Page 30 of A Maid of No Consequence (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

TOO MUCH TO BE THOUGHT, FELT, AND SAID

D uring the journey back to Pemberley, Darcy reflected on the ten days he had spent at Haringwood.

He was now uncle to two beautiful babies and Georgiana was recovering well from their birth.

She and Bingley were now a family. None of his fears had come true, and he could be content and look ahead to his own future, one which he now realised included children of his own.

Before leaving, however, he had spoken to Georgiana about the strong words he had used in speaking to Bingley’s sister.

She kindly listened, and once her initial surprise had passed, she proceeded to tease him.

“Henry and Eleanor will need cousins, so please, do get on with it and propose, Brother.” Grinning, he assured her he would do just that.

The carriage arrived at Pemberley in late afternoon.

Darcy was tired, and a little glum knowing he would not see the babies again for some weeks.

But his melancholy was easily overcome by the thought of being near Elizabeth, of seeing her in the morning.

Tired as he was, he did not want to wait to see Elizabeth.

He had missed her so very much, his heart ached.

He went straight to his rooms, where Gregson had poured a bath for him and laid out a change of clothes.

It felt heavenly to soak his tired muscles and let himself relax.

His thoughts turned to Elizabeth, yet again, and what he would say to her.

Unfortunately, the words of his previous, disastrous proposal came to mind.

Darcy winced. There had been no tenderness, no softness, no smiles.

Only arrogance and assumption. I must do better.

I am not the man I was then. Does she see I have changed?

Would she believe me if I tell her that she is the only woman I have ever loved, and a life without her would be devoid of happiness?

Darcy shook his head, embarrassed by his mawkishness.

Groaning, he poured a full pitcher of bathwater over his head.

Refreshed from his ablutions, but still restless in mind, Darcy walked down the stairs and stopped at his study.

He put a hand on the door handle, but thoughts of Elizabeth came to mind, and he thought better of it.

He must bridge this lapse that time had taken from them.

He would ride to her. Now. But before he could take another step, Marcus approached him, carrying a silver salver with a letter on it. “This has just arrived, sir.”

Finally, a communication from his man in London, and a direction for Jane McHenry’s family in Scotland! He tucked it quickly into his pocket; he had only one thing on his mind, seeing Elizabeth. The ride, he decided, would be just what he needed after half a day spent in the carriage .

When Darcy rounded the final turn on the path and came upon the cottage, he could see her in the garden, a basket in hand and errant curls escaping her bonnet.

He dismounted and secured his horse, then walked quietly towards her.

There were smudges of dirt on her apron, but that did nothing to mar the beautiful image before him.

“Working into the evening, I see.”

Elizabeth turned so quickly, she lost hold of her basket; autumn blooms went flying one way, while the basket went another.

“Mr Darcy!” She had her hand over her chest, and he felt terrible for not giving her advance warning of his approach. But the blush rising from her neck to face made her even lovelier. She opened her mouth and yet he was the one that spoke first.

“I have missed you.” The words slipped out before he could stop them.

Her mouth closed but her eyes grew wider. As he was trying to discern what her expression might mean, she stooped to retrieve the basket and gather the flowers. Did she hear me? Have I made her uneasy and severed any chance between us?

Too many thoughts were going through his head and as he could not focus on a single one, Darcy bent down to help her collect the wilting stems. “I apologise if that was too forward of me.”

After a moment he heard her say in a voice very near a whisper, “I have missed you too.”

“Have you?” He grinned, his heart fluttering wildly in his chest. She missed me.

Elizabeth nodded shyly. They finished collecting the flowers in silence and stood to face each other. Her cheeks were still pinked and her eyes bright when she said, smiling, “Congratulations on becoming an uncle, Mr Darcy. And cheers to your sister’s good health. Two babes! Imagine that.”

Before he could reply, Sarah called from the doorway. “Miss Bennet, your tea is ready. Oh, Mr Darcy, sir!” She gave him a quick curtsey.

“It looks like you have come at the right time, Mr Darcy. Would you care to join me?” Her voice wavered just a little, and he could sense her nervousness.

