Page 17 of A New Family at Puddleduck Farm (Puddleduck Farm #6)

‘I thought there was something going on when you came back last night.’ Maggie’s eyes were serious as she met Phoebe’s.

It was the following morning and Phoebe was at Maggie’s bungalow where she had just called by unannounced.

She was supposed to be at work. Sam had Lily, but she’d just dropped off some medication to a cow with an udder infection and Maggie’s bungalow was on the way back.

Or at least it wasn’t much out of the way, and it was lunchtime and her next appointment wasn’t until two thirty.

It had started raining as she’d got out of her car and she’d made a dash for Maggie’s blue front door. Flaming November. It had rained a lot this last week and one or two people who’d booked out the dog field hadn’t turned up for their session. Phoebe didn’t blame them.

She was now pacing around her grandmother’s big terracotta and pale green kitchen.

The colour scheme was echoed by the pots of herbs on the windowsills, and the delicious scents of coffee and cinnamon scones filled the air.

Maggie had always been good at baking but she’d done even more since she’d moved here.

‘We had a misunderstanding in the pub,’ Phoebe said.

‘But, my darling, if this is about you and Sam you should really be having this discussion with him, not me.’

‘Yes, I know, but I wanted to talk to you first. Did you find it hard when you had Mum and you still had to work on the farm? I mean, did it get difficult with Farmer Pete or was it just all hands on deck as usual?’

‘Of course I found it difficult. Everyone does, but my darling, things were very different in those days. Our roles were more defined, for one thing. Your grandfather milked the cows and I did the childcare. We got an extra dairy man in for a while. I couldn’t really pack up baby Louella and take her out on the farm, even if I’d wanted to. ’

‘No, I don’t suppose you could.’ Phoebe smiled despite herself as she tried to picture her grandmother milking a cow with a baby in a papoose. It was impossible.

‘Why don’t we sit down a minute, darling.’ Maggie drew out two chairs at the kitchen table and beckoned her across.

Phoebe put her elbows on the wooden table, which was a small version of the one Maggie had left behind at Puddleduck. She felt suddenly close to tears again and she swallowed.

‘You’re right. It is different today because I’m the major breadwinner, and I know Sam sometimes finds that tricky.

He’s still old-fashioned in a lot of ways.

And I love that he is. But it means, like you say, our roles aren’t so clear cut.

Sam’s really hands-on with Lily and he’s doing less at Hendrie’s now his dad’s sold the business.

I don’t think that’s doing much for his self-esteem. ’

‘No.’ Maggie chuckled gently. ‘But it’s what you agreed, isn’t it? And it will all settle down, I’m sure. It’s still early days…’ She hesitated. ‘Is there anything else bothering you?’

‘I nearly got caught out at work yesterday.’ She told Maggie about the hedgehog.

‘Luckily Marcus was on the case.’

‘That could have happened to Seth or Max, I’m sure.’

‘Hmm, maybe. I don’t think either Seth or Max would have dived in and offered to treat an animal when they knew they didn’t have the requisite experience.

They’d have referred the consultation or turned it down.

She wasn’t even a client of ours. I just acted on impulse.

I wouldn’t normally do that, Gran. I’d usually be a lot more rational.

’ She dipped her head as she felt a tear run down her face and then another.

For once, Maggie didn’t pick her up for saying ‘Gran’. Phoebe heard the chair legs scrape on the floor as she shifted her chair a little nearer and then she felt Maggie’s touch on her arm.

‘It’s possible that you’re trying to go back to work too early. Has anything else happened that you may have reflected on later as being not quite rational?’

‘Not at work. Although a couple of weeks ago I did come up with this crazy theory about a kitten-farming operation that might be going on locally.’

She told Maggie about Archie’s visit and the Savannah kittens going missing and the Maine Coon that had disappeared a few months earlier.

‘That doesn’t sound too off the wall.’ Maggie shook her head. ‘People are very strapped for cash at the moment. Which makes it a prime time for scammers to operate. Where there’s a scam there’s a scammer.’

‘I know, but that’s where my theory fell down. You wouldn’t just happen to be passing Beechbrook House and see the kittens. You’d have had to know they were there. Twice, not just once…’

‘Yes. OK. We’ll keep that one on the back burner then. Is anything else bothering you?’

‘This is going to sound really unhinged.’

‘Go on…’

Phoebe’s voice felt so raw that it was difficult to get the words out. ‘I sometimes catch myself thinking about the baby we lost – he’d have been a little boy and… and…’ She broke off into a sob.

‘Oh, love. That’s not unhinged. That’s grief. That’s natural. And it’s not at all surprising. You didn’t have time to grieve properly for him. You were pregnant again so quickly. Of course you would think about him. Your little fig. Come here.’

She shifted her chair even closer and for a few moments Phoebe sobbed in the soft warm circle of her grandmother’s arms. It was all true.

