Page 5

Leanna Avery

I’m not doing anything, merely existing. But Cedric’s people still feel the need to punish me for even that little.

When I was living in Vivian’s palace, I had no one. There was no expectation of protection because who would protect me? No parents, no one who cared about me. No one who was supposed to care about me.

I thought it was hard. Trying to survive was hard.

But this? The man who is supposed to protect me, treating me like this? It is killing me. My own fated mate despises me and wants me to suffer. Living in this castle, being bullied by my mate’s people, is suffocating. There is no end in sight.

What is one supposed to do when all hope begins to fade away? Harriet is having a healer see me daily. I’m trying to do my duties as a queen. But the farmers look at me with suspicion. The artisans are cautious when I speak to them. My mate’s lover spares no attempt to make my life miserable. The maids who are supposed to look after me pull at my hair, ripping it when they comb it. They deliberately poke hairpins into my scalp. And I can’t do anything to stop them.

I’m supposed to live like this because my mate told me to. I thought I should be grateful that I’m alive, but every day when I wake up, all I feel is despair.

I stare at the sleeping face of the man lying next to me. Why is he here in my bed now? Is this supposed to be some new form of torture?

My wolf has slowly become silent and withdrawn over these last two weeks. The rejection from our mate is killing it. I heard once that if a fated mate rejects you, sometimes the trauma can kill a shifter’s animal. Is that what’s happening? My wolf is all I have. I constantly try to comfort it, but to no avail. I turn onto my other side, feeling my eyes grow wet. How much longer do I have to live? Why doesn’t he just kill me?

He will be free to be with his lover.

And I will just be free.

I squeeze my eyes shut, and two thick tears roll down the side of my face, dampening my pillow.

Suddenly, my mate’s arm reaches out and wraps around my waist. He pulls me into his chest.

I freeze, but when he doesn’t say a word, a strange, comforting rumbling emitting from his throat, I find myself relaxing. His body is warm, and when his leg swings over my hips, I glance over my shoulder to check, unable to help myself. However, he’s asleep. It seems, in his sleep, he wants to hold me.

How ironic.

The vibration of the rumbling lulls me to sleep. Pulling away isn’t an option because he is wrapped around me too securely. I look down at his bare arm and make sure he is completely out of it before touching that thick, muscled appendage. My heart aches as I cover part of his hand with mine. Maybe I can pretend he cares about me.

I don’t know why he’s in my bed tonight or why he’s acting as if my following his orders is not what he wanted, but right now I need some comfort, and I’m willing to take any scraps he is throwing my way.

I close my eyes, drained.

Maybe the Goddess will listen to me, and tomorrow, I won’t wake up.

I really wish the Goddess had granted my request, because none of what is happening is making sense to me.

The designer Harriet summoned last week is now standing before us, quivering. Cedric is lounging in my sitting room, staring her down. All the dresses that were delivered are on the floor, and my two maids are pale-faced and trembling, avoiding my gaze.

“Harriet, where is Bella?” Cedric’s voice is harsh. “If she doesn’t arrive within two minutes, have the guards drag her over here.”

Thirty seconds later, the door of the sitting room opens, and Bella walks in. She takes one look at the designer, Cedric, and the clothes on the ground, and stiffens. “Whatever lies she’s telling you, don’t believe her, Cedric.”

“Shut up.”

Bella falls silent, shooting me a hateful look.

“Well, now that we’re all here, I would like to know why you chose to dress the queen in such rags.” His voice is hard as he looks at the designer.

The woman wrings her hands. “I was only following orders, Your Majesty.”

“Whose orders?”

“The queen’s, of course!” Bella says quickly, only for Cedric to roar.

“Did you not hear me the first time? Shut up or I’ll rip your tongue out!”

Bella turns white as a sheet.

“You were saying?” My mate looks at the designer.

The woman is trembling so badly that I feel sorry for her. I have a feeling she’s going to fall over, and I instinctively move to get her a chair when Cedric reaches out and grabs my wrist. “You stay. In fact, sit down.”

He yanks me down onto the couch, making me fall into his lap. He holds me there.

“Let me go,” I whisper, my face getting hot, but he refuses.

“Stop fidgeting.”

