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CHAPTER THIRTY

GARRET

It’s been two days and I haven’t heard a word from my dad. He said he was going to talk to my grandfather on Thanksgiving, but it must not have gone well because my dad said he’d call when this is over and he hasn’t. It’s not like I thought this would end after just one conversation, but I thought my dad would at least give me an update.

I still haven’t slept more than a few hours a night. I have no appetite but I’ve been forcing myself to eat so Jade doesn’t think something’s wrong. Well, she knows I’m not myself, but she’s convinced I’m coming down with a cold or the flu. Maybe I should just pretend I’m sick to throw her off track. I hate lying to her like this. I told myself I’d stop hiding shit from her and here I am doing it again. My dad needs to hurry up and end this because I can’t keep this up for much longer.

Now it’s Saturday and time for us to leave for Jade’s speech. She’s so nervous I thought she might throw up. She hasn’t yet, but she looks like she could. The speech is at her old high school in the auditorium. There’s supposed to be about 50 people there. Jade gave her valedictorian speech to 350 of her classmates and their parents so this should be easy, but I think she’s nervous because for today’s speech she has to talk about herself and she’s not comfortable doing that.

We arrive at Jade’s high school at noon. Her algebra teacher, the guy who helped plan the event, greets us in the hallway. The guy is old and bald with thick glasses, wearing a plaid shirt and khaki pants. He gives Jade a hug and thanks her for doing this, says hi to Frank and me, then takes off to get the auditorium ready.

“How’s it feel to be back?” Frank asks Jade.

“Not much has changed. It still smells like sweaty gym socks and notebook paper.”

Jade’s holding my hand. Her hand is all clammy because of her nerves. I need to get her mind off the speech so I say, “Why don’t you show me around?”

“There’s nothing to see. It looks like any other high school.”

Actually, mine looked nothing like this. My prep school looked like a castle, all stone on the outside with ivy growing up the sides. And the inside was kept immaculate with shiny hardwood floors, walls that were kept freshly painted, and a hand-carved wooden banister on the staircase.

Jade’s school has cracks in the walls and floor, banged up lockers, and it smells like sweaty socks, just like she said.

I pull on her hand. “Come on. Give me a tour. We have some time to kill.”

Frank takes a seat on the bench outside the auditorium. “You two go ahead. I’m going to wait here.”

Jade shows me her old classrooms, her locker, and the gym. Her hand isn’t as clammy anymore so I think my distraction technique is working.

We walk outside and check out the track. Jade was on the track team sophomore year and the cross-country team junior and senior years. The football field is next to the track and some guys are out there playing football.

“I told you there’s nothing to see.” Jade starts moving side to side and shivers a little and I know it’s from her nerves and not the cold.

“Hey.” I put my hands on her shoulders. “Relax. You’re going to do great. Just remember you’re doing this for them. Not you.”

She takes a deep breath. “Keep telling me that because it helps. It really does. Otherwise I feel like I’m in speech class being graded.”

“I’ll tell you again before you go on stage.” I hug her. “But you need to relax, Jade. Seriously. You’re shaking. Let’s go back inside.”

As I go to open the door, it swings open and a guy walks out. He does a double-take of Jade and says, “Jade?”

Jade looks up and sees the guy. She seems surprised. “Um, hi.”

“Didn’t expect to see you here. How have you been?”

“Fine.” She must’ve gone to school with this guy, but she must not have liked him because she’s not acting happy to see him. “What are you doing here?”

“My parents moved, so now we’re in this district. My little brother goes here.” He nods toward the football field. “He’s over there playing football.”

“What grade is he in?” Jade hides her hands in her coat pockets and glares at the guy. She definitely doesn’t like him, which means I don’t like him.

“He’s a sophomore.” The guy’s eyes haven’t left Jade for a second, and I don’t mean just her face. He was checking her out. All of her. She has her coat unzipped and I just saw him trying to look down her shirt. I don’t know who the fuck this guy is, but he’s not going to look at my wife that way.

“Hi, I’m Garret.” I shove my hand in front of him. “Jade’s husband.”

The guy ignored me until I said ‘husband.’ Then his eyes shot up and met mine, but he’s too shocked to say anything.

“Don’t know how to shake hands?” I’m still holding my hand out. “It’s pretty simple.”

I hear Jade snicker as the guy shakes my hand. He has a weak handshake. I hate weak handshakes.

“Might want to work on your grip, there,” I say, just to be an ass. “And you are?”

“Josh.” He stands up straighter, shoulders back. I’m still taller than him. He’s about 6’1. I’m just under 6’4. He looks at Jade. “Was he joking? You’re not really married, are you?”

