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Chapter Five

Ghenie

I feel as though my head has unattached itself from my shoulders and drifted into the sky. Christian is here. Not only back on this planet but he’s here, in the home I’ve made my own. He keeps looking at Maribel, flashes of emotions playing across his features.

I so desperately wish I knew what he was thinking.

I wish I knew what was going on inside his head.

I can feel the emotions of every person on this planet and the one I actively want to feel is the one I can’t.

I could push into his mind, but I would never do that without his consent.

I’ll have to be patient for him to tell me.

We step over into the living room. Christian tentatively sits down and I find myself hovering. I clear my throat and Christian flinches. There’s tension in the air and I wrack my brain, trying to find a way to bridge this gap between us.

“Would you like to hold her?”

Christian’s head snaps up, his eyes landing on Maribel. His eyes are soft and filled with longing. He holds out his hands and nods his head.

My heart is galloping inside my chest as I pass our daughter over.

Christian cradles her carefully. He lays her across his lap, her head against his knees.

He folds the blanket down so he can look at her face.

I have dreamed of this moment for months, thought about what it would be like to have Christian back, to have him embrace his new family.

“Wow,” Christian says, just barely above a whisper. “She’s beautiful, Ghenie.” He runs his thumb over her cheek and she leans against his palm, giving him a sleepy little smile. Just like that, I know he’s fallen in love. How can you not when she’s so perfect?

Seeing the two of them together like this is making my heart feel like it’s growing too large, like it might burst from my rib cage. Affection so strong it threatens to bring me to my knees washes over me. This is all too much, yet, it’s everything I’ve been dreaming of at the same time.

“I hope her name is alright. There was no way to consult you, and for that I am sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Christian says right away, his eyes never leaving Maribel’s face. “It’s not your fault. I was the one who ran away.”

“You did what you felt necessary at the time.”

“I did,” Christian says slowly. He finally looks up at me. “I’m sorry for leaving you. It was good that I left. It changed me. But I’m still sorry you had to do this alone. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you when you needed me.”

I sit down on the coffee table, facing Christian. He does seem different. Softer. More well rounded. Whatever happened while he was gone, was good for him.

“I am very glad you are back, even more so that you are feeling better.”

Christian’s eyes dart away. There’s a long moment of silence as Christian tries to find the right words. “I don’t want to keep running,” he says, pushing the words out despite the fact that I can tell they’re hard to admit.

“Then stay.”

“It can’t be that easy,” Christian says with a snort, shaking his head. “You can’t just tell me to stay and everything will work out.”

“Maybe it will not be easy but stay anyway. Stay with me, with Maribel. We can make this work somehow.”

“I’ve changed but I can’t promise to be perfect. I’m going to say shit still. I’m going to be prickly. I’m going to be that same asshole.” Christian meets my eyes. “I’m gonna wanna run sometimes.”

My heart leaps into my throat. “Okay,” I say, reaching out and placing my hand against his knee. “Run if you need to, but promise you will come back. Take the time you need, be an ass, put up your walls. But promise that when you’re done, you’ll come back.”

“I can do that,” he says after a moment of contemplation. I don’t think my heart has ever soared the way it is right now, hearing him say that. “I can come back, if that’s what you really want.”

“It is,” I say right away, squeezing his knee. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you, Christian. I lie awake at night aching for you, for your touch. My heart has decided long ago that you are my one true partner, and I have not given up hope that someday, you would see me in the same light.”

Christian’s mouth drops open as he stares at me with wide eyes. Out of everything, apparently this is what he was most unprepared to hear. I’m about to speak again, to tell him not to worry himself with my feelings, but he speaks before me.

“Oh,” he says, the word stretching into silence.

I keep myself from squirming but only just barely.

“I wasn’t expecting that. Shit, okay. Wow.

Really? Me? Are you sure ? Because you’re you and I’m just this asshole human.

It doesn’t really make sense if you think about it longer than three seconds.

Jesus, Ghenie. You can do so much better than me. ”

That is not at all how I thought he would react.

“You are the one I want.”

“For now,” Christian says, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll pass.”

“It hasn’t,” I tell him seriously. “It won’t.”

Christian doesn’t say anything for a long moment. He stares down at Maribel, caressing her cheek.

“Will you be diving into the underbelly of the city to win my hand in marriage?” It’s a jab that stings.

At the same time, I am thrilled to have his barbs back.

Part of the reason I fell so thoroughly for him is the way he pushes back.

He pushes and prods and pokes. He makes me rethink things in a new light.

He’s prickly and grumpy and gray. I love him for that even if he sees it as a fault.

“No,” I tell him truthfully. “I know you would not approve of that. You won’t wish for me to win your heart in a grand display. You crave for me to win it through small, everyday moments between just the two of us, such as the human standard. I respect that.”

“What will your people think? Their leader is above the trials he presents to the rest?”

I shake my head. “You’re not the only one who has changed while you were gone.”

“Really? I thought the whole living vessel thing meant you were stuck in your ways.”

I smile, remembering all the discussions we had about this very topic.

Watching Christian get so fired up about things, watching his passion was another thing that made me fall for him.

I was stuck in my ways, but I won’t let the Ancestors have too much of a say in my life any longer.

I’m more than just a vessel, I’m also a person and I deserve a life just as much as anyone else.

Just thinking that leaves them erupting with opinions. They are so loud, so constant. Sometimes there is such a lull that I can ignore them and other times, like right now, they’re overwhelming.

I cover my eyes with my hands, breathing through the moment until they finally settle once more. Then I look into Christian’s eyes.

“They’re dead.”

Christian’s facade cracks and he starts to laugh in surprise. “Jesus, you really have changed.”

“I have. They are dead and I’m alive. It is time that things change. Some traditions will stay, but others we will leave behind. The people deserve to love without trial, don’t you think?”

He nods his head, his features going soft again. “You know I agree.”

“Christian, would you like to stay for dinner?”

“I wouldn’t want to impose. I can go back into town and find a new place to stay.”

“This is your home. You can stay for as long as you’d like.”

Christian thinks about it for a moment before he finally nods. “Okay, but I’m staying on the couch. You keep the bed.”

“If that’s what will make you comfortable.”

I stand up and walk into the kitchen. As I prepare dinner, I keep looking back into the living room, watching Christian and Maribel together.

I didn’t think joy like this was possible.

We have a ways to go and many things to speak through, but for now, it means so much to me that Christian is here.

He’s willing to have those conversations, he’s willing to see where this will go.

I send up a quick prayer to the Ancestors, thanking them for bringing Christian back to me. Then I do my best to focus on making us a meal that won’t be burnt due to my wandering mind.