Page 2 of A Dye Hard Holiday
I heard him yelling, “Daddy is coming, babies.”
“You little…”
I threw the soiled sweats in the hamper and pulled on a clean pair before I ran downstairs to make sure I didn’t miss our children’s first steps. “Papa is here, angels.”
Four sets of grandparents’ eyes raked over my body from my flushed cheeks down to my changed pants. The expressions ranged from humor to pride. “I pissed myself,” I blurted without thinking. Jesus, my fake excuse was much more embarrassing than the truth. Where the fuck had that even come from?
It was all Josh’s fault and that little brat was enjoying my misery. He smirked and pointed to my hair, which I realized was probably standing up all over from his hands messing it up. I felt my face burning with embarrassment as I raised my hands and tried to straighten it the best I could without a mirror and a comb.
“Do you need to borrow one of my Depends?” Bertie asked me after she dried her tears from laughing so hard with the rest of them. “They make them now so that they look like underwear instead of adult diapers. Women’s underwear,” she modified.
“Thanks, Mom, but I’m sure it was a one-time thing.” Bertie loved when I had started calling her Mom, just as my mom loved when Josh started addressing her the same way.
“Better hope not,” my father murmured just loud enough for me to hear him. Then in a louder voice he asked, “Why did the two of you sprint down here like we were running off with your kids?”
“We heard the oohs and aahs and figured they took their first steps without us,” Josh explained. “Did we miss it?”
“We were just fussing over how cute it is when they say Mamaw and Papaw,” Bill said. “They’re too young to… Well, look at that!”
We all watched as Destiny took her first tentative step without holding onto something. Her precious face scrunched up in fear as she wobbled a bit then relaxed when she didn’t fall. She gave us a big, toothy grin when she took another step and still didn’t fall. Dylan, not to be outdone by his younger sister, let go of the coffee table and stepped toward Destiny. He wasn’t quite as graceful about it as his twin, so his one step led to two more quick ones as he teetered forward. It looked like he was trying to outrun his fall, which never happened. Luckily for him, his daddy scooped him up before his face hit the floor.
Destiny’s eyes widened in alarm as she watched her brother tumble. She looked like she’d had enough adventure for one day and dropped to her butt with a soft plop. Dylan kicked his legs in a fit of anger because his plan had been thwarted. He was such a diva like his daddy!
“Settle down, tiger. You’ll nail it tomorrow. I just know you will,” Josh softly whispered in our son’s ear before he set him on the rug next to his sister.
“Did you teach him how to throw a tantrum like that?” Bertie asked her son before she looked at me. “Keep an eye on those two.” She shifted her finger back and forth between Dylan and Josh before she added, “You’re looking at the King of Temper Fits right there and you don’t need him showing the kids how it works.” Bertie went on to tell us some of Josh’s finer moments like she was narrating a highlight reel on ESPN’sSports Center.
While I never saw my husband throw himself down on the floor and kick his legs, I had been on the receiving end of his sexy, manipulative ways. I loved every single fucking second of it too.
“Yeah, like I’m going to teach my kids to make me miserable,” Josh said, rolling his eyes over the ridiculousness.
“No,” Bertie countered, “but I can see you telling them to only use their skills on Papa.”
I narrowed my eyes because I could see him doing that too. “You better not.”
Josh’s eyes widened in stunned disbelief. “Why, Gabriel Allen Roman-Wyatt, I would never do something like that.”
“You wouldn’t, huh?” His Southern belle routine was a big indicator that he was up to no good. He probably already had Temper Fits 101 planned out and ready to teach.
“Okay, not until they’re old enough to know to save it for you. I don’t want to risk that they throw themselves down in the middle of the store when they’re withme.” Conniving, but honest.
“You would corrupt your own children to get a dig at me.”
“You corrupted my bird!”
“Ha! That foul-mouthed bird taught me a few words I didn’t even know,” I countered.
“Gabriel, I cannot believe you kiss your babies and our mothers with that lying mouth.” Josh’s huffy indignation made me laugh hard enough to forget all my embarrassment over our parents knowing what we’d done upstairs.
My mother laughed hard at my husband’s antics until tears rolled down her face and she clutched her stomach. “Oh, it hurts.”
I could tell Josh was about to open his mouth and say something sassy like, “That’s what he said,” so I warned him with a dark look that promised some sort of retaliation he didn’t want. I wasn’t sure what the fuck I would’ve done if he hadn’t listened, because my mind didn’t work like his, so I was grateful when he let that opening pass.
We lazed about and took things easy until our friends arrived for our weekly Sunday dinner. It amazed me how much had changed in our lives in a year’s time. It seemed like just yesterday that Josh and I were newlyweds awaiting the arrival of our children. Chaz and Kyle had just started to date, Meredith and Harley had just gotten engaged, and Emory and Jon were still pretending that they weren’t attracted to each other. Fast forward a year, we were about to celebrate the twins’ first birthday, Chaz, Kyle, Mere, and Harley all took the plunge into matrimonial happiness, and Jon and Emory were planning a spring wedding. Adrian and Sally Ann welcomed precious Avery to their family in October and Adrianna was loving her role as a big sister. The Dorchesters were the only ones who hadn’t experienced any changes, which they both seemed to appreciate. John had fun harassing the couples with newborns while Deanna threatened to make him sleep on the couch. He must’ve loved sleeping beside his wife, or his couch was seriously uncomfortable, because he quickly shut his mouth every time she brought it up.
“Do you want me to come over early on Thanksgiving to help with the food prep?” Deanna asked.
“You?” John asked his wife. Okay, maybe he hadn’t learned his lesson yet.