“Yes, I would. Perhaps we can discuss the progress made on the school and your visits to the tenant children while I was away?”

Elizabeth nodded, motioned for Mr Darcy to sit at the small table near the garden path, and then looked down at her soiled frock.

She glanced up at him, a mischievous gleam in her eye.

“A familiar sight, is it not? I will just be a moment.” She retreated inside the cottage, returning a few moments later without her gardening smock; her errant curls were tucked behind her ears. Sarah soon followed with a tea tray.

“Thank you, Sarah.” Elizabeth smiled at her, and as the girl withdrew to the cottage, she leant her head to Darcy’s and said quietly, “Sarah is learning how to bake. No doubt the biscuits and tarts are from Mrs Hodge’s receipts, but they may be a bit…

crisp.” She pulled a tart carefully off the plate, turning it over to show Darcy the ‘crisp’ bottom crust. When she smiled at him, he did not care whether they tasted like charcoal—he was happy merely sitting across from her.

He gave her a smile in return, and yet his stomach was in a knot. “There is something I must disclose to you, something you may not be fully aware of. My sister, um, she married?—”

“Mr Bingley. I know.”

He could not hide his surprise. “How?”

“Your steward mentioned it when you left abruptly to visit your sister.”

“Ah. Yes.” Feeling uncomfortable, he continued. “I must tell you, Miss Bennet, that I did not mean to keep this from you.”

“I am not distressed, truly. It was all a long time ago, was it not?” Her brows rose as she added, “I will tell you I was at first surprised. But whom your sister marries is really none of my affair.”

“But you must know that I do still feel responsible for?—”

Elizabeth shook her head. “My sister is very well. And from what I hear, Mr Bingley and your sister are happy, and have been blessed with two healthy babies. I am so very pleased for your family.”

Her calming words eased his worries, and he could not help but smile. “In spite of my fears, my sister is well, and her children are perfect. Henry William and Eleanor Rose. I am certain every proud uncle must say so, but they really are remarkablybeautiful.”

She laughed. “No doubt. Is he named for your brother, Henry?”

He nodded. “Yes, and Eleanor for our grandmother. I will be happy to see her children visiting Pemberley and running around in its rooms and gardens.” He cleared his throat and continued.

“I have lately realised that Pemberley can be a very quiet place. Children would be a welcomed noise here. Do you not agree? ”

“I can imagine children would love Pemberley. Though I am much past childhood, I find I am very fond of Pemberley already, and I have only been here a fortnight.”

Oh, that she would stay forever! If he followed his heart’s leanings, he would propose to her at this moment.

Sitting here, across from her magnificent beauty and humble nature, rational thought fled, and he could not trust himself to say what was truly in his heart.

“Mr Campbell has written to me of the improvements underway at the chapel. I shall come tomorrow to inspect the work. Perhaps you would tell me of your visits to the farms, and the families you have met. I would enjoy hearing of your impressions.”

Elizabeth retrieved her notebook and they began talking comfortably with each other.

While she explained in great detail and shared her notes from her books, showing him drawings and lists she had made, Darcy saw her as he had not previously.

It was so evident to him now that she would make a wonderful mistress of this place he held so dear.

It seemed she had quickly become part of Pemberley and the families within its borders.

And she had already captured the heart of its master, even more so now that he wanted so much to have children.

A family. A family with her. He could not imagine anyone being his partner in life and mother to his children other than Elizabeth Bennet.

He wanted to build a life with her. After years apart, mere days away from her lively mind and beautiful spirit had made him ache, and deepened his need for her.

She had admitted missing him, had she not?

Might he be able to share his heart with her now, tell her that she was dearly loved?

It was becoming more and more difficult to be in her presence, and not tell her his true feelings.

Worrying he would make a mess of it, as he did his first proposal, he sighed, determining he must keep his feelings to himself, for now. The light outside was starting to dim, and Darcy took that as a cue to return to the main house.

“I apologise. I may have stayed longer than I should have. But it has been a pleasure to see all you have accomplished with your work, Miss Bennet. And I have enjoyed seeing you.”

