Page 18

Cedric Raine

This woman is not my Leanna. My Leanna was soft and shy. She had a sharp tongue that made unexpected appearances.

But I like this Leanna, too. I like how she stands up for herself. She has changed, but then, so have I.

I’ve tried everything: talking to her, trying to protect her, telling her the truth about why our son needs me around him. But she doesn’t seem to care about any of it.

An apology?

I stare blindly into the dark house.

Apologize? Me?

I think I’ve expressed regret for the way I treated her. Isn’t that an apology?

I hear rustling and then catch a familiar scent as Harriet’s weight settles down next to me on the bench.

She sighs. “I take it didn’t go well?”

“She despises me, Harriet.” It’s a strange feeling, an odd ache in my chest, to be hated by Leanna.

“No, she doesn’t. But she is afraid to trust you. The kind of betrayal she experienced has made her wary. Can you blame her?”

“But I never betrayed her!” I protest angrily. “I’ve told her so.”

Harriet doesn’t say anything for a full minute before she looks at me. “If you were in her shoes, would you believe you? Having your fated mate turn their back on you is very painful, Cedric. There was a lot of damage done at the very beginning of your relationship. If you’d had more time together, maybe things would not be like this. But your time together was limited.”

“I treated her well!” I feel more frustrated than ever. “I can’t—”

“Cedric.” There’s a finality to Harriet’s voice that makes me stop. “Like I was saying, if you two had had more time, things would have been different. Your bond would have been stronger.”

My wolf paces inside my head, unable to understand why our mate won’t come back to us. I don’t understand it, either. I’m here. She’s alive. We have a child. We should be together! She should be happy to see me. She should have sought me out earlier. Told me she wasn’t dead.

“What am I supposed to do, though? She won’t be able to tame our son’s wolf. In another year or so—”

“This isn’t about Finn’s wolf,” Harriet says abruptly. “The two of you are so alike, both refusing to face the truth. She needs time, Cedric. She believes me; I could see it in her eyes. She’s fighting with herself. She needs time to accept the truth, to believe that you weren’t behind the events that took place eight years ago. She needs time to accept that her reality and the foundations of this new life she has here were built on a misunderstanding.”

I’m quiet for several minutes, recalling how agonized Leanna had sounded back then, so shaken. “Harriet? Was I really that terrible to her in the beginning?”

“Yes. The girl had already been broken by everybody else in her life. You were supposed to be her safe haven, her fated mate, the one who would protect her. And even you told her she was worthless. I can’t blame her for reacting this way.”

I look at Harriet with curiosity. “Out of all the people you know, why are you so protective of Leanna?” It bothers me. It always has. From the very beginning, Harriet was drawn to her, hovering over her like a mother wolf guarding her cub. I don’t remember her being that way with me or even with her own son, Rothan.

Harriet suddenly chuckles, a long, drawn-out sound. Shaking her head, she finally says, “She reminded me of a baby bird I once rescued as a child. It had a broken wing, probably from being pushed out of the nest by its mother.” Her lips curve sadly. “I took it home, and my father helped me care for it. It was so fragile and so distrusting. It had been abandoned by its mother and its siblings, left to die. I tried to care for it, but it had lost the will to live. Ultimately, it passed away. I was very young then, and its death troubled me. My father told me that not every living thing is physically strong, and not every living thing possesses a strong will. Some beings are so broken that the desire to live simply fades away. I saw that same desolation in Leanna’s eyes, a hopelessness that told me she was on the verge of giving up. She just needed some kindness, some love. So, I gave it to her.”

She tilts her head to look at me. “That child was so desperate for affection that she thrived under it once she received it. Had you given her the love that she craved, she would never have left, Cedric. You could have told her the sky was falling, and she would’ve put her faith in you. But you broke her trust so early on that the remaining fragments were too disjointed by the time the two of you started building your relationship.”

“I looked after her.”

