talking billions, not millions. That type of money buys you power, the ability to influence people and control things. I told you, being a member has rewards. And financial rewards are just part of it. He’ll have access to the clinic. His whole family will. That alone is a huge selling point.”

“I don’t want this to be true.”

“If it is, there’s nothing we can do about it. So don’t say anything to Harper. We can’t get involved in this, Jade.”

“I know.” She takes her plate to the sink.

I meet her over there. “We don’t know anything for sure. We could be totally wrong about Kiefer.”

“This is stressing me out. I need ice cream.”

“Then it’s a good thing your husband made a special trip just to get you some.”

Jade spins around. “My husband is amazing.”

“He is, isn’t he?” I kiss her, then reach around her to the freezer and take the ice cream out.

Jade and I share the ice cream sundae. It’s so huge it could feed three or four people. It reminds me of the Boxcar Bonanza we used to get back in Connecticut. I think that’s why I keep getting it. It makes me think of that sundae, which makes me think of my mom because she used to get me that sundae every year on my birthday. And then I think of Jade, because I ordered that sundae for her on the first day we spent together. It’s strange how food can evoke such strong memories. It’s just a simple sundae. And yet it’s not.

Later that night, when Jade and I are in bed, I notice she won’t lie still. She keeps moving around and won’t go to sleep.

I tuck her into my chest and kiss her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just can’t sleep.”

“Jade. No more hiding stuff from me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m really nervous about tomorrow. I don’t think I can go to that appointment with the counselor.”

“I’m going with you. It’ll be okay.”

“I can’t talk to people about this stuff. I can’t relive it.”

“You don’t have to tell her anything you don’t want to. And if you don’t want to talk about your mom, then talk about something else. Talk about other stuff you’re worried about, like figuring out your major or what classes to take next semester.”

“What if I don’t like the counselor?”

“Then we’ll find someone else. We’ll keep trying different people until you find someone you like.”

“Okay.” Jade sighs, like she’s relieved.

Did she really think I’d force her to go to someone she didn’t like? I would never do that. I’d drive for hours to find the right person.

Jade flips around in my arms and faces me. “What happened when you went?”

“When I went to counseling?”

“Yeah. Were you nervous?”

“I was scared shitless. I was only 10 and I had to go alone. My dad dropped me off. I thought the guy was going to strap me down on a table and hook electrodes to my head.” I laugh, because now it’s kind of funny. “I had just watched a sci-fi movie where they did that to some old man so I thought for sure that’s what would happen to me. But instead, I just sat in a room and talked to the guy.”

“What did you talk about?”

“The first few sessions we just talked about sports. He was trying to get me to relax so that I’d talk to him about other stuff. Eventually I talked about the plane crash and my mom. I don’t know how he got me to talk so much. He must’ve been really good.”

“I’m still nervous about going.”

“Don’t be. I’ll be right there with you and if you don’t feel comfortable, we’ll get up and leave.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“I really do want to work on this stuff, Garret. I want to do it for me, but also for us. I don’t want to go back to being like I was when we met.”

“You won’t, Jade. You’re not that person anymore.”

She rests her head on my shoulder, her finger drawing circles on my chest. “But sometimes I feel like I am. When we moved here and school started, it was so much change all at once and I couldn’t deal with it. So I started acting like I did last year; running all the time, pushing you away, hiding my feelings. But I can’t do that. I don’t want to be that person again.”

I bring her hand to my mouth and kiss it. “There was nothing wrong that person. She just needed someone to love her and take care of her and listen to her. And Jade, that someone is still here.”

She nods.

I keep hold of her hand and rest it between us. “I feel like I let you down, Jade.”

“What do you mean?”

“I see you every day and I knew something was wrong but I didn’t do anything, and I should have. Whenever you push me away, don’t talk to me, go run for hours, it means you’re hurting. And I know that about you and yet I didn’t do anything. That’s why I made that appointment tomorrow. I knew you’d be mad at me, and maybe you still are, but I had to do it because I don’t know what else to do for you. I can be here for you and listen to you and love you, but I don’t think that’s enough. And I didn’t know how else to help you.”

“I’m not mad at you for making the appointment. I never would’ve done it myself. And you didn’t let me down. You couldn’t have because you didn’t know what was going on with me. Even I didn’t know. I still don’t. That’s why I have to talk to someone. The thing is, sometimes things are great and I think I’m over my past and moving on. But then something happens, like when I thought I was pregnant, and I can’t handle it. I see myself turning into my mom and I panic. I’ve actually had dreams where I’m screaming at our kids and throwing stuff at them and telling them I hate them.” Her voice cracks.

