Page 41 of A New Family at Puddleduck Farm (Puddleduck Farm #6)

By the end of March, all of the cats and kittens whose original owners couldn’t be traced had gone to new homes. Rufus and Emilia had their four back, although they were adults now and they’d all been in to Phoebe’s surgery for castration and spaying.

‘None of them will be parenting another litter,’ Emilia had said firmly. ‘And we have enough space for four. We just have to hope for no fights.’

Luckily, the two females, Mia and Lucy, preferred to spend a lot of their time outside on the estate, hunting mice and other hapless wildlife that ventured too close to the house while Minka and Charly, the boys, were fond of indoor living at the manor.

They could often be found curled up on easy chairs that were in patches of sunlight or on warm windowsills, snoozing in the sun.

Denise and Rottweiler Ken had taken Freda’s mum in and had called her Shadow because she liked to follow Denise everywhere she went. Oscar, Freda and Shadow had also been in to Puddleduck Vets for ops. Thankfully, Oscar was fully recovered now and back up to his normal weight.

‘So all’s well that ends well,’ Phoebe said to Marcus and Jenna as they opened up the practice one sunny morning. ‘I still can’t believe there was a kitten-milling operation going on right under our noses.’

‘I guess they can be anywhere,’ Jenna said with a sigh.

‘And our job is to make sure the public know not to buy kittens or puppies from people who aren’t reputable breeders,’ Marcus said. ‘Or any animal, come to that.’ He glanced round at the Voice for Wildlife posters up in the surgery. ‘We can get another poster up about that, can’t we?’

‘I’ll organise it,’ Phoebe said. ‘Connie can spread the word too. Maybe she can do a poem.’

‘Cats and kittens…’ Jenna began and paused. ‘Hmmm, what rhymes with kitten?’

‘Mitten,’ Marcus said with a grin. ‘Or how about smitten… Don’t get smitten with a cute little kitten. Unless you’ve met their mum and dad and, er… it’s not just a passing fad. Hmmm. This poetry lark is harder than it looks.’

Jenna raised her eyebrows. ‘You started well, but maybe we should leave it to the experts.’

They all smiled as the first client arrived, a woman with a collie coming in for a booster.

Another day had begun. And it was the usual mix of routine calls and thankfully no emergencies.

Not long before midday, Marcus called Phoebe out to reception. ‘There’s a guy outside who’d like someone to look at an exotic pet. I was going to get Max but he’s busy. Would you be OK to take a look?’

‘What kind of exotic pet is it?’

‘Some kind of bear, I think he said.’

‘A bear!’ Phoebe looked at him in disbelief. ‘Are you seriously telling me there’s a man with a bear outside?’ She moved to the plate-glass window of the surgery and looked out into the yard beyond. ‘I can’t see anyone.’

‘He said he’d wait until we gave the OK before he brought him in. He didn’t want to upset any of our other patients. He said it was quite small.’

‘How small exactly? I mean, is it in a crate or what?’ Phoebe had visions of someone with a koala bear in a crate sitting in the car park. ‘What kind of bear is it?’

Jenna appeared from one of the consulting rooms. ‘A water bear, I think he said. I spoke to him earlier too.’

‘So why has no one told me before?’ Phoebe sighed. ‘What’s a water bear, anyway?’

‘A bear that likes water?’ Marcus ventured.

Jenna shrugged. ‘Don’t ask me.’

Phoebe shook her head. They both seemed to be being particularly obtuse today, but luckily the surgery was empty of other patients. She turned back to Marcus.

‘OK, I’ll see him. What’s wrong with this bear anyway? Did he say?’

‘Injured leg,’ they both said in unison.

At that moment the door opened and a teenager in jeans, tee-shirt and a back-to-front baseball cap appeared. He had nerdy black glasses and a nervous grin and he was carrying a green holdall, which he heaved up on to the reception desk.

‘Leaping lizards, that’s heavy. I hope it was all right to come in. I’m actually quite worried about Paddington.’

‘You’re the client with the bear?’ Phoebe asked. This was getting more surreal by the moment. ‘He’s not in there, is he?’ She hoped not; the poor creature could be suffocating. ‘Can I take your name, please, sir?’

‘Albus Clutterbuck. It’s great to meet you. I’ve heard you’re the best. Top of the pops.’ His nervous grin had morphed into earnestness and Phoebe felt for him.

