Page 17

Leanna Avery

Harriet smiles at me. “It’s been a long time, Leanna.”

My eyes fill with tears. “Oh, yes. It has been.”

She steps forward, and I cover the distance between us, throwing my arms around her with a broken sob. I never realized how desperately I missed her. Though our time spent together was brief, she left her mark on me, a piece of herself in me. She was my safest harbor, the one who fought for me from the very beginning.

Her arms wrap me in a warm hug. “I’m so glad you’re doing well, Leanna.”

I take in her scent. It’s comforting. When I pull away, I study her, sniffling. “Come in.” As I close the door after her, I ask, “Why do you look so old, Harriet?”

She chuckles lightly. “Probably the stress. I’ve been at the border with Cedric ever since you disappeared.”

“The border?” I ask, horrified. “Why were you there? Aren’t you the head maid anymore?”

“Somebody had to look after Cedric once you were gone. He wouldn’t eat. He was just throwing himself into the battles like a madman. He was—” A sheen of tears covers her eyes. “It was tough on him. He wasn’t himself. And with Vivian at the castle and the elders trying to control the situation, Cedric couldn’t bear to be there. There were too many betrayals. He was falling apart. He needed somebody to hold him together, so I went with him to the border.”

The strain in her voice makes it hard for me to know what to say.

“He’s fighting there nonstop now. He rarely returns to the castle anymore. And when he does, it’s only for a couple of months, to deal with administrative work.”

I guide her to the living room, Finn hovering at a safe distance. I’m trying to process Harriet’s words, my chest tightening. “I don’t understand. He got Vivian. He got what he wanted.”

Harriet sits down in the armchair, and I take the seat on the couch that is closest to her.

She sighs. “He can’t stand the woman. Never could. He’s never once stopped torturing himself for what we all assumed was your death. He blamed Bella, and he blamed Vivian. He tried to get the two of them executed. He was dead set on going against the elders. But the kingdom would have fallen apart.”

Her words have the hard knot in my chest softening. He tried to get them executed? Was I wrong about him? The defeated look in Harriet’s eyes makes me wonder what else happened.

“So, he accepted his fate and left the castle. He invited me to go with him as his attendant, and I did.”

If anybody else said all these things to me, I wouldn’t believe them. But this is coming from Harriet. Even back when she didn’t know me all that well, she never lied to me. Harriet is not someone who lies. There were times when she told me the truth even when I didn’t want to hear it. But this truth is different. It’s harder to process.

“But he mated Vivian, didn’t he?” I demand, unable to keep my voice level. I see my son looking at us curiously, so I add, “Finn, go to your room.”

He makes a face. “But I want to hear!”

Harriet turns her attention to him, and her lips bloom into a smile. “He looks just like him.”

“Like who?” Finn asks.

Harriet glances at me, and I shake my head discreetly. When she realizes that I haven’t told Finn about Cedric, I see disappointment in her eyes. It stings, but she doesn’t understand my reasoning.

“She means your father,” I say reluctantly.

“My father?” Finn’s eyes light up with interest. “Do you know my dad?”

Harriet nods.

“Where is he?”

For a moment, I expect her to tell him that he’s sitting outside, but she doesn’t. “He’s not here right now. But do you know that I raised your father?”

“So, you’re my grandmother?” Finn asks slowly before looking at me. “Mom, is she my grandmother?”

“Yeah, I guess she is.” It’s not entirely true, but I like the idea of Harriet having a relationship with my son. Cedric already knows about him, so it’s not as if letting Harriet in is going to cause any more problems.

Harriet’s eyes fill with tears as she gazes at me. “Oh, this is a wonderful gift, Leanna.”

I can’t help but smile at her.

“How old are you, Finn?” she asks.

“Seven. I’ll be eight soon. What’s my dad like?”

“Well…” Harriet looks at me for permission before turning back to him. “He’s a warrior. He’s strong and brave, and very smart.”

“Oh!” Excitement fills my son’s eyes. “How big is he?”

“Very big.”

“Like that man outside?”

“Finn!”

He ignores me, watching Harriet intently. “Is my dad as big as him?”

Harriet nods slowly.

The pleased look in Finn’s eyes doesn’t help me relax. “Why don’t you go clean up, and then we’ll have dinner,” I suggest firmly.