I hug her against my chest. “Jade, you should’ve told me that.”

“I couldn’t.” She sniffles. “It doesn’t matter. I’m going to fix this. I’m going to fix whatever’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you. You just need to work through some stuff. And I’ll be right here beside you. You don’t have to do it alone.”

She looks up at me, and through the moonlight filtering through the blinds, I see her smiling, wet tears still on her cheeks. “I told you how much I love you, right?”

I kiss her forehead. “I love you, too.”

We fall asleep. And the next day, after class, I meet Jade at Student Health. The counseling center has its own entrance on the other side of the building. There’s a small waiting room and we check in at the desk.

A woman comes out of a room to the right of us. “Jade?”

“Yes.” Jade and I are still standing at the check-in desk.

The woman goes up to Jade. She’s about 45 with shoulder-length, straight brown hair and brown eyes. She isn’t wearing much makeup and she looks like she works out a lot. She has on a blue sleeveless dress and her arms are really toned. She seems like someone Jade would like—casual, friendly, athletic.

“Hi, I’m Jennifer. Nice to meet you. Come on back.”

“Um, he’s coming, too.” Jade points to me. “Is that okay?”

“That’s up to you. If you’re comfortable with him joining us, then yes.”

“I want him there. This is my husband, Garret.”

“Hi.” I shake her hand.

“Hi.” She seems a little shocked, as everyone does when we tell them we’re married. “Follow me.”

The room we go in looks like a living room, with a big couch and two overstuffed chairs and bookcases along the back wall.

“Have a seat.” Jennifer motions us to the couch. Jade and I sit down and Jennifer sits across from us on one of the chairs. “So tell me about yourself, Jade.”

“Um, what do you want to know?” Jade’s doing the foot-tapping thing she does when she’s nervous. And she’s got a vise grip on my hand.

“What do you like to do for fun?”

Bad question. Jade struggles with that one.

“I don’t know. Go to movies?”

“I like movies, too.” Jennifer smiles. “So tell me how you met Garret.”

Wow. She’s good. She instantly knew to get off the what-do-you-do-for-fun question and move on to something else. And she picked a good topic. Jade likes talking about how we met.

As Jade tells her about it, I feel her hand relax. And then her foot stops tapping. She talks for a good 30 minutes.

When she’s done, Jennifer says, “You mentioned you’re from Iowa. Tell me about it. I’ve never been there.”

Another good topic. Jade can easily talk about Iowa and her hometown of Des Moines. She talks until 5:30 and we were supposed to be done at 5:15.

Jennifer waits for Jade to finish, then says, “Well, you two probably want to get home.” Another interesting technique. Instead of acting like we’re the ones taking up her time, she acts like she’s the one taking up ours. These psychologists have really upped their game since I went to one. Not that my guy wasn’t good, but he wasn’t this good.

“Would you like to come back on Thursday?” Jennifer asks Jade. “I have an opening at the same time, 4:15.”

Jade hesitates. She looks at me, then back at Jennifer. “Okay, that works.”

“Great, I’ll see you then.”

As soon as we’re out of the building, Jade takes a deep breath. “I did it.”

I hug her. “It wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“No. She was nice. And she didn’t ask me any stupid questions, except that first one about what I do for fun. Why do people always ask that? It’s annoying. That question should be banned from ever being asked again.”

She says it jokingly, which tells me the session went well and that she liked Jennifer. I think Jennifer will be good for Jade. She seems to have some tricks to use to get Jade to talk about stuff. And she’s going to need them. Getting Jade to talk about her past is next to impossible, especially with someone she doesn’t know very well.

When we get in the car, I turn to Jade and say, “So tell me, Jade, what do you like to do for fun?”

She laughs and shoves my shoulder. “I like to kill people who ask that!”

“You can’t kill me because I’m taking you out for dinner. Where do you want to go?”

“The Mexican place downtown.”

“Sounds good.” I drive onto the street, heading toward the downtown.

“Can we get nachos?”

I reach over and hold her hand. “Why do you even ask that, Jade? Do I ever deny you nachos?”

“You haven’t yet, but someday you might. You’re always trying to get me to eat better.”

“After repeatedly witnessing the immense joy that nachos bring to you, I promise you that I will never deny you nachos.”

