Page 77 of All Your Deadly Truths (The Filthy Duet #2)

Xeraphine

S trangely, I don’t feel angered or disappointed in Mister— Aphyllius . I wouldn’t have listened to him. I’d have immediately assumed he was a Shifter—pushed him away and likely killed him. Even if he insists he can’t die, I’d still have tried.

Granted, he did lie to me. That hurts more than angers me, but as he told me more of our story, how he had been there even when I wasn’t aware. The time he searched for me when I was buried, and the time with the train, that fucked me up and nearly had me in tears.

We spent the better part of the past thirty minutes just…

talking. I sat nearest to a tree, hunched over, looking and watching through his eyes for any indication of more lies.

Not that I can see anything, he doesn’t exude an aura, or smell other than that of a cat.

I just watched for the other signs; eye twitching, looking away from me when asked a question, things like that.

“I suppose…” I murmur. “It makes sense. You were always more… aggressive than I’d imagine a normal cat would be.”

He nods. “I’m not physically stronger than an average cat, just indestructible. I’ll use that to do whatever I can to keep you safe.”

I swallow, shoving my hands down between my thighs and looking away from him. “Thanks…”

“Xeraphine,” he calls for me to turn back to him.

I don’t want to, because knowing I had someone there for me—without ever realizing it—tugs at a thread in my heart I’ve never felt before.

I had Syd, but she wasn’t there for the vulnerable moments.

The nights I lay in the tub, hoping I’d bleed out.

The countless screams ripped from my throat when memories of what they did to me shattered my sleep.

The agony of my trauma, sitting with it, forced to survive it because I had no other choice.

Mister was always there.

Albeit in the shadows, yearning to comfort me, yet knowing exactly what I needed: scratches at the window I mistook for trees in the wind—just enough to distract me, to get me moving, to help me resettle.

Dead mice at my doorstep, sparking anger, pulling my mind away from the storm in my head.

I never questioned the stupid little things that happened over the past ten years, but somehow, they were enough.

“I’m sorry . ”

“Don’t,” I say, a bit more harshly than I intended. “Don’t…” I repeat, my tone softening. “I’m just processing.”

“You didn’t deserve the life that was dealt to you,” he continues, and now I see he was apologizing for something else.

Not for what he did, but for what he couldn’t prevent.

“I overheard the deal—” My chest caves in.

“I was tuned in the moment you entered the Beyond, because if I had to, I’d have crossed the gates to retrieve you. ”

“Wait…” I’m not even sure why the thought crosses my mind. “Did you send?—”

“Proserpina, yes. We Familiar are connected by the Phantasm, which is basically a link between us and our creator, known as Lynx. When I saw you were seeing Belial, I notified him to let Proserpina know .”

I blink rapidly. It was strange how she’d shown up at such an opportune time, and now that I think about it, that voice I heard… it was definitely Mister.

I’m grateful for his intervention, so I won’t question him more about it.

“Chase said a certain snake followed a certain cat. Does that have anything to do with the Phantasm?”

He nods. “I’ve closed my link. He must’ve done it the moment I opened up to speak with Lynx. I do apologize for my oversight.”

“It’s… alright.”

For a moment, we sit in silence before I find the courage to ask, “The deal… Did you tell Kairhyse?”

I’m nervous, maybe that was why he was so angry with me even beyond me controlling him. Though, I’m convinced he’d walk out on me, not just dominate me like he did.

“No, it isn’t my place. However…”

“I need to tell him,” I finish for him. “As I expect him not to hide anything from me, I won’t do it to him.”

Leaning forward, I press my elbows into my thighs, my face sinking into my palms. Fire burns behind my eyes, heat rising to my skull as I grit my teeth, trying to hold every bit of emotion in.

“He’s going to walk away.”

Mister sighs. “He won’t.”

“I would…” Pain shoots down my spine, and I curl up my knees to my chest, holding myself tight. “Fuck this. I was better off alone.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. I’d have made this deal and thought no better of it.

It isn’t like I’ve not abused my body before, so what is the difference now?

” Blood trails down my calves as my nails bite right into the muscle.

