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Chapter Twenty-Three

Aurelia

W hen I emerge in front of the Esteran temple’s weathered stone face, the green-robed cleric glides out to greet me. “What can I do for you, Your Imperial Highness?” she asks, her gaze piercing.

I hug the ancient volume I’ve brought from my bedroom—one originally from Lavira that I intend to hand off to Raul before he leaves—against my chest. A whiff of the aged leather fills my lungs along with the cooling late-afternoon breeze.

“I have a message to convey to your godlen. I believe my gift has shown me the way she’ll be most receptive to it. ”

As my guards gather around me, the cleric knits her brow. “Of course you’re more than welcome to present yourself in the worship room within.”

I shake my head, my pulse kicking up another notch. “I want her to see how serious I am about honoring her principles and earning her favor. In her confirmation rite, I navigated a maze high above the ground. Now I’ll ascend this building dedicated to her worship.”

“Ascend…?”

I motion to the wall next to us. “I’m going to climb to the roof and make my appeal to her there, raising myself up as I would raise up wisdom and knowledge throughout the empire.”

One of my guards makes a noise of protest. “Your Imperial Highness?—”

I shoot a glance toward them. “No help from any of your gifts. If I slip, then it’s my own failure of observation. I’ll remember Estera’s teachings and find the most secure way to scale the temple.”

It sounds absurd when I say it. Rather than linger in the discomfort, I push forward to walk along the base of the structure.

My position affords me with enough respect that no one hauls me away, though from the tension etched in my guards’ faces, it’s a near thing. I ignore their and the cleric’s stares as well as I can, focusing on the ridges of brick.

I know from my childhood studies that Estera likes her architecture to reflect her thoughtfulness—to allow necessary maintenance to be done even if no one with a useful gift is at hand and tools are lacking. There should be…

Here. Toward the back of the temple, one line of the stones juts out a few inches farther than the rest at the level of my knees.

Clamping the book securely in my armpit, I reach for the window ledge higher above and clamber onto the ridge.

Someone behind me sucks in a breath. For a second, my balance wavers, and a jitter runs through my nerves.

But I can do this. I navigated Estera’s maze in the rain. I led my court and my parents through twisting caves. I survived being buried alive and attacked by my husband.

For once, I’m carrying out my own trials for my chosen goals rather than being dragged into someone else’s idea of a test.

I will make it to the top.

There’s another ridge near my thigh. I set one foot on it and heave myself upward, grasping the side of the window to steady myself. My lungs hitch as the effort burns through my muscles, but gravity doesn’t claim me.

All right. Two pieces of the ascent made, at least a dozen more to go.

It’s a slow, careful process, especially when I also need to make sure I don’t drop the book.

By the time I’ve reached the level of the building’s second story, sweat is dampening my forehead and the back of my dress.

An ache is spreading through my shoulders like when I scrambled up the obelisk in Creaden’s confirmation rite.

I completed that task too. I’ve never let any difficulty hold me back before.

The murmur of voices beneath me suggests I’ve gained a larger audience, but I don’t risk glancing down. The sight of how far I’ve come might dizzy me.

I ease along another window ledge and step higher onto the next ridge. They’re barely large enough to hold my toes, not proper footholds like in the climbing challenges I’ve faced before.

If maintenance workers could survive this route, then an empress should manage it too.

The wind whips past me, tossing my hair and ruffling my dress. Someone below lets out a brief shriek as if she thinks I’m about to be blown off the building with my garment. My fingers skitter in surprise, and I lurch before firming my hold .

I’m all right. I’m on my way. Maybe half the journey already over.

I cling and strain and heft myself by knees and elbows as well as hand and feet where necessary. When I reach the edge of the roof, a wave of relief washes through me that’s almost as dangerous as my nerves. My legs relax slightly, and my feet wobble on their current ledge.

Just in time, I tense up to press myself rigidly in place.

The roof has a clever lip for diverting rain, stabilized by arches of stone beneath the protrusion. I set the book on the tiles just beyond the channel and wrench myself up after it in not at all graceful fashion.

Thank the gods Estera cares much more about intentions and insight than appearances.

On the roof, I stay low, crawling more than walking to the peak between two of the towers. There’s no way I could ascend those delicate spires. But as the waning sun streams over me, the golden glow sinks into my skin with a comforting warmth that feels like a welcome.

I’ve arrived.

At the peak, I plant my feet on either side and straighten up. I tip my face toward the sun that can symbolize both Prospira’s generous bounty and Estera’s keen mind. Then I lift my arms, giving myself over to faith in my stance and the shifting wind, holding the book as high as I can.

I aim my thoughts after it, willing them to reach the godlen who’s one of the three said to be most at home in the sky.

Oh great Estera, bestower of so much wisdom and spreader of knowledge, please recognize my offering.

The imperial family has hidden away texts treasured by the other countries of the empire for too long.