“But I wanna know—”

“Finn.”

“Fine,” he complains. “Can my grandmother stay for dinner?”

“If she wants to, sure.”

“I would love to,” Harriet replies sweetly. “Now, hurry up and do what your mother says so we can eat.”

Finn rushes off without another word, and I give Harriet an impressed look. “It normally takes me half an hour to convince him to do his chores. From the moment he learned how to talk, I swear the first thing he did was argue with me. Everything is a negotiation with him. And I know he didn’t get that from me.”

“No,” Harriet laughs. “He definitely got that from his father. Cedric was the same way. Stubborn to a fault. So, Finn not only looks like his father but acts like him, as well. He’s going to be a handful.”

My lips curve upward. “Well, he’s my handful, and I’m grateful for him.”

Harriet’s own smile dims. “Do you really not intend for him to know who his father is?”

“Not yet.” I study her. “You disagree.”

She sighs. “If I were standing in your shoes, I would understand. But I’ve seen both sides of the picture, Leanna. I know what you don’t. I know that we were duped by Bella, and I know that I was right all along.” Her eyes tighten around the corners. “I knew Cedric would never have ordered your execution, and he never did. His only fault was giving Bella another chance. She had his royal seal. She knew that he had feelings for you and that he would choose you over Vivian. So, she forged the letter to get you out of the way. She admitted it.”

My jaw clenches. “You can’t expect me to believe that she would risk Cedric’s wrath, that she would go against him. She was loyal to him—”

“You don’t know Bella. She’s prideful and arrogant, and your presence—along with Cedric defending you and punishing her—attacked her pride. Even as a child, when angry, Bella was ruthless. She would stop thinking with her head. She always had to get her way, damn the consequences.” A hint of sadness touches Harriet’s eyes. “Cedric turned his back on her. When the elders sided with her, Cedric took control of the castle away from her. She became Vivian’s royal advisor, at the princess’s demand, but Bella lost all her childhood friends. And even now, she still thinks she was right to do what she did. Of course, the people who suffered the most were you and Cedric.”

I look away, not wanting to hear more. I’ve spent a lot of mental effort putting those events behind me. I don’t want to go back and rehash the past. However, Harriet clearly came here with a purpose in mind.

“Leanna.” Her voice is gentle. “I’m not here to advocate for him. But I also don’t want the two of you to suffer, drowning in misunderstandings. Cedric never forgave himself for your death. It’s been eight years, and his grief and guilt have permeated every part of his existence. You had brought him to life, Leanna, and when you left, you took all his hope and joy away with you.”

The broken edge to her voice has my eyes burning with tears. Still, I say nothing.

“When you came along, you managed to touch his heart, something no one else was ever able to do, not even me. He didn’t want to care for you, but you were so easy to love, so fragile that despite his reluctance, he wanted to protect you. And those feelings evolved with the time he spent with you. You showed him the possibility of a world that he never imagined, a life that he never thought could belong to him. He didn’t want Vivian. The only thing he wanted was you.”

Something hot and wet drops on my hand. My face is wet.

No. I won’t believe it. I can’t.

“It has always only been you, Leanna,” Harriet says quietly. “Cedric was fading fast after you left. When he returned after each day on the battlefield, he was a little bit more broken, a little bit more disappointed that he hadn’t died.”

My heart aches, and I sink my teeth into my lower lip, wishing this feeling away. “No.” I get to my feet. “Enough. If you just came here to tell me all this—He mated Vivian, didn’t he? She’s his queen. They are—”

“He never mated her.” Harriet’s words are stark and have me going still.

“You’re lying,” I say hoarsely. “She’s the queen. I may have turned my back on the Northern Kingdom, but I know what happened after I left. She became queen. The false queen was removed, and—”

“The elders tried to force Cedric to take part in a mating ceremony with Vivian after they opposed his decision to kill her. They might have been able to ensure her survival, but Cedric wasn’t going to give her what she wanted. He and I left that morning, before the mating ceremony. She was humiliated. The elders tried to compel his return, but he refused. He goes back once a year, and every time, Vivian tries her best to seduce him so that she can at least carry his heir and legitimize her position. But he won’t touch her. He threw her out of his room naked once. He has made his stance clear to the elders. They can have her as their queen, but she is not his mate.”