Although she hadn’t thought of it quite like that, what Maggie was saying made perfect sense.

She had got pregnant again quickly and the excitement of that had distracted her from the pain of losing her first baby.

She had been pleased, back then, that the grief could be put behind them, but she’d never really considered that the grief wasn’t done.

Because the sadness after her miscarriage had seemed endless and black and all-encompassing and getting pregnant again had lifted it.

Getting pregnant had been a brilliant distraction.

‘I hadn’t thought about it like that,’ she said eventually.

‘But it’s true. Poor Sam must have felt it too.

We never spoke about it but I think we were probably both terrified it might happen again.

I didn’t go near any stairs for the whole time I was pregnant with Lily.

I was terrified I’d fall down some again, even if I wasn’t rushing. ’

‘I’m not surprised,’ Maggie said. ‘Have you told Sam all this?’

She frowned and shook her head. ‘No. Do you think I should have done?’

‘I’m not sure. I know it’s important to make peace with the past, but I do think you need to look to the future too.

You and Sam have an amazing, beautiful daughter and it’s all going to get easier, week by week, trust me, darling, it really will.

I think you and Sam should enjoy these precious times with Lily.

Focus on what’s good, focus on what’s happening now. ’

Maggie got up stiffly. ‘Have you got to get back? Or shall I make us another pot of coffee?’

Phoebe glanced at the clock. ‘I think I should probably get back. But thanks. It has helped talking to you. It always does.’

‘Any time, darling, but…’

‘I’ll talk to Sam. Don’t worry…’ Phoebe pre-empted her. ‘And I’ll stop trying so hard to be the perfect mother, and vet.’

‘And the perfect girlfriend, and the perfect rescue centre owner.’ Maggie winked. ‘And did I mention the perfect amateur sleuth?’

Phoebe was laughing as she got back into her Lexus. Maggie was amazing. However sad she felt, however cross or frustrated she was when she arrived feeling in pieces, she always felt 100 per cent better when she left.

She knew she needed to talk to Sam. But anything felt possible now. The rain had stopped and the sun had come out over Maggie’s red-roofed bungalow and was now glinting off the wet roof tiles and making them sparkle. The blue front door looked cheery and bright.

It would be OK. She pressed the starter button on the Lexus. Her world was in perspective, once more.

* * *

Sam’s morning had been tricky. Lily was crying a lot and he couldn’t seem to soothe her. He knew she was probably picking up on his tension; he still felt uneasy about what had happened last night. He’d been hoping Phoebe would come in for lunch but she hadn’t yet.

‘It’s OK, sweetheart. It’s OK.’ He rocked Lily in his arms. ‘Mummy will be back soon.’

He looked at the kitchen clock. He was surprised she hadn’t come in already.

She always came in for lunch. She must have been held up with a client.

Maybe he should take Lily out for a stroll.

Maybe that would help soothe her. He glanced out of the window.

It looked like the rain had finally stopped.

Roxie could come too. She’d appreciate a walk. They’d been in all morning. Even Snowball had been hanging around inside. His big black cat wasn’t a fan of the rain.

He strapped Lily into her buggy and went to get his coat from the front door. It was only when he was unhooking it that he saw that Phoebe’s car wasn’t outside. So she’d gone out to a client then. He was surprised, and a little hurt that she hadn’t even messaged to let him know.

Maybe she had and he hadn’t heard it. On his way back to the kitchen, he grabbed his mobile from the side.

There were two messages, but neither of them was from Phoebe. One was from Turtle Tots who he’d contacted just after Archie had told them about it, saying there was a space for him and Lily if he wanted it.

Sam scrolled down. The other was from someone Sam had never expected to hear from again. Judy Barker.

He did a double take, certain for a split second that he must have misread it.

But no, it was Judy. She was an ex – in fact, she was a double ex.

They’d split up and got together twice before he and Phoebe had been an item.

There had been a lot of passion and fire with Judy – she was that sort of woman.

Moody, dramatic, super sexy and super high maintenance.

Her parents had never approved of him. They’d both been stockbrokers and richer than Croesus, but that hadn’t bothered Judy and Sam at the time. A great deal of their relationship had been spent in bed. The chemistry had always been mind-blowing.

Jesus, Sam, what are you thinking? He caught himself.

You’re practically married and you’re a father .

Lily’s cries had subsided to whimpers when he’d strapped her in her buggy.

‘Oh, sweetheart.’ He knelt beside her on the flagstone kitchen floor.

‘I’m sorry Daddy’s been grumpy. Shall we go out and see if we can find Mummy? ’

Lily waved a fist at him.

Sam felt his heart turn over with love for her, and he felt a flash of guilt – that message on his phone felt like a bomb waiting to go off.

That was crazy. It wasn’t his fault that Judy Barker had messaged him.

He slid his mobile into his pocket. Out of sight, out of mind.

He would find out what she wanted later.