In your name, I will return these books to their rightful homes so that understanding can be regained and spread.

I will raise the minds of the empire to new heights as I’ve ascended to this height myself to prove my resolve.

Please bless my purpose and let all the royals of the continent trust in the plans I’ve crafted.

Let them not throw their lot in with Valerisse and toss me to the wolves, as they very easily could with the ammunition I’m offering them.

My heart thumps faster. No voice comes to me from on high. No divine touch whispers across my skin as I’ve sometimes felt from Elox.

Was it not enough? Or did I not understand what my gift seemed to be telling me?

I stretch my arms a little higher, restraining a wince at the pain in my shoulders—and a greenish glow flares around me. For an instant, the sprawl of the city buildings and the sliver of landscape I can make out beyond Vivencia’s walls are tinted like sunlight passing through the leaves of a tree.

My heart leaps, and then it’s over. As I blink, a smile lingers on my lips.

Estera wants to see the enlightenment I promised spread. Now I only have to make good on my promise.

And make it down from this temple without breaking my neck. That would be an excellent first step.

I retrace my climb in reverse as well as I can, with only a few wobbles. By the time I place my feet on the ground, my guards’ expressions are so fraught that guilt squeezes my gut.

The words spill out of me. “I’m all right. And Estera—she showed her approval. It was worth it.”

The cleric studies me with more curiosity than before. “You’ve shown yourself to be quite industrious in your pursuit of her favor, Your Imperial Highness. Estera values those who are willing to work toward their goals rather than taking the easy route.”

I find myself smiling at her. “I’ve always preferred thoroughness over ease. ”

A few devouts and several civilians who ended up gathering to watch my climb move apart for my guards as they usher me back to the carriage. My audience gapes in silence.

I turn to them at the doorway and hold up the book. “Let us always remember the value of knowledge and see that it’s shared freely, not hoarded.”

With that, I sink onto the bench inside. I can hope my efforts today will bring favor not just to me but to the men I love on their hazardous quests.

Back at the palace, I descend from the carriage among my guards to discover that Marc is rejoining them. He took a leave for most of the afternoon to take care of some of that unspecified business that somehow involves the princes.

I bite back the questions I want to ask him, resisting the urge to return his dark gaze when it settles on me. I can’t afford to look any more attached to a man who’s supposedly just my guard than I already do either.

We’re just in time for dinner. In the dining hall, I push my concerns as far to the back of my mind as I can so I can greet all the nobles around me. They still care more about how genial their empress is than how she’s handling the war efforts beyond their view.

It’s a relief when I can finally take my seat with Bianca at one side and Baronissa Hivette at the other. Neither of them are going to expect a performance.

But I have to give one anyway, because after a few exchanged pleasantries, Bianca glances toward the table where the princes are sitting with a sly curve of her lips. “So, you’re sending off the foreign royals. I suppose that might solve certain problems.”

My pulse wobbles. “What do you mean?”

She implied once that I might have an intimate interest in Lorenzo, but that was nearly a year ago and I dismissed the suggestion emphatically. She hasn’t given any indication since then that she’s noticed anything unusual about my interactions with my husband’s foster brothers.

“Oh, well, with all the dissent being stirred up… I can’t imagine they had the warmest feelings toward the imperial family that insisted they grow up here rather than with their birth families…” Bianca hesitates, studying my face, and seems to shrink in her gown. “Mostly I was making a joke.”

I school my expression into total serenity and manage a chuckle. She’s given me the perfect diversion. “I certainly hope you haven’t observed any signs that they’d turn against me or my daughter.”

“Oh, no, I’d have told you right away.” The vicerine shakes her head, but her energy still feels deflated from the usual. “It’s hard to get a good read on that bunch, though, isn’t it? I wouldn’t want to give you false confidence.”

She has no idea how well my lovers have earned my confidence in them. Of course, she also has no idea that in a matter of days, my gamble could go wrong and she’ll see me as the greatest enemy the empire has faced.

I swallow down my fears—for my princes, for myself. The course ahead may not be the safest one, but if I’m not brave enough for it, I don’t deserve to be empress.

“Don’t trouble yourself about that,” I say. “I’m hardly one to throw caution to the wind.”

“Of course.” Bianca gives a brief laugh.

She stays oddly quiet through the rest of dinner, letting Hivette and Damina across from us lead the chatter. When the meal is finished, she slips away before I have a chance to speak to her privately. I watch her go, my smile stiffening.

Perhaps she’s simply feeling under the weather. I’d like to believe it’s only that.

I make a short appearance in the hall of entertainments but manage to duck out before too long with the excuse of tending to Coraya. With every passing minute taking me closer to the moment when my lovers will have to leave, my heart thuds heavier.

I do check in on my daughter, and then I make my way to my apartment. When I pause on my bedroom rug to gather myself, Marc touches my arm.

“Come with me,” he says with a hint of his old imperial confidence, and moves to open the hidden panel in my wall.