“He’s the difference. This damn Amoro is different…

Want to know the most fucked up part of this? ”

“I know, you don’t need to say it.”

“I need to say it. If it weren’t for Kai, I’d have saved myself the suffering and just did what Tali wanted. Given her however many fucking babies she desired.”

“Then thank Proserpina herself, he found you in time.”

Pulling myself closer, a cracked sob slips through my lips as I shake my head. “You heard everything, what may happen… yet you still say that.”

“He will do it, whether you ask him to ? —”

“No!” I shout, the sound ripping from my throat before I can stop it. No doubt someone heard it, Kai for sure.

“Fear is exhausting… Will you forever be looking over your shoulder?” He shifts between my feet. “It’s possible what Proserpina said about your blood could ? —”

“Please stop…” Dropping my legs, I reach out and grab him under his arms to pull him into a hug.

“Shut up.” His paws rest against my shoulder as I squeeze him, without applying too much force, to me.

“It’s not worth it. The risk…” Rubbing my nose and tear-filled eyes against his coat, his soft purr brings me a sense of peace I’d not realized he could offer.

I’ve never held him like this, but now… I want it. Like the air I breathe, I need this companionship.

“Okay.” He nuzzles his head against my cheek before burrowing it into my neck. My knees draw all the way up, and curl us into a ball. “Demons don’t… hold onto love. It’s always temporary, even with your own kind.”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I rub my nose into his fur. My teeth chatter as I shake so violently that Mister meows, his claws pressing into my skin.

“He should’ve let me go…” I whisper, not truly wanting that, but knowing that it’s the truth. I’ve ruined his life, just like I’ve done to Sydni.

I should stop caring. Go back to who I was before her—before Kairhyse. Be selfish, because I haven’t fought this hard just to lose myself. But that soft girl, the one I let die in that tomb they buried me in nearly eleven years ago… she’s stirring, clawing her way back to the surface.

“I’m so fucking weak…”

“You used to do that a lot…” he says in the same whisper tone as I’m speaking in. “Call yourself names, belittle yourself. You were once weak, that is true. Now? That’s the last thing you are.”

“Maybe not physically, but I feel like I’m mentally losing myself. What I am, what I need to be to be free .”

“What are you meant to be, Xeraphine?”

I pause, giving my answer a moment of thought before responding, “A monster.”

“I’m pretty sure you are that. You are no different than when Sydni found you… You were a monster then, and a monster now.”

I don’t know if I’ll ever become accustomed to murder, but I’m starting to feel less and less terrible about it. Those bastards all had it coming, and I’d do it again without a fucking thought for killing Tyson’s family. They’d been the only people I could have seen calling home .

Ty is somewhere getting high and likely punching holes in walls, but me?

I’m sitting on the edge of this bridge still covered in the six men’s blood, staring down at the pitch-black waters below.

This particular bridge is high enough that any Mundane would die from impact, and possibly most Dylox that didn’t heal quickly.

Like a Shifter…

My teeth grind together. “I’ll kill them all…”

I don’t hear the gentle patter of feet coming to me, but the soft ahem does capture my attention. Slowly turning my head in its direction, my top lip twitches.

Her blue eyes that are slightly illuminated by the street lights capture my attention, and I’m pretty sure she’s been crying, the red rim around the iris sort of gives it away.

Blonde hair that’s slightly tussled about and arms crossed under her chest, she reminds me of a lost princess searching for her prince.

It's chilly, but I've ignored the winter nights for so long that I only feel it when I let my mind settle into the present—something I never do.

“Hi…” Her voice is soft, very gentle like a baby calf.

Unfortunately for her, she’s found a butcher. She’s pretty, and I’m kind of hungry…

“Are you okay?” She takes a step in my direction. “Drove by and was worried you were going to jump.” The smile she gives me is genuine, the soft pink lipstick has worn, but the remnants of it lines her very thick lips.

Something tells me she would be too sweet, just by her smell of bubblegum, I feel a cavity forming. “Go away,” I say before turning away from her and looking back down at a death I wish I could have.

Footsteps continue, and of course they aren’t receding. The metal barrier I’m sitting on begins to move, and when I look back she is stupidly putting her leg over to sit as I am.