The designer glances at me pleadingly. “The designs that the queen wanted were different, but Miss Asher disapproved of them. She and the maids chose these dresses.”

“You lying—”

“One more word, Bella, and I swear I’ll do it,” Cedric growls, and she recoils.

“What are you doing?” I whisper to him. “She’s going to be upset.”

He stares at me. “Let her be upset. Why the hell do you care?”

I hold my tongue. If he doesn’t care, why should I?

“Continue,” he says to the designer.

“Miss Asher told the queen that she wasn’t worthy of wearing those designs. She said that a lowly creature like her deserves to wear rags,” the designer chokes out. “She and the maids taunted the queen and chose these clothes for her.”

Cedric flexes his hand into a fist. “I see. And were you here to serve Bella?”

The designer’s head jerks up. “No, Sire. But Miss Asher is always the one who uses my services. She always has the final say—”

“Is Bella the queen?” he asks coldly, cutting her off.

The designer pales. “No—”

“Can you point out who the queen of the Northern Kingdom is?”

The trembling designer points toward me.

“So, you’re telling me that somebody insulted my mate, the queen, in your presence and ordered clothes that even commoners wouldn’t wear, and you had the nerve to bring those exact items? Did you expect the queen to wear them?”

The designer whimpers. “But Miss Asher—”

“I asked you a question. Did you expect the queen to wear these clothes? Did you think it was funny to mock the queen of this kingdom?”

The woman collapses to the ground, terrified. “I wouldn’t dare!”

“But you did.” Cedric’s arm tightens around my waist. “Maybe I should just let the monsters plaguing the border roam free. Let them into your village to kill your family. Since you clearly don’t respect mine.”

The designer’s head lifts, terror written all over her face. “Your Majesty!”

“Harriet, bring those maids here.”

Harriet drags over the two maids and throws them to the ground, where they immediately kneel, crying.

“You don’t like to serve your mistress?” Cedric demands. “Do you think you’re better than her?”

They shake their heads, weeping.

I don’t like this. I don’t like to see him bullying these women. It brings me no satisfaction.

“I think that’s enough,” I say, tense.

Cedric snaps at me. “If you can’t discipline your maids, then I will. The fact that they had the audacity to turn on their mistress and mock her is not acceptable. They clearly think they are of a higher status than the queen. Maybe I should send them into battle on the border. Let them experience life out there.”

He has not said anything to Bella, and it doesn’t surprise me. After all, why would he reprimand his lover? Yet, she was the instigator in all of this. The others were simply going along with her.

“Summon the guards,” Cedric orders coldly. “These three women, along with their entire families, old and young, will be sent to the border to fight alongside the soldiers.”

I know of the border by the Veil. The monsters that roam there are incredibly dangerous. The king is giving these people a death sentence for nothing but preparing inappropriate clothing for me.

I’ve never raised my voice before. I’ve never stood up for myself. But if I don’t do something right now, these women and their families will die. They shouldn’t die because of me.

“No.” I pull away from Cedric. “I don’t want them fighting at the border.”

“The decision has been made,” Cedric says sharply, his eyes flashing at me.

I could stay silent as I’ve been told to and let the women go their deaths. But I can’t. I don’t want them to die simply because of what they did to me. It’s not right. Cedric has decided to kill them, and the only one who can possibly stop him is me. Meanwhile, the person responsible for everything is getting off scot-free.

It takes every ounce of my willpower to get to my feet and say, “No. These are my maids, and the designer was working for me. I should be the one to decide their punishment.”

My mate looks at me, his brows raised. “You are going to punish them?”

“You did say they are my maids, right?” I challenge him, hoping he doesn’t see how my knees are trembling under my dress.

He studies me for a few seconds, and for a moment I think I see a flicker of amusement in his eyes. But it’s gone after I blink, and I’m sure I just imagined it.

“Very well. What do you want to do with them?”

“The maids will wear the dresses. And I don’t want them to serve me anymore. I don’t need any maids. I don’t trust the staff in this castle to serve me. Harriet is enough for me. As for the designer, I won’t be getting clothes made by her again. Harriet will find me another designer. And this one will not receive any business from the castle ever again.”

At most, it’s going to hurt her cash flow, but at least she’ll be alive.

