Page 56 of A Dye Hard Holiday
“Uh huh,” Santa said from beneath him.
“Shut up!” Adrian and Gabe said at the same time.
Two squad cars came flying down the road with lights flashing and sirens blaring. Every neighbor stood in their yard taking pictures or filming the takedown with their phones. They loaded the suspects in the back of the squad cars and then Gabe returned inside with me to comfort our crying babies. Luckily, someone thought fast and unplugged the stupid siren that was connected to the air compressor for big Frosty so that our hearing loss was most likely temporary.
“I’m going into the station for a little bit,” Gabe said. “I shouldn’t be long.” I took Dylan from him and placed him on my free hip. Gabe kissed the babies and me. “I love you guys.”
“We love you too. Hey,” I said when he started to walk away. “Don’t forget to bring home the candy cane handcuffs.” I had planned a fun time with them later.
“I’m never going to live this down at the precinct,” Gabe groaned as he walked out of the house.
“My hero,” I said to my husband when he presented my stolen wreaths to me a few hours later.
Our guests had gone home, our parents and children had been asleep for quite some time, so it was just the two of us sitting by the fire on the enclosed porch. The only light in the space was the glow from the electric fireplace in the corner, but it was enough for us to watch the snow falling from the sky.
“What did they call their experiment again?”
“W.O.K.E. It stands for War on Kringle Experiment. It was sparked by a comment one of their professors made during a class at Goodville Community College. I guess this guy stated that the world had forgotten the true meaning of the holiday. He was giving extra credit to students who conducted an experiment on what happens when you strip away the commercialization of Christmas, like decorations, Santa Claus, and snowmen.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said. “How the hell did they get away with it?”
“They wore different costumes each time. Turns out that Oprah, Marilyn, Elvis, aliens, gypsies, and even Sasquatch were behind the thefts.”
“Oh my God, they’re evil geniuses.”
“Yeah, and lucky too since none of you are pressing charges now that your belongings have been returned.”
“It’s Christmas,” I said. “It’s no time for those kids to spend in jail. Besides, I think we proved just how wrong the nutty professor was. Our community was pissed about our memories and traditions being stolen from us, not commercialized symbols.”
“Good point,” Gabe said then reached into his back pocket. “I didn’t forget.” He dangled the candy cane-striped handcuffs from his fingers. “Wanna give these a try?”
“Yippee-ki-yay!”
EVEN THOUGH OUR BABIESturned one on December thirty-first and January first, we decided to officially celebrate the big day later in January when we could all be together. We had a private celebration with the grandparents on New Year’s Eve before they returned to Florida to put their houses on the market. As hectic as Christmas was, it felt great to ring in the new year quietly while our friends traveled or celebrated privately as we did. It was a moment of wonder and excitement over what the new year would bring, but also a little sadness that we couldn’t turn back time or hold onto that moment just a little longer. When the clock struck midnight, we kissed our sleeping babies on top of their soft heads before we tucked them into their separate beds. I adored our son and daughter, but I had some adult celebrating to do with their daddy.
Later, I held Josh tight against my chest after I loved him to within an inch of his life. He nuzzled his nose against my tattoo that matched the one on his chest. I couldn’t help but think about those empty branches just waiting for apples to be added. I had no idea how many more kids we would have, but I knew it was going to happen when the time was right.
“Give me at least another year,” Josh whispered. “Let Dylan and Destiny have two years with Papa and Daddy before they are asked to share.”
“Did I say something out loud?” I asked in confusion.
“Nah, I can just hear your gears grinding and took a wild stab in the dark. Lucky guess.” He placed a kiss over my heart then said, “Now go to sleep because our little munchkins will be getting up bright and early in the morning. They do not care that it’s a holiday and Papa wants his rest to cheer on another football team.” I couldn’t see his face, but I knew he was rolling his eyes.
“Are you making ribs, mashed potatoes, and sauerkraut?” I asked.
Josh snorted. “Always thinking about your stomach.”
“Or my cock.”
“It’s a tossup which comes first with you.”
It was my turn to snort. “Cock then food,” I told him. “You satisfied one and now I’m focusing on the other.”
“It’s New Year’s Day, Gabriel. Of course, I’m making ribs, mashed potatoes, and sauerkraut. It’s good luck. Now go to sleep.”
“Yes, dear.”
A few weeks later, I looked around the formal dining room that had been converted to birthday party central. There were balloons, streamers, and colorful banners everywhere the eye could see. “You do realize they’re only one year old, right?” I asked.