Page 25 of A New Family at Puddleduck Farm (Puddleduck Farm #6)

It was the morning after the night before.

Not that Sam had a hangover. At least not a physical one.

He’d always been sceptical of the label ‘emotional hangover’.

How could emotions give you a hangover? But now he thought he knew.

He’d felt a throbbing ache across his temples before he’d even opened his eyes.

When Phoebe had asked him about Ninja last night, it had opened the floodgates. For the first time since Lily had been born he had opened up to her about how much he was missing parts of his old life.

Now, as he lay in bed with his head still aching, in that half state between sleep and wakefulness, his mind flicked back to last night’s conversation.

‘I’m planning to find another home for Ninja because it isn’t fair on him,’ he had told Phoebe.

‘He’s too young to be kicking his heels in a field and only going out a couple of times a week.

The truth is, I haven’t got the time for him any more.

And there’s no way around that. There are only twenty-four hours in a day. ’

She had looked at him aghast.

‘Phoebe, it’s not that I don’t love being a family – please don’t think that. It’s just that we have so much more on and all the bits that used to make it seem worthwhile have gone.’

‘The horse bits?’

‘Yeah, the horse bits.’ He’d run a hand through his hair and looked at her.

‘It’s not just riding and competing on Ninja.

I knew that would have to go. It’s being a riding instructor too.

I miss teaching far more than I thought I would.

It was always more of a vocation than a job.

But I don’t think I fully realised that until I stopped. ’

‘I should have realised it though.’

‘Why should you? You’re not telepathic.’

‘Because I know you. You’ve always loved horses. You adore Ninja. You love teaching, and competing has been a big part of your life for years. Sam, you’ve always been part horse, haven’t you? I’ve been able to go back to work doing what I love and you haven’t. I’ve been selfish.’

‘No, you haven’t.’

‘But there should be a balance, Sam. It can’t all be hard work.’

‘Horses are time consuming though. And competing even more so. And I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be able to fit tutoring pupils around everything else.’

‘Maybe you could if you cut down your hours at Hendrie’s. Isn’t that why your dad packed up the kitchen fitting, so he could help more?’

‘Yes, but Ma wants to cut her hours too.’

‘And that’s so she and my mum can help out with Lily.

They want to be grandmas, Sam, and we should let them.

We should set up a proper rota instead of this ad hoc stuff we do now.

My mum’s going to have a lot more time after Christmas when she’s properly retired.

You could launch yourself as a riding instructor working from Puddleduck. Isn’t tutoring pretty lucrative?’

Sam hadn’t seen her so animated for ages. This was the Phoebe he remembered. The Phoebe he loved.

Setting up his own riding instructor business from Puddleduck wouldn’t be as simple as all that. But it was possible. Anything was possible. And possibilities made the world a much sunnier and more joyful place.

He’d told her about going to the pub with Judy and how he’d regretted it as soon as he’d agreed to it.

They had both cried a little too. Such honesty was an emotional rollercoaster.

But what he did know was that their lovemaking last night had been amazing.

Better than it had been before Lily had been born.

The bed still smelled of them. Sam smiled, still in his half-awake, half-asleep place.

Then he rolled over in bed and realised that Phoebe wasn’t in it.

He hadn’t heard her get up. He opened his eyes and checked his watch.

It was still early. Half an hour before normal getting up time.

And it was Sunday, so not a work day for either of them.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and pulled on his joggers. Lily wasn’t in her crib either.

He found them downstairs in the kitchen.

Phoebe, still in her robe, was making toast and she’d clearly just fed Roxie, who was picking out the meat from the biscuits and leaving a trail of mess across the floor.

Lily, still in her nighttime romper suit, was in her play gym.

She had rolled onto her stomach, something she’d just learned to do, and she could hold her head up for short periods.

He and Phoebe greeted every new milestone with glee.

It wasn’t all hard work. There were moments of absolute joy too.

‘You’re up early.’ Sam went yawning across the kitchen. ‘Is everything OK?’

‘Everything’s fine, honey. I actually had the best night’s sleep ever. I think it was because we had that brilliant chat last night. I feel so much better now I know how it really is with you as well.’

‘You do? And there was me thinking you’d feel better if you didn’t know I was struggling.’ He shook his head at the irony. Phoebe had no sign of an emotional hangover at all. She looked bright eyed and bouncy.

‘You do know it’s Sunday, don’t you, Pheebs? When we normally have a lie-in.’ He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

‘I do. But I figured…’ She shot him a glance. ‘…that as we made up in bed so spectacularly last night, you might be tired. You were snoring pretty loudly.’

‘Hmmm. Not so romantic.’ He grinned. ‘Fair comment. I hope I didn’t wake you up with that.’

‘You didn’t. I’ve actually just been looking at the calendar.

Mum texted me this morning to remind me we need to chat about Christmas when I have time.

She wants to know what we want her to bring so she can get it organised.

She also reminded me that she’s currently got the whole of January free for babysitting duties so she was asking which days we’d like her to do. ’

‘That’s very organised of her.’

‘You know my mum. She said she was going to liaise with yours too, so they could coordinate days.’

‘At this rate we won’t have anything to do,’ Sam murmured, grabbing a slice of toast off the table, which it looked like Phoebe had already buttered, and taking a bite.

‘Oh, I think we will.’ She came across to join him. ‘You can start setting up your riding instructor business.’

‘I might not get too many takers in January. The ground’s a bit hard.’

‘But you’ll need to set things up, won’t you? You’re going to need to advertise it, and won’t you need another horse? Or were you thinking of using Ninja for your students?’

‘Wow, you have been thinking this through. But I don’t think I’d need a horse. Most students will bring their own.’