Jade holds up her hand and shows him the ring. “Actually, I am. Garret and I got married last summer. I met him in college.”

“The college you got the scholarship to?” He flips his hair back. He has one of those haircuts where it’s too long in front, which he probably thinks is what girls like, but it just looks stupid because it’s always hanging in his eyes.

“How’d you know about my scholarship?” Jade asks him.

“I dated some girls here who knew you.”

“Why were they talking about me?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. That’s what girls do. They talk about each other. So you’re really married?”

“How many times does she need to say it?” I raised my voice, which I didn’t mean to do, but this guy’s really getting on my nerves.

He ignores me and keeps talking to Jade. “You live out east somewhere?”

“I used to, but now we live in California.” Jade pulls her coat closed because the guy keeps glancing down at her chest.

I’ve had enough of this asshole. I put my arm around Jade. “Come on, we need to go.”

I lead her past the guy, opening the door for her.

“Jade, wait. Why are you here?”

She pretends she didn’t hear him as we both go inside.

“Who was that guy?” I ask as we walk down the hall.

“Just some asshole I used to date.”

Jade didn’t date much before we met. She told me she only dated like five guys in high school.

“How long did you date him?” I don’t know why I care. I can’t stand thinking of her with another guy so I shouldn’t even be asking.

“About a month. We went to homecoming together.”

Jade only went to homecoming one time. Senior year. And the guy she went with is the guy she lost her virginity to. She told me the story. She said he went to another school, they dated for a few weeks, he invited her to his homecoming, had sex with her that night, and never called again.

“That asshole was the guy?” I spit out the words as I think about the idiot with the weak handshake and floppy hair sleeping with Jade. That guy took her virginity. Never called her again. And now he tries to act like they’re friends? Like he did nothing wrong? That fucking pisses me off. And this is not the time to mess with me. I’m already fired up with rage over my grandfather and this guy’s adding gas to the flame.

Jade sees my anger and doesn’t answer my question.

I stop walking. “Jade. Was that the guy?”

“Garret, it doesn’t matter now. It was a long time ago. He’s an ass. Big deal. A lot of guys are.”

“Not with you they’re not.” I storm back toward the door.

“Garret, stop!” Jade grabs my arm and yanks on it. “I’m giving a speech in 20 minutes. You can’t go beat up Josh.” She puts herself in front of me.

“I can take him down in 30 seconds. Plenty of time to make it to your speech.”

“Yeah, and you’ll go to jail. You already got in trouble last year for beating up Blake. You can’t beat someone up again.”

“After what he did to you he deserves to have his face bashed in.”

“And you could end up in serious trouble.”

“I’ll take the risk.” I can’t get past the door because she’s blocking it. “Jade. You need to get out of the way.”

“No. Stop it. I mean it. He’s not worth it.” She looks into my eyes and I can see that she’s scared. Scared I’ll do something that’ll take me away from her.

Fuck. She’s right. What am I doing? I’m a grown man. I’m married. I can’t do this shit anymore. Two years ago, I would’ve beat the guy unconscious. But now? As much as I want to do that, I can’t. I have responsibilities. I have Jade.

I relax my shoulders and take a breath. “Fine. But I still want to kill him.”

“I know you do.” She smiles a little. “But I’m already stressed enough about the speech. I need you to calm me down, because right now you’re stressing me out. Let’s just go.” She gets a firm grip on my arm and leads me away from the door.

“Can I kill him after the speech?” I’m kidding but she thinks I’m serious.

“Garret, no. Please don’t do anything.”

I kiss her. “I was joking. I’ll leave him alone. Unless he talks to you again. Then I’ll have to hurt him. And if he looks at your breasts again? I’ll definitely kill him.”

She sighs. “You’re stressing me out.”

I hug her into my side. “Sorry. We’re done talking about him.”

We walk back toward the auditorium and find Frank still sitting on the bench in the hallway. “How was the tour?”

“Boring,” Jade answers.

“They want you to go wait behind the curtain on stage,” Frank says to her.

“Right now? I still have 15 minutes.”

“They want you back there while they do the introductions.”

“Crap. I’m not ready.”

I face her toward me, my hands on her upper arms. “You’re ready, Jade. You’ve practiced this a million times. Just relax. And remember, it’s about the audience. Think of the audience.”

She nods.

I hug her. “I love you.”

I let her go, then Frank wishes her luck and she goes through the side door that leads to the stage.

Frank smiles. “She’ll do fine.”

I sit next to him on the bench. “So how have you been, Frank? We haven’t talked much.”