Even in the fading light, Darcy could see Elizabeth blush. “Ah, and one more thing,” he added. “I understand that there was a disturbance while I was away.”

“A disturbance?”

“I was made aware of a certain lady who came uninvited to Pemberley, and behaved poorly. To my guests, in my own home.” Even now, it made him seethe knowing Lady Pollard had barged in looking for Elizabeth.

And yet he knew that had been his doing as well.

If not for his outburst, she would not have come.

“Your cousin and his wife were masterful in calming the situation, for which I am grateful. Becoming better acquainted with Lady Landon has been a true pleasure.”

“I am very glad to hear it. I have seen to it that that particular lady”—he would not say her name aloud—“and her husband should never be allowed anywhere near Pemberley, or any of my homes, ever again. You have my word. I would want nothing to cause you distress.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Darcy smiled warmly to her, and said, “Well, I shall bid you good day now.” He reluctantly turned to go, and then stopped.

“Oh! There is, in fact, one thing more.” He reached into his pocket and retrieved a paper.

He saw Elizabeth’s eyes widen, but did not know why.

“I have something you may wish to see.” He offered it to her.

“Oh?” She took it, looking slightly confused.

“Before I left for Haringwood, I wrote to my solicitor in requesting he find a direction to the McHenrys’ home in Scotland. I thought you may wish to write to your sister.”

“Oh!” She unfolded the paper, her eyes scanning its contents. She looked up at him with a warm smile. “Thank you. This was unexpected and so very kind.”

I would do anything for you, Elizabeth, can you not see that? “You are welcome. I know you must miss your sister dreadfully.”

“Indeed, I do.”

They said their goodbyes, and as he walked towards his horse, berating himself for not opening his heart with her, Elizabeth called his name. Turning, he saw her standing on the cottage’s front step.

“Yes?”

She walked towards him. “I take it you have not been in to your study since your return to Pemberley?”

“I have not,” he said, curious to know why Elizabeth was asking after his study. “I admit to coming here almost straightaway from my sister’s home.”

She nodded. “I had thought not.” She stepped closer to him, a thoughtful expression on her countenance, and he felt himself flush with anticipation. “I hope you do not think me too forward—I understand it is not entirely appropriate—but I have written a letter to you.”

“A letter? To me?”

She nodded, and he noticed her cheeks redden slightly. “A letter for you. It is something I owe you or more precisely, something I wanted you to have. Especially since the last one I wrote, some years ago, was taken before you could read it.”

Understanding dawned, and now Darcy felt a lightning bolt of curiosity strike within him. What could Elizabeth write in a letter that she could not say in person?

He examined her closely for clues as to what the letter contained, but Elizabeth had quickly looked down and was fiddling with the autumn cosmos swaying in the breeze next to her. Was she as nervous as he?

“I look forward to reading the letter.”

She looked up and grinned a bit sheepishly. “I was very bold, and I hope you will forgive my impropriety, for both the writing and the leaving of the letter. But as you can imagine, letters tend to go missing.” She added with a hint of playfulness. “This one was too important to be lost.”

“And you have left it in my study, ensuring it cannot disappear as the earlier one?”

“I have. Yes. Please be assured that I have not touched anything of importance.”

Of importance? She had surely touched his heart. He smiled, hoping the joy he was feeling inside was reflected in his countenance. “I trust you, Miss Bennet. Shall I see you tomorrow then, in case your letter requires some further discussion?”

“Lady Landon has directed me take a day to myself—apparently she thinks I am working too hard.” She laughed nervously. “So tomorrow I shall be here.”

“Then I shall know where to find you, if, by chance, I have a need for further discussion.” Darcy could not take his eyes from her, nor move towards his horse, and she appeared reluctant to step away too.

There was so much left to say, and yet, there was a letter to be read.

Elizabeth’s private thoughts, for him alone.

“Then I shall see you…perhaps?” She reached down to pluck one of the flowers at her side, and handed it to him.

He accepted her small gift with a stirring of hope in his chest, grazing her hand with his as he did so. “You may depend upon it.”