Page 24 of A New Family at Puddleduck Farm (Puddleduck Farm #6)

Phoebe had run through a dozen scenarios for Sam’s lateness before she’d finally given up being patient and rational and she’d tried phoning him.

The call had gone straight to voicemail, which meant he was probably driving.

So she’d left it another half an hour – that was plenty of time for him to have got home – and then she’d texted him.

The ping of the text alert going off threw her, as she saw him coming through the kitchen door.

‘Oh, Sam. I was starting to worry. That text is from me.’

‘I’m sorry. I got held up. Dad had a dentist appointment. I should have let you know.’ He came into the kitchen. He looked stern. Stern was an expression Sam didn’t do very often and Phoebe felt a flicker of unease.

‘Is everything OK?’ She glanced at his face, and he nodded briefly, before going across the kitchen to Lily, who was in her play gym.

‘Hello, sweetheart.’ He tickled her tummy and she gurgled in delight. ‘How’s my darling girl?’

Roxie had got up to greet him, and had gone across wagging her tail so hard that her whole spotty bottom wriggled, and Sam was now tickling her under the chin. But he didn’t hurry towards Phoebe. He stayed kneeling on the flagstones for a few seconds longer, communing with his daughter.

Snowball had just strolled in too, his tail held high as he purred a welcome. Was Sam going to greet him before her too? Phoebe felt a flicker of irritation.

‘Do I need to be a baby or a dog to get a hello tonight?’ she asked, and he glanced up.

‘No, of course not.’ Now he did get up and he came across to where she sat at the kitchen table and pulled out a chair opposite. But he didn’t kiss her like he normally would. ‘How was your day?’

‘My day was fine.’ She looked at him keenly. There was definitely something up. ‘How was yours?’

‘I had a visitor actually.’ His voice was mild, but his eyes were more serious. ‘Judy Barker dropped by the shop.’

‘Oh!’ Phoebe hated the twang of jealousy she felt, which was followed almost immediately by a jolt of guilt.

It had been ages since she’d deleted that voicemail.

She’d managed to put it out of her mind but she had a feeling it was about to come back and bite her.

‘What did she want?’ She couldn’t meet his eyes.

‘She wanted to know why I hadn’t answered a message she’d left me about a month ago.’

Phoebe stayed silent. This was excruciating. He couldn’t know she’d deleted that message. If he did, surely he’d have asked her about it before.

‘So what was the message?’ she said, before finally meeting his eyes and feeling her face flame. This was awful. She should have just told him. Confessed to a moment of insanity. Maybe it wasn’t too late… But before she could say anything, Sam went on quietly.

‘She wanted to talk to me about Ninja. I’ve been thinking of putting him on loan and she knew someone who might be interested…’ He broke off and looked pained. ‘Pheebs, I’ve got to ask you this. The voicemail Judy left me was deleted. Did you delete it?’

She nodded slowly. ‘Yes. Yes, I did. I shouldn’t have. And I’m sorry.’ God, this was mortifying. But by far the worst thing about it was the shock in his eyes as he looked at her. And then the hurt, and then the bemusement.

‘But why?’ He spread his hands in bewilderment. ‘Don’t you trust me?’

‘Of course I do.’

‘Clearly you don’t.’

‘I do, Sam. It was a moment of madness. Call it baby brain. I saw her name flash up when you were out. And I felt jealous and then when she left you a message I felt threatened. So I just deleted it. I regretted doing it the second I’d done it. Truly.’

‘Then why on earth didn’t you say something? We’ve had weeks.’

‘I know.’

He was angry. Sam was hardly ever angry, but Phoebe could feel it bristling from him. So could Roxie. She had just slunk across the room to her basket alongside the Aga. Snowball had done a swift about turn too. Animals were always attuned to anger and they feared it.

Lily was the only one who seemed oblivious to the tension. She’d been in a sunny mood all day. She waved her arms and gurgled again, unaware of her parents’ change of mood.

Then, with one swift movement, Sam pushed back his chair and stood up. ‘I need to get my head around this. I’m going out.’

‘Sam, please. Don’t go out. We can talk about it now.’ Phoebe could hear her own voice rising in angst. She saw him hesitate at the back door which he’d so recently entered, and lean one hand against the old cob wall. His knuckles were white with tension.

For a moment she thought he would come back into the kitchen. In all the time she’d known him, he’d never walked away from her in anger. But he didn’t hesitate for long. He didn’t even look back at her. He opened the back door, closed it quietly behind him and was gone.

It felt much worse and much more final than if he’d slammed it behind him.

Phoebe burst into tears. In another life – in a life before Lily – she’d have gone after him.

But she couldn’t go anywhere fast with Lily – packing up her daughter and all of the baby paraphernalia they needed for even the shortest trip was a lengthy process.

So she stayed where she was at the kitchen table, which was strewn with coloured paper chains.