“You did, and that is probably why she tried to believe you till the very end, till Rothan told her about the seal on the letter.”

I swallow, lowering my gaze. “She wants me to apologize. Can you believe that? Me! I’m the king of the—”

“You’re her mate.” Harriet cuts me off. “Pride and ego have no place in a relationship, Cedric. You’re not her king, and she’s not your subject. She’s your mate.” Harriet gets to her feet. “If you’re tired, I can ask Derrick or Rothan to come watch the house.”

I shake my head. “No. This is my family. I’ll protect them.”

“Even when she shuns you?” Harriet asks quietly.

I don’t look at her. “She’ll always be mine. I lost her once. Never again.”

Harriet’s hand comes to settle on my head. “Be patient, Cedric. And think over what I said. You’re not a king when it comes to your relationship. You’re her protector, her shield, and her mate.”

I nod.

Harriet leaves, and I lean back against the park bench, staring at the night sky. Even the sky here is hazy, unclean. The air is putrid. Yet, she wants to stay here.

I let out a long breath, recalling Leanna’s words from before.

“Nobody calls me worthless here. Nobody treats me as if I have no dignity.”

“Do you know what it’s like to suffer your whole life and then find your fated mate, only to be told that even they don’t want you? Do you know how small I felt when you said such cruel things to me?”

I stand up and walk toward the trees, feeling restless. I know I wasn’t fair to her in the beginning, but I did try to look after her later on. Even as I think that, though, it seems like I must be wrong. After all, if I did everything right, why wouldn’t she want to be with me now?

I mean, I gave her my mother’s greenhouse. I had never let anybody use that greenhouse, not even Harriet.

Did I ever tell Leanna that? Did I ever tell her how important the greenhouse was to me? I had never intended to give it to her, but I wanted her to have a place where she felt safe. I had begun to care for her. I thought she knew. Looking after her and giving her things that mattered to me were the only ways I knew to show my feelings. Were they not enough?

I stare at the ground, not knowing what to do. I’m not as cultured as Erik; I never received that type of education. I’m well aware that I’m not the most tactful person in a room. My whole life, I’ve only known the battlefield. I never got a chance to receive the formal royal education that my father had received when he was a boy. The elders wanted to control me, to use my inexperience and naivety to rule through me.

Harriet tried her best to shield me, but she was a mere maid. She couldn’t protect me. But Harriet had held another role during my parents reign, so she had enough resources to send me to the border to fight without alerting the elders. She remained at the castle, sending me letters and teaching me politics through our correspondence. I don’t know how she managed it, but she held the kingdom together for the two years I was at the border. It was the one place where I was safe from the elders, who were too scared to step foot there unless surrounded by guards.

Harriet has never mentioned what happened in those two years. When I returned, her son Rothan had just had his ninth birthday, and her mate had been executed for treason. Her head probably would have been on the chopping block next had I not taken control of the kingdom. She never thanked me for saving her, and I never thanked her for keeping my kingdom secure for me.

Our bond was silent and unspoken for the next couple of years while I fought at the Veil. I appointed her as my delegate during my absence, a decision the elders did not dare oppose because I was no longer the grief-stricken boy who had just lost his parents. When I finally returned to claim my seat on the throne, I offered her power and status, and she refused both, simply wanting to look after me. She was the one who suggested the position of head maid, and I gave it to her.

Without Harriet, I would be a puppet in the hands of the elders right now. She sent me away at a critical time to protect me. It was a sacrifice, and she knew it. I have never been a proper royal. Because of me, the wolves of the North are considered barbarians. I have never before wished that I had received the usual royal education, but today I do. If I had studied etiquette and politics from the right tutors, I would know how to talk to Leanna, how to convince her through my words and actions. I wouldn’t be this brute that she wants to stay away from.

I doubt Leanna would appreciate me bringing the head of a monster to her. She wouldn’t think it very classy. And Leanna is classy. She still carries herself elegantly, with so much grace that I could watch her all day. Even when she gets angry, she is mesmerizing. Vivian is nothing like her. She acts like a princess, but she’s not as refined as my Leanna. She’s not as beautiful or charming.