“I’m doing well. It’s good to finally be settled in the house. The move was more work than I thought it would be. But Karen helped a lot.” He pauses, then says, “Has Jade said anything about Karen?”

“She said she likes her. Other than that, she hasn’t said much.” I smile at him. “Why do you ask? Are you thinking of marrying this woman, Frank?”

“Not anytime soon, but it could happen.” He glances at his watch, then back at me. “But don’t tell Jade that. I want her to get to know Karen first. If things get more serious between Karen and me, I’ll tell Jade myself.”

“Fair enough.” Another secret I have to keep from Jade. Although I think she already knows Frank and Karen are serious enough that they might get married someday.

“How’s Jade’s therapy going?” Frank asks.

“She doesn’t talk about it much. But she likes her counselor.”

“I’m glad. If Jade can deal with all the issues from her past, it’ll really make a difference in her life.”

“It’s already making a difference. Jade’s starting to open up to me more and talk about stuff she wouldn’t talk to me about before.”

“That’s good to hear.” Frank stands up. “We should go inside. They’ll be starting soon.”

The auditorium is huge, so with the 50 or so people in here, it almost looks empty. Everyone’s sitting up front but Frank and I sit in the back. We don’t want to make Jade even more nervous.

The program starts and some lady talks about the purpose of this event. I’m so tired I’m not really listening, but then I hear her introduce Jade and I pay attention again.

Jade comes out on the stage and goes up to the podium. She looks beautiful up there, in her navy skirt and white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up a little. Her hair is down, hanging in soft waves, and she has just a touch of makeup on. She looks much more sophisticated than when I first met her. Back then, she looked more like a high school kid. Now she looks like a young woman. She’s grown up a lot this past year.

She begins speaking. Her voice is shaky and she stumbles on a few of her words. She stops mid-sentence and takes a breath.

You can do this, Jade. Just relax. I try to mentally send her the message.

She starts over from the beginning. “I’m here today to talk about—” She stops again.

Damn. This is bad. She was already nervous and now that she messed up, she’ll be even more nervous. I’m nervous just watching her there, standing at the podium, unable to speak.

The people in the front row start checking their phones, coughing, messing with their hair. A few of them start whispering to each other.

“You know what?” Jade says. “I had this formal speech planned with inspirational words like hopes and dreams and all that stuff, but I don’t think that’s what you want to hear.”

What is she doing? This is not what she practiced. But her words have everyone intrigued enough that their focus is back on the stage.

Jade continues. “I think what you want to hear is the truth. Because that’s what I would’ve wanted to hear back when I was struggling to figure out how to escape the hell that used to be my life. Hopes and dreams mean nothing when your life is hell. When you’re so far down that deep, dark hole that you no longer believe light even exists. When I was in that place, you know what I would’ve wanted someone to tell me?”

She pauses. The room is completely silent. All attention is on Jade.

“I would’ve wanted them to tell me that sometimes life sucks. Sometimes it’s lonely. Sometimes it hurts so bad you feel like you can’t go on. And it’s not fair. It’s not fair that some people have perfect lives and other people have to suffer. It’s not fair that some people are born to drug-addicted, abusive, alcoholic parents while other people are born into loving homes. I was one of those unlucky people born into a home with a drug-addicted, abusive, alcoholic parent. It sucked. And it was lonely. And I felt like I was trapped in a deep, dark hole with no light. I thought there was no way out.” She stops to breathe. “But there is a way out. You know what gets you out of the darkness?” She pauses again. “Choices. You may not think you have any. You may only see one road ahead of you, a road that leads nowhere. But the truth is, there are many roads and they all start with choices.”

She takes a sip of the water that was left for her on the podium, then continues. “When I was 12, I decided to try my mom’s vodka. It was out on the kitchen counter and my mom didn’t care if I drank it. She was too drunk to care. But as I held the bottle up to my mouth, I realized I had a choice. If I took a drink, it would lead to another, and another after that, and soon I’d be her. I’d be my mom. And it wouldn’t be her fault. It would be mine. I made a choice that day. Not just with the vodka, but with my life. I decided I didn’t want to be my mom and I didn’t want to use her as an excuse for having a crappy life. Although that would’ve been a lot easier. It would’ve been easy to drop out of school, become an alcoholic, do drugs, be homeless, and blame it all on my mom. But why would I do that? Why would I give her all that power? This is my life. Not hers. And I wanted something better. I wanted to have a real life. A real job. I didn’t want to struggle. I wanted a different road than she took. And the only way I could get there was by making choices. Alcohol? Drugs? I had opportunities for all that. But I chose not to go down that road, because although that might’ve made my teen years more fun or more exciting or would’ve made me more popular, that road would’ve led me to a dead end. And it literally could’ve been a dead end, because sometimes that road leads to death. Like it did for my mom. She died. She overdosed on drugs and alcohol. And I found her. Dead. On the bathroom floor. Two days before my 16 th birthday.”