Green, yellow and pink that were destined to be strung up around the oak beams in the old kitchen.

She and Maggie had made them for Lily earlier in the day but she’d been going to ask Sam if he fancied helping put them up.

Not because she couldn’t put them up herself, but because she wanted him to be involved in this Christmas, which felt like one of the most important they would ever share.

Their first Christmas with their daughter in their dream house.

They had everything they’d ever wanted. Each other, a beautiful baby, their loving family, this amazing house.

Not that it felt very amazing right now. Phoebe shook her head to clear it. She’d thought they’d got the communication thing all sorted, so why on earth had Sam decided to sell his beloved horse without even telling her?

* * *

Sam hadn’t got very far despite the fact he’d left the house in such a hurry. He’d realised as soon as he’d got into the car that the fuel gauge showed almost empty. So going for a long forest drive to clear his head wasn’t an option.

By the time he’d refuelled and had pulled off the garage forecourt, he was thinking more clearly.

Maybe he had overreacted by storming off.

The truth was he’d been shocked by Phoebe’s confession.

A part of him had been convinced there would be a less damning explanation.

Some kind of technical reason for Judy’s phone message going missing.

Finding out there wasn’t had shaken him. He’d never have scrolled through Phoebe’s private messages. Sam realised his hands were locked with tension around the steering wheel and that he was breaking the 40mph speed limit. Mindful of the danger to the forest animals, he slowed back down to 38.

He shouldn’t be driving round the New Forest second-guessing it all. Phoebe was right. He should have stayed and talked to her. They weren’t going to resolve anything unless they discussed all this stuff properly. He had to go home.

* * *

Phoebe had given Lily her bath and put her to bed by the time she heard the sound of Sam’s car pulling up outside.

She had also washed the tears from her face and given herself a good talking to. She was now sitting in their front room with the log burner on full blast, feeling a great deal clearer headed than she had earlier.

She also felt a little ashamed of herself. Sam must think he’d shacked up with a raving lunatic. He had never been anything else but wonderfully kind and supportive; he had turned his whole world inside out to facilitate hers, while she had been jumping at shadows.

In her mind’s eye she could hear Maggie’s voice berating her – even though she hadn’t shared any of tonight’s drama with Maggie. She didn’t need to – she knew perfectly well what Maggie would have said. It was about time she stepped up to the plate and supported Sam like he’d supported her.

The fact he had been arranging to get Ninja a new home without even telling her had been a shock.

Had their communication really got that bad?

She realised suddenly that it had been pretty one-way.

She had shared most of what she was feeling with Sam lately, but he didn’t share much with her.

He mostly said he was fine and everyone knew what F.I.N.E.

stood for. Fed up. Insecure. Neurotic and Emotional.

‘I’m in here,’ she called, getting up to greet him as the front door banged behind him.

‘Hey.’ He stood in the doorway of the back room. ‘I’m sorry I stormed off.’

‘I’m sorry I put you in that position.’

He acknowledged this with a slight dip of his head. ‘Did Lily go down all right?’

‘Touch wood. We need to talk, Sam.’

‘We do.’

For a moment they stood a small distance apart and then they were in each other’s arms. She wasn’t sure who made the first move. It didn’t matter. If they could still hug each other they had a chance of sorting all of this out. They could rebuild the trust.

‘Shall I make us a hot chocolate?’ Sam asked. ‘Or would you prefer wine?’

‘Hot chocolate, I think.’

She felt like a child when, a few minutes later, they carried two mugs of sweet-smelling, steaming hot chocolate with miniature marshmallows floating on the surface into the front room once more, before sinking down onto the comfy sofas while Roxie stretched out full-length by the wood burner.

‘I haven’t got any excuse for deleting that message, Sam.

It’s not because I didn’t trust you.’ She met his steady gaze.

‘I can’t even really work out for myself what was going on in my head.

Apart from maybe what we talked about before.

I’d been feeling that old grief again for the baby we lost. And mixed up with that I was feeling insecure and frumpy and I thought maybe Judy wanted you back and you might be tempted to go and this is starting to sound like a crazy rambling.

I’m not trying to make excuses. I’m just trying to explain. ’

He nodded. ‘Do you still feel insecure now?’

‘No.’ She lowered her eyes. ‘Frumpy, maybe…’

‘You’re not frumpy. You’re beautiful. And Judy would never be a threat to you. She could never hold a candle to you.’

She could hear the truth of that in his voice and see it in his eyes, and she felt another little wash of shame. ‘Having Lily has been the most wonderful thing but also the most massive thing I’ve ever done. It’s been such a huge adjustment.’

‘I’ll second that.’ His eyes were tender.

‘But why didn’t you tell me you were planning to find a new home for Ninja?’ she went on gently. ‘That’s a massive thing too, Sam…’