From the moment I laid eyes on Vivian, I felt disgust.

If I had known back then that Leanna was still alive, I might have been able to get rid of Vivian. But the elders’ interference, their threats, and my already shattered peace of mind had me choosing to protect the kingdom and just leave the castle and Vivian behind. But now—Now I know my Leanna is alive and well. She is the rightful queen. I finally have a reason to dispense with Vivian.

It’s not going to be easy. The elders will protest. But I don’t care anymore. Maybe if I bring their heads to Leanna…

I blink as another idea strikes me. If I bring Vivian’s head to Leanna, won’t that prove to her that I—

The light in one of the rooms of the house turns on. Instantly alert, I fix my eyes on it.

A small figure moves toward the window, which is then slid open. I watch my son climb through and sit on the ledge before jumping down. He looks around before shifting into a wolf and heading toward the park. When he doesn’t notice me, I realize he hasn’t caught my scent. He’s still young. And living in the human world, he probably doesn’t get to spend much time in his animal form to hone his instincts.

I watch in amusement as the little wolf cub streaks across the street. He has clearly done this before. I have a feeling my mate doesn’t know about his little late-night adventures. I’ve seen the defiance in the boy’s eyes. He’s going to be a handful in the future if he’s not difficult enough already. He has nearly made it to the edge of the woods when I pounce, grab him by the scruff, and give him a rough shake. “I don’t think so, Finn.”

He lets out a howl of fright before looking at me. I see the recognition in his eyes. It is instantly followed by dismay.

“Shift back,” I order.

He just goes limp, refusing to obey. I give him another rough shake, and he whimpers.

“Shift back, or I will give you a walloping that you will never forget.”

His ears twitch at the threat, and reluctantly, he shifts back into his human form in a shimmer of light. Staring at me now is an angry, sulking boy. I readjust my grip so that I’m holding him by the back of his shirt. “And where were you off to?”

His lips move, and I see him try to come up with an explanation quickly. “Nowhere. I just wanted to—I had to pee.”

“In the woods?” I ask in disbelief, not buying his tall tale.

He shrugs.

“And does your mother know you’re out here to relieve yourself?” I demand. From the guilty look in his eyes, my suspicions are confirmed. “How often do you go out like this?”

His scowls at me. “None of your beeswax!”

I stare at him. “What do bees have to do with this? I asked you a question.”

He gives me a frustrated look. “Are you stupid?”

Now, that, I understand.

I give him a light smack on the back of his head, and he lets out a howl, clutching the spot. “You can’t hit me!”

“That wasn’t hitting, boy,” I say darkly. “That was a warning tap. Does the human world not teach young ones to respect their parents?”

“I respect my mom!” Finn grumbles, instantly offended. I realize I’ve made a slip of the tongue, and for a moment, I’m relieved he doesn’t catch it. However, for a seven-year-old, my son is quite perceptive. He blinks. “Wait. Were you talking about yourself?”

I drop him on his behind.

“Ow!” he hisses from the ground. “Why’d you do that?”

“Go inside,” I order.

He doesn’t budge. “Who are you?”

I stare at him, not knowing what to say. I don’t think Leanna is ready to reveal my identity to him. And my gut instinct says not to piss her off any more than she already is. I’ve never been afraid of a female before, but this tiny slip of a woman has more power over me than she realizes. I don’t want to risk upsetting her.

I’m not worried about when my son discovers who I am. Eventually, he will have to be told. But seeing how suspicious my mate is of me at the moment, I don’t want her thinking I deliberately told Finn that I’m his father. Given her current suspicious mindset, she may assume I’m trying to strong-arm her into something.

I don’t think I’ve ever given anything as much thought as I’m giving this situation.

“Go inside, boy.”