‘OK, well, Mr Clutterbuck, if you’d like to bring Paddington through to…’

Before she could finish, Albus unzipped the holdall and whipped out a navy hoodie, swiftly followed by several grubby-looking white socks and what looked like a pair of boxers which he piled on to the reception desk haphazardly, before he located what he was looking for.

‘Phew, I thought I’d lost him for a moment. Sorry, that’s my laundry.’ He bundled the clothes back into the holdall and hooked out some kind of flat round container which he thrust towards Phoebe.

Phoebe hoped it was clean laundry. It hadn’t looked very clean. But she resisted the urge to comment and took the container.

It was a petri dish. How curious. She frowned and leaned forward to see whatever it was she was supposed to be looking at.

‘Paddington’s a tardigrade,’ Albus continued.

‘I see.’ Phoebe racked her brains. What was a tardigrade? She’d heard the word somewhere, but couldn’t quite bring it to mind. She had the feeling she was being wound up, but she wasn’t quite sure enough to call it. ‘Which leg is injured?’ she asked Albus, putting on her most serious voice.

‘I dunno, but he’s definitely limping.’

There was a snort from behind her. Jenna seemed to be having some kind of sneezing fit, which she was trying desperately to suppress by cupping her hands over her nose.

Marcus also seemed to be finding it a struggle to contain himself. He had his head down but he was spluttering.

Now Phoebe was sure this was a wind-up. And two could play at that game.

Or four in this case, because Albus was almost certainly in on the joke.

‘I’ll need to fetch my microscope,’ she murmured.

‘Oh dear, these specialist cases can be expensive. Particularly if we need surgery. Is Paddington insured?’

‘Um…’ Albus looked at her askance, opened his mouth to say something and then shut it again.

Marcus, who’d been sitting at the desk throughout the exchange, began to speak too, but Phoebe held up a hand. ‘Hold that thought. I won’t be a second.’

Maintaining both her stern face and her sense of dignity, she disappeared into the back room where she googled tardigrade and discovered it was a microscopic eight-legged animal, commonly known as a water bear. She took a deep breath and shook her head in bemusement.

What on earth had got into her usually sensible and hard-working staff?

Suddenly she noticed the date on her phone: 1 April.

Oh my goodness. So that’s what they were up to.

Now she’d got over the shock, she had to admit it was quite good as April Fools went.

Not that she had any intention of telling them that just yet. Oh, no!

Now, it was payback time.

She found her TTL loupes, a purpose-built magnifying glass, which resembled a pair of glasses with two old-fashioned lenses stuck on the eye pieces, and headed back to reception.

Before she opened the door, she leaned against it listening.

There was a low buzz of chatter, which hushed as she went in wearing the glasses and a perfectly straight face.

She strode through reception, walked straight through it to the outside door and then locked it. She didn’t want any real customers coming in for a moment. Then she went back to reception. ‘Pass me the petri dish, please, Mr Clutterbuck.’

The teenager complied and Marcus began nervously, ‘But boss, there’s not actually anything to, er…’

Phoebe hushed him with another wave of her hand as she leant over the dish, which was empty apart from a little black mark, which she guessed had been made with a pen, on the white background.

Surreptitiously, she loosened the lid before she let the dish slip out of her hands onto the surgery floor with a clinking sound. The lid and the dish parted company.

‘Oh, my goodness,’ Phoebe gasped. ‘I’m so sorry. Our patient appears to have escaped. We need to look for him. Everyone, on their hands and knees, quickly, please.’

Albus’s eyes grew wider behind his geek glasses. Jenna’s face dropped, and Marcus just looked stunned.

Trying not to laugh herself, Phoebe clapped her hands. ‘Come on, everyone. Chop chop. We need to search every corner. He can’t have got far. Poor Paddington. We need to find him. On your hands and knees, please.’

None of the April Foolers were sure enough of her to take the risk that she might not be serious.

Marcus and the teenager both frowned before obeying her and getting down on the floor. Jenna bit her lip nervously and busied herself searching the top of the reception desk, moving pens and papers and a stapler to one side.

Phoebe, who was very good at keeping her emotions hidden, thanks to years of practice with clients, let them hunt for a good couple of minutes before she looked at the clock. It was one minute to midday. Finally, she relented.

‘I’ve got him,’ she shouted. ‘He’s over here on the weighing machine. Phew, I was lucky to spot him. It’s only because there’s a white background I managed to see him.’

The two guys got up off the floor in relief, and Phoebe took off her loupes and grinned at them. ‘April Fool, right back at ya.’