Jade’s voice is shaky, but not from nerves this time. Now it’s from emotion. Pure, raw emotion. She’s putting it all out there. All of it. And I’m so damn proud of her. And fucking amazed she’s able to do this. I actually have chills just listening to her speak. She’s braver and stronger than anyone I know or will ever meet. I could never do what she’s doing right now. I don’t know anyone who could.

I glance over at Frank. He’s got tears streaming down his face. Big, messy tears, but he’s smiling.

Jade continues to tell her story. She owns the room. Nobody can take their eyes off her. Nobody’s checking their phone. I don’t even notice anyone moving. Not even a leg cross. They just listen, taking in each word.

After 30 minutes, I see Jade glance at her watch. Her time is up. She looks back at the young women in the audience and says, “I have an amazing life now. I’m in college. I have a great family and great friends. And I have a husband who I love more than anything in this world.” She looks back at me and smiles, then directs her focus back to the women. “And it all started with one good choice that led to another. The choices weren’t always easy. Sometimes I wanted to say screw it and give up. But I didn’t, because after that first good choice, I saw a flicker of light from that dark hole I was in. And the more good choices I made, the more light I saw. And now all I see is light.” She smiles. “Thank you for your time.”

She walks off the stage, and as she does, everyone stands up and starts clapping so loud it fills the entire room. I’m clapping so hard my hands hurt.

That was incredible. Jade was incredible.

I go out of the auditorium to the hallway and see her there.

“Did I do okay?” she asks.

I hug her. “You did more than okay. You were freaking amazing. Words can’t describe it. I had chills.”

She pulls away. “You did? Really?”

“Yes, Jade. Really.” I kiss her. “I think everyone did.”

Jade notices Frank behind me. “Frank, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“I’m just so proud of you, Jade.” He hugs her really tight, then lets her go and dries his face with his hand.

I put my arm around her. “When did you decide to change your speech?”

“When you told me to think about my audience and not myself. You were right. I needed to think about them, not me.”

“When did you write all that stuff?”

“I didn’t. I just jotted down some ideas for what I wanted to say and that was it.”

“You didn’t practice that?”

“No. I just talked.”

“Jade, it sounded like you spent weeks practicing that. You didn’t even stumble on your words.”

“I know. It was weird. I just pretended I was talking to my old self. And as soon as I did that, the words just came out.”

Jade’s teacher comes out the stage door and goes up to Jade. “The women have asked if you’d be willing to go back in there and answer some of their questions.”

“Isn’t there another speaker now?”

“Yes, but she said she doesn’t mind if we delay her speech. In fact she was so impressed with you, she’d like you to speak at a youth conference next March in San Francisco.”

“She does?”

He motions to the auditorium. “Would you be willing to go back in there? Everyone is asking for you.”

“Um, sure.” She turns to Frank and me. “Do you guys mind waiting?”

I steer her to the door. “Just get in there, Jade. Take all the time you need.”

She spends the next half hour answering questions. And she could’ve stayed even longer but they needed to move the schedule along. Before we left, the woman who wanted Jade to speak at that youth conference gave Jade her business card and asked her to call her. She told Jade she’d get a speaker’s fee of $2000. Jade just about passed out when she heard that. She didn’t know people got paid for this stuff. I didn’t tell her, but my dad gets paid $50,000 for giving a speech at a business conference, sometimes more. Speakers can make a lot of money.

We leave the school and go back to the house. Ryan and Chloe are there, then Karen arrives and we all go out for an early dinner. During dinner, Frank and I tell everyone about Jade’s speech and what a great job she did. Jade’s embarrassed, of course, but I don’t care. I’m so damn proud of her I want to tell the whole freaking world.

I was amazed by my wife before, but now I’m even more amazed. I knew she would do great things in her life and today just proved it. This is her calling. To share her story with people who need to hear it. People who are struggling like she was not that long ago. Jade doesn’t think her story is anything special, but it is. She made a success of herself despite her childhood and she worked her ass off to do it. And she can inspire others to do the same. That speech she made was amazing. I bet she changed lives today. All with her words and her story.

Ever since Jade decided not to go to med school, she’s felt lost and unsure of herself. But today, her path was made clear. This is what she needs to do. And if she doesn’t realize that herself, I’m going to help her see it.