“Fine.” Cedric shrugs. “Do as you please. But you will have an attendant at all times.”

Because he doesn’t trust me, I muse to myself, my heart tightening in my chest.

“I won’t have my queen doing her own tasks. If the servants in the castle are not to your satisfaction, I’ll dismiss them all and bring in others.”

I’m stunned. Is this the same man who told me I should know my place and not make a fuss?

Harriet looks relieved. “I’ll demote the maids, Your Majesty.”

White-faced, the maids are led away by Harriet, and the designer follows after them. The only people left in the room are Cedric, Bella, and me. Feeling uncomfortable, I glance at her. She’s staring at Cedric. Maybe she wants to vent to him for not taking her side.

Cedric looks at me. “You’re not pleased?”

His words take me aback. “You did this to please me?”

He shrugs, carefully watching my expression. “They try to humiliate you, I make them pay for it.”

“They were just lackeys,” I murmur—mostly to myself, but he catches it.

“You want me to punish Bella?”

His arm is sprawled across the back of the couch as he studies me. I stare back at him, trying to figure out what his game is. He just went from paying no attention to me at all to suddenly defending me in front of the people who have been bullying me. I’m not na?ve enough to believe that he has had a change of heart. He’s up to something. I’ve had enough of these games played with me to know that one wrong move can be catastrophic. I clench my fingers in the fabric of my dress, trying to push aside a wave of nausea.

Punish his lover? Does he really think I’m going to be stupid enough to say yes to that?

I straighten up, ignoring the spasm of pain in my back. “I leave that to your discretion, Your Majesty.”

Let him make of that statement what he will. He’s not going to do anything to Bella. I can understand why he was angry over her prank, though. After all, I am the queen now. If I were to wear those clothes, even within the castle walls, it would reflect poorly on him. He’s probably mad about that indirect impact on himself. That makes sense.

However, if I thought he would leave things at that, I’m sorely mistaken. As I turn to leave, he demands, “And where do you think you’re going?”

I face him again, blinking slowly. “My room?”

“I’m still sitting here,” he points out.

Confused, I look at him. “Do you need something from me?”

His jaw tightens, and he crosses his arms over his chest. Is it just me or does his face look slightly red?

“I don’t always need something from you. There’s another designer waiting outside. This time, I’m going to make sure you get appropriate dresses, even if I have to supervise everything myself.”

That throws me off. “I can do it myself.”

“I don’t remember asking you.” This is a man who doesn’t like being told no, and I’m starting to notice that his behavior is unpredictable, as well. Yet, his harsh words seem more familiar than anything else.

I glance toward Bella, who is still standing stiffly near the couch. This whole situation is far too uncomfortable for me, but do I have a choice?

There’s a knock on the door, and Harriet enters. “Should I bring in Melody?”

Cedric nods his head, and Harriet opens the door wider, allowing a young girl to walk through. She looks to be in her late teens. “Your Majesty.”

She seems far too young to be a designer, but as soon as she gets to work, I realize she’s incredibly talented. She opens the bag that she’s carrying, retrieves a large book, and brings it to me. “These are all my latest creations. Please tell me which ones you like. The swatches for the fabrics are next to each dress. If you want something different, I can have more fabrics brought to the castle, and you can choose.”

I want to get this over with as soon as possible. I sit at the table and flip through the designs, my trained eye picking up on the ones that appear simple yet elegant. I point out a few, and that is when Cedric gets to his feet and approaches me. His large body looms over mine, his familiar scent tickling my nose and rousing my wolf. “Let me see.”

I go still, wishing my heart didn’t beat so fast at his proximity, but he doesn’t seem to notice as he hovers over my shoulder.

Finally, he nods. “These are acceptable.”

I feel a surge of unbidden irritation. I may not be an actual princess, but I told him that I was raised alongside Vivian. I was taught how to dress and how to behave. Did he really think I would choose something that wasn’t worthy of a queen?

He must have seen the flash of anger on my face because he gives me a long look. “Do you have something to say to me?”

I’ve always managed to keep my emotions in check, no matter how Vivian treated me. But at the end of the day, I was still a person, and nobody can bear to be humiliated to such an extent. I knew, though, that if I ever let her see how I truly felt, she would use it against me. So, I kept my mouth shut and my head low. No matter what she said or did to me, I never let her see my feelings.