“Harriet—”

The older woman gets to her feet. “She’s nothing but a placeholder for you. She’s not the one mated to Cedric in any way or form, not even a legal ceremony. You are the one who is his legal mate. He has always refused to give her your place.”

Why?

Why would Cedric do that? Why is he here now? Why is Harriet here telling me all this?

I don’t want to know! I don’t want to know any of it.

The tears aren’t stopping, and I don’t know what to do.

Harriet’s arms wrap around me. “I’m sorry, child. I know you’ve spent all these years angry at him.”

The sobs erupt, and I sink into her embrace, helpless.

I hate him.

I still hate him. I have to. Because I don’t know how else to feel.

My heart feels like it’s ripping apart. I don’t want to cry like this. I don’t want to be like this.

But it hurts so much.

I don’t understand what these tears are for, or why my heart feels like it’s breaking. But Harriet’s hold on me is warm and feels safe, and close to a decade of my grief and suffering is coming out.

I sob till there’s nothing left in me. She doesn’t let go, still hugging me close.

“It’s not fair,” I finally mumble hoarsely into her chest. “It’s not fair.”

“I know,” she agrees, not asking me what I mean. “It’s really not.”

“I hate him.”

“I understand.” She strokes my hair, and my lips tremble.

“He was so mean to me, Harriet. He said such awful things. And I had to listen because I knew he’d kill me if I defended myself. But he was my fated mate. He wasn’t supposed to be cruel to me.”

“He was wrong, and he knows it.”

“I hate him for how he made me feel.”

Her lips press on the top of my head, and I grip her tighter.

“He said I was a substitute, that my name didn’t matter, that I didn’t matter. And now, now he’s acting as if I do matter. Why now? Why didn’t he say anything then? Why did he tell Bella I was nothing more than a tool?!”

I pull away from her, my eyes wet and throbbing, and she sighs, wiping away my tears. “Because he was a fool who was still in denial. Losing you made him realize his own heart. He has suffered too, Leanna. You both have. Don’t you think it’s time the two of you talked?”

I swallow, averting my gaze. “I wouldn’t even know what to say to him. I’m not the person I used to be. The girl he cared for was submissive and bowed her head to everything he said. I’m not that girl anymore. I’m a mother now. I’m someone now. Back then, I was no one.”

Harriet cups my cheeks, forcing me to look at her. “Then, go introduce yourself. Show him who you’ve become.”

“I—” I glance toward the window. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Harriet. Even if what you say is true—” My voice dies out.

Harriet doesn’t look insulted. “If you think I’m not telling you the truth, I’m willing to swear on my son’s life, Leanna. A nasty game was played, and you and Cedric both lost everything. Eight years is long enough. It’s time for the events of the past to come full circle.”

“You’re right.” I meet her gaze. “Eight years is a long time. Things have changed. I don’t want to go back to the North. My life is here now. I’m not going to go back to who I was there. I can’t. I worked very hard for everything I have achieved here. And it’s not like it will change anything. If the elders have so much control over Cedric, my presence will put me and my son in danger, and Cedric won’t do anything about it. He couldn’t do anything then, so why should he be able to do anything now?”

“Aren’t you assuming a lot of things?” Harriet’s voice is stern now. “Running away will only make things worse. Don’t assume what you don’t know. You don’t know that man’s heart. He will protect you and your son. There’s nothing he won’t do for you. Do you know why he’s sitting outside and not in here? He doesn’t want to scare you away. He wants to give you time, but he’s also breaking inside.”

I open my mouth to offer another excuse as to why I can’t talk to Cedric, why I have to stay away from him, but Harriet’s disapproving frown shuts me up. The truth is that I am scared. I’m scared of becoming the person I used to be around him. I’m scared of returning to that place. Scared of being hurt again.

When I walked toward the Misty Forest, prepared to both die and survive, my heart was being torn to shreds. In that moment, I knew how deeply dependent I had become on Cedric. I had allowed him into my heart. I had begun to trust him, and the betrayal I felt was a type of pain I had never experienced before.

During these past eight years, I often told myself that I had moved past it, but how could I have if it still hurts so much? I left a piece of my heart in the Northern Kingdom. I made peace with the fact that I was not worthy of love, that I would never be enough.