But my son is stubborn, and he digs in his heels. “My name is Finn. And not till you tell me who you are. Why are you watching our house? You made my mom cry, you know. I don’t like you.”

My jaw tenses. “Your mother is going to be pissed off if she finds out you were sneaking out of the house. Should I go tell her?”

His eyes narrow. “You wouldn’t dare.”

I’m not about to be challenged by a little pipsqueak like him. Picking him up with one arm around his waist, I start carrying him back to the house.

“Wait! No, I’m sorry! Don’t tell her!” We’ve already crossed the road, and he is beginning to sound panicked. “Please don’t tell her! She’s going to be so mad at me!”

I reach the front door and stand him up so I can look him in the eye. “Mad? Oh, she’ll be angry, alright. You don’t disobey your mother. That’s disrespectful, and I won’t allow it. If I ever catch you leaving the house without her permission again, I’m going to take you to the border and show you what happens to disobedient little boys.”

I’ve been told that I am terrifying to young children. But my son doesn’t flinch. He scrutinizes me, as if checking how authentic the threat really is. I doubt he even knows what the border is.

“Fine. I won’t sneak out again.” He looks irritated. “I just wanted to go for a run. Mom’s always busy. I just wanted to run and play for a while. I couldn’t sleep.”

I study him. He seems to be telling the truth. I know that Leanna has some sort of job here. However, I didn’t realize my son was being neglected as a result of this job of hers. “What do you mean? Doesn’t your mother have time for you?”

“She has time, but she doesn’t like me going out in the woods without her.” Finn shrugs. “She doesn’t understand that I hate staying indoors. My wolf wants to run like crazy all the time.”

His words don’t surprise me. Finn has my blood running through his veins. His wolf is going to become even more restless as he reaches puberty. He has to burn off the energy somehow.

“Look,” I tell him, “I’ll talk to your mother. I’ll see if she’d be willing to let me take you out on daily runs for a couple of hours.”

Finn’s eyes light up. “A couple of hours? You mean it?”

That should be enough time to tire him out. “I’ll talk to her,” I repeat.

“What if she says no?” My son suddenly deflates at the idea. “She doesn’t like me shifting in front of others. But you can convince her, right?”

He seems to have a lot of faith in me for some reason.

“I can try.” Leanna is unpredictable. But the idea of spending time with my son is quite appealing. “Now, go inside. And I better not catch you sneaking out again. If you want to go somewhere, you ask for permission from your mother. And if you upset her, I’ll knock some sense into you. You won’t like that.”

Finn scowls at me. “Why do you care so much about my mom?”

“That’s none of your business.”

He folds his arms and glares at me. “She’s my mom, so it is my business. You’re the one who said I have to protect her.”

A flicker of amusement moves within me. “That’s right. But I’m not the one she needs protecting from.”

Finn gives me a suspicious look. “Why do you look like me, anyway?”

“You’re the one who looks like me.” I narrow my eyes and see a hint of triumph in his.

“Fine. Why do I look like you? Who are you?”

He’s closing in on the truth, and I scowl. “Go inside before I wake up your mother and tell her what you’ve been up to at night.”

Finn scrunches his forehead. “I can’t go through the front door. She’ll catch me, and she’ll be really mad. I have to go in through the window.”

“And how are you planning to do that?” I ask.

He gives me a small smirk. “There’s a vine growing outside my room. I use it to climb back up. But if you want, you can toss me up there.” His eyes glitter impishly.

It seems like a feasible idea, and I consider it.

I’m still mulling it over when the front door is pulled open and a furious Leanna is standing on the other side, wearing what looks like a bathrobe. “Don’t even think about it.”

My spirit nearly leaves my body. I was so engrossed in the child that I didn’t even realize she was standing on the other side of the door, listening.

“Leanna!”

“Mom!”

I don’t know which one of us sounds more terrified. I’m ashamed to admit it, but my heart nearly stops for a moment.

“Go to your room, Finn!” Leanna says tightly.