‘Ideally we’d have an indoor school,’ Phoebe went on happily. ‘Then it wouldn’t matter about the weather.’

‘Yes, that’s true, but they cost a fortune. And I don’t just mean to build, I mean the rates that have to be paid on them.’

‘Business loan?’ Phoebe grabbed a piece of toast too and ate it while she made up a bottle for Lily.

‘Um. Wow. I guess it’s worth finding out about.’ Sam felt dazed. This, he thought, was the reason Phoebe was a high-flyer and he had always travelled through life at a much more sedate pace. ‘Have we got room for an indoor school now we’ve got the dog field?’

‘I think so. Yes. We should do a recce. We could do it today. Lily loves going down to see the neddies, and Roxie’s always up for a walk. Maybe you could go riding too.’

‘O… kaaay.’ He drew the word out. ‘I’m sure we can fit some of that in.’

‘And later on this afternoon,’ Phoebe continued happily, ‘I thought we could take Lily to see Father Christmas and his elves in the grotto.’

‘That sounds brilliant. Where’s that?’

‘The closest one’s at Lymington. Apparently it’s a half-hour experience. There are professional actors and musicians. And I know Lily’s a bit young but it’ll still be fun, won’t it?’

‘It would be fun. I’m totally up for that.’

They decided to go for their walk just before lunch. Phoebe had insisted Sam go riding first and he knew she was still feeling guilty about deleting Judy’s voicemail, and was trying to make it up to him.

But it was one of the best rides he’d had for ages. It was a crisply cold December day, and there had been a hard frost overnight which had only just melted by the time he’d tacked up Ninja and rode him out into the New Forest.

Sam felt a lightness as he trotted along the sandier forest paths and slowed to a walk where the ground was too hard to risk spraining his horse’s legs.

He knew that some of his buoyant mood was down to the fact they’d agreed he wouldn’t sell Ninja, although he’d said he wasn’t going to rule out putting him out on loan, should the right home come along.

‘The way I see it,’ Phoebe had said, ‘is that we need a short-term solution, not a long-term one. Have you considered that someone else could help with Ninja’s exercise for a while?

I’m sure we must know someone who’d jump at the chance.

Maybe Archie would know someone, or even one of the volunteers.

That way you’d be able to keep him relatively fit and you’d still ride him too.

And then once we get a bit more of a proper work-life balance after Christmas you could start riding more again, and in the spring maybe do the odd competition. ’

He hadn’t considered it. But he’d agreed with Phoebe that it was worth a try. He had nothing to lose. And if it didn’t work out they could think again.

* * *

The Father Christmas grotto exceeded both Sam and Phoebe’s expectations.

It had been set up in a huge marquee on the edge of the forest, which had been decked out to look like a cave and was full of twinkling lights.

There were dozens of Christmas trees festooned with glittering silver baubles and a full-size piano where a male elf dressed in red and green and wearing a bobble hat with a jingling bell was playing Christmas songs.

Father Christmas himself was sitting on a white and brown fur-covered throne in one corner surrounded by presents and strumming a guitar.

Another elf close by shook a tambourine.

All of them were incredibly cheery and clearly having a whale of a time, encouraging the small crowd of children and their parents to sing along with them.

The atmosphere was gorgeous. Phoebe had thought Lily might find it all a bit overwhelming but she was wide-eyed and as happy as she’d been when she’d met her last Father Christmas.

When it was their turn to go and collect a present, Lily wasn’t at all fazed about sitting on the big man’s lap for a photo, as long as she could see her parents on either side of her.

By the time they came out of the grotto into the swiftly gathering dusk they were all in high spirits.

‘This is what it’s all about, Sam,’ Phoebe murmured as he strapped Lily back into her buggy. ‘Magic and sparkle and joy. We’re always going to remember this day.’

Lily waved her arms in agreement and Sam bent to kiss them both.

‘I know,’ he said. ‘And I think I’ve just spotted a hot chestnut stall over there. Do you fancy some?’

‘Yes, please. It’s ages since I’ve had hot chestnuts.’

While Sam queued up to get some, Phoebe took Lily to see the glittering lit-up model of a full-size reindeer and sleigh that stood near the entrance, just outside the marquee.

She’d been relieved to discover there were no real reindeers at the grotto when she’d booked it.

She’d always felt that a patch of muddy England was no place for a reindeer, however well it might be looked after.

Lily was just as enchanted with the lit-up version. She stretched out her hands towards it. ‘Donk,’ she exclaimed in delight.

‘Reindeer, darling,’ Phoebe told her. ‘It’s a bit like a donk.’

‘Donk. Dahdonk. Donkeeeee.’

So much for her saying ‘Daddy’ then. Sam had been right.

She’d be saying more words soon. Phoebe couldn’t believe how fast she was growing up.

She wanted to treasure every single precious moment.

She waved as she saw Sam coming back towards them with two steaming paper cups of hot chestnuts.

Maybe she wouldn’t tell him what Lily had just said.

Some fibs were kind ones. She looked at her daughter and mouthed the word ‘Dad-deee. Say, Dad-deee.’

‘Donkeeee,’ Lily yelled excitedly, just as Sam reached them.

He laughed. ‘I told you that would be her first word.’

‘I know you did, darling. It was the reindeer that set her off.’ Phoebe pointed. ‘I’m sure she’ll say “Daddy” next though.’

‘As long as she’s talking and as long as she’s happy, she can say whatever she likes. I don’t mind.’

He blew Lily a kiss. Then they ate the hot chestnuts as they strolled back towards the car beneath a now starry darkening sky with the faint sounds of the Christmas songs following them. Phoebe couldn’t remember ever feeling so happy.