It was a bitter pill to swallow, but it was a fact I’d begun to accept. How could I ever expect anyone to want me when my own fated mate didn’t? I built up my confidence bit by bit, but there was one part of me I couldn’t repair: my heart, which lay shattered at my feet. So, I poured all my love into Finn. I gave him all the love within me, all the love I’d craved since I was a child.

I couldn’t protect myself, but I would make sure my son always knew how precious he was to me.

And now, hearing Harriet say all these things and knowing she’s not lying to me, especially not now that she has sworn on her own son’s life, it’s challenging everything I knew, and that is terrifying.

I smell something burning and stand up quickly, eager to get away from this conversation. “I’ll go check on dinner.”

Harriet doesn’t stop me, but I can feel her eyes on me as I walk away.

It’s dark outside when I open the door. Winter in this human city isn’t very cold. It’s definitely not as frigid as the weather in the Northern Kingdom. Tupperware in hand, I don’t know if I’m making the right decision, but the guilt was not letting me digest my own meal. Finn is occupied with Harriet, so I am able to slip away unnoticed. I don’t intend to do anything other than give Cedric the food and leave. I have no plans to talk to him.

When I approach the park across the street, I see that Cedric is sitting now. He’s so huge—all pure muscle, not an ounce of fat anywhere—that he takes up two-thirds of the bench. Considering he’s been fighting at the border nonstop, it makes sense.

He gets to his feet when I approach him. I don’t say anything as I hold out the food container.

He gives me a long look and then accepts it. But when I turn around to leave, his hand grasps my wrist. “Sit.”

His tone is somewhere between a command and a request. I glance toward my house and notice that from here, he can see the dining room table where Harriet and Finn are still talking. That’s why he changed positions, I realize. He was watching us eat.

Without him.

I can feel my wolf’s misery, its confusion, its distrust, and its yearning.

When I don’t move, Cedric repeats himself, “Sit,” adding with some difficulty, “please.”

I don’t think I’ve ever heard him use that word before. I didn’t even think it was part of his vocabulary.

Reluctantly, I sit down beside him. Since this is a residential area and it’s late in the evening, most families have settled down for the night, so the street and the park are empty. It’s quiet out here, and the street lamps are the only source of light.

Cedric opens the Tupperware and sniffs it.

“It’s not poisoned,” I say brusquely.

He glances at me. “I didn’t say it was. I was just smelling it. Didn’t know you could cook.”

“I can cook just fine. Finn’s well fed, isn’t he?” I don’t know why I’m being so rude. I feel defensive and irritated.

“I’m sure my son has a strong stomach, like me.” There’s a hint of pride in Cedric’s voice, and he takes a bite of the roasted meat. “This is good.” When I see that he looks surprised by this, I bristle, and his lips twist in a smirk. “You look like an angry cat.”

“Excuse me?!”

His smile fades. “Was that the wrong thing to say?”

“I’m not a cat.”

“I didn’t say you were. I only meant—”

“Just eat,” I say tightly.

He plucks out a potato and chews it. After a few minutes, he says, “Food is different here.”

“It’s the spices,” I reply shortly, crossing my arms over my chest and trying not to watch him eat.

He nods and takes another few bites. We sit together in silence, but I feel on edge. I keep waiting for him to say something. A sharp retort is ready on the tip of my tongue, but he says nothing. He just eats in silence, as if the meal is his whole focus.

When I steal a look at him, his eyes are on Finn, and he’s smiling slightly.

I break the silence. “He’s stubborn. Argumentative. Always has to have the last word.”

“He’s a handsome boy.” Cedric sounds pleased. “A little spoiled, but that’s to be expected. He didn’t have me around.”

There it is.

I turn to face him. “I raised him just fine—”

“Yes, you did.”

At his words, I stutter to a stop.

“He looks happy,” Cedric comments. “Confident. I was around the same age when my parents were killed. Every day was a different battlefield. I don’t remember ever feeling safe or happy after they passed. I had to grow up fast. I’m glad my son will have his childhood.”

I study the man. This is the first time he’s ever mentioned his parents to me. The wistful look on his face wrenches my heart. “You had Harriet, didn’t you?”

The words are torn from me, and Cedric gazes at the small container in his hand. “That’s right. I had Harriet. But she was just a maid, and my enemies were powerful people.”