However, the more time Cedric spends around me, the harder I find it to maintain that same facade. Is it because he’s my fated mate? Or is it because my soul feels so weary now? But I have to try. I have to keep protecting myself the only way I know how.

I turn my gaze away from him. “No.”

“Do you have these dresses ready?” He looks at the designer, who nods.

“I created samples, which I brought along. Miss Harriet, if you will?”

Harriet opens the door of the sitting room, and several maids I have never met begin to bring in the dresses. Melody picks out the ones I chose from the book. “You can try them on, Your Majesty. They will be a close fit for you.”

I glance nervously at Harriet, who gives me a small nod. “Let me assist you.”

We retreat to my bedchamber. She remains silent as she helps me into the first dress. When she zips me up, she meets my gaze in the mirror, her voice grateful. “Thank you.”

I glance at her, confused. “For what?”

“The king was angry. I know those girls crossed the line, but they’re young and foolish, easily led astray by others. I wanted to thank you for your kindness in sparing them. You didn’t have to do it, Your Majesty. After what they did, nobody else would’ve forgiven them.”

“I didn’t forgive them,” I remind her. “They will still be punished. I just didn’t want them and their families to die.”

“And they will remember that,” Harriet says quietly. “They understand the gravity of what they did, as does everybody else in the castle. Today, the entire staff has seen that you are not to be slighted, that King Cedric will protect you. And they will remember that you let those girls off with an easy punishment and stood up for them in front of him.”

I feel uncomfortable. “I didn’t do it so they would feel grateful toward me.”

A smile blooms on the older woman’s lips, and she says nothing further. I see her glance over her shoulder momentarily, and then she turns her attention back to me. “Green is really your color. If you have a favorite, though, I can ask the designer to make a dress in that color.”

I stare at my image, remembering. “Princess Vivian liked the color purple.”

Harriet’s expression changes. “I’m not asking about the Princess, Miss Leanna. I want to know what you like.”

I meet her gaze in the mirror. “I’m supposed to like what the princess likes.”

I see the strain in her eyes, and I expect her to give up the topic, but she presses. “There must be some color that you have a preference for.”

I feel a strange emptiness inside me, and my voice becomes quiet. “I don’t know what I like. Nobody’s ever asked me before.”

Harriet sighs, putting her hands on my shoulders. “Then maybe you should try to figure that out.”

When I turn around to go show Melody the dress, I see Cedric leaning against the doorframe. Startled, I immediately step backward, right into my maid. “When did you come in?”

He doesn’t answer my question. “Let’s go,” he say shortly.

I look at Harriet, who doesn’t meet my gaze. Did she know that he had entered the room? Why not warn me so I wouldn’t go running my mouth?

The designer fusses over me, and Cedric is the one to choose the color schemes of the dresses I like. Before he decides, though, he makes me try on each and every dress. My feet are beginning to hurt, and I’m tired from changing dresses every twenty minutes. Aside from the ones I already chose, he has Melody bring out more dresses, and I have to try them on as well.

It’s strange to see him so focused on me. He studies me with a critical eye, and when my stomach begins to rumble, he finally says, “That’s enough. Harriet, set out lunch for us. You have the selections, Melody. My mate wants her dresses by this weekend.”

I do?

Melody nods, and the maids gather the dresses.

“Don’t you need my measurements?” I ask hesitantly.

She gives me a sharp smile, tapping the side of her head. “I don’t use measuring tapes, ma’am. My eyes do the work. I’ll try to get your dresses to you before the end of the week.”

Once she’s gone, I try to return to my bedchamber, but Cedric stops me once again. “Where are you going?”

“To my room,” I snap before I can stop myself. He raises a brow at my tone, and I instantly regret it, but the damage has already been done. Trying to keep my voice lower and calmer, I add, “I’m tired. I would like to rest.”

“You can rest after lunch,” he says in that domineering tone of his that I’m beginning to hate.

This has to be some new method of his to torture me. Can’t he see that I don’t want to spend time with him and his lover? Speaking of whom, Bella looks like she’s about to burst from being ignored.