My son inches away and then practically runs up the steps to his room, leaving me and Leanna facing off against each other.

“I was just bringing him home,” I try to explain, but she holds up a hand. The look on her face is not a happy one.

“Come inside,” she says.

I follow her into the kitchen, and she puts a kettle on the stove. Wrapping the robe tightly around her, she turns to face me.

“I’m not neglecting Finn,” she tells me. “I know he’s been sneaking out. I figured if I tried to stop him, he’d find another way, so I usually just follow him to make sure he’s safe. He has a rebellious streak, and if I offered to accompany him, he would just find some other disobedient thing to do. Something that might be more dangerous.”

Her words take me by surprise. “You should’ve just told him not to go.”

She rubs her temples. “You really think that would have worked? Have you met your son? He would’ve gone anyway. At least this way, I can watch him and make sure he’s safe. Finn isn’t the easiest child. He likes to test me. I love him, but I know how his mind works. He’s mischievous.”

I feel guilty for thinking that she wasn’t paying enough attention to him. “The boy isn’t trying to cause trouble deliberately. I told you that his wolf is different. Wolves with warrior blood don’t like being controlled. That’s why he likes to rebel. It’s his dominant spirit, the bloodlust. He needs to run wild and tire himself out. Finn does not understand what he needs yet, so he just runs around till he’s exhausted. I used to do the same thing.”

Leanna swallows, averting her gaze from mine. It’s only when the kettle begins to whistle that she finally speaks. “If you think you can help Finn, you can take him out for runs every day. I’ve tried to keep up with him, but I get tired. He can go for hours on end.”

I blink, surprised. “You would be willing to trust me with our son? Just a few hours ago, you were saying that—”

“I know what I said! I’m the one who said it.”

She glares at me, then turns around and pours the hot water over some tea leaves in a pot. I notice that her hands aren’t quite steady.

“Leanna?”

She takes two cups out of the cupboard and slams them down on the counter, her back still to me. Her hands grip the edge of the counter, and now I see that she’s trembling.

Her voice is distraught. “Why is she still there?”

For a heartbeat, I don’t understand what she’s talking about. Then, it hits me. “Vivian?”

“Even if you thought I was dead, you knew what she had done to me. You knew what Bella had done to me. Why are they still in that castle? Why didn’t you make them pay? You and Harriet keep saying how upset you were, but they’re still alive and well. Why didn’t you avenge my death? You say the elders forced you. Well, now they’re going to be a threat to my son.”

When her voice breaks, my mouth turns dry. “Leanna.”

I start to approach her, but without even looking at me, she lifts a hand, stopping me in my tracks. “Give me an explanation I can believe. And I want the truth. Why did you tell Bella I was a tool? I can forgive everything else, Cedric. I am even willing to forgive the fact that you made me feel so horrible in the beginning. But you replaced me!” Her jaw hardens. “Fine. You replaced me. You were never secretive about that. You always told me I was a substitute. You did what you always intended to do. So, why are you acting like you missed me and that my apparent death was so horrifying to you? How could it have been so traumatizing when Vivian is in my place? She’s your queen. She’s your mate, even if not in the true sense. In the eyes of everyone else, she is.”

“I have not allowed any other woman into our bedroom since you left, Leanna. Your things are still there. Your clothes are still there. Vivian may be in the castle, but she knows perfectly well that she is not my queen or my mate. It doesn’t matter what others may think. She knows. Everyone in the castle knows the truth.”

I put my hands on her shoulders, turning her around to face me. “You want answers. I’ll give them to you, but you need to listen.”

She pushes my hands away and pours the tea before bringing the two cups over to the kitchen table. After putting them down slightly more gently this time, she gestures toward the chairs. “Talk. I’m all ears.”

I’ve never seen her so angry, but I also know she won’t give me another opportunity to clear my name.