“They don’t bring me immense joy. I just like them.” She pauses, then says, “Okay, they bring me immense joy, but don’t tell anyone that. It sounds weird.”

“Lilly loves nachos almost as much as you do.”

“Katherine lets her eat nachos?”

“Hell, no. She’d never allow it. But Katherine’s been gone a lot with her boyfriend so my dad’s been taking Lilly out for dinner. He took her to that Mexican restaurant by the house. You know the one we went to?”

“I thought you said he’d never eat there because it’s not fancy enough.”

“I said Katherine would never eat there, not my dad. Lilly loves the Mexican place. They’ve been there twice now. She’s had the nachos both times.”

“Is that mariachi singer still there?”

I laugh. “Yes, so when we’re back for Christmas, I’m definitely taking you there for dinner. Maybe we’ll take Lilly with us.”

“Garret, do you think your grandparents will be at your house for Christmas?”

“They have to be. For Lilly’s sake.”

But if it weren’t for Lilly, I know my grandparents wouldn’t show up. They don’t want to see me, especially my grandfather, who hates me right now.

I’m dreading Christmas. I know it’s going to be bad. Katherine will be a bitch, as usual, and my grandparents won’t speak to me. It’ll pretty much suck.

“I’m sorry, Garret. About your grandparents.”

“It’s okay. They’ll come around eventually.”

After dinner, we go home and Jade goes out on the deck to do some studying. I stay inside and watch sports highlights from last weekend. It’s football season and I love football and yet I’ve hardly watched any games.

My phone rings. I see it’s Sean so I answer. “Hey, man, what’s up?”

“If you’d call me once in a while, you’d know.” He’s kidding but he’s right. I do need to call him more.

“Sorry. I’m a shitty friend. I’ll buy you a case of beer next time I’m out there.”

“You’re underage, buddy.” He laughs. “You’re an old married guy but you can’t even buy me a beer.”

“Yeah, that’s right. I always forget about that. I feel a lot older than 20. I’ll give you some money and you can buy your own beer.”

“When are you guys coming out here?”

“Not until Christmas, so you’ll be waiting a while for that beer.”

“I might need something stronger than beer.”

“Why?”

“I’m going to propose to Harper at Christmas. And I’m already fucking nervous as hell.”

“You don’t think she’ll say yes?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m nervous. One day she acts like she’d marry me in a heartbeat and the next day I’m not so sure. But by Christmas we’ll have dated for over a year and we lived together all summer, so if she doesn’t know by now that I’m the one, then she never will. And if she says no, then I figure it’s better to find that out now than in a year or two. But I really hope she doesn’t say no. I can’t imagine being with anyone but her.”

Shit. This really sucks. If Kiefer was offered membership, Sean will never be with Harper, even if she accepted his proposal.

“Did you already buy a ring?” I ask him.

“Yeah. I bought it last week. I spent more than I should have but I wanted to get her a really nice ring. I had to charge it, which means I’ll be paying that thing off for the next 10 years at 18 percent interest.”

“Sean, just pay it off. I’ll loan you the money. You can pay me back when you can. It’ll save you from paying all that interest.”

“I don’t like owing people money.”

“The offer’s out there. Just think about it.”

That’s just great. So now the poor guy’s in debt from buying a ring Harper may not even want. Or may not be able to accept because she’ll be forced to marry someone else. This is such a mess, but I don’t know anything for sure, so for now I’m going to pretend everything’s fine.

I hear Sean talking again. “I know you’re going to tell Jade about this, but she won’t tell Harper, will she?”

“No, she’ll keep it a secret.”

“So what’s going on with you? You see the Patriots play last weekend?”

Sean and I talk sports for the next half hour. It reminds me that I need to find some more guy friends. Last week I started going to swim practice so I’m getting to know the guys there, but we don’t talk much during practice. I’m friends with that Nate guy I met at the gym but we don’t do stuff together. I just talk to him at class. And I talk to Dylan when I see him on campus. Kyle, a guy I met my first week here, keeps asking me to hang out but I always turn him down. I have nothing in common with him. He’s quarterback of the football team and spends the majority of his time drinking and partying. That’s not my scene anymore.

It’s hard to find a good friend like Sean. Someone who’s easy to talk to and would help you out if you needed it. Unfortunately, right now I don’t feel like I’m being a very good friend to Sean. Not because I haven’t called him, but because I think he’s going to get his heart broken and I can’t tell him.