“I always have lunch in my room.” I make a second attempt to escape, but he wraps his hand around my wrist and begins leading me out of the sitting room.

Bewildered, I looked toward Bella, who avoids my gaze. Am I missing something here? Why is he acting this way? What is he trying to do? Is he trying to use me to make her jealous? I can’t make any sense of this man’s actions. Till yesterday, he didn’t care whether I lived or died in a corner of this castle, and now all of a sudden he’s interfering in my affairs. I can’t believe that the man who brought me here and treated me so callously could possibly care if I’m being mistreated by his people, by his lover, or even if I’m starving to death.

I’ve never once set foot in the dining room since my arrival here two weeks ago. Like every other room in this castle, it is extremely dreary. Platters of food are being set out as we arrive, and Cedric forces me into a chair. “Sit.”

On the table, I see a roasted leg of lamb, braised duck, a variety of potatoes, and several other dishes that I’m sure I can’t eat. Meals in the Northern Kingdom are heavier than what I was accustomed to in the East. Although I only ever got to have the leftovers, if anything at all, I know the food was incredibly light compared to what the Northern wolves eat. They like to fill up on fats and proteins, most likely to combat the cold. But my stomach doesn’t respond well to such heavy foods. The healer has put me on a specific diet to try to reverse the damage on my insides. It’s a futile effort, in my opinion, but he’s determined to see it through.

Cedric fills his plate, and when he sees that I’m not touching anything, he looks displeased. “What? You don’t like the food here?”

Harriet chooses to show up with another tray for me at that moment. “The queen cannot eat our heavy fare yet, Your Majesty. Healer Pat has put her on a special diet. She is supposed to have broth and lighter meals.”

Cedric glances at the bowl she puts in front of me, and he scowls. “Are you trying to starve her?”

Harriet bristles. “You can ask the healer. I’m just following his orders.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You just need to eat something. You’ll be fine.”

My maid opens her mouth to argue, but I shake my head at her. I don’t want her to get in trouble because of me.

I reach out and take a piece of the roasted lamb. Not yet satisfied, he watches me as I slowly start to consume the meat. After a few bites, I feel a wave of nausea. However, he’s watching me too closely; I have to keep eating. Harriet looks tense, and I see her try to intervene again.

But it’s too late. My stomach begins to burn, and I wrap my arms around it. Harriet moves forward, her eyes widening as she recognizes the symptoms.

Cedric frowns. “What’s she—”

I don’t get to hear how his question ends because Harriet shoves an empty bowl in front of me just as I begin throwing up blood. I clutch at her, the agony eating me alive.

Alarmed, Cedric jumps to my side, rubbing my back. “What’s wrong with her?!”

“I told you, she can’t eat! Not yet. She needs time! Call Healer Pat!” Harriet shouts as I hold on to her for dear life.

It feels like someone is sharpening their knife on my insides. There was a time when I would vomit like this after being forced to eat by Vivian, and she would just watch me and laugh. Vivian knew how painful it was for me to throw up the blood and food. It amused her, and when she was tired of it, she would make me clean it up.

Did Cedric do this to me on purpose? Is my mate enjoying this?

I choke out a strangled sob as I throw up blood once again. “H–Harrie—” I gasp, tears streaming down my face. My fingers are gripping her dress. “Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me alone with him. Make it stop! Please, make it stop!”

Her lips press together, her eyes flashing with a harsh emotion. Her voice is gentle though. “I’ve got you, Miss Leanna. I’m right here. I’ve got you. You’ll be fine.”

My vision is growing dim.

She tips a glass of water to my mouth. “Drink. It will help.”

I slump against something. From the rumbling vibration, I realize it’s Cedric’s chest. I smell like vomit and blood. He’s going to push me away in an instant, I’m sure. However, he scoops me into his arms and barks, “Tell the healer to come to my room. I’m taking her there.”

I feel myself fade in and out of consciousness. As he carries me away, I wonder, what’s happening now? Why is he treating me this way? What is he planning this time?

My vision is blurry as I stare at his face. Why is his expression so fierce? Why does he look so angry? Why is he so upset?

Darkness finally wraps me in her cold embrace, and I sink into it willingly.

Anything to get away from this pain.