“I wanted to kill Vivian.” I meet her gaze, sitting down only once she has taken her seat. “I threw her and Bella into the dungeons. I tried to go after you in the Misty Forest. If you had just waited, Leanna—If you had just trusted me for a few more minutes, you would not have had to live with the belief that I betrayed you. I didn’t.”

When she doesn’t respond, I continue. “Rothan and the others stopped me from following you into the forest. If I had died in there, the Northern Kingdom would have been left without a protector. They told me to choose my duty as king because they all believed you were already dead. So did I. The guards had heard you scream. I was sure you were gone.”

Leanna’s eyes are lowered, and her hands are wrapped around her cup. Her knuckles are white.

“When I returned to the castle, I did throw both Bella and Vivian in the dungeons. But then, the elders got involved. The Northern Kingdom was trying to squash the remaining bit of rebellion in the East. Without Vivian’s presence in the North, it would have been impossible to force the Eastern Kingdom to cooperate with us. And Bella is the eldest daughter and heir of one of the noble families. Her execution would’ve sparked conflict within the kingdom, and if I had to focus my attention on domestic politics, I would not have been able to fight at the border and protect the Veil. The elders knew that. They knew I couldn’t allow the kingdom to descend into chaos. They threatened me with all of this because they predicted how I would react.” Anger courses through me and my hand curls into a fist. “I had to make a choice, Leanna. Protect all of my people or get rid of the two who hurt you.”

A fat teardrop falls into her tea.

“As king, I had to make the choice I made. I couldn’t turn my back on my people. So, after stripping Bella of all her power and authority, I decided to stay away from the castle. Vivian was disgraced and humiliated when I left her standing at the altar by herself on the morning of our mating ceremony. Even though she lives in the castle and wears the crown, she is only acknowledged as queen by the commoners who don’t know the truth. And even they are not happy about it. They don’t like her. You brought change into their lives. You are the queen of their hearts. She is queen in name only, the queen they’re forced to acknowledge. The nobles forced me to give her that title, but she has no power over anyone. She is a political prisoner and nothing more.”

Leanna doesn’t meet my gaze. I wait for her to speak. Was I always this anxious around her? Did she always make me so nervous?

“You’ve changed,” she finally whispers.

Her words are unexpected, and I blink. “What?”

She looks up at me wearily. “You never used to talk so much.”

“But you asked me to talk.”

She lets out an abrupt laugh that is filled with both bitterness and sadness. “Yes, I did.”

She studies me, and I don’t like the heaviness behind her gaze. “Leanna, I never betrayed you.”

She presses her lips together. Her voice is strangled as she says, “I know.”

I should feel relieved, but something bothers me. “Shouldn’t you be pleased?” I ask slowly. “Why do you look as if you don’t like the truth?”

She moves her shoulders in a half shrug. “It’s been eight years, Cedric. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. My life is here. Yours is in the North. I can’t live there again. I don’t want to go back, and if you force me, I won’t be happy. I’m free here.”

“I won’t take away your freedom.” My heart is sinking.

“No.” She gives me a humorless smile. “But if I go there, I’ll be nothing. You need Vivian, like you said. So, where would I fit in? And I’m not foolish. You want your son with you, and I know Erik won’t risk your wrath for just Finn and me. Even if I try to take Finn away, I know you will track us down.”

Her words make me feel sick. “You think I would separate you from our son? Do you still think so little of me?”

Her eyes glint with unshed tears. “I—No. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think.”

“I’ll bring you Vivian’s head. I’ll bring you Bella’s head. Will that satisfy you?” My voice is fierce. “Whatever you need, Leanna.”

“Their heads?” she echoes in disbelief. “And risk turning the elders against you, risk a rebellion? You just said—”

“I’m tired, Leanna,” I say slowly, gazing at her hands, the weariness in my soul leaking into my voice. “I’m tired of losing people, of losing my family. I can’t lose you again. So, whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.”

Tears spill from her eyes, and when I reach out to wipe them, she doesn’t move away from my touch.

Not this time.