He lifts his head to look at me. “I don’t want my son to be raised away from me, Leanna. I know you love him, but he is of royal blood, my blood. You don’t understand how strong our wolf lineage is. The Raine royal family are warriors. Our wolves become unpredictable as we get older. As he continues to grow, you won’t be able to control him. He needs a firm guiding hand. He needs his father.”

My mouth turns dry. “But—But you didn’t have anyone to help you. And you turned out fine.”

“I lived on the battlefields for years. I was nine when I had my first kill. The bloodshed, the constant fighting helped me control my wolf. Warrior breeds among our kind are bloodthirsty. They respond to carnage and dominance. Do you want Finn on the front lines?”

“No!” I jump to my feet, horrified at the prospect of my son having to face the vicious monsters I escaped in the Misty Forest.

Cedric watches me, and the serious glint in his eyes makes my heart sink.

“You mean it,” I breathe, frightened, as I sink back down. “Finn’s wolf—”

“He’s still young. If he spends time with me, his wolf will instinctively recognize mine as the dominant wolf. It will be easier to teach him how to control his animal. We are not humans, Leanna. We’re shifters. We have beasts within us. We can try all we might, but we can’t vanquish the animals that live inside us. We can pretend to be human, but at the end of the day, we aren’t. And warrior wolves cannot live among humankind. Our beasts are the most unpredictable. If Finn loses control of his emotions one day, he will wreak havoc in this world.” His expression is grim. “There’s a reason the Veil exists. There’s a reason why the Human Wolf Kingdom is so small. The wolves that reside on this side of the Veil are not as strong as the ones on the other side.”

“Erik never told me any of this,” I whisper, my heart pounding in my chest.

“The manipulative fool probably thought he could control our son’s animal. But Erik is not of warrior blood. Ultimately, Finn’s wolf will be more dominant than his. If you don’t believe me, you can check the royal libraries. I’m sure you have access to them here, given your relationship with Erik.”

The sharp edge to his voice makes me wince. But the fact that he’s offering me evidence to support his claims has me slouching down on the bench. “I want Finn to lead a normal life. I don’t want him battling those monsters.”

“That’s his fate,” Cedric says calmly. “And that’s what he will ultimately want to do. On the battlefield is where he will be able to control his bloodlust. But not yet.”

“Why are you telling me all this now?” I lean forward and hold my head in my hands. “Why not tell me when you first figured out who Finn was? This seems like a perfectly legitimate reason to snatch him from me.”

“Snatch him?” Cedric sounds surprised. “Why would I snatch our son from you? You are his mother. And we are a family. He needs you. But he also needs me.”

“You want to take him to the North, don’t you? You want to surround him with people who will look down on him because of his blood, people who will try to hurt him.”

“If they lay a hand on either of you, I’ll rip their heads off,” Cedric snarls.

I don’t look at him. I can’t bear to. “But the people who wanted to harm us are still alive, aren’t they?” I point out wearily. “Am I expected to believe that you can keep us safe now when you couldn’t keep me safe then? Harriet says I should trust you. You say I should trust you. But there’s nothing that I’ve seen or that you’ve done to make me trust you. You want to drag my son away from here, away from the life he knows, a place where he’s safe, to a land where he will be humiliated like his mother was. He’s a child, Cedric. And you want him to fight dangerous monsters.”

I get to my feet, my soul feeling burdened. “I don’t know what you want from me. Harriet loves you. She sees the best in you. As a result, she wants me to see the best in you. But Cedric, after how you treated me, have you ever even apologized? You come here and see your son and start making demands. I haven’t heard a single apology for the way you made me feel. Yet you expect me to trust you?”

I meet his gaze head on. “I’m not some na?ve, sheltered girl who’ll believe anything you say. I don’t know what the truth is. What I do know is what you put me through. I can never forget the things you said. Your words, Bella’s words—they’re all etched in my memory. I was a tool. Something to be used by you. A substitute, a means to an end, a thing without feelings. Showing up here and telling me what you expect me to do isn’t going to work. I’m not someone who has to bow before you anymore. You’re in my world now.”

He’s staring at me as if trying to process my words. Turning on my heel, I walk away.

It hurts. It hurts so much that it feels like my heart will explode.

And the hurt is wrapped in frustration.

He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t see.

And he never will.