Narrowing my gaze, I watch as she wobbles, struggling to steady herself before settling an arm’s reach away. I tell myself I don’t care if she falls, but my hand—gripped around the silver bar—betrays me, already half-prepared to catch her if she tumbles forward.

“O-Oh wow, it’s uh…” She laughs tensely. “It’s pretty high.”

“No shit,” I say dryly.

She clears her throat, and I watch as her knuckles begin to turn white as she holds herself onto the railing. “Did someone hurt you?” I know the question is directed to the blood on me, but inside, it feels like she’s asking in general: “Who hurt you?”

Everyone has hurt me. That’s what I would like to say.

“No, I hurt them. Killed them, actually.” I’m hoping that scares her, but when I look at her, she’s got a… proud smile on her face.

“Nice, I’m sure they deserved it.”

She scoots slightly closer, and my eyes widen.

“My name is Sydni.”

Rolling my lips together, we just sit here for a moment in silence. She never breaks away from my stare, and I wonder if I tell her what I am, if she’ll be afraid.

“I’m a Succubus.” I’m not even sure why I tell her that. “You should go.”

The little princess doesn’t falter. “Do you want me to call you Succubus?”

“I don’t want you to call me anything.”

“It feels weird calling you Succubus, but if that’s what you prefer.”

I should just push her off.

As though she heard my thoughts, she giggles nervously.

I sigh, and I don’t know what compels me to say “Xeraphine” but I do, before I can think better of it.

Something like butterflies take flight in my chest as she smiles even wider, showing off her perfect teeth. “I like that... It’s nice to meet you, Xeraphine.”

The memory of meeting my princess for the first time flashes before my eyes.

I couldn’t believe I hadn’t just pushed her from that bridge. I’d been in such a dark state of mind, and no one mattered more than myself. Yet, something about that smile she gave me and unapologetic kindness had me hoping.

Hoping I deserved it, even if I was a monster.

Sydni hadn’t changed me for anything but the better.

I’ve never merited her, even now. Maybe it’s why I’ve not killed Niyla and Brice, and won’t.

Selfishly, I want to think it’s because they will be a body to keep her and Kairhyse protected, but it’s not solely for that.

I can tell how much that Werewolf means to her, and Niyla equally.

They may be for two different purposes for her heart, but one I just can’t ignore.

She deserves to be happy…

Moving Mister back, I settle him between the crease of my legs, his body curling slightly as his paws dangle. He looks up at me with those unblinking eyes, a silent anchor amidst the chaos. His gaze holds a sense of calm I wish I could feel.

Scratching his belly, I sigh.

“We need to go…”

“We do,” he purrs.

“That ‘we’ should just be you and me.” He swipes his claws across the top of my hand, drawing blood. Why do cat scratches hurt so fucking much? “Ouch!” I pat a bit harder than a love tap on his nose. “What the shit?”

He hisses aggressively. “You aren’t the only one that has grown attached.”

“Just trying to save them… Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? You know… protect the ones I love by removing the problem from the equation.”

“Your mother is the problem. Not you.”

Closing my eyes, I slowly fall into a dark pit in my mind. The weight of it presses down on me, it’s suffocating. I'm not scared for myself—I don’t fear my own end. No, what terrifies me is the thought of losing them. To lose them would mean losing everything I’ve ever wanted: happiness.

They make me so fucking happy.

I’ve never wanted to live more in my thirty years of life than I do in this moment. The thought of eternity now seems like a blessing, more than a curse.

It also terrifies me that I could spend it alone.

Suddenly, a warm hand wraps around mine, and it pulls me out of my thoughts. Directing my gaze up, I watch Kai come to kneel in front of me. His tongue runs along the three cuts where Mister drew blood, before kissing it.

“Come on, little demon.” His opposite hand moves to graze my cheek and I breathe out a sigh.

Mister hops from my lap. “I’ll ride with Sydni.”

I ignore the fading sound of his paws and focus instead on Kai’s crimson eyes, staring so deeply it feels like he’s searching for the gates to my soul. What he doesn’t realize is that it’s already his. He owns it, just like he owns everything else.

In this life… and all the others .

“I’m ready.”