Albus and Marcus broke into nervous laughter.

Jenna shook her head. ‘Oh my God, you had me going there. I seriously didn’t know if you were joking or not.’

‘Ditto,’ Marcus said.

‘Leaping lizards.’ Albus looked at her in admiration. ‘That was a superb backfire. When did you guess?’

‘When you said he was limping.’ Phoebe smiled sweetly at them all. ‘That was a step too far… if you’ll excuse the pun.’ She paused. ‘Is your name really Albus Clutterbuck?’

‘No, it’s Ethan Drake. I’m a friend of Marcus’s.’ He whipped off the geek glasses and held out his hand.

Phoebe shook it. ‘Ethan’s studying drama at uni.’ Marcus introduced them properly.

‘A little more work to do then,’ she teased, ‘but I’ll give you a B.’

They all laughed some more and Phoebe went across and unlocked the reception door again.

‘Timewasters, the lot of you!’ she muttered as she came back to join them. ‘What if we’d had an actual emergency?’

‘We wouldn’t have done it if there’d been any clients about,’ Jenna said hastily.

‘Absolutely not, boss.’ Marcus straightened his back. ‘Sorry.’

‘You’re forgiven. It was quite funny as April Fools go.’ Phoebe smiled at them. ‘It was even funnier watching you all hunting for Paddington, though.’

When she told Sam about it over supper that night, he rolled his eyes. ‘I can’t believe you kept a straight face.’

‘Neither can I, to be honest.’

‘I’d have loved to have seen them all crawling around hunting for an imaginary tardigrade. What is a tardigrade anyway?’

‘It’s a microscopic eight-legged animal which can apparently survive in outer space and would very likely survive the apocalypse. At least that’s National Geographic ’s description of them. I looked them up earlier. They’re often referred to as water bears so it was quite a clever joke actually.’

‘Of course it was if Marcus was behind it. Why are they called water bears?’

‘Because under a microscope they look like an eight-legged panda. Not that they’d actually got one in that petri dish.’ She laughed. ‘So how was your day, Sam? Anything exciting to report?’

‘No April Fools around here, but yes, it was quite exciting. Ma texted to tell me about a wedding fair that’s happening next weekend at the Rhinefield House Hotel.

It’s all day Saturday and Sunday. She was wondering if we fancied going along to it.

Apparently Pa’s happy to babysit if we don’t want to take Lily, and Louella is keen to come along too. ’

‘That sounds like excellent fun. Maggie would love it too.’ Phoebe nodded happily. ‘It’s about time we started planning, isn’t it? I’ll ask Tori too. You don’t mind, do you, being surrounded by females at a wedding fair?’

‘The more the merrier as far as I’m concerned.’ Sam’s eyes were warm. ‘I can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday. Even if it’s just to give us some ideas for our big day it would be good.’

‘I think we need to set a date first.’ Phoebe felt her heart skip with excitement. ‘Get it firmed up. That is exciting. Oh, Sam, I know we’ve had some ups and downs this last year, but we’ve survived, haven’t we?’

‘We could survive anything. We’d be right there alongside the tardigrades in the apocalypse, I reckon.’

Phoebe laughed. ‘Let’s do it. That’s the first thing we can buy at the wedding fair. Save the date cards. I’ll get the diary. Let’s set the date now. I think it’s in the front room.’

A few moments later, she was back with the desk diary they used for appointments they both needed to know about. ‘We’ve got time to plan a wedding this year if we crack on, but it’s also got next year’s calendar in too, if we decided we need more time.’ She met his eyes.

‘Cool. I found a half bottle of bubbly in the fridge too. It must have been left over from Christmas. We could have a toast.’ Sam indicated the half bottle of Moet on the table, condensation glistening on its curved green glass.

‘A toast to what?’

‘Whatever you like. To planning a wedding, to surviving the apocalypse or just to us if you like.’

Phoebe nodded. ‘How about a toast to our future? To our future as a family at Puddleduck Farm.’

‘That sounds good to me.’ He removed the gold foil and cage from the top of the bottle and eased out the cork, aiming carefully towards the floor, so it didn’t break anything as it sprung out.

Then he quickly poured the pale gold fizz into two flutes and handed her one.

They both raised their glasses towards each other in the soft warmth of the Aga-heated kitchen.

They spoke together, in total synchronicity.

‘To our future as a family at Puddleduck Farm.’